Hii so I'mma make a part two since I kinda thought I left some shit unsolved in there so I'mma fix that shit up. Also my gut tells me this is gonna be ANGSTY so prepare yourselfs loves <33 anyway ily thank you SO much for all the support I appreciate it :))
Also mentions of triggering things, such as self harm and much others. If you are in a bad mental state please don't read this.
"Don't blame me, love made me crazy." Taylor Swift, 'Don't blame me', Reputation album.
Three years passed. Now, Sel and Nicholas barely spoke, only when it was necessary. Lord Davis was very happy with that outcome. Very happy, indeed.
And Sel? He buried his feelings so deep he couldn't feel them. As if they weren't there. As if they've never existed. Still, he couldn't forget that last kiss, and the pain and anger that came afterwards. Before that day, he was thankful to Davis for taking him in, but after, Sel despised him with every bone in his body. Being in his presence was like torture itself. So, no one was happier then Sel when he finally moved out, into the Lodge. And, since Nicholas apparently didn't want to be one of the Legendborn, Sel didn't need to see him often, either. Everything was good. Perfect, even. Way better then Sel thought things could get, honestly. But, of course, luck wasn't on his side, because Nicholas came back, and he even brought a Page forward, a girl, named Briana—Bree, for short. After a few days, it was clear to everyone that the reason Nicholas brought her wasn't just for her talents —even though she had a bunch of those (no joke here Bree is amazing and I love her)—but for the fact that he was—probably—inlove with her. Or at least that's what everyone—including himslef—thought. And, it left him heartbroken. He thought he was over Nicholas, but, as it turns out, he has been lying to himslef for years.
And now, as he was throwing trees over a cliff, he was torn between screaming, crying, and just causing himslef pain. So much pain. That's why he was destroying trees. For the satisfaction of watching the blood from the cuts from his palm drip on earth, staining the grass to red.
Causing himslef pain wasn't something he did often, since he saw it as a waste of energy. The cuts healed almost immediately—just like they were starting to do now—and they were almost painless. They just existed, and made themselfs known at the worst possible moment. So a big 'no thanks!' for him.
He probably needed serious therapy. Still, it's not like he will ever try and get some help. He'll probably be forced into it.
Then, he heared—felt—someone approaching. He didn't need to turn to know who it was. Bree. She was the only one brave—and crazy—enough to get close to the woods during one of his temper tantrums.
He picked out another tree, ignoring how the wood left marks on his skin, and walked over to the cliff. This was a warning, for Bree, to just leave. It was the safer choice. The better choice. And, with that, he dropped the tree, and watched it fall, then smash as it hit the hard, solid, ground.
But, even with all his efforts, Bree wasn't scared away. He clearly misjudge her, she wasn't an uchel, but she wasn't a coward, either.
Sel remained still for a few moments, panting. Sometimes he forgot that, after all, he was still half human, and pushed himself too far in the process. If his magic wasn't going to kill him, one day, exhaustion likely will. Still, he'd rather die then become a demon.
Sel whipped his dirty hands on his clothes, then he turned to face Bree.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, surprising her. It seems like she forgot he was here, or was simply lost in thought. She shifted under his gaze, then Sel could see her trying to come up with a response, when she really sees how he looks.
Sel knows that, right now, he isn't exactly appealing to the human eye. He was aether-drunk, and he knew it was worse then before. He was standing on his own feet, but swaying gently. His eyes were blurry, and he needed to blink often so he could see properly.
"Well?" He asked again, this time more annoyed.
"Why are you angry?" She asked, and Sel couldn't help, but laugh.
"Learn that shit from your therapist?" He asked, even though he knew it was a foul move. He knew perfectly well he was being the world's biggest asshole, but, that wasn't exactly something new to anyone.
Bree saw red, "What did you just say to me?"
Sel smirked, "I saw your little outdoor therapy session with the campus doctor.'
"You spied on me?" She asked, angrily.
Sel rolled his eyes, he swore he could see the questions going through her head, "Of course I spied on you. The day after the oath I followed you from your dorm to the gardens, listened while you and she had a heart-to-heart conversation about your abilities." Then, he bent down and picked out a rock, and flunged it across the arena.
"How dare you—that was private!" She shouted.
Sel scoffed, then said something about a meeting with her uchel bestie, honestly, he wasn't even paying attention to his own words, let alone her's. All he wanted was for her to leave him be.
Then, he turned and started walking towards her. A part of Sel hoped she'll get sacred and run away, of course, that didn't happen.
Sel spoke in a small voice, not intended for anyone in particular to hear, "How could have I risked so much for a lost little girl who probably needs as much therapy as I do?" Then, he laughed, his eyes going unfocused again, "Well that's not possible." He said, then laughed, "No one needs as much therapy as I do."
"Is that why you're out here chucking trees over a cliff?" Bree snarls.
Sel's head snapped towards her, he'd honestly forgotten she was even there, "Why are you here again?" He asked.
She turned to leave, "I have no idea."
"I do." Sel said, and he's in front of her in a second, "Guilt."
"Get out of the way." Sel didn't move, instead he leaned against a tree, and looks at Bree under half-lidded eyes.
"I bet you heared I was out here throwing a fit and that I'd been 'monstrous angry Sel' all weekend." He said, anger rising in his throat, "I bet Nicholas told you we fought again and that Lord Davis put me in my place yesterday. And now you feel bad because you still haven't told Nicholas that you can generate aether, and you think if you had, maybe he'd realize my instincts were right, and I wouldn't be out here crushing trees and feeling sorry for myself." Then, he watched his words sink in.
"Move." Bree says, and takes a step, but Sel matches her again.
"Well, don't bother feeling guilty," Sel purrs. "For our once and future king, the ends will never justify the means. He's a good person like that. And further, Nicholas doesn't care about what you can do, he only cares about you. A fact now fully impressed upon the recently disgraced Page Schaefer. As a matter of fact, how do you think he'd feel if he heard you sought me out in the woods while I was drunk on aether?"
"I—I have no idea." She says. Liar.
Sel snorts. "Liar. Nicholas would draw and quarter me and you know it."
"That's a little dramatic." Maybe.
"Do you honestly not realize what he feels for you?" He asked, and felt sorrow fill his voice. Sel turned around, and looked at the sky. Honestly, he didn't care any longer.
And before he knew it, she left. Left him all alone, only with trees and his own sorrow as company. Butter, Sel made his away over to the cliff.
——
Sel felt Bree take the papers away from his hands. He didn't care. Those words. They kept repeating, in his head. Over and over. They were already driving him insane.
It was discovered that our Merlin and Kingsmage, Natasha Kane, opened the Gates herself using an arcane ritual...
So he lied. They all lied. And now, for the first time in years, he could picture her face clearly.
He was so young when she 'died'. He could remember much of how she looked. He just assumed that they shared their eyes, and imagined the rest.
Now, he could see her hair, as dark as a raven. Her golden eyes, and beautiful face. Her smile. She didn't look crazy, not at all. But, then again, maybe she was just very good at hiding her emotions. Or maybe he just loved her too much, and was blind to see her faults.
Still, it seemed impossible. His mother opened the Gates 25 years ago? It felt as it was coming straight out of a movie. It seemed unreal. But, somehow, it was the naked truth.
He hated honesty. Let them lie, he'd rather be happy and ignorant then angry and sad and all shattered again. Just as he was finally collecting all those pieces back, and helping Bree along the way, to collect her own.
Still, nothing changed, for either of them.
It just made them feel empty. He saw it when he looked at her. Saw the hole in her eyes deepen. And then she asked him to remove her mother from Bree'd memories.
Sel was taken back by her request.
"If I can't have her, then I don't want to remember her!" Bree cried.
Still, he didn't budge. He would never do that. He wasn't strong enough, for once, and he knew that it would work anyway. Bree was stubborn. She'll remember.
So, he denied. And she asked again. And he said no. Then, she left. To Nicholas, who was, obviously, because of their luck, in the fucking doorway.
She pushed straight past him, tears running down her cheeks. Sel didn't try to go after her. Nothing he'd say will make things better.
"What did you do?" Nicholas demands, once he returns.
"Nothing." Sel says, mechanicly (is that a word?), even if he knew Nicholas will never believe him.
"Don't lie!" Nicholas said.
"I'm not." Sel said, then turned to look Nick in the eyes. Something in him changed that night, too. Sel knew Nicholas could see that.
"We found out the truth about what happened to her mother." Sel continued. "And something... unexpected, to say the least." Then, he nodded towards the files still lying on the floor. Open.
"See for yourself." Sel said, then walked into his bathroom and locked his door. He couldn't bear to read that again. He just couldn't.
He stayed in there for a while. He didn't know how much. He just stared at the light shining on the ceiling, then would look away when his eyes would start to hurt. Then look again, and so on.
Only after much longer did he figure Nicholas finally left, and decided to come out of his bathroom. But he was wrong.
Nicholas was still there, holding the goddamned paper which spoke of his mother's crimes. When he looked up, Sel knew things will never be the same. Not normal, if there was anything normal about them.
This time, though, he didn't care.
All right whoaaaaa here it issssss. I'm SO sorry for the angst but we need that as well.
ALSO some lines here AREN'T mine, they are straight from the Legendborn book and I don't claim them as mine!!!!
Anyway I really hope you guys enjoyed this.
BYEEEEE
also there r a lot of mistakes in here but I'm way too lazy to go back and fix them so yeah.
~yo bitch Reese
Posting this here too :))