I cringed as I stepped onto the other side and waited for some jolt or something to jar me out of my memory. But nothing happened.
I scrunched up my brows and tried to remember if something out of the ordinary happened but, no, nothing happened, it was just like I was walking through an energy force but then nothing else.
I looked back to see that Cara was gone, in her place, it was just an illusion of clearing. I bit my lip and controlled the impulse to go back through the ward, and back inside.
“Come on, come on, you are free now,” I said and steeled myself before taking a small step towards the dense forest.
I stopped short and realized with a jolt that I remembered. I remembered every single detail. From my kidnapping till my escape. How is that? I pondered on it and tried to map out my days, and I could do so clearly without any scenes missing from my head.
There doesn’t seem to be any change in the memories, but I didn’t know how this supposedly ‘ward’ was to clear my memory. Did it happen gradually? Maybe.
But my main concern now should be about how to get out of there, rather than pondering on whether or not my memory would be wiped out entirely or rather when it would.
“I can do this.” I further motivated my stupid self to move away from the forest.
Step after step, I took my reluctant legs towards freedom.
When I stepped out to a familiar clearing, my breath rushed out of me.
I was not held against my will in an unfamiliar state or forest. No, I was there right under everyone’s noses. Pity, I couldn’t escape a while back, saving me from this unwarranted heartbreak.
I immediately ran, ran like my life depended on it. Even though the sky was dark, I could see the path. Although some part of me didn’t want to leave this place and leave whatever behind, I was never this much happier to want to be out of the forest.
The forest I have been gazing at longingly for weeks from inside my room. And now I was out here, I wanted to get out as fast as I can. Freedom. That is what was important.
There was a bolt of quick lightning and heavy thunder followed it, shaking the forest ground. I quickened my pace and tried not to slip and fall on the slushy mud.
To add insult to the injury, the rain started pouring immediately. As averse to my earlier notion that I wanted to be out in the rain, now it was not true at all. Because my main concern was to protect the crinkling paper in my hoodie.
Before my hands could get wet, I placed them inside the hoodie pocket for further protection of the paper. My teeth chattered as the cold wind blew my soaked hair strands onto my face.
Hiking my shoulders up to my ears with my hands still inside the pocket, I tried to see through the heavy pour. I seemed to be a little closer to the edge of the forest and as it was raining I couldn’t see a single soul on the pathway.
“Fuck.” I exclaimed as my legs slipped a little on the mud but thankfully I didn’t fall.
I was hunching down to my front, looking for extra protection for my already soaked hoodie but I didn’t even care about catching a cold as I cared about protecting the pieces of paper.
My pants felt heavy with the rain and the mud clinging to my legs, but I pushed myself towards the familiar entry.
When I took the first step towards the concrete pavement I thought a force of something would stop me from moving further like I was in a fantasy novel, but nothing like that happened and with each step I took towards the road, the more conflicted I felt.
“Hey, who’s there?” Someone called out.
I jumped out of my skin in fear and swirled around to find a guy in a familiar uniform. My breath whooshed out as I jogged towards him, I couldn’t look at his face clearly from far away as he was wearing a rain court but as I reached him I could see that he resembled the guy who saved me from the wolf, the first time, the gun shooter.
“Sylvia, is that you?” He asked his voice laced with surprise.
“Yeah,” I whispered as he opened an umbrella and handed it over to me.
“Oh my god, you are alive!” He cried out and ushered me towards the side road, where the city’s forest range office was located.
The minute I stepped into the heated office, I started shivering. My teeth chattered and I didn’t welcome the heat at all because it felt like I was going into a sauna after an ice bath. Not pleasant at all.
There were cries of surprise in the lobby but I couldn’t concentrate on anything as many people surrounded me asking questions. I frequently looked back at the entrance, waiting. I didn’t know what I was waiting for but my subconscious was not letting me live in denial for long. I know I got my freedom but I couldn’t help but think that if I would get taken back again.
My body jolted at that thought, not because of fear but because of anticipation. I have gone mental, that is the only reason I was thinking like this.
I was covered in blankets within minutes and a few of the officers who lingered near me was looking at me in awe and concern. But I just found a spot on the floor to look at and did it without moving from the chair I was sitting in, like a statue.
A few minutes later I heard a chorus of sirens outside and a couple of cops came inside, hurriedly.
“Hello Sylvia, I am Officer Amber.” A short-haired woman gave me her hand and it took a great effort for me to shake her hand in return.
“Can you tell me what happened, dear?” When I said nothing, she just gave me a soft smile and continued. “Your friend, Livya, filed a missing person report on the 21st morning the month before and we took a valiant effort in searching for you and when we found your thrashed motel room after a day, we knew that you didn’t just go somewhere without informing your roommate. I... I know this is not the best time for you to speak about what happened right away. But if you were kidnapped, it would be good to have the details of the event, while your memory is still fresh.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and tried hard not to cry. I don’t think the memory would ever fade. And I don’t think I could escape this reality how much ever I wished, I was back in the room inside the palace. Waiting for the man, who haunted my dreams. And to know more about the man with the blond hair. The literal shock I felt, when I laid my eyes on him again after days, it felt right. Seeing both of them in the same room felt right.
Like I was whole, again.
Even when they were trying to rip apart each other’s guts out, I couldn’t help but feel that I had arrived at my destiny and it was up to me to take it further.
Is this what you call Stockholm syndrome?
At least I remembered everything and I thanked the magical witch who might have botched the spell for it to go wonky. But grief immediately got hold of me. I was never going to see them again.
A familiar voice had me out of my trance, as I saw Livya wading through people to reach me. For the first time since I came here, I felt a flicker of happiness.
“Sylvie!!”
I jumped up from the chair I was sitting in and went straight into Livya’s arms. Just as her warm familiar arms enclosed me, tears started to flow. I sobbed and didn’t care that I had a group audience including the cops and Officer Jamie with his co-workers. It just felt good to let go for once and not care about my kidnappers seeing me at my low.
For the first time in days, I felt myself unravel.
Livya made soothing noises near my neck as I felt another set of hands wrap around us. I peeked from under Livya’s shoulder to gaze at the warm brown eyes of her boyfriend. He gave me a small smile which I couldn’t return, so I buried my face back under.
I heard Livya screech at someone behind me, “Officers, I will bring her tomorrow for a brief, now don’t disturb her. I would like to take her home, now. She needs to rest.”
The officers replied something but I didn’t care about anything at that point.
But then when we started moving I was grateful. Someone made me sit in the car and a seat belt stretched across my torso and a couple of minutes later the car took off.
Warm hands took hold of my palm for the whole ride and I just looked out of the window.
“We are here,” Livya said tugging my hands.
I blinked my eyes to clear the cobwebs and got out of the car. Some of the neighbors heard us come in and rushed to help me but Livya just shooed them away.
Being back at the apartment didn’t bring the same comfort I once thought it would. No, it just made me miss the bed back at the fort and the shared bathroom. Everything felt different. I wanted to shout at the unfairness of it all.
“Syliva…” Livy started, hesitant, unlike her character. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” When I turned to look at her, she immediately cringed. I just shook my head in answer and escaped to the bathroom.
When I looked in the mirror, I cringed at myself. I looked like a shell of a human being.
I honestly didn’t know what was happening but I felt like shit and not like myself.
After carefully removing the paper from my hoodie pocket, I grimaced at the ruined prints in some places, where water droplets reached them. I folded them regardless and stuffed them inside my toiletry basket under the sink.
After removing my dress and shoes, I went into the shower which spat out water, which was only marginally warm, unlike the ones in the…. Anyway, water was water and when I felt clean enough, I tied myself with my neatly folded towel after I dried myself.
I took the old clothes in my hands and stared at them for a while. I remembered how fed up I was to wear the same single dress which I hated from the absolute start but now I reminisced about the memories it brought.
“Ugghhh.” I yelled in irritation and threw the dress back on the counter and went out.
I saw both Livy and Michael sitting on the couch with a somber expressions on their faces. I didn’t care that I was only in my fucking towel before I went inside the bedroom and locked it like muscle memory.
But I unlocked it after I changed into shorts and a t-shirt. I couldn’t just lock my roommate out as she was dependent on the bed in the room.
I was pleasantly surprised to look at my desk and bed in the same condition as I left. My desk looked dusted and arranged even.
Pursing my lips, I peeled back my sheets and got under them.
Maybe a good day’s sleep will make me normal again. Whatever the definition of normal was.
……
DAY 1
Maybe normal is not something I would ever get back.
All I did the day after I came back was just lie in the bed and stare at the ceiling all day long. Livya tried and failed to talk with me. Michael would come and give me food and tea but I refused to eat.
Not because I was protesting or something but because I didn’t think I would genuinely hold the food in my stomach if I had them.
At all times they had the bedroom door open a tad bit when they were outside like they were afraid to leave me alone. Or just wanted to be there when I called them. But the cynical part of the brain believed the former.
I didn’t even bathe but did use the restroom and drink water.
I knew I had quite a lot of visitors but no one made it way past the kitchen, I know it was because of Livya’s intervention. Which I was grateful for.
I also heard her squeal in glee after a neighbor delivered her favorite soup. “Guess, it is good that Sylvia is not eating, right? Now I can consume this soup all by myself.”
“Shut up,” Michael said but I could hear the amusement in his voice.
It made me smile a bit after a long time. At least Livya is getting free food off of this.
DAY 2
The second day was the worst because I was cranky at all the little things both of them said or did.
And I felt like I was in my periods after a long time. But even that was irregular in my life. Nothing is of permanent routine.
I broke a glass that I brought from an online bid and was mad at myself for breaking it that I broke another glass. Livya had enough of me at that point and banished me from the kitchen.
I felt like crying and doing something other than just lying on the bed as a desolate.
I refused to talk to anyone and even thinking about my life before the kidnapping was stressful. As I felt it would take great effort to do something when I had no motivation.
I would just have to say goodbye to my job because I finally asked how many days it was until I went missing and it was nearly a month and a half. Which shocked me to hell.
Maybe it was a good thing too because I had no interest in faking my smile for every other customer.
DAY 3
I had the sudden urge to know why I was like that. Why do I feel like I have been withdrawn from a very strong drug? Like, I would die without it being in my system again.
But whatever it was, I could feel myself getting better. Even though it was very subtle.
The cops came to the apartment since they didn’t get a call back from us, but I still refused to say anything. They gave me a card for a therapist before promising us that they would be back in a few days.
I threw the card in the dustbin because for one I didn’t have enough money to talk with a shrink and two, I have no idea how to tell her my problems. I just couldn’t blurt that I was kidnapped by a team of werewolves which sounds absurd in itself and I would for sure be in the mental asylum within a week.
And it was not like I faced a traumatic experience. Yes, the black hell hole they kept me in at the start was pretty terrifying but everything else was like living in a luxury hotel with the only problem being that I couldn’t get out of the room.
DAY 4
I tried to get out today and it felt a little hard to pretend everything was alright when it was farther from the truth. But at least the fresh air made me feel alive.
The bustling city was nowhere near what I thought would bring me comfort with its too loud noise and too many people. At least I came to know that I did retain the gym trainer job.
It brought me a huge amount of relief and brought back the long-gone excitement.
The gym owner was hesitant over to ask what happened to me as he saw the news about how I went missing. He and the head trainer also gave me leeway for 2 weeks before I have to join the gym.
And it was more than enough that I could have asked for.
At least the man who owns the gym has a kind heart, unlike Nordstrom’s branch manager. But then I was kind of glad that someone else filled my gap with the work. Because I couldn’t think about seeing Shiny again.
Now that I know that the Blond guy was also a ‘werewolf’, I couldn’t trust Shiny, even if she was just a friend of his, but moreover, I didn’t want to slip up and ask about him.
That evening for the first time I ate dinner with the couple and felt at peace that everything was going to be okay.
DAY 5
I ventured outside again to collect the newspaper and milk, when Mr. Billy, our street cat came trotting about. I gave him a hearty scratch.
Suddenly I felt the hair on my neck stand up straight and I immediately stood up and looked everywhere, frantically.
Mr. Billy started to comb through my legs as I stood there frozen.
Maybe I was delusional, so I just shrugged and went inside. After a while, Livya went to work leaving Michael behind. They do this past few days like they never want me alone even though I ignored them most of the time.
After a while, I was antsy just sitting in the apartment doing nothing, as I couldn’t bear to open my textbooks to save my life.
I walked around the neighborhood with Mr. Billy in my arms as I breathed in the air when I felt the same feeling I felt the morning when I was outside.
The paranoia kicked in again as I flitted my head around the empty surroundings and I couldn’t shake the feeling of someone watching me. Again.
……
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