"You'll be fully healed by tomorrow," the healer – Barriss, her name was – tells her.
That's nice, but it does little to decrease Ahsoka's annoyance. She'd managed to embarrass herself in front of the clones twice in her last mission. Not to mention having to stay out of the main part of the battle. Master Skywalker is insisting she shouldn't be on the front already, and she didn't want to let him think he was right.
And where'd all her attempts to show that go? Right here.
Grumpily, Ahsoka wonders how many times – if ever – her own masters end up in the medbay.
"Do my masters ever come here?" Ahsoka asks, grouchily. She's not supposed to be walking yet, and she doesn't want to, either, because it hurts.
"More frequently than you might think before the war," Barriss replies with the slightest touch of amusement, "And Master Skywalker was here quite frequently after he lost his arm."
Wait.
What?
"What?!" Ahsoka shrieks. "Lost his – what?"
"You didn't hear?" The Mirilian seems mildly surprised. "He lost his arm on the Battle of Geonosis."
... Oh. Come to think of it, Ahsoka might have heard something about it, but she doesn't really know. He seemed so unbeatable, she never thought he could have something long-lasting, not to mention something so severe and permanent. The very obvious scar across his face should've been a clear sign that, yes, he can be hurt, but she never thought about it, not in principle.
And it means that, Chosen One status or no, he is very human.
"Your masters fought Dooku together," Barriss explains. "Both were injured."
Ahsoka will take time later to comprehend that, because it seems outrageous, but it's not like they'd have a healer's wing if she were truly the only Jedi in the universe to get injured. It's only so upsetting because it messed up her mission, and she's starting to think her master is right about needing to spend a little more time in the Temple preparing before going back out to battle again.
It's just... frustrating.
But that's something Jedi aren't supposed to let themselves get bogged down by, so she keeps moving. A few more words with Barriss – apparently the older girl is going to return to the fronts in a few days. Lucky for her, but Ahsoka is stuck here for a while. She hasn't had time to talk to her masters yet and figure out what all that entails.
She still has classes to attend, though, even if she'd like to hang out with Barriss a little longer. The older girl seems to be a very by-the-book type of Jedi, but Ahsoka's taken an instant liking to her, anyway.
"I'll see you later," Ahsoka calls, feigning cheer, as she leaves.
Normally, she is cheerful, but right now... Come to think of it, her missing sleep on the past few nights is probably making matters worse. She doesn't understand why, but whenever she tries to sleep, she starts seeing... things. Ahsoka rarely dreams, but for some reason, she has nearly every night since becoming a padawan, dreams filled with violence and explosions and death.
Classes are... different, now that she's a padawan, too. Everything is different, and she suspects it'll take a few weeks to settle into a new routine. It's strange to be able to leave the Temple frequently, too.
Ahsoka is feeling rather worn out when she makes it to the cafeteria that afternoon. She can feel eyes on her immediately, no doubt noticing that she's wearing a brace on her leg from when she broke it. It'll be taken off tomorrow, and she can't wait for the removal of the constant reminder of her mess-up, but until then, she'll have to deal with the stares.
She slides over to a nearby table, hoping to avoid attention. Normally, she's happy with it, but not right now.
A few minutes later, Ahsoka senses someone approaching from nearby, settling down at the table next to her. Most everyone here still hasn't been taken as padawans yet, and this one is no exception. She can feel his annoyance in the Force and bites back a snarky comment about his pathetic lack of shielding. Jedi don't usually probe at one another's minds because it's rude. She's not trying to feel it, but she still... senses it.
"How clumsy," he remarks snidely. "You were injured on your first mission?"
Her anger flares, even though she knew it was coming. "Your shielding is terrible," she snaps back. "Are you trying to get attention?"
"That's pathetic," he continues. "Your masters will probably get rid of you as soon as they can."
"They obviously think you're pathetic, too," Ahsoka snaps furiously. "Otherwise, you would've been taken already." She's angry, and hurt, and furious that she's hurt, and that this boy is able to poke at all her weaknesses and fears with such ease.
He jerks a little, eyes narrowing angrily. "I'd rather be taken later and be more skilled than go out to the battlefield and die!" She clearly hit a nerve there, though, and can't help a surge of vicious satisfaction.
"Are your skills that bad?" Ahsoka snips. "I could win the war before you're ready, then."
"You'll probably die first," he replies disgustedly.
"Thanks for the optimism," she sasses back. "You'd probably get your head shot off first time after stepping off a gunship."
"Like you did much better," he scoffs, "You'll probably wind up dead on your next one... if you get a next one."
Ahsoka scoffs. "What? Are you jealous no one wants you?"
"I've got no reason to be. Your masters will get rid of such a useless padawan eventually."
White, hot rage surges through her, demanding vengeance. His words sting, and she wants to hurt him back, and that desire finally overcomes any willpower she might have had. And – okay, maybe tackling him right out of his chair and punching him in the face was not the best choice, but Ahsoka is too furious to care.
He retaliates in kind, throwing her off and punching her back.
Ahsoka doesn't know how long it is before a sharp, angry "that's enough" rings out from behind her. They hastily disentangle themselves, and though Ahsoka is still fuming, she has enough self-control to know not to let it out in front of a Jedi Master, especially her own master. "What's happening here?" Master Kenobi's voice is icy cold, and she knows he's angry. That's fine; she is too.
"She attacked me," the boy blurts out.
"You started it!" she accuses.
"It doesn't matter who did what first," Master Kenobi snaps. "It doesn't give you an excuse to resort to violence, padawan. Now, apologize."
What?! "I'm not the one who should apologize!" she protests, suddenly hit by how true the boy's words were. She is in danger of them getting rid of her, and her master is so upset right now, but so is she. How can he expect her to not stand up for herself to these people?! "I wasn't bothering him! He came up to me, and –"
"I'm not interested in hearing excuses," he retaliates coolly, "It doesn't give you the right to resort to violence."
"What was I supposed to do?!" Ahsoka yells back. She knows there are people watching her, but she's too angry and hurt to care. It doesn't make sense. "Let him keep preaching about how useless I am?"
"Protecting your pride is not worth such a response," he replies. "That is unbefitting of a Jedi."
His words cut at something deep inside her. Normally she'd react with something violent to such a statement, but this is her master, and he's on the Council, and she can't do that. It hurts though, to be told so bluntly that she failed him. Part of her wants to cave in and apologize to the boy, but she's still furious at him, and she refuses to let him have the satisfaction of letting her think she's wrong.
Instead, Ahsoka storms past her master and out the door, meal forgotten. She doesn't want to be around any of them right now.
She wants someone to hold her, she realizes suddenly. Someone to take her in their arms and tell her it's okay, that she's alright and that it'll be fine, and none of the horrible predictions she's heard today will come to light.
Suddenly, she misses Skyguy, and she could almost swear she remembers all those things happening on multiple occasions, even though she barely knows him. He's so different from Master Kenobi; he's quiet and calm and patient and caring. She's only known them for a week, and he's already her favorite. She wants to be with him though, but she'll have to deal with staying with Master Kenobi for a while anyway. It's his turn, and she just got that off to a great start. Ahsoka locks herself in her room for the next few hours to calm down, grateful that no one bothers her, and wondering why, why it feels as though there's something... missing.
***
It's after dawn, the morning after they returned to Coruscant, and he'd slipped off to stay with Padme the first chance he got the night before. He needs to go back to the Temple as soon as possible, but Ahsoka is supposed to be staying with Obi-Wan for a short time. Anakin's surprised he managed to sleep the entire night through for what feels like the first time in months, but Padme seems... off. She's being a more closed off than usual, and he can tell something is bothering her from the way she keeps looking at him. "Are you alright?" Anakin asks finally. "What is it?"
He hates how he doesn't really remember what things were like in the beginning, but he thinks Padme might have been more... closed down at first. She didn't give much voice to her emotions in the beginning, like she did later. It had become mutual for them both; each other were the only people they could talk to, could rely on (most of the time) when they needed someone.
"I had a dream, that's all," she replies. "It sounds silly to say, but I can't get it out of my head."
Please, no. Not her too.
"Do you... want to talk about it?" he offers.
"It was a series of images, really," Padme explains, a slightly thoughtful expression on her face. "It was like I knew something terrible had happened, but I didn't know what. All I could think about was you. Then there was something about a trial. You told me you had a padawan. What does she look like?"
Oh. Right. Yes. She hasn't met Ahsoka yet. It seems completely impossible, for there to have once been a world where Padme and Ahsoka weren't friends. Ahsoka had gone as far as to save her life once, and they had already been close then. This is yet another jarring reminder of how so much changed.
"She's a Togruta, I don't know if I told you that," he answers, wondering what this has to do with anything. "Her skin is orange, and her eyes are blue. Her lekku are..."
"White and blue, striped horizontally, but they're shape is changing as she grows," she adds, questioningly.
"Yes, exactly." How does she know this if she hasn't seen Ahsoka?
"And two diamond-shaped markings on her forehead," Padme continues.
"How do you know all this?" Anakin asks.
"I saw her in my dream," Padme answers, an odd look on her face. "She was on trial in the Republic courts for something, and I was defending her."
She was – No. This is impossible. It can't be.
"That's what happened," Anakin realizes, faintly. "That's exactly what happened."
"But how am I remembering things from a life you lived?" she asks.
It's a rhetorical question, really, because it's one to which neither have the answer. Anakin has literally no idea what to say. His mind feels frozen at the implications of her words. She remembers Ahsoka from a life she didn't live. How is it possible? It shouldn't be, but to be fair, time-travel shouldn't be possible, either.
How is any of this possible?
That's when it hits him. Rex had said something similar the first night on Amorrut, and Ahsoka the day before. Padme may have seen the most sudden, vivid moments, but she hadn't been the only one. For all he knows, Rex and Ahsoka have seen more but simply haven't told him. It means...
He doesn't know what it means, or how it's happening, only that it seems as though others are starting to remember things, too.
Anakin wishes there was someone he could go to, who could help him figure out what to do and how to deal with this, but there's not. On this, he's on his own, because there's no one who can offer advice.
***
It's later the same day when Anakin finally runs into Obi-Wan again. He's still feeling shaken up from earlier, but he's trying not to think about it. "How's Ahsoka?" he asks first thing.
"She been surprisingly quiet, actually."
Really? "Doesn't sound like the girl I know. Did something happen?"
"She fought with another youngling her age yesterday, after you left."
Anakin really shouldn't be so surprised to hear about this. It's not as though Ahsoka hadn't had such problems as his padawan; it's just that it changed as she grew older. Then he thinks of how Obi-Wan always reacted when Anakin himself fought with people when he was younger, and how deeply his disappointment and anger hurt. He wishes, immediately, that it had been him to break up the fight, not Obi-Wan. He never, ever wants Ahsoka to feel like that, so small and insignificant and worthless. It makes him wonder, again, why he ever thought this was a good idea. Regardless of what he did, it probably was the wrong choice. He doesn't know what'd be right, anymore.
"I'll talk to her," he offers, numbly. The very thought of Ahsoka feeling like he so often does is enough to make him sick.
"It was a hard habit for you to break out of, too," Obi-Wan replies, seeming indifferent to – or more like, not even noticing – Anakin's tumultuous emotions.
"It may have come faster," Anakin snaps back, without meaning to, "If you'd told me how. I know Ahsoka. She wouldn't hit someone unless they upset her."
Obi-Wan gives him a flat look. "That's exactly what she said, but it doesn't make it right."
"You expect me not to be glad she defends herself?" he retaliates. You expect me to want her to feel worthless, useless, not worth anyone's time, simply because she made me feel that way? "I may not like her methods, and that's what she needs to change."
"It worked for you." He seems completely unruffled by Anakin's anger, which is unsurprising.
Anakin stops in his tracks, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. He can't afford to lose it, not now. It would be a very bad example for Ahsoka, anyway, and that's most important. "Master, let me deal with this," he requests. "I know how to handle it." Without hurting her, he doesn't add. He can't believe he put Ahsoka in this situation. For all that he said he'd never let anyone hurt her, ever, he failed on her first week of padawanship. What kind of master does that?
"Very well," Obi-Wan concedes, a bit skeptically. "I believe you wanted me to teach her control, however."
"I do! She may not be ready though, I don't know. It took her time to learn before." It hurts to talk about her as before, as past, though it wasn't the Force that put him here, really. It was Anakin's own choices, and he hates how his faith in himself is shaken, because if he doesn't believe in himself, in his own abilities... who will?
Anakin always has struggled with it though, he supposes. It's why he was afraid to go after Obi-Wan on Geonosis, so soon after his mother died. He didn't know if he'd succeed or cause something even worse to happen. As it turned out, all he managed doing was starting a galactic war, and it'd taken months for him to trust himself again. Between failing to save his mother, participating in the start of a war, and losing his arm... it had been too much. Eventually, he'd been forced to find it, because with Ahsoka being as reckless, wild, and rebellions as she was, she needed someone to ground her and keep her in the present.
"I'll talk to her," he repeats, "But I don't think she's ready for combat yet. She was injured already, and she could be killed. She needs more time, if only a little."
"I agree," Obi-Wan states, shockingly. "We can't afford to keep her off for longer than necessary, however."
"We can't let her die unnecessarily, either." Anakin knows Ahsoka will loath the way they worry over her, but he simply doesn't know what else to do. She's his padawan, and he doesn't really know how to care for her in a way he hasn't already failed. He doesn't know what to do, and he hates it, because it's not as though there's anyone he can go to for help. He could talk to Padme, he supposes.
Their conversation drifts to the war from there. Anakin hates how little he remembers about back now; it'd made him have to devote a decent amount of time to catching up. There are moments it even feels awkward to talk to Obi-Wan, because Anakin remembers so much his former master doesn't. It hurts so much, aching in a strange and unfamiliar way, and it makes it so much harder to deal with.
At least his former master remembers him and the time they spent together, though. Anakin doesn't have the same luxury with Rex and Ahsoka... or Padme.
He feels so... lonely. Useless. Worthless. His padawan, his child walked away from him without looking back.
Then he remembers what he wanted to ask Obi-Wan from the start, not that his master would be able to shed any light on the matter. No one can. He decides to let it slide, for now, and goes in search of Ahsoka. He badly needs to rejoin the 501st, to help them prepare for their next battle, but now, Ahsoka comes first. They shouldn't be shipped out again for a while, he hopes.
He tracks down Ahsoka when she's leaving class. She seems surprised, but not unhappy, to see him. "How's class?" he asks. A stupid, very irritating icebreaker adults always use, but now he can see why.
"No more interesting than usual," she shrugs. "What's happening?"
"I came to see how you were," he admits. "Obi-Wan told me about... yesterday."
Ahsoka bristles the slightest bit. "What about it?"
"I know you were upset," Anakin tries slowly. This is such a hard thing for him to handle now. Ahsoka, the older one, would often try to act as he would want her to, and that includes by not beating people up because they insulted her. "But a Jedi does not react with violence, Snips, unless there is no other choice."
She doesn't reply, but she seems sullen.
"I don't know what he said to you, but I know you had a reason." It's the closed to an I know what that feels like that Anakin will ever tell her. It's not something he's spoken of to Padme, even, how he couldn't get along with any of the Jedi his age. Only the Chancellor knows; he'd seen it. He seemed to be the only one bothered by it; if Obi-Wan was, he'd only lecture Anakin about how he 'needed to be better'. So, no. Anakin will not let the same happen to Ahsoka. "But usually, people like that aren't even worth your time."
"So, what am I supposed to do?" his padawan snaps. "Ignore them?!"
"If you can." Anakin knows how that is. He struggled with it himself, and often wasn't successful. When he did, it'd often bother him for days afterwards. It's not easy, to try giving her advice on something about which he got none himself. He doesn't know what to do, because while he'd trained Ahsoka the way he'd wished Obi-Wan would him, that... failed last time. "Avoid them. Soon enough, we'll be back on front lines. Most your work you can do from a distance."
"Seclusion?" she asks disbelievingly. "That's your answer?"
She makes it sound like it's a bad thing, and for a girl who's so incredibly social, he has to admit it probably is. It worked for him, though. As lonely as Anakin feels, it's easier than trying to deal with people, most of the time. He much prefers to be invisible, while Ahsoka prefers being in the spotlight. They're polar opposites, in that way. "You can get to know the clones," he suggests. "I know it will take time for them to get used to you."
Except, he's looking from the point of view of a General, not a master who looks for what's best for their padawan. Strategically, it's best for her to be with the clones, to get to know them and their fighting methods. But how can he blame her? It would be wrong because she's still fourteen. She's not used to being a warrior. She was trained to be a peacekeeper, and she's still a child. He can't expect her to think as one, devoting herself fully to the war. It might be more familiar, easier for him if she did, but that's not her duty. Anakin only hopes it never has to be.
"And remember, often when people lash out at you, it's because they're hurting, too," he adds. "Responding in kind is wrong. I know you're upset, and you have a right to be, but two wrongs don't make a right."
Anakin very much doubts it helped. He doesn't know how to handle these situations. Obi-Wan would say 'release your emotions into the Force' but that doesn't solve the problem.
He doesn't know what to do, how to take care of her. He can't go to Obi-Wan for everything, of course, and the only other person he knows who could help is Palpatine, and... Anakin really, really doesn't want to explain the time-traveling mess to anybody else yet. It was hard enough with Padme.
It's really a question of his own comfort versus Ahsoka's future, and there's no question which will win eventually, even if Anakin will put it off... for now. He can't wait long though, because the longer it takes, the easier it would be to make a mistake in her training.
"Come," he says, "We'll work on your saber skills for now."
***
There is a change in his future apprentice, Sidious knows. It was easy to see, from observing Skywalker's actions on his last battle, to piece together what knowledge he has. The Dark Side has shown Sidious a future, not possibilities in a vision, but a clear, laid out future, even if he has not yet understood it.
Skywalker, however, knows. Sidious is certain of it. What the boy has seen, he doesn't know. He had asked Anakin about it, but he evaded the question. It's something he's never done, and Sidious wonders: what did he see in the future? Is he beginning to discover the truth? If so, it is not a risk the Sith Master is willing to take. It is not yet time for his identity to be discovered, and he will not wait for the boy to talk; if he suspects something, he won't say anything.
It matters little if the boy refuses to give answers willingly.
"Lord Tyrannus," Sidious rasps, "There has been a change of plans."
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