"Sam?" you hurriedly asked.
"Y/N" he sighed. His annoyed expression changes as soon as he saw your red and tear-stained face.
"Are you okay? What's wrong?" he said with a concerned tone.
"I just...I just witnessed something" you stuttered
"Tell me about it"
As soon as he said that you began talking, rambling on about what had just happened. "I walked into the house and James followed me and I was angry but he got angrier when he saw I stole my Soviette book back from you so you didn't burn it a-and he began tearing it up-but then tore it up and he didn't even remember and I think he still has a part of The Winter Soldier in him" you stuttered.
"Woah, Y/N," Sam said, stopping you. You were shaking, so he grabbed you by the shoulders and patted them. "I'm confused"
"I stole the Soviette book back from you. It holds too much sentimentality and I can watch it be burnt" you sighed.
"Okay first, I was never going to burn it. Second, I was going to give it to the Wakandans. And Third, what do you mean about Bucky?"
"He tore up the book. A few moments later he came to, I guess, and he had no idea why I was crying or why the book was torn up"
"Y/N..." Sam quietly said
"What? I watched him tear it up...I-I even tried to take it from him..." you said tearing up.
"We'll go to Wakanda first thing Friday morning, okay?"
"Okay," you said taking a deep breath, "What do I do?" you said, fidgeting with your gloves.
"Try your hardest to avoid Bucky, but don't make it obvious. Just—Only till we figure out what's wrong"
"Okay...but it's kind of hard to do that when he and I are...never mind" you sighed
"You guys aren't official yet?" Sam gasped
"No, but it doesn't matter. I'm fine just behind his friend" you shrugged with a smile, lying through your teeth.
"He hasn't implied it?"
"No."
"But have you two said-"
"I love you to each other? Yes, we have. That's not the point here" you groaned, "I'll move to the couch if that's fine. I'm exhausted"
"And he still hasn't—Okay, alright," Sam said in defeat, "Just avoid anything that triggers him..." you walked away and under his breath, Sam continued, "or you..."
For the next two days, everything was normal, well, as normal as it can get.
You'd try to avoid Bucky but he just won't quit.
Sam had called ahead, letting King T'Challa that you'd all land around 9:30 pm.
"I don't know about this Sam..." you shivered, clutching the torn-up black book in your arms.
"Sam? Can I talk to you?" Bucky shouted from the other side of the plane.
Bucky didn't suspect anything. As far as he knows, "you're mad at him because he took Sarah's side".
"I'll be right back"
"Okay"
"What's up?" Sam said, taking a deep breath.
"What did you tell her?" Bucky whined.
"Nothing important. I say for you, to just wait it out, just for a bit, okay?" he said, patting Bucky's back.
"I don't like being distant from her. It drives me crazy knowing she's mad at something I did"
"You guys aren't even together. This shouldn't bother you" Sam chuckled
"That's the thing...I want to be with her. More than anything in this world"
"But?"
"We can't be together. We were once HYDRA pawns...just because I'm fixed doesn't mean she is. People will come for her...and I can't do anything about it."
"Buck..."
"If I stay away...if we aren't together...Then she won't have much exposure...she'll be safe from harm's way..."
"She told me you tore the book" Sam then blurted out.
"Why would she say that?"
"She said you had no memory of it. You had become angry she took it so you snatched and...just tore it to shreds. She tried taking it from you but it was no use...."
Bucky stayed silent for a few moments. He spoke after a while, "Ayo said I was fixed. If something of HYDRA is still in me then it's worth the trip." Bucky hesitantly said. Sam could tell how nervous he was.
"Going to see T'Challa is just a precaution"
"I don't un-"
"Shh." Sam interrupted, pulling him a bit further away from where they were, "We're going for her. I know she's imagining things...you're free but...she isn't."
"Does she know?" Bucky said, just before clearing his throat.
"No."
"Keep it that way," Bucky said.
"Yeah," Sam said in surprise. Bucky's deep voice and demanding tone had startled him. "Whatever you say" he nodded
"I'm gonna go find some water, want one?" Bucky said, changing the subject.
"No, I'm good," Sam said walking to the cockpit.
The whole plane ride was silent, the motor murmuring and buzzing as the plane occasionally passed through turbulence.
You drifted off to sleep a few times, never sleeping for more than 7-8 minutes at a time.
Sometimes you can't tell when a dream ends and when reality begins. Your dreams seem so vivid and bold...that you wouldn't be surprised if this entire thing was surreal.
"Are we there yet?" Bucky asked
"We land in a few," Sam said
"James, can I-"
He walked right past you, his quick movement causing a second of a cool breeze.
"Oh...okay.." you quietly grimaced
"We're landing!" someone shouted from the cockpit.
Bucky and Sam sat down and as soon as they did the seatbelts fastened, a glowing green light appeared on the big screen.
"Welcome to Wakanda." it read. A sweet automated voice then began to speak, "Please fasten your seatbelts, our newest technology now has sensors to help land your plane. You will be landing shortly and please, Enjoy your stay!"
The sudden jolt of the plane sent you flying forward, the seatbelts clicking as it happened.
"Well...that's uh, nice," you said. Thank god for seatbelts. The seatbelts then unfastened and you stood up.
The hatch opened and you were greeted with about 10-15 soldiers of the Dora Milaje, three being the ones you met in Latvia.
"Ah! The White Wolf has returned!" T'Challa said with a smile and open arms.
"Your majesty," Sam said with a head bow.
"T'Challa it is good to see you again" Bucky smiled, shaking his hand.
You walked behind Sam and Bucky as you exit the plane. T'Challa spotted you and smiled. "And who shall this lovely lady be? It's a pleasure to meet you"
"My King, she is the one we told you about. She is the one responsible for your father's death" Ayo blankly said in Wakandan.
"It has been brought to my attention that certain things were not her fault, or am I incorrect?" he replied, still in Wakandan.
"That is correct" she mumbled
"Now, please forgive her, what is your name?" he said, holding your hand.
You quickly snatched it away, still afraid of what could possibly happen.
"It's Y/N" you fumbled quickly, "Y/N Zemo"
"Y/N." Bucky sneered, "Stop being rude!"
"Forgive me, your majesty. I-I have trouble dealing with certain....uh, circumstances" you shakily said.
He slowly walked to you and with a swift move, he tilted your head up, his thumb rubbing your chin as he scanned your face.
You felt your face go a shade of bright red.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, after all, my culture believes in giving others a second chance,"
Bucky stood in shock as he tried to make sense of this little interaction. He looked wide-eyed at Sam...and Sam could tell Bucky was furious.
No, Bucky was livid.
"I just...I apologize" you stuttered. "Thank you. Your kindness is deeply appreciated" you replied after a few seconds.
"Follow me," he said, turning away from you.
"Your highness," Sam said.
"It is an honor to meet the new Captain America," he said, "What brings you to my country?"
"Bucky and I were hoping you could...fix something" he hesitated
"Something or someone?"
"Y/N"
"I have gathered as much information as I could on her. I can clearly tell she shaken up a bit, I suppose it's about what was radioed to me"
"These past couple of months haven't been the kindest to her. She's been hurt and almost killed"
"It's the life of a superhero. There is always a downside"
"You're telling me! I have read about her nonstop and she's super cool!" a younger woman said as she jumped down the staircase in excitement.
T'Challa chuckled, "Meet my sister, Sam. This is Shuri"
"It is so awesome to meet you, Captain," she said shaking his hand.
"I heard you worked with Bucky. I appreciate your help, as well as Ayo's" Sam, replied with a smile.
You stood at the entrance of their home. It was a beautiful place. The flooring was probably more expensive than your entire existence. There was gold embroidery everywhere, the place shone like the Northern lights.
"Wow" you gasped to yourself, admiring the castle-like home.
"OH! MS. ZEMO!" Shuri yelled out in delight.
You instantly dropped the book you clutched and extended your hands out, ready to fight if it was necessary.
Shuri had startled you. It only reminded you of your father and Strucker when they yelled out of nowhere.
No matter how many things you forget, you seemingly always forget the small and insignificant things.
The trauma, no. That stays forever.
It haunts you...and it haunts a lifetime.
"Oh...I did not mean to frighten you. I'm just very excited to meet you" she chuckled.
You quickly picked up your little black book and smiled warily. "It's alright. I'm not used to people...being excited."
"What?"
"To see me, that is" you chuckled nervously.
"Brother, I think she's nervous" Shuri sighed, hugging you.
"NO!" you screamed, quickly pushing her. She fell to the ground, the tablet she held flew across the room, and the sound of boots and spears followed.
"I'm s-so s-sorry" you panicked, "I didn't mean to p-push you." it sounded like you were on the verge of tears.
Nothing was the same as it was.
Others love change, they say it's a way to move on in life, like checkpoints you're destined to get.
You hate it.
You hate feeling drained.
You hate the agony your heart carries.
You hate not being able to be strong again.
You hate feeling weak.
You hate having to need help.
You absolutely hate being dead weight.
"Stand down, guards. Let us take her to the lab. Shuri will have loads of fun there" T'Challa said with a warm smile, trying to change the subject.
"Are you kidding me, Y/N!" Bucky hissed
"Why are you being so mean?" you shakily said, "I don't know what's going on but damn you, James"
Bucky's eyes widened as you walked away, following T'Challa and Sam.
"I have to pretend to hate you. No matter how much I love you" he quietly said, holding back the urge to run after you.
He wants to apologize.
He's done it twice. He's pushed you away twice. He's doing it again.
He can't bear it any longer.
The more he pretends to hate you...the more he loves you. The more he wants to caress you. The more he wants to hug you in his arms forever. The more he wants to ask you to be his. The more he wants to apologize.
"Buck!" Sam shouted
"I'm coming!" Bucky said, shaking these intrusive thoughts away.
The only thing he hates more than not having you as his, is T'Challa flirting with you.
The longer Bucky is tested, the more infuriated he'll be. And no one wants to see a man with a metal arm angry.
Walking to the lab, Bucky could hear T'Challa complimenting you. He could hear the nervous responses you gave to him.
Bucky anger is building up, like pressure that cannot escape. It's building up quicker than he can count.
It's only a matter of time before he breaks.