2.5 years after the wedding
Omer is walking down the streets of Paris thinking of the old times. Today was the day he should have been immensely happy. Today his paintings were exhibited in one of the greatest art galleries in Paris. So many people visited, some even bought his art; which steamed from the darkest place of his heart. He should have been happy, celebrating it with his university mates. He should be feeling at the top of the world. But all he felt was hollow.
It has been like this for the past 2 and a half years. They say time heals all wounds. After almost two and a half years later and endless miles away from all the people who betrayed him in the worst possible way, he can still feel the pain of the wound caused by his loved ones like it was yesterday Defne spilt all the beans.
At least, in the beginning, he felt red hot anger whenever he thought of the game his loved ones played with this life. Nowadays he seldom felt anything. For the first time in all years his mother left him, he had forgotten her death anniversary. He was so intoxicated that day, so out of it, that he forgot his mother. It actually killed him when the very next day after waking up hungover, he was reminded of it by Sukru who had messaged his condolences. He cried that day. He cried for the small child that died and became mature the day he lost his family. He cried for his mother. He cried for the person he has become. He cried in shame and despair. From that day on, he stopped depending on alcohol to numb his pain. He decided to leave all his bad habits. He stopped all the meaningless flings he had. He decided to do better. To be better.
He started focusing on his painting and put his all into his art. He was somewhat successful and achieved to bring his name among the most coveted artists in the country. But he still felt nothing. Sometimes, when he lets his mind wander to the old times, he couldn't help thinking of her. What is she doing? Is she married? Is she happy? Does she think about him? Does she miss him?
He tries so hard not to remember her, or let his mind gravitate toward all the old memories. But in his sleep, when his mind is not in his control, all he remembers is her. The smile on her face when she looks at him, her eyes watching him so lovingly, her arms always trying to find him and touch him, her curly hair swishing against her back whenever she walked towards him, her strong legs entwined around his body when he is thrusting gently into her.
He always wakes up in a sheen of sweat whenever he dreams of her. His body aroused, his mind unfocused, and his heart aching so much that he curls like a ball on his bed to stop the insurmountable pain he is feeling.
Omer returns to an empty house after his art exhibition. After the day he had, any artist in his place would have been on cloud nine. Omer is anything but. In the past, even though he is very private, he had people to celebrate him and his success. He had his best friend Sinan, his uncle and aunt, he had Koray, he had people from Passionis who loved him all the same, he had Her.
He had broken relationships with everyone when he had left Turkey. Everyone along with her tried calling him. Sinan tried so hard to reach him. But he didn't give an inch. Sinan was even ready to come to Italy in search of him. He refused Sukru to give Sinan his address. Every day Sukru used to tell him Sinan is at his place, asking for his address. Every day he used to receive phone calls from Defne. Her calls and Sinan's efforts at reaching him stopped one day as he refused to even be in contact with Sukru. He broke all the ties with the place which brought so much pain and devastation in his life. In trying so hard to hold his anger, he didn't realise what he had lost that day with his actions.
He sighs deeply and takes a bottle of cola from the refrigerator, and sits on his couch after turning on his tv set. He sips the cola while flipping the channels and suddenly stops when he catches a glimpse of something familiar. He tries to find that exact channel and finally ends up on a Turkish channel. It was a news channel, covering some award function live. He listens to the reporter talking about some company called StillVagonu with little interest.
"And now with us, is this year's Logistics Excellence award winner. This smart and beautiful woman who is excellent in her field; has devised so many strategies for achieving the fastest delivery at very low costs. This woman also broke all the barriers of society telling women they cannot excel at their work and also be a loving mother who looks after their child. Let us have some words with beautiful Mrs Defne." announced the reporter on the screen. Omer's heart skipped a beat after hearing her name. This cannot be her. It cant be. His mind kept repeating this sentence as a mantra.
The reporter turned to her side and Defne's face came on his screen.
The bottle of cola slipped from his grip and his heart which he felt was dead a long time ago, came alive. He drank her in like he is a thirsty person in the middle of a desert and, her face is his source of water, his source of life. He couldn't take his eyes off hers. She looks so beautiful yet so different. She didn't feel like the old Defne. She looks so mature and grown-up. He ached for her. His entire being ached for Defne. He tuned out all the things the reporter was saying, only her voice was audible to him. Even her voice sounded different, somewhat hard and steely.
She thanked the reporter for all the praise and went on to thank her family.
Then she looked straight at the camera, he felt as if she is looking directly into his eyes and said,
"I dedicate this award to my little daughter, Emine. She is the love of my life and it wouldn't have been possible without her."
Omer was shattered after realising what Defne was saying. She has a daughter. She has named her daughter Emine, his mother's name. Defne is married. He closed his eyes and felt deep wrenching pain. The pain was so colossal, that he slumped his body on the couch and closed his eyes so tightly as if to forget what he saw and heard.
That little hope he held somewhere deep down, was extinguished. In all the years, he never once actually tried to find out what had happened to Defne. He had refused Sukru so many times from telling him anything about Defne. He never wanted to know if she is married or is with someone. And now, he cannot stop himself from feeling all the pain, all the regrets swimming through his body. Defne had once said, he is like Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. The person who feels powerful by holding onto his pride. Well, she was right. He had never loved someone as he loved Her. Hell, he still loves her. Their love was once in a lifetime love.
Even after knowing about the Love-for-Hire thing, he never once doubted that Defne's love for him was fake. He tried being in a proper relationship after he gave up alcohol and meaningless one-night stands with strangers with a nice girl called Natalie. But he couldn't bring himself to share even a small piece of him with Natalie. He couldn't fathom the thought of loving her. Even the thought of opening his heart to Natalie suffocated him. So much so, that he knew she didn't deserve it. So, he broke up with her. From then on, he never even entertained the idea of being in a relationship. But now, seeing Defne moving on with her life, he felt hollow and bitter.
The very next day, Omer went to a therapy session. He knew he needed one or many. At first, he refused to open up to his therapist who was very patient with him. He still kept attending the sessions. His heart wanted to heal; his stubborn mind had different ideas. A month later, in his fifth session, he finally broke. He told Emma, his therapist everything about the Kiralik ask game his family played on him. Emma kept listening to everything he had to say with a neutral expression on his face. The burden of the pain he was carrying on his shoulders all these years, felt somewhat lighter after sharing it with someone.
Later, in his 7th session, Emma finally asked him the question he most dreaded ever since he had shared everything with her. She asked him if he regretted his choices. He wanted to lie, he wanted to say "no", and he wanted to say that he was completely right on his part. But he nodded in affirmative, words leaving him.
Emma's face then changed. She looked at him with a kind smile on his face. She told him about her family. She told him how when she goes home, her four-year-old and her seven-year-old children welcome her with their little hugs and kisses. She told him how her husband, after a long day at work senses how tired she is, and makes dinner, helps in washing the dishes and even puts children to sleep. She told him that whenever she has any problem, she calls up her best friend. She told him how if she needs some kind of guidance, she calls up her mom or her uncle who helps her in making a decision. By telling him all this, she reminds him of the importance of having loved ones around.
Emma tells him, that even at the peak of his career, even after earning so much money, he is not feeling fulfilment and happiness because he doesn't have someone to share it with. Not a partner, a friend, or even family. Because he has distanced himself from them, and after that, he is not ready to form any kind of attachment with anyone, because of his old wounds.
He knows what she is going to say in the next session. So, he doesn't attend the next session and the next. After missing two sessions purely due to his stubbornness, he attends the next scheduled session after reflecting on all the things Emma had said, somewhat agreeing with her. Sitting on the couch facing his therapist, he informs her that he will not be attending her sessions from now on. Emma smiles a knowing smile and asks him why.
"Because I'm going back." He simply says with a tiny shrug.
With a steely resolve in his eyes, he continues, "I am going back to the place where I belong, where my parent's rest, where all the people I call my family are. I am going to ask for their forgiveness for so cruelly discarding them from my life at their first mistake and try to understand their part of the story. I am going to meet Defne, ask for her forgiveness and forgive her in return. Thanks to you, I am going to stop running away and possibly, if Sinan agrees; start Passionis from the scratch. I am going back to Turkey,"