"I don't want to fake our relationship anymore, I- I like you, for real. I really like you. Can we start dating for real?" He looked in my eyes, his voice, his eyes, his expression, everything screamed that he wasn't lying. He was serious.
The water that filled my mouth previously came running out of it at a pace that the boy standing in front of me couldn't even step aside to escape that sudden spill of water which kind of dampened his black hoodie.
He wasn't standing in front of me to be exact. While I was sitting on top of the kitchen counter he stood beside me, but I was facing as he was speaking. Before I could turn my face in the opposite direction the water came out.
Groaning and taking a few tissues from the box kept behind him, he quickly cleaned himself muttering a few curses. Still in shock of what I just heard I wasn't able to understand what I just did, I was too caught off in the thoughts that I didn't even realise the water flowing down my lips until Taeyong leaned forward to clean it up.
The soft material of the tissue and his feathery touch made me flinch, snapping me back from my thoughts. I looked down to where he was wiping the water, the close proximity made my cheeks burn flaming hot red, my heart felt as if it was constricted in my rib cage and trying it's best to jump out any moment. I am pretty sure he knew I was blushing due the hotness in my cheeks which he held softly.
"You know you shouldn't joke when someone is eating or drinking something, i-it could be fatal...." I pushed him off and looked in the other direction. He can't be telling the truth, can he?
"Do you think what I said just now was a joke?" He scoffed as he now walked to stand in front of me, looking directly where he should not, my eyes. "I- I don-don't know... why would you want that?" I don't know if he knew that the gaze his eyes held now was my weakness or not but it was working now, he was intimidating whenever he looked at me like that, making me lose my senses let alone my voice.
"Look at me Y/N" he walked even closer to stand in between my legs as he firmly grabbed my shoulders. It doesn't matter how much my brain said not to look at him, my head moved on it's own facing him as if it was controlled by him.
"What I said just now I meant it, I really like you! I can't fake our relationship anymore, it pains me knowing that whatever we are doing, holding hands, going on dates, hanging out, saying I love yous is fake. I like you, I love you for real. I don't know when my feelings for you turned real, when waiting for your texts became a hobby of mine just like how all the 'I love you' became real. At first I was unbothered by you and Doyoung but now it ignites a fire in me whenever I see you and him. I hate the fact that I am not him, that you don't love me.... But can you give me a chance to love you, to be with you, to date you for real?"
The hand which held my right shoulder slowly moved upwards to caress my cheek, tracing small circles on my cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes were fixed with mine, I noticed how quickly that intimidating look in them turned into a much sincere and soft one full of love.
A thousand words were willing to slip out my lips but none did. Nodding my head in response to his questions, I held his hand which was on my cheek, tilting my head a bit in the same direction. A faint smile made his lips curve upwards as those big boba eyes lit up with content. Seeing him I smiled too.
"I love you y/n." He didn't break eye contact for even a split of a second, nor did he stop caressing my rosy pink coloured cheeks. Tucking a loose strand of hair, which might have freed itself from the bun, behind my ear his eyes started to flicker between my eyes and lips as if asking for permission.
He bit his lip leaning forward slowly, still unsure if he should do it or not, if it will make me uncomfortable, if he messed up right now. Even though he was unsure he couldn't stop himself, he was just an inch away from pouring all his love into me, telling me without words how much loved me, making me his and he did that.
Closing the gap between us his tender lips brushed lightly against mine as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of my lip, so gentle, as if I would break if held me a little more firmly. Trailing his lips to explore more of my lips he moved closer, opening his eyes slightly to examine my face for any hint of discomfort or hesitation without stopping his movements.
He couldn't find any of it apart from love, delight and contentment. Closing his eyes once again he now kissed me more passionately without any hesitation. Dragging his other hand painfully slow from my shoulder to my arm, made goosebumps appear on my skin, he stopped as he reached my hands which held the water bottle, resting in my lap. He carefully loosened my grip on the bottle as he took it from my fingers to settle it on the counter beside me. The same arm snaking around my waist as he pulled me even closer.
His lips never stopped moving in sync with mine, while he kept pulling me closer even though it was not possible at this moment, the hand which previously drew circles on my cheekbone now held my face in a perfect position for him to continue without any restrictions.
The reason he took the bottle out of my grip wasn't because he was afraid that I might spill the water again and ruin the perfect moment (maybe that was too 💀) instead it was to free my hands. One of my hands wrapped around his neck while the other held his bicep.
Our lips moved in perfect sync, the kiss was perfect, it held a lot of emotions which were unexpressed at a time. It was the perfect example of 'Actions speak louder than words'. Many unanswered questions were answered with this, the sweet, soft, warm, delicate yet a passionate kiss. It didn't seem like he wanted to break away neither did I. Both of us wanted time to stop and for this moment to last forever.
I broke the kiss in the need to catch the lost breath. It would have lasted forever if we didn't have to breathe, but that can't happen. Our eyes met again, the only difference was the lack of hesitation and distance between us, his lips still lightly brushed against mine as his breath fanned them. Moving his arm from my waist he held my face in both of his palms as his fingers traced my jawline.
Closing his eyes he pecked my lips once again before peppering my face with soft pecks. I let out a small giggle at his actions, feeling him smile too. Lastly he pecked my forehead before resting his on mine. "I love you."
I never knew how three simple words could make me feel as if I was on cloud nine, the happiest person on earth. Life is full of unexpected things. "I love you too."
That day I became sure that I have finally moved on from Doyoung. The sparks I felt in the kiss with Taeyong were way different from what I felt when Doyoung kissed me.
Yes, Doyoung kissed me last week, when he offered to treat me ice cream for no good reason, as he reasoned with...
"What's the occasion?" I questioned eating the last bite of my chocolate cone. "Do I need an occasion to hang out with you now?" He scoffed finishing his popsicle as well. "Nah, I was joking." I smacked his arm playfully as he groaned in pain, soon both of us bursting in fits of laughter.
It's around 9 in the evening, we are at the top of a small hill, a beautiful view of the glistening city below us. I don't think there was anyone else apart from us here as not many people knew about this spot which is hidden perfectly with big trees. It's our safe place which we found together 2 years ago just a few metres away from our neighborhood.
Both of us stood near the slightly rusted metal railing, taking in the cool autumn breeze. Looking at the busy city below I let out a sigh as I continued "I might be saying for the billionth time but the view here is so beautiful..." I didn't expected Doyoung to agree with me but he did or maybe not. "It is." He wasn't referring to the view below, he was looking at me as I can perfectly make out his eyes lingering on my face, which I decided to ignore.
Not long after his fingers brushed against mine, slowly wrapping them around mine. I looked down where our hands were intertwined then looked up to meet his eyes which were dreading a contact. He smiled, blinking his eyes a few times before speaking.
"I like you y/n. And I know you and Taeyong are not dating, it was not that difficult to figure out that you both are fake dating." My eyes widened at his statement as it left me speechless, I don't know what to say, how can he even figure it out?
He laughed seeing my reaction which I guess gave him 100% surety to his guess or doubt. "Don't ask me how I got to know, I would say it was quite obvious." Embarrassed, I looked down, avoiding his gaze. With his free hand he softly lifted my head as he placed it under my chin. "Can we start a relationship? I want us to start a relationship, I know you like me too, you do right?" He raised an eyebrow, a nervous look plastered on his face.
"What about Jihyun? You both are dating." Finally I said it. The reason I decided to move on from him was when I saw both of them kissing this February. Jihyun is one of my only friends in this college and I can never betray her. She took this semester off due to some problems in her family. Every once in a while when we used to talk, guilt overtook me thinking I'm already doing wrong to her because I still had feelings for Doyoung, but I can't help it!
"We haven't talked since months. The only reason I started dating was because of you." His hand was now on my cheek. "What?" Why would he date her because of me? This doesn't make sense, at least to me.
"I fell for you when I saw you for the first time, the shy girl who knocked at our door when we had just shifted to ask if we needed anything or the awkward and shy smile you always gave me whenever we made eye contact through the window of our rooms. And my first best friend in the neighbourhood and school which was new to me. I loved everything about you, everything. But it took me long enough to realise that love and when I did I was scared that what if you don't have the same feelings towards me and I might make everything awkward between us. I was a coward y/n. That's why I dated Jihyun to move on from you but no it didn't help either. I still love you." He confessed.
This is what I wanted since such a long time but why doesn't it feel right?
While I was still processing my thoughts, I didn't notice him leaning down as he pressed his cotton soft lips to mine. Moving slowly, very slowly. No matter how much I wanted to kiss him back something stopped me saying it wasn't right. Maybe due to this battle going on inside me, my eyes welled up with tears threatening to fall down, and they did fall down.
He broke the kiss as soon as he felt the saltiness instead of sweetness which he was supposed to feel in the kiss. Looking scared he wiped the tears off my face "What happened? Di-did I hurt you?" His eyes flickered. "This is not right, it's just not right, I wish you had said this a little earlier..... I am sorry, Doyoung."
Why can't nothing go as planned? Why can't I be happy? Why do I have to hurt him? Why!?
I fell down to the ground, crying my eyes out, as he kneeled down in front of me, engulfing me in his warm embrace, trying to calm me down constantly muttering 'it's okay, I understand' as he softly patted my back. But I noticed the tears that fell out from his eyes onto my sweater. I am sorry, Doyoung.
The next day he acted as if nothing happened the night before. Maybe he wanted to forget everything hence I didn't question him and tried to forget everything too, which I know I can never forget. I didn't tell Taeyong about anything. But I was sure I had finally moved on from Doyoung.
The same day I got a text from Jihyun, saying that she'll be returning to college from the next week, I knew after this it's better for both of them to be together, I shouldn't come in between them, she loved him right? I hope she did. He deserves to be loved, he deserves someone better which is definitely Jihyun, better than me in every aspect.
"But she isn't you y/n." Doyoung thought to himself every time you mentioned how much better Jihyun was from you. He thought this today after he got the same text from her.