Trigger warning: This chapter contains a sentence or two that potentially eludes to s-icide and mentions of trauma responses.
The spotlight cast by Claire's phone had startled Jim and sent him leaping over the rooftops, desperately trying to escape. How could he have been so stupid?
His one-track mindset was telling him to go home, hide in his room until he was human again. His room was a safe space. He could make it dark, quiet, peaceful. Cocoon himself in several blankets, wait out the transformation. So much for that charm Douxie had given him, although he did recall the wizard warning him it didn't always work and after all, it wasn't designed for human/troll hybrids. Also to add to that, he was just too emotional to calm down.
His other instinct was telling him to use his transformed state to his advantage and head to Trollmarket and convene with Blinky and AAARRRGGHH!!!
The only issue with that was first of all it'd be dragging them into his chaotic life and second of all, he'd probably get accused of being a changeling and killed or ousted from Trollmarket without a second thought. It sucked, but it was the reality someone in his situation had to face.
Thinking again, Jim realised that going home could put his mom in harm's way. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt her as well. As much as he yearned for the warmth of his bed, to feel the smooth sheets against the cold stone flesh on his body, to curl up into a tiny ball surrounded by fuzzy blankets; he knew he could never return home...not like this. I can dream of a comfortable night's sleep, Jim thought to himself, but I'll never be free of the screams that torment my nightmares forever and ever.
Now with nowhere left to go, the teenage troll simply walked to the edge of the last building on the lot and allowed himself to fall over the edge. The wind whipped past him as he rapidly fell. He didn't really want to perish this way, but it was like for a split second, a part of him simply stopped caring. However, his stronger troll body was equipped for this sort of thing and instead of sustaining any injuries, Jim merely smacked face first into the concrete with a loud thud. He lifted his head weakly. He felt no pain. He longed to feel something real. Alas, there was nothing but the foreboding sense of anxiety that hung over him like a dark storm cloud. He knew if he just calmed down he'd change back but right now he didn't even know if he could bring himself to do so. He'd been so distracted by his angsty temperament that he hadn't noticed the clouds roll in above.
Similar to the night before when he'd got back from the hospital, rain began to fall. It wasn't as hard and there was a distinct lack of thunder, but he at least had the relief of feeling the cool raindrops lightly patter against his skin. It felt refreshing. Then all of the pent up emotions from the day spilled out.
"WHY?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?! WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS?!" His cries echoed over the sound of the rain loudly, his tears hot.
He pulled in close to himself, sinking to his knees and curling into a tight ball. Sobbing into his slightly torn jeans. Jim had nothing left. He knew what he was doing over and over was pointless, he was surprised it had taken this long for the feelings to catch up with him. He knew he'd just have to watch them all die again so what was the point? He couldn't save them all, but the determination that burned within him, driving him to keep going, told him to do so or die trying. After all, things were different this time. Perhaps. He wanted to cling to the last morsel of hope whilst he still had it.
"I'm not sure what happened to you Jimbo...but you're not alone in it."
A familiar voice broke the silence that lingered. Jim raised his head slightly to the side and saw Toby crouched next to him, opening a Nougat Nummy. Looking up allowed him to catch sight of Claire waving awkwardly to him a few yards away.
"Get the fuck away from me." Jim grumbled, trying to sound threatening, but his melancholic mood was announced by a voice crack. He knew Toby could see through him like the clearest window.
"Hm, I would do that, but then how would I share this half of a Nougat Nummy with my best friend?" Toby asked sincerely.
Claire sauntered over and deposited herself on Jim's other side, shivering a bit from the cold, "You better make that thirds Mulder."
Jim was taken aback by this reaction. They should be scared stiff and running away, but they'd clearly cared enough to follow him here and he frankly was too exhausted to even bother with questioning why. He was glad they were here, even if he wished they'd keep their distance so he wouldn't harm them.
"Keep it at halves, you two share it. I can't eat normal food like this," He shrank into his jacket a bit, "Also...why the fuck aren't you questioning any of this? It's hardly normal!"
Toby froze midway through his bite, "Jimbo, I'll be honest, I have no idea what the heck all this is, but for some reason I'm not scared. I know it's still you and you're my friend no matter what you look like."
Toby's lack of fear nearly enraged Jim. But once again, he was too tired to get mad. Instead he broke down, throwing his arms around Toby and Claire, clinging to them tightly.
"Please...please...please don't go again...please just let me win just this once..." He choked through the crying.
"I'm not going anywhere Jim, as I've always kept telling you: we're in this adventure together, always have been, always will be. Nothing will ever make me leave you." Domzalski said quietly, but firmly.
"Me neither...I know we don't really know each other Jim, but I do care about you and I wouldn't dare dream of leaving you to go through this alone!" Claire added.
"See?" Toby pulled away from the hug to look the beast directly in the eyes, "You're not alone Jimbo, you've got us with you. Always will do."
Both watched as to their surprise, Jim shrank back to the muscled human they both knew. A close look at his face showed a boy who had witnessed terrors. A web of scars extended over his cheeks, criss-crossing like a series of veins. His irises were deeper than the ocean blue but held a sadness, a darkness. His whole body was battle hardened. This was Jim, their Jim, but a version who had experienced hardship after hardship. Immeasurable suffering.
"Y-You promise?" Jim's voice quivered.
"Promise." Toby and Claire agreed in unison.
"Guys...I don't even know where to begin-"
"You tell us about this when you're ready." Claire shushed him, bringing a finger to his lips.
Jim struggled to breathe. His pulse exploded through the roof at the mere thought of her touch. Toby on the other hand seemed to pick up on his best friend's cheeks looking a tad flushed and had a momentary scowl of envy.
"Right now Jimbo, you need a damn nap!" Toby laughed, trying to cover his jealousy.
Jim agreed. He couldn't possibly have agreed more.