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"Maybe. Just maybe."
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"I wonder how it feels to have your technique," Kotone told Miura, chugging her drink straight out of the bottle. "Mine's like... my blood is connected to the ones I'm manipulating. Image is really important, though. I have to know what I want to make before I create it."
"That sounds just like mine," Miura replied. "I envision what I want others to see and use my cursed energy to build that illusion around them. But whatever, it's still an illusion."
"That's so cool."
"Yume?"
"There's nothing special about me, unlike you, people," she replied, her eyes settling on me for a moment before she went back to smiling for the others.
Eh?
"I just imbue cursed energy to weapons, nothing remarkable."
"You're excellent in archery, don't put yourself down," Miura reassured, glancing at me to continue the conversation.
"As for my case..." I thought for a moment. "My cursed speech is almost the same as other users', but I can activate and deactivate it like there's an inner switch. Sorry, it's hard to explain!"
They chuckled. "It's fine. Sometimes there are parts in our techniques that we cannot explain."
"I have a question, though." Kotone turned her head to me. "I don't really understand the concept of your backfire. You rarely use cursed speech on us. That's related, right?"
Oh...this.
They didn't know, right?
"Well... If I attack curses, the backfire I get is low. If I attack humans, it's a guaranteed hit if they're not protected, but a hit or miss if they are– depending on the strength of their protection," I continued. "But there's an exception. If I command anyone I'm emotionally attached to or someone I believe is innocent, it causes ten times the pain."
Basically, every time I use modified cursed speech, an internal battle between me and myself happens.
"So the only thing that's holding you back is attachment?" Geto spoke up for the first time tonight.
I nodded. "Yeah, attachment and morals. There's great backfire if I command kids."
Suguru might've realized something as his brows knitted together in confusion. "What grade are you?"
"I'm a semi-grade one." Quite embarrassed revealing that myself, I averted my gaze from theirs and awkwardly cleared my throat. "I'll be under observation next month. I might come with Mei-san."
"You should be a special grade, senpai," Nanami quietly commented. I almost forgot he was with us, considering how he'd never talk unless asked.
Haibara, on the other hand, napped on one sofa without any care in the world. He just finished training with a senior who was famous for his brawling skills. No wonder the kid looked tired.
"No way," I exclaimed. "If I were to be a special grade, Miura senpai would be a super special since he's leagues above me."
"I can't affect anyone with closed eyes," Miura reminded. "If I meet an eyeless special grade curse, I'd die within seconds."
We all laughed at his frustrated sentiments.
"How about you, Satoru?"
"I'm lazy."
"Oi! Even just six eyes! Pleaaase," Yume pried as she sat down next to him with a half-empty bottle in her hand. Hm?
"Uh... well, six-eyes technique hurts my eyes when you're all in one room and I'm not wearing sunglasses," Gojo said nonchalantly.
I rolled my eyes. I was curious too, to know how it functions, but Satoru didn't put much detail or effort in his explanation.
"And most of the time, all I see when there are people is blue and waves."
"So you can't really tell our appearance and expressions that much?," Kotone added.
"I can but it's extremely tiring for my eyes so I opt to not focus on that." Satoru shrugged.
"Maybe that's why you can't tell when a person is annoyed already," Nanami claimed, looking away.
Pft.
"Oi, you disrespectful junior!"
──❍──
"You can't draw anything, for Pete's sake!," Shoko grumbled at Satoru who was trying to draw for charades.
"Have some brain! That's called abstract art, it's meant to trigger emotions." Satoru turned to you. "Wife, what does my artwork make you feel?"
"Irritation," you sighed.
One funny story piling after another.
Your jaws were already hurting because of Miura, Kotone and Shoko's silliness. Shoko seemed to get along quite well with your seniors, seeing how they were never idiotic like her two classmates. They're chaotic, though.
"Well, there's this one time I was queueing behind a Chinese man and he bought sooo many types of vegetable. And for each type, he took so many." Satoru scratched his head. "And I didn't remember how the eggplants ended up in my trolley."
"Ain't that great? I like them," Kotone commented.
"I dunno. That day I came home with 13 eggplants that I didn't even need," Satoru snickered. "Each of them has the size of an adult arm."
"Who knows, maybe you'll find a good use for them," Miura added. "Give 'em to me, I'm a good cook."
"That incident was last year. We ate eggplants everyday for two weeks," Suguru sighed.
"That was hell," Shoko added.
"Wow. New fear unlocked," Miura snickered while passing around a shot glass full of a harder liquor. You had no idea where and how he sneaked it in, but Miura was Miura. That guy had his ways.
"I wanna worry, but I realized I don't have enough money for that kind of anxiety." Kotone lazily slumped back. "That problem's for the rich. I would've been staring at the monitor hoping my groceries won't go past my allowance."
"Your allowance is the allowance of a clan heir, don't shit with me," Miura retorted.
"And my groceries are of the same amount." Your senior flipped her hair, sticking her tongue out playfully. She wrapped her arms around Shoko who was seated in between her legs. "Shoko-chan, you're shopping with me next time, right? I'mma spoil you lots and lots."
"You're drinking too much," Satoru noticed as he took the bottle from Suguru and downed the rest. "Are you stressed out or something?"
Suguru just smiled. "Nah. Just enjoying it."
"I have a question!," Kotone raised her hand, standing up from her seat and tripping in the process. "What do you do if you think you like someone, but you're not sure?"
Eh? So sudden.
"Do you like someone, senpai? Isn't it Nanami?," asked Shoko. Nanami just ducked under his own shirt, embarrassed with how the conversation suddenly directed to him.
"Nooo. I think I'm liking someone else!"
"Oh god. Here she is with another crush," you teased.
"Heh. I'm not here to be teased by the likes of you who can't even confess to the person she likes," she deadpanned.
You could feel your panic rising, feeling as if she had just seen through you. "I don't like anyone!"
"Yeah, and the sky isn't blue," Kotone sarcastically imitated your tone.
"Come to think of it. The sky isn't actually blue," Miura pondered, discussing the different rays of light and their wavelengths and how all you see was just an illusion made by the eyes.
That guy must've been an exhausted overachiever.
"Just confess, senpai. Maybe that person likes you too." Yume joined the conversation.
"Maybe kiss the person?," Miura suggested innocently.
Kotone raised a brow. "And what? Be met with a sexual harassment complaint? No, thank you."
"You're asking me! That's what I'd do!"
Kotone grumbled in annoyance. "You're never gonna get a girlfriend at that rate, Chiyo-chan."
"You don't know that, Kamo-san. Many girls like me. I'm quite popular in middle school."
"Popular guys back in my middle school look like drug addicts now, you know."
──❍──
"I didn't know he has fever. Why did he even drink? Is he asleep now?," you asked Satoru once he exited from Suguru's room.
"Knocked out."
"I guess that's good. He's got bags under his eyes. Is he even sleeping well?," you wondered, worried of Suguru's current state. He would often smile and tell you there was nothing to worry about whenever you'd ask, but you couldn't just ignore the subtle changes you observe day by day.
"I asked him. He said he's fine. Maybe it's the weather," Satoru answered. You bet he was really confident that Suguru would always be honest with him, so he wasn't worrying about it.
"I don't think I want to leave him be..."
"I can take care of him." Yume approached you and Satoru. She drank the least so it would be logical that she was also the least sleepy. "You can rest now."
Satoru quickly accepted the offer. "Thank you. Let's go, (F/n)-chan."
You gestured him to go on. "I'll follow in a bit."
Yume was about to enter Suguru's room when you called out to her. "Yume-chan. Are we okay?"
A faint smile painted her innocent face. "What do you mean?"
You took her hands in yours and tightly held them. "You just seem...distant. Are you sure you're doing fine?"
"We're both busy, that's why," she giggled and squeezed your hand back. "I will sleepover next time, okay?"
"Then, how about tomorrow?," you pushed even more. It had been so long since the two of you had a proper talk. "We've been spending less time together since we came here." You held her hand tightly so she wouldn't be able to run away just yet.
Am I just being paranoid?
"Oh. I don't know about that," she awkwardly shrugged. "I have a mission tomorrow afternoon, I might be too tired to accommodate you by then. You'd get bored if I fell asleep early."
You let out a heavy sigh, but hid it under the pretense of clearing a slight itch in your throat. You were way past that stage already. It did not make sense for her to care so much about falling asleep while hanging out.
It wasn't like before.
"Then please take good care of Suguru," you hesitantly said.
"Of course. Leave him to me." Yume let go of your hands and waved before closing the door.
Her hands were cold.
You seriously didn't know what was going on anymore. Whenever you would approach her, you'd find no difference in her personality. She was still the same Yume. However, it was a mystery why she'd stopped initiating things and would go as far as to reject your invitations.
Even her handmade gifts stopped coming to your door.
Have I done something?
Your mind wandered as you walked down the dark hallways. It felt uncanny. You knew Yume. She would be the one to ask if you were alright and would even nag you about it.
ㅤ
"Can we talk?" Satoru's serious tone pulled you out of your trance. You almost forgot he was waiting for you.
He stood just before his room, bringing to your notice just how tall he was. His eyes were somewhere else as he spoke, as if he could not look you at directly for some reason. He seemed hesitant, but also eager while his bright blue eyes appeared gloomier.
You mindlessly followed Satoru to his room, assuming he'd be asking about Suguru or Yume. But then, the soft clicking of a metal lock made your breath hitch. You turned to him in confusion. "Gojo-san...?"
"Can't you just call me Satoru?"
You looked at him, puzzled, wondering if that was what he called you for. "Are you drunk?"
That was a very nonsensical topic for such an inconvenient time. It was already past midnight, everyone except Yume must be asleep by now. And suddenly, Satoru was bringing this up? If he wasn't drunk, there'd be no explanation for this.
His lips morphed into a small pout as he gazed downwards like a kid who was just scolded after running away with candies. "I just don't like it. You call everyone by their names but not me. Why?"
"Eh? I don't call Nanami and Haibara by their names. Kurusawa senpai and Miura senpai, too," you defended, watching as the white-haired guy wilted even more. He began to pace back and forth. "Will you please sit down? I'm getting dizzy with–"
"Why are you bringing up those guys right now?" Satoru couldn't help but get pissed at the mention of your male seniors. He knew it was childish, he couldn't even understand why he'd snap over such a small thing.
"What's wrong with you? Don't raise your voice."
"What's wrong with me? You know exactly what I'm talking about!"
Somehow, he reminded you of Toge whenever the kid would have tantrums. Cute, but sometimes frustrating.
"No, I don't. You're the one who usually don't care about honorifics. You keep calling me with -chan even if I told you I don't like it. Why is it an issue now if I address you politely?" You shook your head helplessly, heading towards the door. "You know what? I'm going back to my room, you're not making any sense."
Maybe he didn't mean to be that dramatic. Maybe he was just really drunk.
"You're always unfair when it comes to me."
You stopped on your tracks and turned to Satoru, finding him looking back at you. "What are you saying?"
"Don't you even see me as a friend at least?"
A friend...? He doesn't feel like we are?
You felt a slight tug on your chest when you realized you had been ignoring Satoru's feelings just to save yours. Satoru was clueless about your struggles. He did not deserve to feel that way at least.
So you bit your lower lip, sighing deeply as you tried to compose yourself. "I'm sorry... Satoru."
The white-haired guy's eyes widened, a playful smile immediately forming in his lips. His face was filled with mirth the moment he heard his name coming out of your lips. To him, it was probably the best thing that happened for the day. Or maybe the entire week. All his previous complaints flew off his mind.
On the other hand, you wondered what could have made Satoru smile like that.
Is calling him by his name such a big deal for him?
"Should I stop calling you, (F/n)-chan, then?"
You frowned. "I've always told you to stop."
"See? You have favoritism. If it's Yume, it's fine. I don't know why you dislike me so much," Satoru blurted out.
Dislike him?
"I never said I dislike you."
Where did he even get that idea?, you wondered.
As if it could not be any better, Satoru's smile widened. "So you don't?"
"No. Where did you get that idea?"
Satoru did not answer, he just kept grinning, occupied by his thoughts. He wanted to go and tell Suguru about it so bad, but the other guy had already passed out drunk.
Your eyes wouldn't leave Satoru's delighted image. He rarely smiled like that. It looked pure, genuine. And the most times you'd seen it was when he was with Suguru.
"What do you do if you think you like someone but you're not sure?"
Kotone's question echoed in your mind repeatedly, and all you could see at the moment was how adorable the person was before you.
"If you're not sure about something, flip a coin," you absentmindedly mumbled, your eyes fondly staying on Satoru. "Do you know that quote?"
"First time I've heard, why?," Satoru asked as he finally settled down on the edge of his bed, patting the space beside him. "What does it say?"
"They say you'll know what you actually want while the coin is midair," you softly mumbled, bringing your feet closer to him. "But what if I still don't get my answer?"
The playful facade on Satoru's face disappeared as he reached for your waist. The gentle force prompted you to prop your knee on the soft mattress in between Satoru's thighs, your other leg hanging loosely by the bed.
Your hand instinctively held on to his shoulder for support. That was when you realized his breathing had gotten shallow. Satoru's eyes strayed down your lips for a split second. "Why don't you try?"
That looked like an empty question, but the way he looked at you chased away all restraints you had. "Should I?"
Satoru pressed his cheek against your arm, his lips grazing your skin until deep shivers ran down your spine. "You should."
You're such a pain, Gojo Satoru.
You drew yourself closer without meeting his eyes, trying to calm your shallow breaths. Time trickled like sand while you debated whether or not this would be the right thing to do.
Thinking how you'd just undo the situation after getting your answers, you dismissed the worries plaguing your mind and let your subconscious take over.
Soft slender fingers curled on Satoru's cheek as you made him match your face, revealing his soft questioning gaze. The glint of his blue eyes met your purple ones, both full of yearning and also uncertainty.
You just wanted to confirm one thing.
Just to confirm.
Nothing else...
ㅤ
So you kissed him.
ㅤ
It was overwhelming, the way your trembling lips made contact with his warm moistened ones. The faint sounds of your lips pressing against each other tickled your chest as you gripped onto his chest for dear life.
The night was cold, but the temperature inside the room heightened to the point you felt feverish, the way your skins touched felt scalding. Even the smallest move of his lips parting evoked something heavy on your stomach. You felt completely lightheaded.
All your senses intensified, your heartbeat filling your ears. The pressure was too much it felt like you were trapped in your own domain.
It felt drowning...
It was just a quick kiss, but it shook your being like nothing else.
You slowly pulled away, trying to steady your breath but instead of calming down, you were met with Satoru's flustered stare. His eyes were solely focused on yours.
Like the oceans staring back at the night skies.
"I..."
I like him.
You got your answer.
And now, Satoru sat before you with no possible explanation for the complete mayhem of thoughts in his mind. It felt like the infinite void he was practicing hit himself. "What the hell, (F/n)..."
What did I just do...?
You didn't know how to interpret his reaction. He didn't seem to like it, but he didn't look like he hated it either. And not having answers from Satoru made you regret your earlier actions.
Will he hate me for this?
"Forget about it," you whispered and left his room without looking back.