#2,228
What is Hope?
Such an intriguing, daunting and curious question, is it not?
I believe Hope is very much like our own tiny Moon. The most serene, beautiful, and precious thing to look at. When I do take a moment to get a satisfactorily good long gaze at its exquisiteness my belief becomes stronger.
Just as the Moon, ever-present in the sky, which is everybody's to have but nobody's to hold, Hope is also a sinister little endearing feeling, everybody's to have and yet nobody's to hold.
Hence, we say, have hope. To always have hope is a courageous blessing. And to never lose it is an ominous predilection.
~Aavya, on the night before Aman's surgery.
❋❋❋
In the wee hours of the morning, Ansh saw almost everyone succumbing to weariness. Being tired was an understatement for them. Ahana has basically sobbed herself to sleep. She had been strong enough but the steady slow stream of tears had made her eyes heavy and Ansh was much relieved that she was finally letting them rest. He was exhausted but he stood by the glass door watching his eldest one take slow breadths. Only a translucent medium separated them and yet he left miles away from him. A mother yearns for her child but a father's love is often not given much credit at times. Only if they all knew that behind those angry red eyes and the husky dominant voice there's this softest person ever to walk on the Earth. Only if they knew that to express is not an art all have and to love abundantly without any expectations is a craft mastered only by a few. Ansh would be placed under that category.
Now, as he saw his son he only wished if he had expressed himself much better. At least Aman would have loved him more, things wouldn't have been as bitter as they were. Of course, there was never a doubt of him not loving him. He loved him so much and not a day went by when he didn't miss him. It's a parent's duty to love all their kids equally and it would be his sin if he failed in doing so. Before falling in love with Ahana he hadn't imagined himself being a father but when he became one he always aimed to be the best one for his kids. Ahana always made him feel like he was doing a fantastic job as a father but after Aman went away on his own his conviction in himself was broken. But, recently they were doing good. Coming to better terms and accepting each other. Ansh could've never expected life to take this turn. He didn't want to win his son's love just because the situation was dire and desperate. He needed his love because they both deserved it.
It's natural to fight but it's also natural to love despite everything else. A lot of thinking, contemplating, and reflecting had been done over a course of mere 24 hours. All he wishes to do now was just have a heart-to-heart talk with his son.
" Mr. Raichand..." A low voice brought him back to the present.
" I'm Dr. Jeffs. I came here as soon as I landed. I've seen the reports and our very first priority remains the same - Aman needs to gain his consciousness. Until then we can't proceed. " He explained and Ansh nodded.
" We will observe him for another 4 - 5 hours..." But he was not able to finish himself as a beeping sound transpired through the glass doors. Both men looked at each other before the latter one dashed into the room.
After what wouldn't have been more than 30 minutes but felt like forever Dr. Jeffs stepped out. The mask over his face didn't divulge much but the creases on his forehead didn't tell a happy story and Ansh felt it in his bones that things were about to get rough.
" The air pressure dropped suddenly which resulted in a mild case of pneumothorax. His lung could have collapsed completely but we're grateful it didn't. But, it's only a temporary thing. His right lung is getting worst and the infection is spreading. We need to start the procedure before the other lung is infected. "
" Yes. I understand."
" We'll have to fly to London asap, i.e as soon as Aman gains consciousness. " He added further and all a father could do in times like this is nod.
" Have hope Mr. Raichand. " Dr. Jeffs gave a light pat on his shoulder before leaving.
" Papa... What happened?" Aavya, Ayan, Kyra, and Miher came in. Apparently, Aavya had seen the events unfold and with Miher already on her side, all she could call for was her brother. Ansh narrated and a soft sad gasp left Aavya's throat.
" Yes, papa. I'll see to it that the best arrangements are made for Aman." Saying so he left.
As much as Kyra looked devasted she held her ground. Aavya saw her father's pain and all her strength seemed to have drained out.
" I'll check on him for a while," Ansh stated not waiting for an answer and going into Aman's room. Kyra too felt numb and made her way to the lounge to check if her father was awake so as to inform him about the recent updates.
" Aavya, I think I'll have a word with..."
" Please, stay. For a few minutes." Aavya didn't let him complete and held his hand. And so he stayed.
✿✿✿
When Ansh walked into the ICU and saw myriad tubes running in and out of his son's body, it was as if history was repeating itself. Only this time it was much worst. Why did it have to be like that? What did he do to deserve this? First his wife and then his son.
He sat next to his bed and took his sweet time having a good look at Aman. His breathing was synchronous with some random machine beeps. There was so much to talk about and yet nothing to say. At that precise second all he wanted was for him to open his eyes. So, waiting, his exhausted eyes shut. It had been quite a few tiringly long draining hours.
" P-papa..." It was slow at first. But, the 2nd call was enough to jolt Ansh back from his slumber which wasn't at all deep.
" A-aman... Hey!!" And it was the first time he smiled in days. It had hardly been an hour since Ansh took his place beside his son. Aman's hand was held firmly by his father and though he felt like a little boy it was good. It was really good to see him. He felt protected.
Aman returned the smile but the medical apparatus made it difficult.
" Are you alright?" Aman managed a whisper. It felt like a blessing to be able to talk. It was painful but he wanted to. He was literally dying to talk to his father. Despite the low voice, Ansh could hear him clearly.
And he chuckled, " Given the current situation I'm not sure you should be the one asking that question."
" Exactly, why it needs to be answered." It was then that Ansh acknowledged that as much as Aman was so much like him, he was also so much like Ahana. He was definitely more like his mother and no one else. Given Ahana she'd always want to know whether the person opposite her is well even if she was in the worst possible predicament. And she'd always put her family first. And Aman was no less. Every time Ansh had branded him selfish he was only proving him wrong. He had just been putting his family first, all this time. Maybe not the first time he ran away but everyone's forgiven for their first mistakes and Aman had also proved that running away to chase your dreams might never be a mistake.
God, he couldn't be more proud of his son and it was getting really tough to not tear up in front of him.
" I'd be much better if you hadn't been thus," he replied giving in.
" I scared you, didn't I?" He asked after a pause. Ansh closed his eyes for a long second and tried hard to not let his son see his vulnerable side. He would be shattered and it would only break his heart because he had never wanted them to find out. And the reason was so clear.
Ansh sighed, " Of course, Yes. Yes, you scared me. All of us. What were you even thinking?" And a father was back. Not exactly yelling but clearly furious at his son's reckless behavior. As soon as Ansh said that tears rolled down Aman's eyes and he looked away. It was so hard. For both of them. Ansh pulled out his kerchief to wipe his face.
" I-I'm sorry, Papa. I really am." He apologized and he had given up the count. He'd do it a thousand more times if he had to, to be forgiven. By all of the people, he loved so much.
" Yes, I know. I know dear." He replied lightly squeezing his hand.
" I only wish I hadn't been such a disappointment. " He added after that. His languished breathing made everything difficult but the feelings got the message out.
" Oh," Ansh's heart sank. He had been many things of his son but disappointed wasn't one of them. Yes, he might've said it a couple of times but he never meant it. He could never be disappointed by him.
" Aman, I'm sorry I have been such an insufferable father. I didn't mean it when I said that. I was just so furious. You can never be a disappointment. A pain, yes for sure. An aggravating one but I've your mother for that and I think I'm quite accomplished to handle one more. So, I apologize for making you feel so. " Aman couldn't reply. His heart was full. He knew this time his papa meant it.
" It's your prerogative, birthright actually to make me feel all the emotions and I believe it my right as well to be upset with you when the times seem so. Do not think I'm just saying all this stuff because of our current circumstances."
" Is it not?"
" Well, might be because you've pulled such a stunt that it has nearly killed us all but also because you've made me proud many times than I'll concede and I love you. That's all you need to know. "
Aman's heart surged with emotions and his fragile fingers held onto his father's.
" Don't think you won't be punished for this. But, after you're well enough to serve your sentence. And Aman, I understand if you don't think much about me. At least give a thought about your Mumma. She's already put so much at stake for you." And it hit him. It was the truth. But, it was also precisely why he had kept it all a secret. It was such a terrible paradox of life. Keeping secrets to not hurt those we love only ends up hurting the most.
" Did you guys ---" He trailed off.
" Oh, we made up. Don't worry. I love her too much to let her go. " Aman smiled.
" C'mon now. I'll call her in. Don't make her gloomy. Also, we'll be flying to London." He nodded. Dr. Jeffs had already informed him about the procedure and he was prepared for it only this time he knew his family wasn't gonna leave him alone and for once he was grateful they were there.
His hope had been resurrected.
✿✿✿
" Hi!"
" Miher, Hi." Aavya sounded startled at first but one look at his ever-pleasing gentle face relaxed her. She was staring into oblivion through the large glass windows of the corridor when he caught her. The dusk was beautifully painted in hues of perfect pink, orange, and tangerine with a few patches of grey clouds hanging at the edge of every skyline as if it could rain any moment but Aavya was too embroiled in the conflict of her thoughts to look notice of this picturesque view drawn in front of her.
" How are you?" He asked. It wasn't a surprising question because they both knew what he meant.
" It's funny how that's the only question we've all been asking each other since, well, it feels forever now. " She gave him a rueful smile, " But, I'm much better than a few of us, I suppose." He nodded in response.
" Aavya, you know I'd have come. God knows how much I want to." He went straight to the point and as soon as she knew where the conversation was headed she wished she hadn't given him such a retort. They could've dallied a bit more. Pretending everything wasn't that bad. She missed their banter way too much these days.
" I know. I know, Miher. But, it's for the good. You should go back to Mumbai. You've much to do and so many people need you." Aavya's already fragile heart was crushing when she told him, actually pushing him away because they both knew if she told him to be with her he'd leave everything to be with her.
" You won't need me then? " He was bold enough to ask and Aavya's legs felt like jelly. A part of her didn't have the courage to answer. But she was a strong woman and Miher saw her thus every day. She would never need anyone. She was sufficiently adequate herself and he wished for her to need him but he was also blissfully aware that it was he who needed her more. and not the other way around.
" I've my family." She pressed her lips together into a curve. Well, that was true after all. Despite everything Raichands always stayed together and it was a blessing.
" When are you leaving?" The entire conversation was too painful for both of them.
" In the evening. We'll know for sure once Aman is stable enough to travel. He's better than yesterday." She informed and he nodded. It wasn't as if he wasn't aware. Just buying as much time as he could to look at her face, and remember every detail to perfection, not that he will ever be able to forget her but he needed it. To imprint, all her nooks, crannies, and corners in his head, to memorize them by heart so that when the time arises he could just close his eyes and bring her back. He had absolutely no idea that Aavya was doing exactly the same thing.
" Will you call me once you reach? Just lemme know how Aman's surgery goes. Will you do that?" It was a very earnest request and Aavya gulped down an invisible lump in her throat.
" I'll let Ayan know. He's a communication liaison for all of us. " As soon as she said that she noticed his grey eyes change their tint from being hopeful to lost forever. Whatever the remaining spark was left was gone and all she sensed was pain.
It was for the best she told herself. It was for the best, she repeated in her head.
" Okay! That works."
In the midst of all this, being in constant contact with Miher would only make things worst for her. She knew she'd long him and then it would force her to think about them and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to do that at this very moment. She didn't wish to think about the future with her brother fighting for his life. She didn't hope to think about anything else apart from his being well.
Miher understood that, she didn't have to say anything.
" Then, I'll take your leave..." She gave a soft nod as he continued, " Aavya, take care of yourself and have hope. Everything will go well." He gave her a small smile and tears pricked in her eyes. She didn't wish to cry and break down in front of him. She hadn't for a long time.
But in their hearts, this felt like a goodbye. No one was sure whether they'd meet again. And there was no strength in any of them to voice that question. It was better left to fate. Just like how they had bumped earlier, they might so again and it would all be different yet the same.
" Miher..." She called him just as he had turned his back to leave. In a swift moment, before he could anticipate anything, she went full speed for a hug. He was astonished but he gathered her tightly not wanting to let her go, inhaling every bit of her lingering overly familiar scent.
" Thank you for everything. " She whispered. She wouldn't want to part like that.
" No, thank you, Aavya. " Thank you for loving me for whatever little time you did. And thank you for letting me love you, he thought. He couldn't say it. He just couldn't. Because if he did he wasn't sure he could ever go back.
She didn't nudge him either and it was all locked in a moment, that moment which was theirs to hold and cherish.
She let go of him and looked at his face. Her cheeks were moist and so were his. She pulled herself two steps back and he got his cue to walk away. As he turned, Aavya closed her eyes. How much she wished to run and jump at him and just kiss him. To feel his soft lips on hers but she wasn't strong, not now. She had to let him go. It was for the best she convinced herself.
Maybe all was gone but hope was not. All our lives we're hell-bent on finding our purpose on this insignificantly minute planet in this gigantic universe where we are nothing but a mere speck of dust, but do we ever realize that it's only the hope for a better tomorrow that keeps our will to live alive?
The hesitant tears seamlessly rolled down her pale weary cheeks but all she saw amidst the darkness under a halo of white light were exuberant, ever-smiling, sparkling pensive dark grey eyes with a face to call Miher. He was her hope, he had been her hope ever since.
Damn it, Zee. He had been right after all. It's not always dark and black.
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Hey Guys!
Thank you for your incessant love, support, and patience on this more than a year-long journey.
There were times when I had almost given up writing about Aman and Rose and Aavya and Miher but your encouragement kept me going. ❤️
With just two more chapters to end this story, I'd like to share with you all that I had not at all imagined this story going where it went. I had not planned it out for 50 damn chapters!! Phew!
But, I'm glad how it all turned out. I can't believe I wrote them too. 😂 But, I'm so happy that y'all enjoyed the journey. It couldn't have been possible without you.
I adore all of you and I cherish reading each of the comments you leave behind. Makes my heart full. I'm sure all the characters are enjoying it as much as I am. 🥺😊
I'll share a few more thoughts in the finale.
Until then, Vote, Comment, and Share. Spread Love.
Announcing the final two chapters...
Chapter 49: Wildest Dreams
Chapter 50: Odds & Us
Luv... ♥
Vruksha.