[A/N: Hiiiiii this chapter was supposed to be twice as long, but I've kept you waiting for a while now so I'm publishing away the part I have ready. Missed meee? :")]
8 p.m. same Friday night, Yoongi leads the way through the sliding doors of the international departures at the Incheon Airport.
Jungkook is a little restless from sleepless nights on end this week but it doesn't bother him that much. His interesting way of coping with stress has kicked in since late afternoon. His body is doing the thing were it seizes all willpower when things get unbearably lot to process, and pulls the autopilot breaks instead.
Just survive. Go out there, be crazy, be wild. Do anything. Don't feel better, just feel alive.
The back of Jungkook's mind is loud and busy with doubts, fears, heartbreak and insecurity, but his actions are firm, steadfast. Operating in moments of crisis is all he has known to do. He had gotten better with not letting moments turn into crisis to begin with, so that he didn't have to deal with them like this later on. That progress happened while he was in therapy two years ago though. As today's show turns out, he forgot everything he learned.
He is back to pure instinct and impulsive decision-making.
They enter the airport building. Lights flicker all around, movement surrounds them. Jungkook's eyes first catch the huge billboard up front, a grounding block amidst the chaos. Writings and numbers slide left and right diligently, rearranging themselves to reflect latest flight updates, destinations.
There it is.
Flight: YJ 8257 | Destination: Florence | Dep. Time: 21:00
They are really doing this.
Butterflies flap in his stomach. A part of him wants to stop it from happening and give up the pursuit. Another knows comfort is the last thing he will find back home. He'll probably go crazy and cry and break things because his heart is hurting even when he is not particularly focusing on what happened earlier in the day. Yoongi, as vulnerable as he is at the moment, gives him more comfort than any part of Jungkook could. And Jungkook is hoping to do the same for his hyung throughout this journey. Finally be there for him, in true sense of the word.
They get in the check-in line.
Jungkook's phone rings on silent for the nth time that night. He stares at the caller's name. A huff leaves his lungs as he imagines the frustrating conversation he is bound to have either now with Jin if he chooses to pick up, or later at the office with his boss when he has resurfaced on earth after leaving no notice behind.
Fuck. It has got to be the first one.
But boy, isn't it just as chaotic as he thought the call would go. Jin is upset. This isn't one of his sassy and threatening cute tantrums. He is genuinely worried about Jungkook's wellbeing and his personal fate in the company, because what Jungkook is asking of him is not a simple favor.
"Tell them I'm bereaving!"
Even Yoongi who has been ignoring Jungkook's flurry on his phone, the train of sighs and neck craning accompanied by every back-to-back call left unanswered the past hour, turns around to look at him.
Jungkook blushes.
"You don't have to be here," Yoongi reminds him.
Hearing that aggravates him even more, because he doesn't want to seem like a burden on Yoongi's back. He wants to be his support, the voice and body that will keep him from doing insane things... like killing Hoseok.
"It's okay, I got this," he pats Yoongi on the arm and uses the excuse of advancing in line to turn the man the other way. He curls into his chest to resume his conversation with Jin rather privately, which he doubts will happen because now he is facing the little kid behind them who is staring up at Jungkook with curious eyes.
"Jin hyung. Please. I'll be back by Thursday," Jungkook tries not to make eye contact.
Jin lets him know that bereavement leaves are allowed for two weekdays, and even then Jungkook would have to personally submit the request. He can't just ghost.
And Jungkook knows that. He has enforced it on other employees, he knows. It's just honestly suffocating to think at this moment. He wishes Jin took a hint and figured something. He wishes he had a choice of not being a fucking adult every second of his adult life. He needs to be able to get himself out sometimes without having to think of what will crash and burn in the background if he isn't taking any precautions.
In the end, he agrees to be back by Wednesday.
Even he doesn't believe it when he says it. He knows Jin doesn't believe it too, and this time he doesn't trust the man to cover for him if he fails. Something about the tone of his voice and the certainty of his pronunciation — Jin never speaks like that. Not with him. Jungkook will just have to find a way, or he will have to watch his life fall apart back in Korea while he chases after criminals in goddamn Italy.
The color's drawn off his face and his energy is depleted by the time they finish their business at the counter. Tickets in hand, they head to the gate where will have to wait perhaps another twenty minutes before boarding and take two empty seats in the corner of the booth.
"I'm supposed to be the nervous one."
Jungkook glances up from his ticket, finding Yoongi wearing a profound expression harboring a little bit of fondness but mainly worry.
"Sorry," Jungkook smiles sheepishly at him. He is unable to keep eye contact for long, teeth finding lips to bite on — a nervous habit he has since childhood, to further prove Yoongi's point. "I'll try to rain in it."
Yoongi hits him on the back of his neck as if saying, that's not what I mean. The affectionate move has Jungkook chuckling. "Did you eat anything before leaving?"
Jungkook shakes his head, again, apologetically. He had gone back home in a furry and barely squeezed a shower before quickly packing for the trip. Yoongi picked him up and they drove to the airport together.
The producer sighs at Jungkook's irresponsibility, choosing to not address it out loud and typing on his phone. He says something else though, which sends a jolt to Jungkook's heart.
"Did you talk to Jimin later today?"
Jungkook swallows, heavy feelings from the afternoon returning. The image of Jimin looking desperately after him flashes in front of his eyes and an overwhelming urge to cry hits him. He traps his breath on his throat.
"No," he croaks out and briefly meets Yoongi's glance. The man has stopped typing, an unreadable expression on his face.
Yoongi blinks, slow, a couple times. "No?"
"Yeah. No. I mean I didn't. Why would I talk to him? I told you we ended things."
"Oh. You did?"
"Hyung," Jungkook sits up, tense. His anxiety is louder now thanks to Yoongi's awkwardness around the topic. He didn't exactly tell the producer about his decision to basically move on from Jimin, but he hinted at it when Yoongi asked him why he looked shitty back at his penthouse.
"You said you fought. That's different. Were you even together?"
Jungkook opens his mouth, then closes.
They weren't. It's as simple as that. Then why can't he say it?
Things that didn't start cannot end, but it hurts like they started and ended, and that's all Jungkook's fault. He dreamt too recklessly, he went ahead of himself again. He opened Pandora's box, knowing he was playing with deadly truths and he failed to protect himself.
After everything he went through. After crossing oceans and traveling to the other side of the world, after endless heartache and healing, he did it to himself again.
"We were not meant to be," is the best answer he comes up with. Unfortunately, as soon as the words leave him, tears start blurring his vision.
The tiger lily tattoo in his arm burns.
I grew a flower that couldn't be bloomed in a dream that didn't come true.
He regrets everything
"Oh shit," Yoongi says, and shortly after, arms wrap around him just like Jungkook had done back at the penthouse to Yoongi. It's incredible how in synch their lives and reactions can be sometimes. Yoongi cuts the hug short, peeling Jungkook off of himself only to grab his shoulders. "Shit, Jungkook. I'm–" he puffs his cheeks, as if this were a... pep talk?
Jungkook realizes then that people are staring at them indiscreetly.
Oh hell.
"N-no I'm sorry for going all soft on you," he says in embarrassment, already wiping his tears away. He absolutely did not mean to offload like this onto Yoongi who is dealing with his own shit, which they are actually supposed to be focusing on.
"No problem at all, look–" Yoongi scrambles, so red on the face that Jungkook worries about him bursting into a tomato. "Give it time. Some things just work themselves out. Okay?"
Jungkook finds himself smiling. Yoongi is being so sweet, although his comforting actions come across as abrupt and pushy, just a little bit. It's okay. He isn't the best with expressing his emotions and Jungkook can relate.
"Yeah. Thanks hyung."
The corner of Yoongi's lip cracks awkwardly, close enough to a smile. He lets go of Jungkook and they fall back into the their seats. Just a few seconds pass before Yoongi is stirring next to Jungkook though.
Jungkook meets his eyes for a brief second before Yoongi finds interest in the ceiling.
Yoongi clears his throat.
Jungkook forrows his brows. Glances again. Catches Yoongi staring again, for a split second, before Yoongi buckles up like he has a tiny needle up his ass. Not enough to make him jump but it's there.
Something... doesn't feel right.
Jungkook pretends like he doesn't notice Yoongi glancing around, at him and then everywhere else, then back at him. Pretends like he can't see the whiteness of his knuckles from squeezing that phone in his hands. Pretends like he isn't interested when Yoongi hunches over his bag and starts investigating what should be the tiniest little item because he is about to lose his neck at the rate he keeps dunking his head in it.
What the hell is Yoongi doing?!
More people are staring than when Jungkook was crying.
He guesses he agrees that a man trying to fit himself into a bag is a thousand times more interesting than a man crying at an airport. But then he feels a shadow over his shoulder, and he nearly has a heart attack in the act of startling.
A backpack hanging over his shoulder, jeans coat and comfortable black sweatpants, Jimin is standing in front of him. He is breathing heavy, his hair messy and the look in his eyes distraught but most of all, guilty.
The shock effect wears enough for Jungkook to find his voice.
"What are you doing here?" are the first stale words that leave him, much anger weaved into his tone. He feels stuck to his chair, shaking with anxiety and fear of something he can't outsource as Jimin falls short of an answer. How did he find him–
Hold on.
Jungkook whips around. Yoongi is biting his nails. The bag is abandoned on his lap.
He did not.
"Hyung what is he doing here?" accusation rains out of him, without hesitations. He should probably be watching his tone given that Yoongi is the type of person who minds speech etiquette unless he is in a really good mood, and out of common sense of respect which doesn't lack on Jungkook's part, if not overflows towards his hyung.
"I pestered him until he told me what you were up to," Jimin jumps in an attempt to spare Yoongi of his sins. He hesitates for a second when Jungkook's sniper gaze lands on him again. This is not going to go well either way, he knows. He should know. He should have known. Jungkook is holding back so hard that he feels all his muscles squeezing against each other to keep him from lashing out. "You wouldn't answers my calls. At some point your phone was dead. I-I was worried–"
"Are you–" Jungkook raises to his feet, jumpscaring Jimin. He breathes and tries to calm down before he makes a scene in front of the airport audience. "You didn't consider that I could purposefully be avoiding you?"
Jimin's lips shut closed, then purse. The kicked puppy look takes over his features, and hurt shines through the faded brown of his eyes.
Jungkook's heart pounds — he does not want to see him. He can't. Not when he has so much heartbreak to sort through of his own. He is not going to forget the lies and games and take care of the person who put them in the spot they have be in right now. No matter how desperately his heart wants to reach out and bury Jimin into a bear hug and rock him until his tears melt into that angelic eye smile of his that Jungkook has memorized by now, he can't.
"I did," Jimin replies. "I considered."
"Then??" Jungkook talks like he is talking to an idiot. He feels like an asshole but his anger is bigger than his heart right now. He is hanging by a loose thread. He isn't even sure how his legs are holding him up.
"I am not letting to you slip away again," Jimin's pupils grow as he stares into Jungkook's soul, sending goosebumps through the younger's skin and raising his toes. He is breathing heavy like he is going to cry, but also unbreakably determined, strong and... brave.
"W-what?" it's not a question actually, but a reaction. His subconscious refusal to be someone's fucked up rebound chance to find love.
"I'm sorry about everything," Jimin licks his lips daringly, his eyes so intense they pin Jungkook to the air. "I really am. Jungkook, hurting you is the last thing I ever meant to do."
"Then leave me alone," Jungkook sounds and is tired, so tired of hurting.
Jimin's eyes wobble with tears and Jungkook turns away to not let it get to him. He can't care. He can't care. He can't care.
He is met with Yoongi's worried stare, the man watching everything from his seat all this time. He opens his mouth to say something but Jungkook obviously cuts him off by hanging his head low until he has collected himself to tell Jimin to leave one last time. Firmer this time. Harsher, maybe. With a more asshole-ish tone.
But Jimin interrupts his internal monologue.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. The ticket was too expensive to burn." When Jungkook's eyes shoot up at him, Jimin swallows. "You'll have to bear with me."
Jungkook can't be thinking what he is thinking Jimin is saying.
"Let's just calm down," Yoongi says, walking up to Jimin and grabbing the paper bag in his hand that Jungkook is noticing for the first time. "Did you get ones with cheese?"
"Yes, hyungnim," Jimin hurries to say, uncharacteristically shy.
What? They–
"Okay. We can talk some more after we fill our stomachs," Yoongi pushes the bag against Jungkook's stomach, sending him a stare too short of confidence in a moment too brief to be real before going back to his seat. He opens the bag sloppily, making too many mistakes, ripping it off in too many places. It reveals sandwiches. "You like this kind. Sit," he signs Jungkook. Doesn't stare for too long. "Eat."
Yeah, that's not happening. None of this is happening.
Jungkook fixes Jimin an angry stare.
"You need to stop playing this stupid game, right now," he says. "It's not making anything better," he breathes shakily, feeling his eyes tear again. His instincts are pushing for an escape from here, from Jimin, from the stupid things he has to say and do, but he can't leave Yoongi alone. He has vowed to that one thing amidst the chaos.
But Jimin stands as solid as a rock, bearing the staredown, choosing silence. The cloudless sky of his sparkling eyes do the talking for him — for the first time in their history, so loud and clear Jungkook is able to hear him effortlessly.
Be mean to me, hurt me the same way I hurt you.
He is punishing himself. He is making Jungkook do it for him.
Take your turn, so then it'll be mine again.
And too quickly, jumping into conclusions. He'd fuck up again, without a doubt. He is a mess. He has no idea what is doing. He needs help, yet he is here, turning down a bright chance to start anew and be okay like Jungkook is trying to do.
Why does he need Jungkook so bad? Why does he need him for?
Jimin averts his gaze finally, leaving the most important questions unanswered like he always does. He joins the boarding line now extending through the waiting area. This is happening. Jungkook still can't believe it.
A squeeze on his shoulder reminds Jungkook of Yoongi's existence.
"Here's a hyung advice," the producer stops by him, passing him a glance through the corner of his eyes. "If you're gonna crash," a small smile appears at the corner of his lips, which Jungkook internally mirrors because he knows the precise ending to that sentence by heart, "you might as well accelerate harder."
Yoongi squeezes Jungkook's shoulder lighter this time, pats it and smooths the fabric of his jacket, then heads to the end of the line, covertly giving Jungkook space to follow him whenever he is ready to join.
Jungkook watches Yoongi's back, the dance of his shoulders and the sturdiness of his steps. In Jungkook's eyes, he is a warrior. Always have been. Yoongi is someone who is fearless of chasing the unknown, even if it means losing everything he has known, rebuilding everything he has owned, submitting to uncomfortable truths.
That's because the world has never been a home to him. Countless times Yoongi tried to leave, but he stayed only because he stopped dreaming. He embraced uncertainty and the dark side of life, and that's when he found peace.
It was on his airplane ride to America five years ago when Jungkook first listened to a song from Yoongi and heard that line. Five years later, the same song plays in his earbuds, except the artist himself is sitting next to him in flesh. As outlandish as it sounds, Jungkook is now witnessing the story behind the next song he knows will go down on history at the end of this unpredictable journey.
Life has a funny way of working itself out.
Okay.
He will concede.
I will accelerate.