We've been doing all this late night talking
About anything you want until the morning
Late Night Talking || Harry Styles
*************
"Do you think they feed him?" I spoke softly, head in Harry's lap as we sat on my bed, his fingers delicately lacing through my hair.
"Well, I'm sure they have to," His voice was hesitant.
"Twice a day?"
"Definitely not."
We got home from the games an hour ago, nearly two in the morning, and for the last hour I have been asking Harry any and every question that comes to mind about Elias. If anyone understands this shit we're involved in, it's him. I trust him to be honest with me even if I have my doubts right now.
"Do you think they beat him everyday?"
"No. Probably only when it's convenient, or when they're bored," An honest answer.
I'm not sure it makes me feel better or worse, knowing most days he's alone in a dark basement but i guess i rather that then him being tortured every day.
"What if he's like- like seriously fucked up when he comes back? What if he has brain damage or something?"
"Then we take care of him."
"He wouldn't want to live like that," I shook my head against his lap with a huff.
"Well, in that case, we would put him down; Old Yeller style."
I whipped my head to face Harry, glaring at him from my spot with narrowed eyes as he held back a struggling laugh, working to disguise it as a cough, "That's not funny."
"C'mon baby blue, it was kinda funny," He smirked, pausing to rub his thumb against my temple for a moment, "No matter what, we'll make sure he's taken care of. I'm sure he'll be okay. You think too much, my girl." Harry leaned down, pressing a quick soft kiss to my forehead. "Now, no more sad questions."
"Do you think he hates me?" I ask, voice colored with sorrow.
"No, blue. Not one bit; I don't think he could ever hate you." Another honest answer.
We stayed in silence for a moment, the first second of quiet we've had since stepping through my front door. I don't want it to be quiet though. The silence is far too loud for me to submit to it willingly.
"Do you think-"
"Nope." He places his hand lightly over my mouth, halting my question, "No more sad questions, remember?"
I look up through batted lashes, struggling to keep my eyes open to stay awake, "How do you know it was sad?" I poise innocently.
His shoulders slump with a soft upturn of his lips, "C'mon, you can't lie to me."
"Fine, it was a sad question."
"Mm, just like I thought."
Can he blame me? I don't think so. I think it's justified to be curious of the horrors unfolding behind closed doors, horrors from the fate of my hands. I think maybe, just maybe, my brain would've been still for once had today not gone the way it did. From the start with Harry to the theatrics of the evening; I lost the race before I even started.
But as Jax said, the night isn't all bad. With the duffles of cash that came from Steele for Mac and I, plus the generous 80,000 dollar hand out at the games; we've ended the night with 405,000 dollars more than what we started with.
Which puts us at a total of: 920,000.
At this rate, with 32 days left, we're right on track to just barely get the money in time.
I huffed quietly, rolling over to lay on my back, still in Harry's lap with my eyes now facing him.
"One more question?" I ask.
"Is it sad?" Harry's brow cocked inquisitively.
"I don't know; you tell me."
With a wordless reply, he nodded his head, taking in a small breath as he resumed his toying with my chocolate brown hair sprawled in front of him.
"What happened, Harry?" I could see the stun on his soul, not anticipating that question from me.
I did say I wouldn't forget, didn't I?
Ideally I wouldn't want to have this conversation at three in the morning, but I know Harry's mind won't find ease any quicker the longer this drags on. I deserve answers as well. If things keep going the way they are, I'm just as deserving of ease as he is.
"I- It's not, we- we don't need to talk about it-" He mumbled out, body going rigid.
"No, I want to talk about it. Tell me what's scaring you Harry. Tell me what changed, I want to know," I propped myself up, turning to face him sitting straight up on the bed. His hands fall to his lap defeated at this withdrawal of my proximity.
"Would you- are you going to leave once you get the money? Are you just using me or-or leading me on?"
Harry's hesitant voice split my heart in two. He sounded scared, small, as if I were one of the homes he was going to be taken from. I moved closer on the bed, trying to close as much space between us while still making sure we were face to face.
"Oh Harry, you know me." I tried to say more but I was cut off.
"Do I? Do I know you?"
My mind cycles through all of our interactions, working to decipher what he does and doesn't know about me, what I'm comfortable sharing, the things I would rather take to my grave. As much as I feel like i've been open with him, as open as I can be, maybe it's not enough. I don't think he's asking for the deepest parts of me, but i'll give him whatever I can to show him I'm true.
"When I was little I used to be obsessed with snowflakes, like ridiculous; I wanted to be a hydrologist. I think that would've been a safer job than this one but would it have been as fun? Probably not." I start off easy, slowly breaking down my walls to let him in. "I've never had any pets but if I did have one I think I would want a cat, or maybe a bunny. My first plant was my N'Joy Pothos, but do you know what my favorite type of flower is?"
I could see a small smile curl on the corner of his lips as he gave me a light shake of his head back and forth.
"Peonies," I smile back, "They were my grandma's favorite too. Every year, I make sure to get a bouquet of them on the anniversary of her death. Baby pink and white ones to be exact, her favorite and now mine. "
I trailed off, peering up at the ceiling to try and come up with something more interesting about myself.
"Oh, sometimes I like to look at myself and try to guess which features I got from my parents. I wonder if they're still together, or if I have other siblings I don't know about. That sounds a lot weirder when I say it out loud," I mumble through a laugh, avoiding eye contact with Harry.
"You've never talked about your parents before," Harry's words came out cautiously, I couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement. "What happened to them?"
I don't talk about my parents, mostly because there's nothing to talk about. As far as 'parents' go, my grandma and Elias were everything they weren't. It's an odd thing to not fully know where you came from. I could have some genetic illness or a predisposition to heart disease I have no idea about.
"I don't know honestly, I've never met them." I shrug my shoulders with a sign, "They signed over custody to my grandma when I was born and she didn't want me to be around them. I have no idea who they are, where they are, or what they look like. After my grandma passed, Elias' parents gained custody. I'm sure if his dad wasn't the way he was, I would've tried to find them by now; but I'll never speak to him again and I have no other family I know of so I have no options left."
Harry's face morphed with sadness, eye's weary as he stared back at me, momentarily speechless.
"And you're okay with that?" He mumbled quietly.
"With what?"
"Having no options?"
I've thought about it a lot, if I could change the events in my life. I know i wouldnt change my past but would I use something from my past to change my future? After years and years of thinking; no, I don't think I would.
"I am," I nodded with a comforting smile, not sure if it was for me or him. "I like my life, I like who I am and who I've become. There's nothing they could give me that would benefit my life at this point."
"I like that answer, baby blue." Harry's face turned to warmth, no longer holding that sad expression he assumed I deserved. "You haven't seen your uncle since you left? Not even Elias?"
My body recoiled at his question, shuttering at the detached image of the innocent little girl I used to be in my mind. She's separate from me; there's a before and an after. Two completely different beings living in miserable harmony within my body.
She was small, innocent, unknowing. She dreamed of a life with aspirations and goals, a world where harm didn't exist. She was pure, but I was ruined. I look at her like she belongs to someone else because there's no way that innocence lived inside of this same body.
I am burdened, tainted, scorned. I lost my dreams of wandering and glimmering the day his hands met me.
"No, he hasn't; not that I know of," I shook my head, avoiding eye contact in shame. "Neither of us have seen him since the day Elias caught him. Part of me hopes he's dead already but most of me hopes he isn't, so one day I can hurt him the way he hurt me."
I didn't have to elaborate any further, I could see the burn in Harry's expression as I spoke. The imagination is not too far from the reality i experienced in that house, i don't have to paint a picture more vivid than the one he can create in his mind.
I want the spotlight off me, the heat rising too high from the intense light being shined on my past.
"What about your dad? Do you know where he's at?" I asked softly, tilting my head to the side.
"Same as you; I have no idea. I'll be honest, I don't even think my mom fucking knew," Harry's dimples were intended deep as he spoke with a quiet laugh. "My mom was on the wild side, she settled down once she had me. She got sick before we came, cancer or some shit; I don't remember. She tried hard to set me up with the best life but look how that turned out, huh?"
My heart broke hearing Harry repeat the same information he's told me before. I'm sure he has limited memories, no connection to his life prior to coming here and certainly no stability since he arrived. There's only so much to say about someone when you can hardly remember them to begin with.
"What was she like?" I leaned down, resting my hand back in Harry's lap to stare up at him while he talks through a wide smile.
"She was the best; funny, caring, stubborn, kind. I don't remember much but everything I do remember is good. She had a really thick accent but she couldn't stand it when people pointed it out here. I think that's why I lost so much of mine; growing up here so young and trying to erase it to fit in. I wish I had a better memory of her but I know she tried her best; that's all I could ever ask for."
Harry's face lit up as he spoke, a movie replaying behind his eyes as he recounted on his past with a warm, kinder heart.
"She sounds lovely," I reached up, pushing a stray curl back from his face.
"She was," He nodded into my palm, "She would have loved you, blue."
"Really? She would have?" My heart bursts at the possibility of love from a woman I have never and unfortunately will never meet.
"Fuck, she would have adored you. She would've made you her own. Probably would have force fed you her 'famous' chocolate chip cookies any chance she could. And I know, shopping really isn't your favorite; but she would've dragged you by your hair to go shopping with her if it meant she could've spent time alone with you. That's just the kind of person she was." His voice dwindled out as the conversation went on, "I wish you could have met her."
I wanted to say "Me too" or "More than anything" but I couldn't find the words. All I could feel was the simultaneous breaking and healing of my heart at the same time. Daydreaming of a woman I'll never meet but would have killed to have the pleasure of her love.
I could see the fear melting on Harry's being as he talked; my efforts to comfort him not being wasted in the slightest. All he needed was reassurance, that's all everyone needs sometimes is comfort.
The conversation needed a shift, a movement towards something more upbeat. I could feel the tiredness sinking in and the last thing I want to do is go to bed with a heavy heart.
"When I was little, Elias taught me how to ride a bike." Harry looked down at me, hair falling stray into his face with a grin, "So one day, we went biking on this trail and it was right beside a river. It wasn't just a little river, it was massive and loud and it moved fast." I thought back on the day, biting back laughter to get to the punchline, "Well, I ended up falling and I mean, I fell hard. The kind of fall that was so comical all Elias could do was laugh. He tried to come over and comfort me, help me up, and kept telling me not to cry. And i didn't, I didn't shed a single tear. Instead; i got up, picked my bike up using all my shitty kid strength and i threw it straight into the fucking river."
Harry was holding back his laughter, trying to suppress it so as to not interrupt my story but to be fair, I'm laughing through every word that my story may not even be understandable to him.
"I will never forget the shock on Eli's face as we watched the bike get carried down the river. We weren't able to get the bike back so Elias made me walk home beside him as he rode his bike. I don't think he said a word to me the whole time, but the moment we got home; he went to his room and I could hear him laughing so hard I thought he was going to stop breathing. I guess he had to hold it in till we got home because he didn't want to re-enforce me being a little shit. Which, spoiler; it didn't work."
Harry and I sat in a pool of hushed laughter, trying not to be too loud out of respect for Mac asleep in the next room. I could feel tears brimming my eyes from the muffled giggles and struggling gasps for air. Harry's eyes were pinched closed, head tilted back to the ceiling as he held his chest laughing.
The story isn't too funny; but when you ride a low for so long, the tiniest ounce of a high sends you soaring. After the weight of our confessions moments ago, the only thing that could sooth us was a tug of lightheartedness.
Our laughter died out, almost too soon, a feeling with him I never wanted to end. We sat in silence, his fingers raking through my hair as we both stared off into space. I could fall asleep right here, right now, in a moment's notice but the thought of not having Harry in my presence is enough to keep me fighting the slumber.
"Baby blue?" Harry whispered so quietly, I almost missed it. "I'm really sorry for how I treated you earlier, you didn't deserve that from me. I got in my head and I let my thoughts get to me before I even gave you a chance to explain yourself."
I watched his face as he explained, reading his expression; there was something more to it that he wasn't telling me. A bigger piece to the puzzle he's keeping to himself but i'm just not sure if its to spare me or him.
"What made you think that about me, Harry? Have I given you reason to doubt me?" I pushed for the deeper answer I was so desperately looking for.
"No, I talk- mm...No, no; you didn't." He cut off his words to redirect the conversation, "I got scared, I let my thoughts get the better of me when I should've just talked to you first. I see that now and I'm sorry." He looked down with soft eyes, lips a tight line of regret. "Do you forgive me?"
I know there's more, I can feel it; but I can tell Harry won't budge on this and maybe it's for the best. I'm not angry with him, i understand; i would be scared too, fuck, i am scared.
I'm content as long as I've put his heart at peace to some degree tonight, however; I also don't mind seeing him squirm for a little bit.
"Mmm, I don't think you deserve to be forgiven." I huffed playfully, turning my cheek to him.
He sucked in a sharp, exaggerated gasp, gently grasping my jaw to turn my face back towards him. He wore a cheeky grin, eyes gleaming green under the light, illuminating his sharp features in the softest tone.
"You don't forgive me?"
I shook my head in his lap, "I don't think you're sorry."
"Baby," He drew his words out in a low tone, "You don't think I'm sorry? Do I need to show you how sorry I am? Would that prove it to you, hm?"
My breath was robbed, heart stopping at his laced suggestion. I swallowed harshly, staring back at him as he leaned over me, lowering his face to mine.
"And how would you do that?"
"Like this," He lowered his lips to mine, planting a slow soft kiss before pulling away.
He lifted my head from his lap, holding it for stability as he slipped out from underneath me, not releasing his grip till he could safely guide my head to the comforter underneath us. I laid still, watching his every movement as he climbed over me, straddling his legs on either side of me, dipping down till his face was less than an inch from mine.
Our eyes moved back and forth between each other, I could feel my head pounding from the lack of oxygen I was taking in but there was nothing I could do; I was frozen beneath him.
"I'll write it all over your body, blue. I'll cover you in my apologies if it means I'll have your forgiveness, baby. Tell me; say the word and I'm yours." His voice was rushed, panting over me as if these were the last breaths he'd ever take.
Suddenly, all the sleep that was riddled in my veins has vanished. Harry felt like a shot of espresso, a rush of caffeine coursing through me after days of longing for slumber.
He was my poison and my antidote, I will gladly drink in his toxin if it means he'll deliver me his cure.
I nodded quickly, "Show me, tell me you're sorry; make me believe you."
With that, his lips are on my neck at a delicate pace. Licking, lapping, sucking at the fragile skin until I couldn't sit still beneath him. He trailed down, peppering pecks along my skin to my collarbone until he ran out of exposed skin to tease.
His hands slip under the hem of my shirt, pulling it up to my neck in one fluid motion, only disconnecting his mouth with me for less than a second. Just enough time to duck his head, latching himself to the soft skin of my breast.
His tongue flicked in undeniable letters, spelling out his apologies along my skin just as he promised, He wrote the wrong down, tailing down my abdomen as he alternated with letters, sucks, soft bites. His hair was wild in his eyes and the sight of him alone made my blood run hot. My back arched off the bed, eyes pinching shut as I drowned out everything except for the feeling of his warm, wet lips on my feverish skin.
I sucked in a sharp breath as he reached my lower stomach, tongue dragging tauntingly against the skin of my hips. His mouth stayed on me as his fingers worked to undo the button of my pants, taking my underwear with him as he slowly slipped them down my thighs and off of my legs to drop them to the floor beside the bed.
Keeping my eyes closed, I could feel the shift in weight on the mattress; now on his feet at the edge of the bed in front of me. I peeked open, looking at him as he marveled in my body illuminated by the light above. His large palms gripped each side of my waist, guiding my body towards the edge.
I motioned to sit up, leaning my body on my elbows but Harry pushed me back down softly, lowering to his knees as if he was praying at the altar, begging for forgiveness as he committed his greatest sin.
"I'm sorry, baby blue," He spoke devilishly, a haunting tone of premonition. "I know I have so much to apologize for; let me spell it out for you."
*************
oh hi babies, it's me!
now, now, now; before anyone starts saying they're being robbed of smut, rest assured you are not. the next chapter will be exactly that and as an added bonus it will be from a very special POV ;)
now! i have missed you! i hope you're doing well and are taking care of yourselves. tell me something about your day, about your life, anything! (you don't have to, but i would love to hear!!)
also, Harrychella am i right?? i'm not over it and i'm certainly not ready for round 2. however, this song was just too perfect to not include in this chapter. i cannot cannot cannot wait for the full album to be out! ahh!!
i send you a million kisses and the tightest of squeezes!
take care of you.
swear to it, ill see you soon <3