"We're pregnant."
There were only three possible reactions that could have erupted from this kind of news, and each of the Lin siblings conveyed them perfectly. Lena, with her excited squealing, treating the couch like a trampoline. Her pale knees hiked up to her chest as she spewed out possible names for the new baby, earning a large grin from both Ms. Lin and Aaron.
Ben was more in shock than anything else. During their announcement, he was hovering on the edge of their tattered old loveseat, the game console by his feet which he dropped in a dramatic fashion. Po-po waved her hand in his face and snapped her fingers but to no avail. He was a statue frozen with the label "culture shock" plastered in marble stone.
With one sibling exhilarated and the other in denial, that left Skylar mad. No. Mad was an understatement. Furious. Blazing. Wrathful.
"Skylar? Ms. Lin's tone was hardly above a whisper. As if knowing that Skylar would implode any moment, she cleverly stepped aside, giving her daughter that much needed space.
Skylar gripped the armrest of the sofa, channelling her inner rage by clawing her short fingernails into the pillow. She imagined ripping out each pillow, one by one, finding satisfaction in the tear and wear. The white cotton used to stuff each one would feel luminous in her touch, like soft, fluffy clouds. The exact opposite to what she was feeling now.
She hadn't even noticed that Aaron was speaking. His voice was long droned out, just a hum to the never-growing madness of her mind. "This wasn't planned, but with a new child on the way, I will say that you can expect me around the house more." This got Skylar's attention. Her neck snapped up with daring speed, her brown eyes narrowing at the culprit. Aaron seemed to be darting his gaze to everybody except her. "I want to be a part of this baby's future. Some men are deadbeat dads, but I plan on being there every step of the way. I'll help out with chores around the house, I'll do the cooking, watch the store, drive your mother to appointments, go shopping for baby clothes, baby food, baby supplies, anything..." That word, that single word which had never been spoken in this house had now suddenly become a regular part of their vocabulary in the span of 24 hours. Skylar tightened her grip on the pillow, with its black thread that outlined "Live Life to the Fullest" in fancy calligraphy. She imagined it was Aaron's dull, hazel eyes instead that she was clawing out. "I love your mother," Aaron said, his voice hoarse and thick with emotion. At that, Ms. Lin turned lovingly to him, a wet gleam in her eyes that was typically reserved for her father. Skylar's real father. Her dead father.
As if Aaron could read her thoughts, he said, "I want you kids to know that I'm not in any shape or form trying to replace your father-"
That did it. Skylar lunged to her feet with such momentum that black stars dotted her vision. "Skylar-" Ms. Lin's tone was sharp, but Skylar left before her mother had the chance to scold her. Unfortunately, because they lived in a small, two-bedroom function right above the convenience store, there wasn't much room for privacy. Skylar ran to her room, which she shared with her siblings, and clicked the door shut. She was furious, yes, but not at her mother. Well, alright. Maybe a fraction of it was designated for her. But she knew it wasn't her fault, and it wasn't fair to blame her.
The Lin family had always been poor. Low-income was the proper description. Mr. and Ms. Lin were Chinese but had been living in Vietnam when the war ravaged their country. With nothing but the clothes on their back, they ran with their family and managed to seek refuge on one of the foreign sanctioned refugee islands. From there, they were accepted into Canada and received assistance from the government: apartments, clothing, kitchen appliances, all of them were given for the first few months of their stay in this country, until they could find permanent employment and stand on their own two feet. With their broken English and limited education, not many people were willing to hire them. In Canada, they lacked the skill set to work any job that required using their brains. This filtered their work options to tasks that involved using your hands. The couple worked several day jobs, night jobs, the average day consisting of eight to ten hour shifts. Years later, their work resume was diverse with numerous hands-on jobs: a carpenter, machine operator, roof repair man, a janitor... they'd come home with callused fingers, bruised hands, sore backs, aching knees, carpal tunnel, all from repeated motions that would eventually be replaced by cheap machinery. They hid these physical and mental injuries behind a smile, because no matter how much these jobs drained out of them, despite the spit and vulgar words thrown at them by strangers who claimed that they were 'lazy hack of immigrants being spoon fed by the government', they were at least grateful to be living in this country. Each day was worth it, and each new cut and scrape meant another day's worth added to their growing account that eventually allowed the Lins to make a down payment for a convenience store. This was quite the transition, from being one of a construction company's minions to becoming their own boss. And that alone came with its own challenges, but Mr. and Ms. Lin could finally live a financially stress free life. Even on slow days, they still managed to make a decent income that kept their three children fed and clothed.
After the death of her husband, her mother grieved by shifting herself into full on work-mode, applying for dozens of jobs out of fear that they'd no longer be able to keep their store. Of course, nobody was willing to hire a woman whose only work experience for ten years was the owner of a convenience store, and before that, working five years waitressing at a bakery, and before that, sweeping the floors as a high school janitor. So they kept the store, and Ms. Lin worked hard to ration everything else: Skylar's violin lessons were cut short, Ben no longer spent his summers at soccer camp, and Lena was raised in hand-me-down clothes and makeshift diapers cut out of newspapers and plastic bags. But Skylar never complained. She was seven when her father passed away, and even at that young age she understood the mechanics of money and how certain luxuries that her classmates had, like a phone or tablet, were put on hold for herself.
Of course, now that she was seventeen and university applications were looming around the corner, the weight of her future was slowly pushing her underwater. She knew that college was out of their budget, but with a new baby on the way, it filtered her future career options to an even tinier pool. Her opportunities before were already slim, but now, it was the size of a single hair strand. The way Skylar saw it, she would be running her family's convenience store forever. Either that, or go to college and forever be in debt. Besides, even if she did choose the post-secondary route, Skylar wasn't that naive to understand that her chances of getting a career related to her degree were less than 5%. Was that worth the risk? Investing in a degree where the possibilities of her actually using it were slim to none, and she would end up in student debt anyway? It was a vicious loop. Her head hurt.
And it certainly didn't help that this unborn baby was hogging whatever leftover investments the Lin family managed to scrounge up. Just last week, Skylar had asked for her own laptop for school. The entire family shared a single laptop, and between Ben and Lena's neverending requests to burrow it for gaming purposes, Skylar had to practically lock herself in the bathroom just to get enough time on it for herself. If they couldn't even afford the laptop, how in the heck would they be able to support this new child?
A gentle knocking interrupted her thoughts. Lena poked in halfway, her pigtails bouncing brightly as her head swished from side to side, sweeping the room for her older sister. The room was quite small, as the bunk bed on one wall and the single bed on the opposite took up the majority of space. Lena found Skylar right away, laying on her back like a starfish, submerged under the covers. "Ma-ma said to come eat dinner."
"Okay."
"Are you upset?"
"No. Why? Do I look upset?"
"Well you ran out of the room crying. Why are you sad? Mom's having a baby! That's a good thing!"
Skylar stared up at the ceiling, mesmerizing the speckles of dust as if they were stars in the night sky. She supposed that was a good trait to possess- the ability to look for the good amid all the darkness. Her younger sister's high-pitched voice rang in her ear, until she felt Lena's breath against her neck. They were snuggled in close under the blankets now, which wasn't an unprecedented situation. Whenever it thundered, Lena would climb down from her top bunk to share with Ben, who'd always push her out, to which she'd join her elder sister.
With Lena's head pressed into the crook of Skylar's neck, she mumbled, "If it's a girl, I want to name her Shelby. And if it's a boy, I want to name him Mario."
"Mario" Skylar repeated. A laugh caught the edge of her voice. "Like the game? Mario Kart?"
"Yup."
"Hm. And why Shelby?"
"Because my bestest friend at school is named Shelby! Duh!" Huh. Even her 6-year-old sister had a more thriving social life than she did. How pathetic was that?
"What are you going to name the baby?" Lena asked.
"It doesn't matter. It's not my choice. That's up to ma-ma and Aaron."
Lena accidentally kicked Skylar's shin. "Ow!"
"Sorry." Lena's small frame was on top of her sister now, perched like some unfazed cat. Skylar stroked away the baby hairs lining her face. The age gap between them never really bothered her- ten years was a lot, and sure, there were times when she wished they were closer in age so they could have things in common. So she had a permanent friend, one to whisper secrets to in the dark and go to the malls with on weekends. Instead, Skylar sometimes felt like Lena's babysitter. The amount of times people have mistaken her as Lena's real mother was unfathomable. After all, when mother was busy manning the store, Skylar was head of the household, ensuring that her siblings got their homework done and brushed their teeth and climbed into bed at a decent hour. She was the one who used the rice cooker every night, calling them to eat, and flicking them on the forehead when the two rascals got into petty arguments that ended in screaming and tears.
For a while, that was po-po's role, until she became diagnosed with early Alzheimers and began forgetting simple tasks and names. Every so often, she'd mix up Skylar with Lena, or she'd say goodnight and go back to bed when she'd just waken up. She was still sufficient enough to run the register (besides, it wasn't like they could afford to hire anybody else) but even then, Ms. Lin had to be in the same room at all times, just to make sure everything was intact.
Yet now, as Skylar gazed up at her baby sister, the weight of Lena just barely crushing her spleen, she wanted to take a picture of this moment, right here and now. Capture the innocent gleam in Lena's wide eyes, the hopeful aroma that fluttered with every sentence she spoke and every step she took. This childlike naivety was something Skylar wished hadn't gone away. Lena didn't yet understand the cruel world out there, and Skylar wanted to keep it that way. If she could package her up in a snow globe, where her days were filled with nothing but beautiful snowflakes breezing about, she would.
"You're going to be a big sister," Skylar said.
Lena's contagious grin grew wider. "Yeah! I'm going to be a good one, too. Even better than you." Obviously, there was no malice in the six-year-old's tone. Just pure, teasing fun. But it still cut a wound in Skylar's heart.
"Yeah. You are" Skylar breathed out before shoving Lena off her. The kid tumbled down to the carpet in a dramatic roll, landing in the splits. Skylar rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's go eat."