POV - Max
When your heart breaks it tells you something great is lost.
Your mind is always running before you have even put on your sneakers, and will be onto something new before the finish line emerges in you vision. But your heart is another story, it will only feel the heat of the race 50yards inn and will beat faster and faster, even after the race is over your heart will race on.
Your heart breaks because it still thinks it's in the race.
The day my heart broke was the day Link left me. Some people stay in your mind forever, some in your heart. Link has always been in my heart.
I knew I was losing him, but in the same time I didn't know. Does this make any sense? I know I shouldn't have opened the box. I would not have given it to him, but I could just have discreetly hidden it away, or burned it. Why didn't I just burn it.
But I didn't.
I guess I felt he betrayed me. But I know I betrayed him when I opened the pacage. Its a fucking vicious circle. Like a snake coiling around, how did our love turn into a snake?
I felt like i didn't know anything anymore.
When he screamed my heart shattered again and again.
I couldn't be in this house with him any more, I felt like I was suffocating, unable to breathe. All my wolf wanted was to run to him, but I was afraid that would only scare him more off. He was already going to leave or he gestured to it, another job opportunity, of course another pack was interested in him he was Link, a wonderful, kind, beautiful, dominante male, who wouldn't want him?
Walking outside the air is completely without oxygen as my breating still staggers forward. Somehow making my way to my chilhood home.
Knocking gently, I soon hear small footsteps before the door open revealing my pettit mother in her sportswear, long sleek pink tights with a matching pink tank top.
“Max” she exclaimed bending her neck and looking up at me “what's wrong? Are you crying? Come in, come in.” she hurries, her questions coming out in a tumble.
Ducking my head I take a step inside my childhood home as she closes the door behind me. “What happened Max? Are you hurt?” and I see her eyes scanning my body.
Shakking my head I swallow down the bubble in my throat. “He broke up with me” my voice cracked and my eyes tried desperately to blink away tears.
“Oh max!” she takes a step towards me and wraps her small arms around my body. “It's going to be okay, son” she cooed while rubbing my back. Something she has never done before but is what I needed in that moment as I silently sob into her shoulder.
After a couple of minutes she release me and grab a firm hold of my hand, leading me to her room of zen.
I really dont feel like taking deep breaths sitting on a pillow, closing my eyes and imagine im in some sort of peace place, but yeah, maybe it will help.
Heart still broken.
But the tears stopped and my breathing even out.
“Im sorry for what happened at dinner mother” I look down threading my fingers through the fuzzy pillow pon pon's, feeling so out of place.
“Oh....Its okay, son” She say taking a deep breath while continuing with some sort of yoga, I guess? “I talked about it with your father, and we both think its due to your rapid growth spurt.”
“You talked with father about this?”
“Of course, and as a consequence of your growth in size, your alpha powers are growing in an unusual rate.” She stands and walks over to the small table by the window. “Which is why we think you need to train yourself better, we dont want any accidents like the one at Clay pack a couple of years ago, when the soon to be alpha killed one of their own.” I remembered that, it was horrible, but I also remember it was an accident tho the young alpha was involved. “We dont need any bad reputation to your fathers pack.”
She walks back with two teacups and hands one to me. I'm not much of a tea drinker and she knows it, but i'm not going to be dismissive in her own zen room so I give in and take a small sip, to sweet as usual.
“I know, my powers are growing but I can contain them.”
“Well that's good son, so you didn't scare your mate away with your powers?”
“No, no I......I was just uhm..” I? So it was my fault? “I did something wrong?” it came out almost sounding like a question.
“Well.....” she nods her head “you did!”
“Hey..... your quick to accuse me” I stated feeling a bit hurt she didn't take my side, tho I haven't given her any information about what happened.
“Is your mate here?” she gestures to the empty pillow next to us.
“Uhm.. no.” I answered a bit unsure, if this goes into an paranormal level im leaving.
“Well then you did do something wrong, if you did not, he would be here by your side.” she takes a sip of her teacup.
“Yeah” I sigh” I might have been a bit too much jealous, overbearing wolf lately.
“A bit? Son, you putt a lockdown on the pack”
“Oh... you heard about that?” I chuckled a bit dryly, trying to cover up how ridiculous it actually sounded.
“Of course, but your father and I thought we let you figure it out for yourself.” she put her teacup down on the floor. “Its not easy leading a pack, your father works day and night and he is not without mistakes, believe you me, but he always fixes his mistakes.”
It was nice hearing her talk about father, I didn't think they were that united. Well I did not even think they talked that much to each other. “I didn't know you guys talked about me.”
“What? Your our son, of course we talk about you. I dont think there is a single day we dont talk about you.”
“Oh...”
“I know you think that your father and I dont love each other” she sighes and I want to say something but no words come. “I know you think you know what love is, but you don't” she shakes her head “You have no idea because love is different for everyone. There is no end conclusion to love. Love is endless.”
“I love you're father very much and he loves me, we might not show our afection to eachother in public, but that does not mean we love each other any less. I come from a very private pack in the east and i'm not used to flaunt my love for my mate all about. And I dont see the need to be any other wolf than the one I am.”
“I... Im sorry mother, ive never thought of it like that. Its just I rarely saw you touch each other while growing up, and you only had me, so I assumed... I assumed wrong. I'm sorry mother.”
“Oh.. I would have loved to have more pups. But... “ She sighes and stand to fill up her cup again.
“But what?” she wanted more children? What happened? Father didn't want any?
“But.... as you know, I am a little wolf with fairly small hips, and an alpha wolf baby is bigger than a normal one, and you where really big when you came out. You didn't even stand on wobbly paws, you were standing solid from the first day,” she smiles “You were so strong” she sits back down again on the pillow next to me and grabes my hand.
“What happened?” I'm even afraid to ask.
“We were all prepeard of course, that you probably would be an alpha due to how quick my belly grew, and the first born of an alpha usually are. So we knew my pregnancy would be two months shorter than normal, but you came out after only six months – a month earlier. And they had to do an rushed c-section. It didn't go so well, I lost a lot of blood, and I kept on bleeding until we all decided to remove my uterus. All I wanted was you out safely, and you were.”
“I ruined you”
“No, no the pack was not as ecuiped as It is today, we had little tools and knowledge of alpha births, and it was my decision to remove all of it. It was a slight chance of my recovery, but it was also a chance of me bleeding out, so your father and I choose the easiest way out.”
“I'm so sorry, why didn't you tell me?”
“There were no need to, I am fine, and you came out a healthy and strong alpha. And I figured you have lots of pups of your own one day.” she smiles at me.
Right, well that will not happen any time soon since my mate is a dominant. Great, I still think of him as my mate, well technically in my book we are still mates because of the mating bite, even if he doesn't think so. I sigh leaning my head down at her shoulder, but because of our different size its a bit painful for my back and quite restraining for my neck. I just need her to pat my head, as she does. “any advice?”
“Yes, dont be an overbearing, jealous wolf.” she smiles
I lift my head up to scoff at her “Im not....” I was about to say - that bad, but my words hit me in the head, or my mother did.
“You locked down the pack!”
“But he will just run away!” I say weakly
“Then he is not the one.” and I hate how my heart aches. “If he loves you he will stay by your side.”
This was not going to be easy, but I needed to. I wanted Link by my side, but I could not force him to be my mate. He was still my beta and I needed to treat him like my beta, to trust him and not act like an overbearing jealous wolf.
Walking back into the house again its quiet, a bit to quiet. I stop outside Links bedroom but stop myself before entering. Turning my head I try to listen to any sounds, its quiet, but I hear a light breathing on the other side. The wolf in me have a dire need to enter his room and check if he is unharmed, but that wouldnt be me treating Link like a beta. He must be sleeping, I tried to tell myself as I turn around and walk up to my office.
Needing to distance myself from him before I do something I regret, again.
Slumping down in my chair in front of my huge desk I hear a rapid knock at my door. “Come in” I tiredly say. As the delta walks inn.
“Hey Sam” I say to the man walking up to me his look stern “what is it?” I question him.
“Hey” he says shifting a bit uncomfortably on his feet, but stil holding my gaze. “So, your alright?” he askes a bit tentative.
I sigh and lean back in my chair crossing my arms. Not really knowing what to say.
“I know its not any of my buisness, but Im here I you want to talk”
“Thanks Sam, I appreciate it.” but I still dont know what to tell him.
He nods “Uhm so, Mino wanted me to tell you that he is refusing to cook you dinner.” he scratches behind his ear and look a little sorry for me “Yeah, he said that if Link wasn't eating then Max would not be eating either, and he kept mumbling something about wishing you had a nut allergy I dont know what that was all about, but yeah....”
I swallowed hard at the mentioning about Link “He didn't eat?”
“uhm... no he hasn't left his room.” Sam says shaking his head “if your hungry I could make you something to eat, im no cheff but I can put cheese slices on bread.” he chuckels a humorless laugh.
“No thanks.” He needs to eat. I really messed this up haven't I.
I sigh and lay my head on the desk.
“Okay, I'll be downstairs if you need me” he says before backing out of my office.
As much as my wolf wanted to barge down stair and demand him to eat something I could not. That would be me scaring him of again. Even tho every hair on my wolf form wanted to care for my mate, I needed to stop obsessing and leave the dominante male alone.