ellie grazer
| 𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗟 |
#. 010
"𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 size are you?" Alina asked as she turned in the mirror and pulled up the thong slightly.
I darted my vision away and faltered my eyes back down to my phone in some kind've way to help my heart slow down.
"I mean, I haven't really checked in awhile but I think I'm just a D something." I was for some reason muffling my words. I was trying to do everything in my power to shake away my cluster of nerves, that I very much envied. The recovery process of this was something I wouldn't be able to get over. Fuck, how could I? I had seen Alina Dormer in lingerie. And only lingerie.
"Perfect." I could even hear her smile. "This would be a perfect fit for you."
I couldn't help but snap my head upwards at that. "What?" I asked, almost out of natural instinct.
"Try it on! I bet this will look so good on you." She spoke as she already began to pull the bra off and put her own clothes back on.
I remained seated, hoping that at some point during all of this, I'd somehow manage to evaporate. She turned back to me, confusion drawn on her face as she pulled her jeans up and clipped them, while watching me remain in my seated position. She wasn't being serious.
"What are you doing? Come on." She laughed at me before I felt the bra land right in my lap.
I looked down at it with an even staler expression before replacing it back onto Alina who was just looking back at me.
"Come on, Ellie." She hurried as she stepped towards me and pulled me up with the bra being clutched in her right hand.
"I- um, I-" I could barely splutter words out as she had already pulled at my hand and pushed the bra into it. I looked down at my hand and then back up, my blank expression sculpting into an even more anxious one. "I don't want to get this." I managed to spit out.
"You don't have to buy it." She told me with a large grin. "Just try it on for me. It'll be fun." She prodded me slightly, edging me on further.
I looked down at the bra again. I'd never owned anything like this before. I had never even worn anything like this before. It wasn't my thing. I always just felt like I'd be uncomfortable wearing them and well, looking at it close up highlighted that feeling greatly.
"I don't know, Alina-" words crumbled from my lips once more as my heart seemingly never flat lined. I was hoping it did.
"Hurry! Take your jeans off." She pushed the idea even further with her words yet her actions only increased the severity of my nerves as I could feel the crumpling of my shirt and tugging on my jeans as I felt the tightness around my waist loosen.
"Hey, okay." I caught her hands and pushed them away as I turned away from her and chucked the bra onto the chair. I shut my eyes and mellowed my breathing as I let a heavy sigh escape my lips. I pulled a breath back in after that before shaking my head. "Okay, but only this. And I'm not buying it either."
My words had made her laugh and basically cheer while all they gave me was shock and panic. It wasn't Alina I was worried about, it was me that alarmed my concern. I didn't want to be the only practically naked person in the room. She'd see every part of my body and something about that just scared me. It was a vulnerable position to be in to say the least. I don't know, maybe I was just being insecure about the way looked but one thing was for sure, I didn't want her to think negatively of my body.
I unwillingly tugged at my jeans and pulled them off quite timidly. I avoided making eye contact as I envied my own stupidity and behaviour and pulled off my Eminem shirt and then my white base layer. The coolness made goosebumps appear on my non-covered skin and caused a ripple effect along my spine.
I reached down to the chair and collected the bra, in my slightly sweaty grip, and practically cowered in the corner as I reached around and unfastened my plain, white bra. I replaced my bra with the much more provocative black one and clipped it at the back while adjusting the straps so that they sat more comfortably on my shoulders.
"Don't forget the undies." I heard her say as the black thong came shooting over my head and dropped down onto the chair.
"Yeah, thanks for the intel." I said back with a disregarding chuff and with anymore hiding of my body that I could do, I slipped off my underwear and replaced it with the black, sultry thong. The first thing I expected to feel was hot, yet the first thing I picked up on was the sudden slicing of slim fabric that seemed to ride up in all the places. I only cringed at the intense pinching before mustering any of the dignity I had left, to turn around and face a very eager awaiting, Alina.
Her already stained smile, widened in size and joy as I watched her teeth poke through. I didn't know how she could judge the way it fitted me accurately though my awkward stance and finger playing but with whatever first impression she got, it was a positive one.
"Oh my god. You're so hot." Her expressions voiced her astonishment more than her tone did, either way I blushed. Hard. She then stood and walked up to me, her smile basically tripling in size the closer she got. "It literally fits you perfectly."
She slipped her fingers underneath the bra strap and used them to adjust the length and tightness of it. The tips of her delicacy smoothed over the thin lace cups and I couldn't help but feel my nipples harden and practically stab into the fabric. All I could do was look away from the very focussed Alina and stare off at the wall, hoping to God that whatever was happening to my body, wouldn't be visible.
"Look at you." Her grip suddenly strengthened at my waist instead and I felt her lightly tug me over to the mirror so that I was facing it. "Isn't it cute?"
Her query somehow remained unacknowledged by me as I was too busy drawing my vision over to the full length, brightly lit mirror. There wasn't any point of lying, it did look nice. Really nice. I still couldn't help but shy away in it though. I wasn't used to seeing myself in something like this. It was a change, a change I wasn't completely opposed to.
"It is...cute." I managed to get out as the change started to itch my self-consciousness. I felt uncomfortable if that was the right word but it wasn't a completely degrading feeling for me, surprisingly. And I was more or less feeling timid in front of Alina than myself. I wanted her to think that it looked nice on me.
"Isn't it?!" She practically gasped as I felt her pull down the back bra clasp slightly.
The tips of her fingers once again sauntered over my pin pricked skin and I could feel them slip beneath the waist band of the thong. My breath had once again hitched and my cheeks ferociously blushed as I felt the soft curve of her nails, lift and tug on the thong. Her fingers trailed beneath the fabric as they clawed around the backside to my hips where she gently lifted it to sit nicely on my curves.
I was only frozen throughout this. Every inch of me just succumbed to her control without me even allowing it. The light fanning of her breath tickled the base of my neck, peppering my neck and tip of my vertebrae with tingles. The deepness of my breathing only narrowed the room more and more and it was almost numbing me at the thought of Alina recognising my vulnerability.
"The bra fits you perfectly. You're boobs look so nice in it." She grinned up at me through the mirror, her eyes now meeting mine. Her look was like venom to me. Yet, I was so fucking addicted to it.
"T-thanks." I stuttered as my vision fell from hers and back onto me. The taste of insecurity had now slipped off of my tongue, her presence had seemingly only tore that feeling away. The opposite of what I thought it would do. I was comfortable. I almost felt relaxed. Adoring the comfortable ecstasy her presence gave me.
"Oh my god, you know what would be perfect for this? A silk robe." Alina gasped yet again and her smile had only widened, if it was even possible.
"No, it's okay. Let's just g-" I couldn't even finish my denial.
"I saw the perfect one earlier. Okay, wait here. I'll be right back!" And with one more squeal of excitement, she scurried out of the changing room.
I was left to sigh in the absence of her existence and stared at the slightly waving curtain. I felt the blossom of joy hug the lining of my stomach and I couldn't help but dwell in the giddiness I was bevelled in. I was drawn in so much that by the sound of a ringing phone, I jumped.
It took me a few seconds of looking before I found and grabbed my phone. The caller ID, striking me first.
"Hey, Mom." I spoke through the phone as I sat down on the chair.
"Hi, sweetie! Oh, I've missed you so much! Why haven't you been calling me?" The highness of her voice was like nails on a chalk board, I'd almost forgotten how squeaky it was. Yet, I did seem to miss it. A lot.
"I've missed you too Mom. I'm sorry, everything's been kinda' hectic lately." I told her. I mean, it was a lie of course. In a sense, at least. I'd actually been enjoying life and if that was what hectic meant, then I'd been telling the utmost truth.
"Ah, is it because you've been studying a lot? My clever girl is always studying. Did you check out any of the clubs there? I was looking on their website and there's a visual arts club which I think you might like. I also looked into the public service that they run and there's all kinds of things you can do for it. You can do after school tutoring, lead youth groups or summer camps. It looks really interesting. I want you to join one of them. Which-" Ah, did I say that I missed my Mom's voice? I lied.
"Yeah, yeah okay, Mom." I spoke a little loudly just to stop her from rambling on any further. "I'll look into it." The clubs did sound interesting but I hadn't even had one day of school here yet. I didn't need to rush and do anything just yet.
"You could look into it now, while I'm still on the phone with you. I'll tell you which ones to look into. Besides, you'd want to join one early so that the places don't fill up. Which ones are you interested in?" She continued to talk, I now started to panic.
"I'll look into it later Mom. I'm busy right now." I hoped she couldn't see through my nerves. And I also hoped she didn't ask what I was busy with.
"Why? What are you doing? Where are you?" She asked me. Her curiosity squawking down the phone. She always wanted to know my business. Fuck. Fuck, fuck think.
"I'm just in my dorm, doing some cleaning. I'll look later Mom, okay?" I spoke, hoping to wrap this conversation up.
"Okay. Please do look. There's some great opportunities at this school and I don't want you to waste them." She said to me in a stern tone and knowing my best bet to get out of this call would be to agree, I did just that.
"Yes, Mom. I won't." I told her assuringly. I wasn't going to look later but hey, she didn't need to know that.
"Okay. I love-" I couldn't hear the rest of my Mom's voice as her sound was replaced by a much louder one.
"Okay! I'm back. I know you said you weren't gonna' buy it and it would be the only thing you try on, but look!" Alina's unannounced voice came echoing into the dressing room, not even giving me enough time to stop her. "Isn't it cute?!" She referenced a see-through silk robe in her extended arm. "It's gonna' look so cute with the lingerie. You have to try it on!"
My eyes had went wide within seconds of her even talking and I quickly leapt up from the chair to cover her mouth. I held my finger up to my lips with panicked eyes as Alina just looked back at me with confused ones.
"What are you-" she inquisitioned me, yet I didn't even answer her. I didn't even have the chance to as my Mom's voice had already took my attention away.
"Lingerie? Try what on? Ellie Grazer where on earth are you?" Her voice had twisted into an angered one with a raised tone and it was at this moment where my lying had come back to bite me in the ass.
I shut my eyes and sighed heavily. "Look, Mom. Me and my roommate just wanted to have some fun. It's really nothing bad, I promise. We just- we just went to the mall." I had to hesitate before finally telling the truth. I had already been called out and there was no point in spilling more lies. Already knowing my fate, I had to silently pray for my well-being.
"The mall?! What on earth are you doing there?! I told you that I wanted you to spend these days studying, not going to the mall and trying on underwear! I'm so disappointed in you. Don't lie to me, Ellie. Did you forget that I am your Mother and me and your Father pay for you to go to this school? And you spend your time going to mall's and wasting such an opportunity? You have completely disappointed me, Ellie. We did not raise you to lie or act this way." Her chastising only sent me back to High School and the guilt inside of me only began to spiral. I felt terrible and extremely guilty.
"No, Mom just- just let me explain. I have been studying, I just-" I didn't even have the chance to explain myself and gain some kind've dignity back as the call had ended.
A guttural sigh famished my lips as I pulled away my phone. My whole mood had been killed and now all I was doing was drowning in a pool of daughters guilt. It was my own fault and I knew it.
I threw my phone onto the chair and this time instead of cowering, I removed the bra and underwear and pulled my original stuff back on as quickly as I could. My movements were vigorous and almost aggressive as I chucked the stupid set onto the floor, piece by piece.
"El, I'm- I'm so sorry. I- I didn't realise. I didn't mean to get you in trouble." Alina spoke up in a much more quieter tone, no doubt hearing my Mother's yelling of disapproval through the phone.
I wasn't mad at her, I was just filled with regret. I just wanted to go back in time and just stay in the room instead. It was not only belittling to have my Mother say such things to me in front of a friend but it was also killing me to feel so much guilt. I'd fucked up. And I didn't know how to approach the situation.
"Can we please just go?" I said, almost a little to loudly. My tone being the one to express my change in attitude, the most.
I ripped my phone from the chair and before I even waited for her reply, I moved past her and left the changing room with a small crest of water at the base of my eyes.
Why couldn't I just have fun and not have it be such a problem?
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