The Story of Regulus Black - Years 5-7

CXII. Barty's Birthday

CW: implied/referenced child abuse, suicidal thoughts, & self-harm

Regulus Black had always had a very particular way of showing his love. His own form of expressionism.

He wasn't the best with words. He often didn't know how to articulate his feelings into sentences that could be spoken and make any sort of sense at all. More times than not he would simply become frustrated. He would try to explain exactly how he felt and curse himself when his own words failed him. Writing them down was sometimes successful. Telling people how he felt on paper rather than from his own lips.

Love was different. He wasn't sure he could put into words in any sense. Not even on paper. Sometimes he didn't even think that he could properly comprehend just how much he loved. Sometimes he looked at Barty and the incomprehensible beauty of him and he couldn't even begin to grasp the words that would describe the ways that he made him feel. The safety. The happiness. The love. It was so rare, so inexperienced by Regulus Black in his sixteen short years of life that sometimes it overwhelmed him. Sometimes he would simply sit and stare at Barty and think about how even his bones were beautiful.

It was something that had always made Regulus feel upset with himself. Barty deserved to know how much Regulus loved him. How much Regulus appreciated each and every single thing that Barty did for him. He would try to tell Barty how much it meant and he could never quite manage. He could never properly articulate the words. He had tried to write it down and it always ended with nothing more than a series of crumpled parchments spread out on the floor. Even before they had been together, when their relationship had been strictly platonic and nothing more. Regulus could never tell Barty how much their friendship had helped him. What sort of person he would be if he had never had Barty at all (if he was even still there at all. That was a possibility that he had never been too keen on figuring out how to express).

When Regulus had first started dating Christian, he had discovered the art of touch. Of telling someone that you loved them with nothing more than a gentle squeeze to their hand. He had learned the art of silent expression and just how successful his eyes alone could be at saying exactly what he was thinking.

With Barty, it was something that he had mastered. A secret language that could only be spoken between them. One that they created to match their own needs, their own forms of love. One that they couldn't speak with anyone else. One that allowed them both to express their love in ways that made them both comfortable. That made them both feel as though they were being seen. That made them realize just how much they loved and just how much that love was being returned.

It was with that that Regulus woke Barty at precisely midnight on 27 May, 1978.

He watched the wristwatch that was propped on the side table beside his head carefully. Felt Barty's soft breaths on the back of his neck and the arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He gently stroked Barty's forearm with the tips of his fingers as he waited. Watched the seconds tick by. Felt time passing by before his very eyes.

When both hands met at the twelve, Regulus smiled. He slowly turned himself around in Barty's arms and took a moment to stare. To study Barty's face as though it was the most beautiful piece of art in the world. He felt it once again, that unnamable feeling of the incomprehensible beauty that Barty held. Sometimes Regulus thought that Barty was almost too beautiful. Like his beauty alone was enough to put him in danger of being hunted. Of being preyed upon by those who spent their entire lives looking for something as beautiful as the boy laying across from him.

So be it, thought Regulus, brushing a few strands of straw-colored hair from his forehead. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you.

He leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose softly. He moved up and left a trail of kisses behind, spanning the bridge of his nose and scattering out across his forehead. He kissed the perimeter of his face and the hollows of his cheeks. Traced the structure of his bones with his lips. He felt Barty just starting to wake when he began the trail along his jaw. He saw Barty wrinkle his nose and squeeze his eyes shut when he used his index finger to gently tilt Barty's chin upward. He heard Barty groan and felt the vibrations of it against his lips when he kissed a trail down the center of Barty's windpipe.

When he removed his hand and looked at Barty's face again, there was a smile on his lips. Regulus smiled in response and grabbed one of Barty's hands from around his waist. He laced their fingers together, holding it between them and placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. Barty opened his eyes by the smallest bit and squinted at Regulus, exhaustion glistening on his eyelashes and seeping from his gaze.

"What's this for?" He croaked. The tired smile never left his lips as he blinked slowly and stared at Regulus with nothing but admiration in his exhausted eyes.

Regulus couldn't keep the smile from his own lips. He ran his thumb over Barty's knuckles and felt Barty's other arm flexing around his waist. "Happy birthday my love," he replied quietly.

His smile widened. That impossibly beautiful smile. The one that Regulus thought he could stare at for years and years without once becoming bored. Without once feeling as though his time was being wasted.

"Is it midnight already?" Barty gave Regulus's hand the softest of squeezes. Regulus felt his cheeks growing warm in the way that a mere speck of Barty's attention never failed to induce.

Regulus nodded. "Midnight exactly. Well, it was when I started trying to wake you. It might be a few minutes past now." He kissed his hand again, each individual knuckle. "Happy birthday."

Barty's own cheeks grew dark. "Thank you darling." He pulled their hands close to his face and planted a kiss on the back of Regulus's.

"You're welcome," Regulus whispered. He felt Barty's kiss burning on his hand. So excruciatingly warm. So blissfully hot. Carving itself into his very flesh in a way that Regulus loved. That Regulus craved. A part of him wanted to ask Barty to do it to his entire body. To carve his name into Regulus's skin, etch it into his bones. Mark him and brand him and show every single person in the world that he was his.

Though he assumed that might be a bit much.

He unlaced their fingers and placed Barty's hand palm-down on the mattress between them. He slowly traced the veins in his hand. Outlined his fingers. Drew a series of small hearts over the tendons that flexed beneath his touch. "I have the whole day planned out for us y'know," he muttered.

Barty hummed quietly and tilted his head forward. Their foreheads were nearly touching, centimeters of empty air their only separation. "You do, do you?" He tapped his finger against the mattress in an inconsistent pattern as he struggled to keep his eyes open. He was fairly certain that if Regulus's touch wasn't leaving burning trails across his skin, he wouldn't be able to stay awake at all.

Regulus nodded. "I've been planning for weeks. I mean honestly, if I focused this hard on my revisions I would probably have higher marks than you." Barty breathed a laugh and Regulus's heart stuttered inside of his chest.

"Care to tell me what these mysterious plans consist of?"

Regulus shook his head. "It's a surprise. I can't spoil it for you. That would be like if I just up and told you exactly what gifts I got you. It wouldn't be any fun."

The smallest of frowns marred Barty's face and Regulus wanted to wipe it right off. Peel back his skin and uncover that heavenly smile once again. "Reg, I told you that you didn't have to get me anything for my birthday. Just having you here is going to be enough my love, trust me."

"Well that's too bad Barty, because I already did. There's no point in keeping them to myself and allowing them to collect dust." He changed the path of his fingers. Instead of the small hearts that were scattered across his skin, Regulus wrote his own name. Again and again.

Barty's smile returned. He wasn't sure he could've kept it off of his face if he had tried. "I suppose that you have a point," he mumbled. There was a bit of defeat in his voice, though the happiness was certainly shadowing it. Regulus's heart did another somersault. "Will you at least tell me how much of today will consist of this? Honestly Reg, if it were up to me we wouldn't be leaving this bed once for the next twenty-four hours."

Regulus rolled his eyes playfully and returned to the constant string of hearts. "You're so needy," he said. He promptly leaned in and kissed the space between Barty's eyebrows to tell him that he was joking. To tell him that he loved it. That he loved just how much Barty loved to lay with him. To hold him. To tell him that he adored just how clingy Barty sometimes was.

Barty squeezed Regulus's waist to indicate that he understood the message. Their language. Their way of expression. Their communication.

"If you must know," continued Regulus, "We'll have lots of downtime in the morning. We might have some after lunch. I don't know how much we'll have tonight, though I think you'll forgive me for that." When he looked away from Barty's hand, he saw that same frown. A frown of his own crept onto his face as his hand momentarily faltered. "What? Is something wrong?" He spoke hastily before Barty could even get the chance to open his mouth. "If you don't want to spend all day together then that's totally fine. I shouldn't have planned anything without running it by you first. I just thought... I'm really sorry. I should've told you-"

"Reg," Barty finally blurted. His frown was gone, replaced by a smile of reassurance that made Regulus shut his mouth. It wasn't quite enough to get rid of the frown though. "I'm not upset with you for planning things, love. I actually really like that you did. I'm very excited to see what you have planned. There is quite literally no one else in this entire school who I would rather spend my time with today."

"Then why did you look upset?" Regulus inquired before Barty could even reach the point of explanation. He had never been the best at patience.

"I wasn't upset. I just... there is one small flaw in your plan."

"What is it?" His hand was still rested on top of Barty's. Unmoving. Barty slowly flipped his hand over beneath Regulus's and grasped loosely at his fingers. He squeezed gently and Regulus felt a fraction of his worries slide off of his shoulders.

"Well... whatever you had planned for lunch tomorrow isn't exactly going to work. I completely forgot to tell you, I've been meaning to for the past few days. You just... I didn't want to worry you with anything further." Regulus had, admittedly, not been having the best few days. At night he had cried and during the day he had hardly spoken at all. Barty had received the letter only three days prior and had held every intention of sharing its contents with Regulus. Though he was admittedly far too worried about the mental state of the boy to remember to tell him at all.

"Tell me what?" Regulus's concern was replaced with curiosity.

"Well, my mum wrote me three days ago and told me that she was going to take me to lunch so that we could spend some time together." The joy in Barty's voice whenever he spoke about his mother was almost always unmatched. Only comparable to the joy that laced his every word when he spoke about Regulus. "Apparently she got it approved by Dumbledore and everything."

Regulus's lips stretched into a smile that warmed Barty's chest to an almost uncomfortable level. "Barty, that's wonderful! You love spending time with your mum!" Regulus leaned in and kissed his forehead once again. "I'm sure that you'll have loads of fun with her. When's the last time you spoke to her?"

"We write to each other quite a lot. But I haven't actually seen her since the summer." He was smiling so widely that Regulus knew his cheeks must be aching. "I'm very excited."

"I'm very excited for you!" He kissed him again. He didn't think that he would ever be able to kiss him enough. "Do you know what time she'll be here?"

"I'm meant to meet her in Dumbledore's office at twelve." His smile faltered for the briefest of moments. "I hope this doesn't affect the plans that you made too much."

Regulus shook his head. "It won't. I promise."

Barty was quiet for a moment. There were thoughts behind his eyes that Regulus couldn't quite decipher. Clear enough that he could notice them but cloudy enough that he couldn't read exactly what was being written. Barty took the inside of his cheek between his teeth and bit down gently as he tried to figure out exactly how to say what it was that he wanted to say.

He squeezed Regulus's hand and pulled him just a bit closer by the waist. "You could... you could come with me if you want. I'm sure that my mum wouldn't mind. I think she'd actually be very thrilled to finally meet the only friend that I've ever mentioned to her."

Regulus's smile broke into a wide grin. "You talk to your mum about me?"

"Of course I do! You've been my best mate since first year, you're pretty much the only friend that I've ever had. I've literally been in love with you for at least three years. Well, my mum doesn't know that part, but she knows about you. I talk about you quite often."

Regulus's grin was so wide that the corners of his eyes wrinkled. He bowed his head to conceal his face for the briefest of moments before looking back up toward Barty. His cheeks were pink, his mouth contorting in all sorts of ways as he tried to force away the smile that simply didn't want to leave. Barty's own smile grew as he leaned in and kissed the tip of Regulus's nose. He gave his hand a gentle squeeze and ran the tips of his fingers over the individual bumps of Regulus's spine.

His smile slowly disappeared as nerves filled him. Crept through his veins and twisted themselves within his very blood. "So... would you like to come? If you don't want to then that's alright, I just thought... I just wanted to ask."

Regulus's own smile faded. He was silent for a few moments as he weighed his options and the pros and cons of choosing both. Barty watched him anxiously, absently holding his breath until Regulus finally gave him an answer.

"I... would love to. However," he added before Barty could even fully process the beginning of his sentence, "I truly do not think that I am ready to meet your mum yet. You love your mum, and if your mum hates me then I truly don't think I'll ever be able to recover. I don't even think I'll be able to look you in the eye if she doesn't like me."

Barty frowned again. "Why wouldn't she like you?"

Regulus gave Barty a sort of half smile. "I'm a Black, Barty. We aren't exactly the most respectable or well-liked family in the world." Barty knew that Regulus had a point, though that didn't mean that he liked a single part of it. He thought that it was rather unfair, Regulus's entire personality being defined by the last name that he was given. By the blood that ran through his veins. By the family that he hadn't even chosen to be born into.

"Reg, she won't hate you just because of your family. That's ridiculous. My dad would hate you for that, not her." He gave Regulus's waist yet another small squeeze. "I am confident that she would love you. You're good for me, she would see that. She only wants what's best for me, and I'm positive that she would realize that what's best for me is you."

Regulus's eyes flickered between those of Barty for a few moments as he pondered his words. "I just... I don't think it's the best idea. Not yet." He sighed and allowed a small frown to mar his features once again. "I'm sorry."

Barty shook his head. "Don't apologize my love, it's alright. Although I do hope you know just how much she's going to hear about you tomorrow." Regulus couldn't help but smile. Barty smiled in response. "What are you gonna do while I'm gone?"

"Oh, I have a few ideas." He smirked conspiratorially before leaning forward and burying his face into the crook of Barty's neck.

Barty breathed yet another quiet laugh and released Regulus's hand. He snaked his newly freed arm 'round Regulus's waist and pulled him so close that it became hard to tell where one boy ended and the other began. Regulus wrapped his arms around Barty's waist in return and tangled their legs together, shifting until he found a spot where the two of them were comfortable. He gave the skin of Barty's neck the occasional kiss, feeling exhaustion ebbing at the very edges of his mind.

"What time are we waking up?" Barty asked through a yawn. He rested his chin on top of Regulus's head and shut his eyes as he awaited a response.

"Whenever you want. It's your birthday and it's a Saturday, I'm not going to make you wake up before you're fully rested." His voice was muffled by Barty's neck and Barty couldn't help but wrinkle his nose at the feeling of Regulus's breath on his skin.

When he got over the ticklish feeling of it all, he released something akin to a quiet laugh. "That's very thoughtful," he muttered.

Regulus hummed in response and kissed his neck once again. "Happy birthday," he whispered once again. "I love you."

Barty couldn't help but smile. "I love you too."

They both fell asleep shortly after that. Their minds were blissfully empty as they slept through the remainder of the night, not a single nightmare in sight. Perhaps it was the universe finally showing them both the smallest ounce of pity. Deciding not to ruin the very beginning of Barty's seventeenth birthday with something as cruel as a terrible nightmare. Or perhaps it was simply teasing them, getting them used to nights of restful sleep only to pounce when they least expected it. Tear them apart when they finally began to feel as though they were successfully stitched back together.

It didn't matter. Not right then. Right then, the only thing that mattered was that they were holding each other. They were asleep. They were happy. It didn't matter how long it lasted, it only mattered that they were feeling it at all.

When Barty and Regulus finally awoke, it was half past nine in the morning. They laid together until ten when Barty's bladder felt as though it was about to burst inside of his body. Only then did he finally get up and make his way to the bathroom to get himself ready for the day.

When he returned to the dorm, Regulus was sitting on the bed with what appeared to be a small tea-cloth laid out beside him. He smiled at Barty when he entered the room, his shoulders visibly rising in something akin to relief. Barty glanced at the contents of the small cloth and raised an eyebrow as the smallest flush began creeping its way up his neck. "What's this?" He asked, shutting the door quietly behind him and crossing the room.

"Breakfast," said Regulus. He scooted a over a bit and followed Barty with his gaze as he slowly sat down across from him. "I thought that it might be nice if we just stayed down here. If it was just us." The smallest hints of worry crawled across his features. "Unless you want to go upstairs. We can do that too. Whatever you want to do is what we'll do."

Barty glanced once again at the contents of the cloth between them. There were slices of toast and small containers of various different spreads for them. There was a small selection of muffins ("They didn't have raspberry so I got strawberry and blueberry. I figured that other fruits might be the best idea," explained Regulus) and scones that Barty knew Regulus had most likely nicked for himself (Barty had never been the biggest fan of scones). He glanced at the nightstand beside him and saw two cups, one full of coffee and one full of some sort of tea.

He looked at Regulus and didn't speak. Instead he leaned in, careful not to nudge the contents of the cloth too much, and he kissed him. Regulus's stiff muscles relaxed at once, the quietest of sighs falling from his mouth and escaping into the air around them. Barty splayed one hand on the bed beside him to steady himself and cupped Regulus's cheek gently with the other. Regulus placed his hands on each side of Barty's cheeks and rubbed his thumbs in a small yet soothing motion.

Barty pulled away after a few seconds, resting his forehead against Regulus's and taking a brief moment to catch his breath. "This is wonderful, darling," he whispered, feeling Regulus's skin warming beneath his hand. "Thank you."

"It was nothing," mumbled Regulus, though he couldn't quite manage to keep the smile from his lips. "You're very welcome."

Barty gave Regulus a quick kiss on the cheek before he leaned back and reached for his tea. He handed Regulus his coffee upon request and they began to eat their breakfast slowly. They talked and laughed in ways that they hadn't for weeks at the least. Their hands found one another every few minutes, squeezing each other gently before releasing their grip. It was nice. It was perfect. It truly was the only way that Barty could think to spend the morning of his seventeenth birthday.

Regulus was giving Barty a rather in depth explanation of just how one could tell which position someone played in Quidditch with a single glance when the door opened. They both glanced over quickly, their hands separating at once. Evan Rosier stepped into the room, his hair damp and a towel slung over his shoulder. He glanced at the boys sat on Barty's bed and paused for the briefest of moments.

His eyes roved over each of them individually. Over the food between them and the half-empty cups on the nightstand. He met their eyes for a brief moment before he sniffed and looked away without a word. Without a glare. Without much of anything at all.

Regulus furrowed his brow and shot a questioning glance toward Barty who simply shrugged. Evan didn't spend much time in the dorm. He simply dropped his towel into the small basket of things that needed to be washed and picked his book bag up off of the ground. He slipped on a pair of shoes and started out of the room just as silently as he had come. He didn't spare the other two boys a second glance, and only when the door had been closed behind him did Regulus finally speak.

"That was odd," he blurted. He looked at Barty for confirmation that the suspicions he was feeling were mutual. "That was odd, right?"

Barty nodded his head in agreement and broke off a small piece of the muffin in his hand. "It was very odd," he confirmed before popping the small bit of muffin into his mouth and listening intently to Regulus's words.

"He's been acting very strange recently. He hasn't done anything big or overly dramatic since the summer and he's starting to be civil with me. Why on earth is he trying to be civil with me? He tried to kill me! And just a few weeks ago when he protected me against all of those Bludgers during the Beauxbatons game? What was that about?"

Barty shrugged and swallowed the muffin that he had been chewing. "I'm not sure. Do you think he's... I dunno, matured?"

Regulus raised a skeptical brow. "Matured? Evan Rosier?"

"I know it doesn't seem very likely. I just don't necessarily see another explanation."

Regulus gave a quiet hum of agreement. Barty did have a point, though that didn't mean that the prospect of what he was saying wasn't any less odd. Regulus promptly banished any thought of Evan Rosier from his mind. It was Barty's birthday and he wasn't very keen on spending their time together discussing the oddity of Evan Rosier's recent behavior.

"Oh!" Regulus exclaimed suddenly, his own thoughts reminding him of what he had forgotten. Barty watched him curiously as he stood from the bed and walked toward his own. He picked up a small stack of packages and envelopes and returned to the indent that marked his spot on the mattress. "I got your mail while I was getting breakfast as well. Here." He took the bottom-most package out of the stack and handed the rest to Barty.

Barty eyed the package that Regulus had extracted for just a moment before he transferred his gaze to the contents of his hands. He decided to tackle the package first, pulling the envelope carefully from it's place of security on top of the wrapping. He tore open the top and removed the slip of paper from inside. He unfolded it delicately and eyed the words written there. He smirked a bit at the clear difference of handwriting, the producer of the words quite clear when he had learned the initial key.

It was a sweet letter. Pages and pages full of words about how Gillian couldn't quite believe the fact that Barty had grown up so fast at all. Small excerpts every few lines from Carson who would go on and on about how proud he was of Barty and brief apologies for not expressing that enough. For sticking to humor rather than a genuine expression of how he felt. It went on for so long that by the end Barty was surprised they even still had any other words left to say. He wasn't complaining though. Not one single bit.

When they brought up their gift, they explained that they had asked Regulus what he was getting Barty so that they didn't accidentally give him the same thing (So if that little tosser gave you the same gift, just know that it was him who copied us, Carson had written). Barty placed the long letter onto the mattress beside him when he was finally finished with his initial read-through and turned his attention to the package. He unwrapped it carefully, the cover of the book that was hidden within being revealed at an almost agonizing speed.

When he finally did see the full thing, his smile only grew. It was exactly the sort of book that he liked. Exactly the sort of thing that he wanted. The thought of Carson and Gillian paying him enough mind to know that was something so blissful that a part of Barty thought it was better than the gift itself.

Regulus was simply staring at Barty. At the glow on his face. The joy that had etched itself into his every feature. For one of the first times in his life, Regulus Black wished that he had a camera. One that he could pull out in this very moment and use to capture the raw happiness that was embedding itself into Barty's very skin. The radiance that Barty seldom held anymore. He wanted to capture it as a moment frozen in time and savor it for the rest of his days.

Barty looked up after he had finished reading the small synopsis. He smiled at Regulus and held the book up in front of him with the smallest twitch of his brow. "You didn't get me this, did you? Because I'm afraid that if you did, you and Carson are going to be having a few problems." The humor in his voice sailed through the air and wrapped itself around Regulus's heart. Squeezed and squeezed and squeezed in a way that wasn't painful. In a way that was only pleasant. In a way that Regulus loved.

"I did not," confirmed Regulus. "Though perhaps I should've considered it. I've always wondered whether I could beat Carson in a duel."

Barty laughed. A real, loud, genuine laugh. Regulus felt like he was going to melt at the sound. "No offense my love, but I do think that Carson would hold the upper hand."

Regulus gasped and clamped his hand over his heart in feigned offense. "Do you really have so little faith in me? Wow, perhaps my birthday-planning specialties should've been focused elsewhere."

Barty laughed again and leaned in to kiss him. Just a quick peck on the lips that made Regulus's heart feel as though it was going to beat out of his very chest. He drew back and placed the book on the mattress beside him to continue to the second (and final) letter. Regulus reached forward and grabbed the book to read the brief summary as Barty pondered over who could possibly have written to him. There were only four people in the entire world who would think enough about him to do so; one of them sat across from him, two of them had already written, and he was seeing the fourth for lunch in just over an hour.

For a brief moment, Barty allowed himself to contemplate the idea that it was his father. That his father had finally thought enough about him to write him a simple birthday letter. The thought alone was enough to bring about a shameful bit of happiness. He quickly quashed it though. After all, there wasn't much of anything that his father could ever do to make up for the years of mistreatment that he had forced Barty to suffer solely because he had been unfortunate enough to be born in the first place.

And besides, his dad had never been much of the letter type.

He decided to stop thinking about it. He opened the envelope and withdrew its contents. His brow furrowed when he felt an odd object in the center of the folded parchment. It felt vaguely like another slip of paper, though he couldn't be entirely sure. When he finally unfolded it and a small photograph fell into his lap, the odd shape suddenly made sense. Who would bother sending him a picture, though, was the question.

The letter itself was short. Less than a page. He eyed the name at the bottom of the page and raised his eyebrows in surprise before promptly reading the rest of its contents.

Regulus's boyfriend,
I do not remember your name. Do not take offense, I simply did not care much to remember it. So for now you will simply be referred to as Regulus's boyfriend. In fact, that is the entire reason for this letter at all. Do not think that I would voluntarily send you a letter without some sort of purpose.
I took this photo the night that your boyfriend invented that ridiculous plan. I am giving it to you because even with as much indifference as I might hold toward you, I do believe that you deserve to see it. I believe that you deserve to see how he looks at you. He looks at you like you are the only person that has ever existed and it is quite nauseating to look at. Even then though, I believe that you deserve to see it. I believe that you deserve to know how much he loves you.
Do not think that this makes us friends. I am merely sending you something that I believe you deserve to see. I would do it for most people because when they are being loved that completely  they deserve to be aware of it. Do not feel the need to reply to this letter.

O. Corriveau

Barty finished his quick read of the letter with his brow furrowed. He placed the parchment on the mattress beside him and picked up the photograph that had fallen in his lap. He looked at the picture, at the way that his mouth moved in a silent explanation. He looked at the shelves surrounding them and the books that were scattered out on the table before him. Only when his eyes landed on the figure of the boy beside him did Barty understand what she was talking about. Only then did his chest warm and a smile come to his face that he wasn't sure he would be able to force away even if he tried.

She was right. Regulus was looking at Barty as though he was the most magnificent thing that he had ever seen. As though he was a piece of art so beautiful that it was nearly unfathomable. When he looked up toward the boy in question, he saw that same look in his eyes. That same love. For a few moments, Barty felt like the luckiest person in the entire world.

"What's that?" Regulus asked, gesturing to the photo in his hands.

Barty didn't respond right away. Instead he simply leaned over the small remaining bits of food between them and wrapped Regulus into a tight hug. He squeezed him so tightly that Regulus thought his lungs might explode. He wasn't complaining though. He loved it. He always had. It made him feel safe, and safety was something that Regulus Black was never one to take for granted.

Barty kissed the conjunction point between Regulus's neck and jaw. "I love you," he whispered. His lips were so close to Regulus's ear that they nearly brushed and Regulus's entire chest erupted into a series of pleasant flutters. He smiled and held Barty as tightly as he could. As tightly as his arms would allow him.

"I love you too," he whispered in response. And Barty knew that. He knew it more than he ever had before. And he realized that it was quite a pleasant feeling, knowing that the love that you express is being reciprocated. Loving someone and being loved back, Barty decided, was one of the best feelings in the world.

"Do I look alright?"

"You look amazing."

Barty was staring at himself in the mirror. He adjusted his clothes and smoothed out the small wrinkles in his oxford. He put a tie around his neck and then promptly took it away, trying to decide which way looked better. He knew that his mum wouldn't care what he was wearing, that it wouldn't make much of a difference at all to her. Though that didn't mean that he didn't at least want to look presentable.

"Tie or no tie?"

"Tie, but not that one," Regulus replied from his perch on the bed beside Barty. "Make it green and I think it'll suit you better."

"What shade of green?"

"Dark green. You look good in dark green."

Barty promptly slipped his wand out of the waistband of his trousers. He held the tie in his hand and muttered the spell under his breath. He watched as a shade of dark green slowly spread itself across the fabric. Like a blotch of ink steadily spreading itself across a sheet of parchment. He put his wand back in its place and draped the tie around his neck once again.

"You were right," he finally said after a few moments of self-observation. He glanced over a saw a small smile slowly spreading itself across Regulus's lips as he began to tie the fabric around his neck.

"I know I was," he said. Barty breathed a quiet laugh. "You've always suited green."

"Not as much as you," argued Barty.

Regulus shook his head and wrinkled his nose by the smallest bit. "You look better in green. I think I look good in other colors, I'm just not sure that green is one of them."

"I think you look wonderful in green."

Heat spread itself like fire on the back of Regulus's neck and threatened to travel to his cheeks. "Thanks."

"Of course," Barty responded. He looked in the mirror once again and ran his hands through his hair. "Do I look alright? Honestly?"

Regulus didn't respond at first. Barty listened to the stretch of silence and frowned a bit as he started to turn around. To make sure that Regulus was even still there at all. Though before he could, Regulus's arms were wrapping around his waist and his chin was resting on Barty's shoulder. Barty couldn't help but smile as he placed his hands on top of Regulus's and met his eyes in the mirror.

"I think that you look perfect," Regulus whispered. He kissed the crook of Barty's neck and felt his worries being physically lifted from his shoulders at the sight of Barty's soft smile. The same soft smile that he had always reserved solely for Regulus. Regulus wasn't going to downplay it, for that smile certainly never failed to make him feel as though he was the most special person in the world.

"Thank you," Barty replied. "You look rather wonderful too."

Regulus wrinkled his nose a bit. "I'm wearing my pyjamas."

"And I think that you look wonderful in those pyjamas."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Suck-up," he muttered. Barty gasped in feigned offense and swatted lightly at Regulus's hands. Regulus released a quiet laugh and kissed Barty's jaw.

They stood in silence for a moment. Regulus held onto Barty and shut his eyes, humming quietly as Barty swayed the two of them back and forth. Eventually Regulus released a quiet sigh and opened his eyes to meet Barty's in the mirror.

"Shouldn't you be going soon?" He asked quietly. He craned his neck and twisted his wrist to glance at the watch that was wrapped around it. "You have to meet her in ten minutes."

"Yeah, I should." Barty was silent for a moment. He gave Regulus's arms a light squeeze, squeezing his own waist by association. "Are you sure that you don't want to come? I'm sure that she would love you, Reg. I know that she would love you."

Regulus was quiet. He stared at Barty, into the pools of brown that he had so comfortably found a home in. "I just... not this time. You haven't seen her in a long time, you deserve some alone time with her to catch up. I'll meet her another time, yeah?"

Something flickered across Barty's face. Something that Regulus couldn't decipher. A branch of their silent language that they hadn't quite mastered yet. It looked close to despair that had twisted itself with something unknown. Something that shaded it so heavily that Regulus couldn't be sure that it was even despair at all.

He smiled. It looked sad. Regulus couldn't help but frown. "Yeah, another time." He craned his neck and kissed Regulus's temple. "You'll just meet her another time."

"Are you sure that's alright? I mean... if you really want me to go-"

"No," Barty interjected at once. "If you don't want to then you don't have to, Reg. I'm not going to make you do something that you don't want to just because it's my birthday. You'll just meet her another time, my love." He grabbed Regulus's hands and slowly peeled his hands away from his waist. "I should get going though."

Regulus took a step back and stared at Barty when he turned around. He reached out silently and began fidgeting with his tie, turning his head from one side to the other as he adjusted it. "Have loads of fun," he said as he worked. He placed his hands on Barty's shoulders and smoothed out the fabric that covered them as he met his eyes. "I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

"I will," Barty said. "I'll see you in a bit." He leaned in and planted a quick kiss on Regulus's cheek before slipping past him. He slid his coat onto his arms and moved his shoulders to be sure that it was comfortably in place. "I love you."

"I love you too," replied Regulus with a smile. He waved to Barty as he exited the dorm, dropping down onto the edge of the bed. As soon as the door closed, Regulus's smile disappeared completely. He stared into the air before him and began scratching at the skin on the side of his thumb.

He released a heavy sigh that quickly morphed into a groan as he buried his face in his hands. He was already bored and when he was bored it never ended very well at all. But it was Barty's birthday and he had no right to be upset at all on the day that the best thing in his entire life had been born. So he leaned his head back and told himself to take it slowly. One minute at a time.

After five minutes his leg was bouncing to no end. After fifteen minutes the skin on the side of his thumb was raw and on the verge of breaking. After thirty minutes he was absently scratching at the wounds on his ribs just to feel the sharp pain of scabs coming undone. After fifty minutes he was searching the drawer beside his bed for the small carton of fags that he kept hidden at the very bottom. After ninety minutes his throat felt raw and his lungs felt charred.

As it turned out, the philosophy of one minute at a time wasn't exactly one that worked out for him.

A part of Barty was glad that Regulus hadn't come with him. This small bit of silent gratitude was only inflated when Barty saw his mum. She looked frail, sick. She was sick. He knew that, she knew that, his dad knew that, even the bloody Headmaster knew that. It truly seemed as though the only person who didn't know that she was still sick was Regulus.

Perhaps Barty should've felt bad about that. Though, given Regulus's current mental fragility and all of the problems that he was dealing with on his own, Barty didn't exactly feel that adding to his worries would benefit either of them. Besides, if it was any consolation, the fact that his mother was still sick was certainly among the less harmful secrets that he was keeping to himself.

Barty had hugged his mum. That was the first thing that he had done. He hadn't spoken to her, hadn't asked her how she was doing. He had simply hugged her because she was there and she was alive and Barty didn't know how long that would last. Nobody seemed to. So he had hugged her and closed his eyes and breathed in the lovely floral scent that she had always carried. That had always comforted him as a child.

Only when Barty was sitting across from her at a small table in the secluded corner of a rather empty restaurant did he tune back into the world around him. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Are you alright? Do you feel any better than you did last month?" In the grand scheme of things, perhaps it was quite sad that those were among the first words that he spoke to his mother. Perhaps it was unfair. It was unfair. It was cruel. It was everything that he knew about the world wrapped up and handed to him with a neat little bow on top.

"I'm fine dear," she replied. Her voice sounded fragile, broken in a way dissimilar to how Regulus's was. As though they were fractured in spots so different that it was hardly recognizable as a parallel of one another at all. "I've been well the past few days. I've been feeling well." She reached across the table and grasped Barty's hand in her own. "I promise dear, I've been well. I've been better."

Barty glanced at her hand. At the veins that spiderwebbed so clearly beneath her skin. At the discoloration. It was as though her skin was made of paper so thin that it could break with the smallest touch. The smallest bump. If this was how she looked when she felt better then Barty was at a loss for words as to how she must look when she didn't. Though, of course, he knew what she looked like when she wasn't feeling better. When her very bones were made of glass and her flesh ate away at itself as though she was a starving animal with no other options. He knew and that was exactly why he didn't like to think about it.

She withdrew her hand and gave Barty a smile so genuine that it was as though it glowed. "Your father says happy birthday."

Barty pursed his lips in disbelief. "Did he really?"

Her smile faltered by the smallest bit. "Well, I'm sure that he wanted to."

Barty knew that wasn't true. In fact, he would be surprised if his father even remembered that it was his birthday at all. Though of course he would; Barty's birthday, after all, was the day that he felt his entire life had been ruined. The day that he thought changed everything else in the world. The day that the worst thing in his life had been born. If it were possible, Barty was sure that his dad would set the whole day on fire. Erase it from existence. Get rid of it and go on with the rest of his life pretending that it had never existed at all. So of course he remembered it. He just didn't remember it with as much fondness as his wife.

"How are you doing?" She asked to break the silence that had settled itself over the two of them. "I know what you say in your letters but I can't help but to feel as though there's more that you aren't telling me." His mum had always been rather good at that. Telling when he was keeping things from her. Even with all of the problems of the world stacking up against her, she could always tell when the smallest hint of trouble dared to even cross his path.

Perhaps it was simply a mother's intuition.

"I'm good," he replied honestly. He was good. He was doing so good that day that he thought his heart was going to beat itself right out of his chest. Because Regulus, by all accounts, seemed happy. For the first time in quite a few weeks, he seemed genuinely content with the hands that he had been dealt. That day, in that moment, Barty was good. It didn't matter how much he hated his father, it didn't matter how worried he was for his mother. He was good.

His mum could hear the truth laced within the syllables of his words. She could see the joy flickering behind his pupils and the content glow that had painted itself across his skin. Her smile got so wide that the corners of her eyes became wrinkled. "And how is school going for you?"

He nodded his head slowly, thoughts of Regulus clouding every single inch of his mind. "It's going very well." A smile crept onto his face and he briefly looked toward his lap to conceal it.

"Well tell me about it!" She exclaimed.

Barty breathed a laugh and looked at her. At his happy and (somewhat) healthy mother. At the only person before Regulus who had ever loved Barty. At the first person who had ever made him feel safe. Comfortable. At the person who he would always run to when he would fall and scrape his knee as a child. He stared at her and silently thanked whoever may be listening for giving him a mother as wonderful as her.

He began his explanation. He told her about his entire year, about every single small detail. He told her about Regulus. A look of fondness came over her face at the name. At the mention of the only boy who she had ever known to make Barty's face light up the way it did when he was spoken about. At the boy who had been there for Barty when she couldn't be. At the boy who she hoped so desperately would continue to be there after she was gone. After every cell in her body had degenerated to nothing at all. She hoped that he would be there to pick up the pieces that her untimely death would inevitably leave Barty in.

Barty left out all mentions of what, exactly, Regulus was to him. He left out their arguments. He left out every single bad thing that had happened to Regulus in France. He left out the horrible details of Regulus's derailing mental health. Even then, though, there was enough details about the boy who Barty was so helplessly in love with to last him hours of conversation.

When Barty returned to the dorm, Regulus Black was laying down.

He had his back on the mattress, hands rested limply on his stomach. Barty was quiet as he entered, watching what Regulus was like when he didn't think that Barty was there at all. He watched Regulus sigh and begin scrunching his lips from one side to the other. He felt a smile coming to his face as Regulus appeared to try to touch his top lip to the tip of his nose. He gave up after just a few seconds, sighing again and tapping a rhythmless pattern on his stomach. Barty thought that he could stand there for the rest of his life. Watching Regulus do all of the things that made him so distinctly Regulus when he thought that no one else was looking. Sometimes he thought about the mere amount of love that he held for Regulus and it made him dizzy. He didn't know how someone could hold feelings as strong as he did for the boy before him and not explode after only a few minutes.

Barty shut the door behind him and watched Regulus's head spring up. Regulus's eyes turned from alarm to indifference to happiness all in one go. His mouth broke into a grin as he sat up and gestured for Barty to come sit with him. Barty did so without a single ounce of complaint.

"How was lunch with your mum? Did you have fun?" Regulus inquired, scooting toward Barty and resting his head on his shoulder the second he had sat down.

"I did," Barty confirmed. He wrapped an arm around Regulus's waist and kissed the top of his head. "What did you do while I was gone?"

Regulus shrugged. "I realized that there wasn't much planning left for me to do so I sort of just sat here. I read a little bit, then I got bored and started trying to see how many press-ups I could do in a row. The answer is fourty-seven in case you were curious."

Barty laughed. It was another genuine laugh, the kind that Regulus would sell his own bones to hear. "It's the Quidditch muscles," he said, lifted his arm and poking gently at the muscles of Regulus's bicep.

Regulus nodded. "I suppose that it is. What did you and your mum talk about? Is she doing well?"

Barty's smile slowly faded. He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, she - uh - she's doing very well." He kissed the top of Regulus's head to distract from any discrepancy that his voice may hold. "We just talked about school and how everything is going. It was really nice. Honestly, I think it was one of the best afternoons than I've had in a really long time."

"I'm very glad that you had fun, though I am a bit upset. How are my plans for later supposed to live up to one of the best afternoon that you've had?"

Another laugh as the lie slid from his shoulders and its weight momentarily disappeared from his conscience. "I'm sure that I'll love whatever you have planned, Reg. As long as I'm with you I'm sure it'll be wonderful."

Regulus grasped Barty's hand loosely in his own. "That's a bit sappy, is it not?"

Barty released a quiet scoff. "Shut up," he said, though he squeezed Regulus's hand to tell him that it was a joke. That he never wanted him to shut up. That he wanted him to keep talking until the end of time. That he could listen to Regulus's voice for hours on end and never once get bored of it.

Regulus's brows pinched together in the middle as he turned Barty's wrist over and glanced at the new silver watch that adorned it. "What's this?" He asked quietly.

Barty looked over and smiled a bit. "It's the watch that my mum gave me for my birthday. It's sort of a tradition, remember? Seventeen-year-olds getting watches on their birthday?"

Regulus lifted his head from Barty's shoulder quickly. "This is your watch?!" He immediately raised Barty's hand and studied the watch as closely as he could. Barty watched with adoration in his gaze as Regulus's eyes traced the engravings that surrounded the watch face itself. He smiled a bit when Regulus reached out and touched it so delicately that he was barely even touching it at all.

"D'you like it?" He asked quietly, bumping his head against Regulus's gently. His voice had a bit of a tease to it that made Regulus roll his eyes. "You're looking very studious there."

"I am simply admiring the watch that my boyfriend was given for his seventeenth birthday," he said. He dropped their hands onto the mattress at Regulus's side and turned to give Barty a brief kiss on the cheek. "I think it's lovely. Do you like it?"

Barty nodded. "I love it," he said. "My mum seemed a bit upset that it wasn't, like, an actual heirloom from my family. Apparently my dad wasn't too keen on giving the watch that he was given for his birthday to the biggest burden that his life has ever held. I still like it though. I think that the fact that it wasn't my dad's makes it better."

There was a frown on Regulus's face. He didn't comment on the way that Barty spoke about himself when he was doing so from the perspective of his father. Instead he simply gave him another kiss on the cheek, his hand a gentle squeeze, and he rested his head on Barty's shoulder once again. The two of them sat in silence for a few moments before Regulus suddenly sprang up with an exclaimed, "Oh!"

Barty watched Regulus with his eyebrows raised in surprise. Regulus opened the drawer in his nightstand and withdrew a small package, one shaped similarly to the one that he had given Barty that very morning (that one had contained a book. He had already read thirty-six pages). He turned and handed it to Barty with a grin on his face. "Happy birthday!"

If Barty had a galleon for every time Regulus had said those words to him that day alone, perhaps he wouldn't need to depend so much on the inheritance that he would inevitably gain from his family.

He took the package with a quiet sigh. "Reg-"

"I didn't need to get you one gift, let alone multiple. Yes, I know. However I already did and I am going to give them to you because that's what you deserve. Now unwrap the bloody thing so that I can tell you why I'm giving it to you in the first place." He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot impatiently as he watched Barty.

Barty sighed once again and slowly unwrapped the package in his hands. There was a small leather book hidden within, one so slim that he was fairly sure he could fold it and fit it in the pocket of his trousers. He tossed the wrapping paper onto the mattress and examined the book. The smoothness of the leather and the binding stitch that ran up and down the side of it. He glanced toward Regulus and opened his mouth to speak, though Regulus promptly cut him off before he could.

"Open it," he said.

Barty did as he was told. He opened to the first page and immediately recognized the neat scrawl of the boy who stood before him.

So that you can manage your thoughts.

R.A.B.

"You always complain about how you forget your thoughts before you can even fully dissect them," Regulus explained as Barty stared at the small message. "I got you this so that you can keep track of them. So that you can write them down and remember them for later." Barty looked up at Regulus through eyes that were glazed over by tears. Regulus quickly uncrossed his arms and frowned a bit. "Do you not like it? I can get you something else, I just thought-"

"I love it," Barty whispered. He didn't know why he was crying. He didn't know why such a seemingly insignificant gift had brought forth such a strange reaction. Perhaps it was simply thinking that this, this small leather-bound book with a seven-word inscription on the inside, was one of the most thoughtful gifts that he had ever received. "I love it. I love you. Fuck, Reg, I love you so much."

Regulus's frown turned itself into a smile. "I love you too," he replied gently. He dropped himself onto the bed and laid down, wrapping his arms around Barty's waist and dragging him down with him. Barty was quick to drop the small journal onto the mattress and wrap Regulus in his arms. Hold him close and kiss his face so many times that he was surprised his lips weren't leaving visible imprints.

Barty released a contented sigh after nearly twenty minutes of this. The back-and-forth of kissing each other and curling momentarily into one another's grip. Even as of that moment, at nearly four o'clock in the afternoon, Barty Crouch Jr. was having the best birthday of his life. The fact that Regulus supposedly had things planned to make it even better sounded nearly impossible.

"How long do we have?" Barty asked quietly. Regulus knew what he was talking about at once and briefly unwrapped Barty's arm from his waist. He glanced at the watch on his wrist before allowing Barty to resume his grip.

"A little over three hours."

Barty nodded slowly. "Can we stay like this?"

Regulus nodded in response and kissed the center of Barty's windpipe. "Of course we can." And they did.

"How do you even know about this?"

"Potter showed me over Christmas break. As much as I might hate him and my brother and their idiotic bunch of friends, they can prove to be quite useful sometimes."

They walked through the dark tunnel with nothing but the tips of their wands to use as light. It was cold and damp and Barty had to check his legs every few seconds to be sure that he wasn't covered in bugs. He didn't know where they were headed. Regulus had coincidentally omitted that bit of information. Barty wasn't scared though. He wasn't worried that Regulus was leading him toward some sort of death-trap. He trusted Regulus with his life. Perhaps that sort of blind trust was dangerous. Perhaps he shouldn't blindly follow dark-haired boys through even darker tunnels solely because they were lovely to look at.

Oh well, he thought, kill me. Split my spine in two. Carve my heart right out of my chest. Tear holes in my flesh. Hold my blood like water in your hands. Do whatever you please. Just please tell me that you love me while you do it.

Regulus stopped walking eventually. Barty stopped behind him and looked skeptically at the ladder-like thing that stuck out of the dirt wall before them. "Are we here?"

Regulus nodded. "We are." He held his wand as high as he could and caught the edges of what appeared to be a trap door. He sighed quietly before placing his wand between his teeth. "Follow me," he said (or that was what it sounded like at least). He began to climb the ladder and Barty followed him close behind. Not a second thought. Not a moment of doubt.

Regulus pushed open the small door above them slowly. He was quiet, wincing at every creak and groan that the old wood emitted. He glanced down at Barty and held out a hand, silently asking him to stay where he was for a brief moment. Barty did as he was told and watched as Regulus finished his climb and disappeared into a blanket of complete darkness.

Barty waited patiently for a few moments before the worry finally set in. He was about to ignore Regulus's request completely and step blindly into the dark just to be sure that Regulus was alright when he finally calm back into view. He poked his head out of the mysterious room that he had entered and held his hand out to help Barty up.

"Be quiet," he whispered, glancing up briefly before looking back toward Barty. "I dunno how light of a sleeper he is."

"How light of a sleeper who is?" Barty questioned. He climbed out of the tunnel and glanced at the dark room around him with curious eyes. There were shelves lining the walls, all containing unmarked boxes that didn't help to ease Barty's worries. "Where are we?"

"Honeydukes," responded Regulus simply.

"What?!" Regulus pressed a finger to his lips to shush Barty and glanced around to be sure that nobody lurking in the darkness was going to jump out at them. "Reg, we're in Hogsmeade?" He was quieter this time around.

Regulus nodded. "We are."

"What if he's upstairs? What if he thinks we're, like, trying to steal from him?"

"That's what I was checking. He's not upstairs. No one's up there. As far as I know, we're alone."

"Ok, but what if-"

"We can go back if you want," interjected Regulus. He held the trap door open and gestured into the dark tunnel below. "If you want us to go back, then we can go back. I promise I won't be upset. But we're not going to get caught here so if that's your only reason for wanting to leave then I do truly think that we should at least try to stay."

Barty released a quiet sigh. "Of course I want to stay." He wanted to do what Regulus wanted. He would do whatever Regulus wanted him to. If that was taking a quick little nighttime trip to Hogsmeade then so be it. If that was tearing his heart right out of his chest and watching him bleed then so bed it.

Anything for Regulus Black.

Regulus smiled. Barty wondered if anything in the world was really even that bad at all. How could a world so cruel produce a boy who was made of stardust? A boy who was thrust into the darkest voids in the world and still somehow managed to shine like the sun.

They moved slowly. Barty followed Regulus up the stairs, out of the door, through the empty shop. Only when they had stepped onto the street beyond did they breathe. Only when the glow of the lampposts bounced off of Regulus's pale skin did Barty hold his breath once again. Only when Regulus looked at him did Barty feel as though the very earth had frozen on its axis. Only when he smiled did everything resume as though it had never even paused at all.

Regulus nodded toward the street before them. "Shall we?" He asked quietly, brushing his fingers against Barty's hand for the briefest of moments. For a second full of fire that threatened to consume Barty completely.

And they did.

Barty didn't know what time they returned to that tunnel. He didn't know how long they had spent aimlessly wandering the streets of Hogsmeade with no one but each other for company.

All he knew was that he was happy. So impossibly happy. So drunkenly happy. He felt as though he had consumed enough alcohol to impair an entire army when in reality he hadn't even consumed a single drop. Not one. It was only Regulus. Regulus Regulus Regulus.

Regulus was like a drug. Like a special brand of ecstasy that not only allowed Barty to see all of the colors of the rainbow but also all of the ones hidden in between. All of the teals and magentas of the world were hidden within Regulus Black's gentle touch. All of the lavenders and cyans were concealed in his soft gaze. Barty couldn't get enough of it.

When they reached the dorm, Barty knew to be quiet. He knew that they couldn't wake the other boys that the room would contain. So he shut his mouth. He stopped whispering about how much he loved Regulus. About how thankful he was to have the boy in his life. About how lucky he was to have met him at all. About just how much he appreciated every single thing that Regulus had ever done for him. He paused and began making a mental list of every single word that he would say to Regulus when they were back in the confines of their bed. Of their own world. Of the imaginary universe that they had built together. The one with a complete and total population of two. The one that they had no interest in growing.

Regulus, though, wasn't being very subtle at all. In fact, he walked into the dorm talking quite loudly about how he wasn't sure it was possible for Barty to love him as much as he loved Barty. And just like that, when the door had opened and the first words heard by the occupants were, "I love you more than Sirius loves his bloody hair," Barty's heart dropped. His stomach sank to the floor. Every single muscle in his body tensed and he sobered up from the drug of his happiness so quickly that it was nearly nauseating.

He waited for the shouting. For the hell that was bound to break loose in the dorm. For the inevitable spells of defense that he was going to need to use for Regulus. To protect Regulus. He would use just about any spell in the book just to do that very thing.

To his surprise, no such thing came. Instead, he simply received a rather odd look from Regulus as he paused in the doorframe. "What's wrong?" He asked, still talking far too loudly for Barty's liking.

"Rosier and Travers," Barty practically hissed.

Regulus's brows knit together as he tilted his head a bit to the side. "They aren't in here." He said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Barty blinked in surprise. "What? How can you be sure?"

Regulus opened the door a bit wider and gestured inside. "See for yourself."

Barty stepped into the room carefully. His shoulders were still tense, his stomach still far too close to the ground for his liking. He glanced at the two beds across from his own. To his surprise, they truly were empty. He shot a questioning look toward Regulus as he closed the door behind the two of them. "How did you know that they weren't gonna be in here?"

"There's a late-night Quidditch thing on the pitch tonight," explained Regulus simply. "Everyone's going to be there. That's why it was so easy to sneak out to Hogsmeade; all of the teachers are busy in their rooms pretending that they don't know it's happening. Anyway, we should have the dorm to ourselves for a few hours at least. I would imagine that there'll be some sort of party after the match is finished."

Barty was frowning as Regulus dropped to his knees and began searching for something beneath his bed. "Why aren't you there?"

"Because I would much rather be spending time with you than a bunch of sweaty people who can barely see in the dark. Aha!" He withdrew a small box from beneath his bed and stood up. "Here it is."

"What's that?" There was a bit of caution in Barty's voice as he dropped onto the edge of his bed. Regulus walked toward him and held it out. "Are you serious?"

"Nope, that title unfortunately belongs to my wanker of a brother. Take it," he thrust it forward once again. "I'm not giving up until you open it."

Barty sighed. "You're far too good to me," he muttered as he took the box from Regulus's hands and slowly opened it. Regulus expressed his argument toward Barty's statement as Barty rifled through the contents of the box. It was full to the brim of Barty's favorite sweets. Every single thing that he had ever mentioned liking. He sighed quietly and glanced at Regulus with a mixture of gratitude and the smallest hints of vexation in his eyes. "Thank you, my love. I truly do appreciate this more than I can put into words. However I would appreciate it if you would stop showering me in gifts that I don't necessarily deserve."

Regulus waved a dismissive hand. "Of course you deserve it, don't talk like that. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, this truly is the least I can do. And besides, it's your birthday. What am I supposed to do, just tell you happy birthday and then move on as though it's just another normal day?"

Barty shrugged. "I wouldn't have been too peeved."

Regulus raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms once again. "Is that what you're going to do on my birthday?"

Barty furrowed his brow and looked at Regulus as though that was the most ridiculous thing that he had ever said. "What? Of course I'm not. I'm going to treat your birthday like the biggest bloody holiday of the year."

"Exactly! Stop being a hypocrite!"

Barty couldn't help the small laugh that escaped him. He was quick to revert his expression back to one of impassivity. His mouth proved to be particularly difficult, trying to force its way into a smile. Regulus smiled at the odd contortion of Barty's mouth and stepped toward him.

For a moment he simply stood. He stared at Barty and felt his smile slowly fading. He released the smallest of sighs as nerves crept up his legs. Laced around his hip bones and twisted uncomfortably in his abdomen. Lined his stomach and squeezed his lungs. Crawled up his throat and began eating away at his windpipe. Breathing felt difficult. He couldn't quite process a proper thought in the haze of anxiety that had filled his brain.

Barty frowned up at Regulus. He leaned over and dropped the box onto his nightstand before reaching out and grabbing Regulus's hands loosely in his own. "Reg?" He asked quietly. He squeezed both of his hands gently and fixed him with a look of utter concern. "What are you thinking about?" He squeezed again when no response came. "Please talk to me darling. Please. I love you, I just want to be sure that you're alright."

There it was. The thing that Regulus had needed to hear without knowing that he had needed to hear it at all. Because even on his birthday, even on a day that was supposed to be entirely about him, Barty still cared about Regulus. He still wanted to be sure that he was feeling ok. It was a sort of care that Regulus had seldom experienced in his life before Barty. Sirius had cared about him, sure, but that had been conditional. It had always been conditional. Even if it didn't feel like it had then, even if conditions hadn't been set into place when they were just young boys trying to do nothing but survive in a family full of monsters, the conditions came. The conditions were set into place. Regulus didn't know whether to feel lucky or unfortunate that those very conditions had tainted nearly every memory that he had with his brother. The good and the bad.

Barty's care, though, truly did seem unconditional. As though no matter what Regulus did, no matter what they were to one another, he would always care. Always.

Regulus moved slowly. He pulled his hands out of Barty's gentle grip and maneuvered his way into sitting with one leg on either side of Barty's hips. Their chests pressed together. Their breaths dancing in the small pocket of air between them. He placed his hands on Barty's shoulders and felt Barty's hands resting comfortably on his hips.

"Are you alright?" Barty inquired once again. His voice was barely above a whisper. Barely above a breath. The concern was still present in his eyes. Concern that a twisted part of Regulus found comfort in.

Regulus nodded his head slowly. "I'm alright," he whispered in response. There was a breathlessness to his voice that Barty couldn't quite understand. That he couldn't quite decipher. "I just... I do have one more birthday present for you."

Barty released a quiet groan and leaned his head back for the briefest of moments. He promptly righted it and stared directly into Regulus's eyes. Into those lovely stormy seas of grey. "Reg, you've already given me far too many things today."

"I know," said Regulus. "I just... it's just one more thing. Please."

Barty sighed. He absently moved his thumbs in small circles on Regulus's hips as he gave the smallest nod of agreement. "Alright. Just one more." He emphasized the number, indicating that he absolutely would not accept anything more than one thing from the boy who had already given him far too much. "What is this mysterious final gift?"

Regulus didn't respond right away. Instead he simply stared. Studied Barty's face. Memorized every detail. Every freckle. The precise locations of each individual hair that made up his eyebrows. The curl of his eyelashes. The shape of his nose. The curve of his cheeks. He memorized Barty as though he was the most magnificent thing in the world because he was. To Regulus Black, he always would be.

When he finally did respond, it wasn't verbal. He leaned in and brushed his lips against Barty's, their noses bumping lightly. The kiss started softly, their lips hardly even touching at all. Regulus's heart was racing inside of his chest, his breaths heavy with the anxiety that was still sitting uncomfortably in his stomach. It wasn't anxiety bred by doubt, bred by the idea that he didn't want to do what he was about to. It was simply anxiety. Nervous energy bred by the thought of not giving Barty every single thing that he deserved.

When Regulus finally deepened the kiss, it wasn't necessarily deep at all. Their lips moved together slowly. Their tongues brushed each other gently. Barty's arms closed around Regulus's waist. Regulus arched his back in response, Barty's grip only tightening to accommodate it. Regulus's hands cups Barty's cheeks. For a few moments, that was just them. Soft touches and a gentle kiss. Their own small world that no one else was allowed to occupy. Only them.

Regulus moved his hands slowly. Tested the waters. He slid them down the sides of Barty's neck and rested them on his shoulders. His touch then traveled to the upper-most button that hadn't already been undone. He held it for a moment and tried to feel it out. Tried to feel any sort of indicator that Barty didn't want him to continue. But he was still kissing him and his grip wasn't loosening. Regulus determined that it was likely safe and slowly slipped the button through its hole.

He continued like this. Slow. Gentle. Undoing the buttons of Barty's shirt so carefully that one might think he was handling an active explosive. He had pulled the bottom hem of his shirt from where it had been tucked into his trousers and undid the final buttons that had been concealed. Only then did he pause. Only then did he break the kiss. Only then did he rest his forehead against Barty's and stare into the lust-filled eyes of the boy across from him. Their breaths were impossibly heavy, mixing together in the air between them like two slow dancers. Intertwining so heavily together that they became one unbroken cloud.

Regulus brought his hands back up to Barty's shoulders and slowly began to slide his oxford off. Barty released his grip on Regulus's waist only momentarily to allow Regulus to slip it off of his arms and remove it from his torso completely. He quickly reclaimed his hold as Regulus tossed the shirt to the side and stared. For just a moment, he simply stared.

When he leaned in to kiss Barty again, he wasn't kissing his lips. He was kissing his chin. And then he was kissing his jaw. Sucking gently on his skin and feeling the goose pimples that rose across Barty's arms at the sensation. Traveling down his neck, his hands sliding along Barty's chest. Warm skin juxtaposing almost painfully with Regulus's own cold fingers.

Barty leaned his head back and released quiet sighs of enjoyment as Regulus continued. Across his neck and down the center of his windpipe. A trail of soft kisses that spanned the hollows of his clavicle. Across his chest. Down the center of his ribs. Over his stomach. When he finally stopped, Regulus had slipped himself off of Barty's lap and perched himself on his knees between those of Barty. His hands were rested on Barty's thighs, his lips red and glistening with the thinnest sheen of saliva.

He stared at Barty. He watched as the boy lowered his head and met Regulus's eyes. Brown on grey. Stars were born and entire ecosystems were created within their gaze. Barty's lips were slightly parted, his teeth just barely showing. His chest heaved a bit more than it normally did. Regulus didn't move, simply stared. Admired. Wondered how someone as beautiful as Barty Crouch Jr. could exist at all.

When he finally did move, it was slow once again. His right hand slowly slid up Barty's thigh. A bit to the left. His hand ghosted its way over Barty's trousers and he watched as Barty's entire body reacted. As the muscles in his abdomen flexed and he leaned his head back for the briefest of moments to release something akin to a groan. Regulus returned his hand to Barty's thigh and waited for the words to be said. For Barty to give Regulus the verbal permission that he needed before he chose to continue.

"You don't have to," Barty breathed. "Please don't feel like you need to."

"I want to," Regulus said quietly. His throat felt dry, the hoarseness in his voice giving that away quite successfully.

Barty took a moment to stare at Regulus. Studied the way that he looked in that moment and felt a hole opening up in the pit of his stomach that threatened to consume him completely. "Are you sure?" He asked.

Regulus nodded. "I'm sure." And he was. And Barty could hear that in his voice. A brief moment of silence followed in which Regulus slowly slid his hand toward the buckle of Barty's belt. "Can I?" He requested quietly.

Barty didn't hesitate much at all. In fact, the only reason that there was even a second of pause at all was because he needed to swallow his spit and ease the desert that had suddenly found a home in his throat. "Yes," he breathed. His voice was a bit deeper than it normally was. Rougher. As though bits of gravel were sticking themselves to his every word. "Yes. Fuck, Regulus, yes."

Regulus immediately moved his other hand to the buckle of his belt and undid it. He pulled down the zipper of his trousers and began tugging them down Barty's legs, Barty lifting his hips momentarily to allow him to do that very thing. Regulus shoved Barty's trousers off to the side and hooked his thumbs beneath the waistband of Barty's boxers.

Regulus didn't even need to answer the question. The moment his eyes locked back onto Barty's, Barty began to nod his head so hastily that a part of Regulus was worried he might pinch a nerve. Regulus didn't need to hesitate. He didn't need to take a moment to question whether he was only doing his to please Barty. To do what he thought Barty wanted him to do. Because he knew that wasn't true. He knew that he wanted to. He knew. So he pulled down Barty's boxers and felt his heartbeat rise to his throat.

He took a moment to stare. Allowed his eyes to rove over Barty as a whole. Every single inch of him. He silently studied every part of Barty and found that nothing had changed. Nothing at all. In Regulus Black's opinion, Barty was still the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.

When he focused his attention back on the task at hand, his nerves returned. His hands were shaking nervously. He gathered as much spit into his mouth as he possibly could and swallowed it down. Eased the dryness of his throat. Because right then, Regulus's only thought was making Barty feel good. His only concern was that he wouldn't make him feel good enough. It was Barty's first time doing anything of this sort and Regulus was determined to make it good. To make Barty feel exactly how Regulus knew he deserved to feel. To make him feel as good as Regulus knew that he should.

With that goal in mind, Regulus set to work trying to achieve it.

Barty's head fell back the moment Regulus made contact with him at all. His mouth hung open and his eyes fluttered shut as unrelenting sounds of pleasure began spilling from his parted lips. In truth, Barty had never thought that it was even possible to feel as good as he did in that moment. He had experienced one brief sexual encounter with Regulus when they had been in France, but even that seemed like nothing compared to now. Compared to the way that Regulus was making him feel. Every single muscle was reacting to Regulus's mouth, every single bone melting beneath his touch. Barty didn't know how people experienced something as good as this on a regular basis and didn't lose their minds to the ecstasy that he was undergoing.

His arms shook as they strained to keep his torso upright. His entire body felt like it was trembling, his muscles spasming from the feeling that Regulus was giving him. He clutched the sheets of his bed so tightly in his fists that his knuckles were white. When Regulus did something - he wasn't entirely sure what it was - to make him feel a particularly large burst of pleasure, Barty moved one of his hands. He tangled it in Regulus's hair, tugging at the loose curls that he so loved. His other arm nearly gave out under the new weight that it was being meant to support, but Barty didn't care. He didn't care about much of anything at all other than Regulus's mouth and Regulus's hands and Regulus. His brain was nothing but a fuzzy cloud of Regulus Regulus Regulus.

When Barty finally came undone beneath Regulus's touch, he made a sound so loud that he would be surprised if the people in their surrounding dorms didn't hear it. But he didn't care. He didn't know if he could've care if he had wanted to. His fist instinctively clenched so tightly in Regulus's hair that he released something akin to a quiet whimper.

Regulus waited until he was positive that Barty was finished before he finally stopped. He weaned Barty from his touch slowly until finally he removed any contact at all. Barty's hand had long-since left his hair, going back to its assistance in holding him up. Regulus grabbed Barty's boxers from the floor beside him and slowly slid them back into their place before he moved.

He winced a bit at the soreness of his knees as he stood. He quickly slid himself back into his previous seating position, slowly tilting Barty's chin until their eyes locked. Barty was breathing in a series of short pants, his muscles still trembling beneath his skin as he came down from the high of what he had only just experienced. Regulus's breathing was heavier as well, though he was sure to breathe through his nose. To keep his mouth closed. He was swallowing his spit every few seconds, trying desperately to ease his impossibly sore throat. The faintest hints of a tear-track trailed from the corners of both of his eyes, only barely visible through the darkness that was still so successfully surrounding them.

"Happy birthday my love," Regulus finally whispered. His voice was ragged, so hoarse that it sounded as though he had been screaming for an hour straight.

Barty didn't say anything. He just kissed him. He kissed him because he loved him. Oh, did he love him. More than words could describe. More than physical pleasure could ever express. He loved Regulus with everything that he had. As though he was half of Barty's soul and he was so impossibly incomplete without him.

He could just vaguely taste himself on the tip of Regulus's tongue. He released a strangled sort of noise, one that fell from his mouth and directly into Regulus's. I love you, he thought. I love you I love you I love you.

Regulus was the one to break the kiss. He rested his forehead against Barty's and smiled at him. Smiled in a way that reached his eyes. That traveled down his throat and wrapped itself around his heart. He smiled and Barty couldn't help but smile back because he loved him so much. So unfathomably much. So much that he couldn't even begin to find the words to describe it.

"Wow," Regulus joked, the soreness of his throat clear in the way that he whispered, "was I really that good?"

"I love you," Barty finally whispered. His voice was just as rough as Regulus's, just as grainy. He figured that if he was going to describe the love that he held for Regulus in a way that was even a little bit successful, those were probably the three words that he should use to start.

Regulus's smile grew. His cheeks glowed pink. It wasn't as though Barty could see it, but he could feel it. He could always feel it. "I love you too."

Barty kissed him again. He wanted to kiss him for the rest of his life. Until the day that he died.

If I'm going to die, he thought, let it be now. Let it be with him. Don't let me die alone. I don't want to die alone.

Regulus stood up eventually. He bent over for the briefest of moments and rubbed his knees before he changed into his pyjamas. Barty was too busy thinking about him to notice when he turned away to change his shirt. To notice when he concealed his bare ribs from Barty's gaze. Perhaps that was the worlds birthday gift to Barty. Not today, it whispered, not tonight. You can have this. You've had enough sadness. I'll give you this. I'll give you him.

I'll give you him and then I'll rip him right out of your grasp.

Regulus and Barty laid down when Regulus had finished changing. Barty didn't bother putting any other clothes on, simply opting to sleep in his boxers. He held Regulus close to him, running his hand along the length of his spine. He wanted Regulus to know. He wanted him to know how much he cared for him. How much he loved him. How much he cherished every single waking moment that he got to spend with him.

He just wanted him to know. He needed him to know.

There was a thought on his mind. It had been there since Regulus's touch had initially left him. Perhaps it had been there long before that. He wasn't entirely sure. His mind was still a bit fuzzy 'round the edges.

"Reg?" He asked quietly. It didn't mater how long it had been on his mind. It was on his mind then, in that moment, and he figured that there was no harm in expressing it.

"Yeah?" Regulus croaked.

Barty was quiet for a moment. He moved his hands from Regulus's spine to his shoulders and pushed him back gently. He didn't want Regulus to leave him completely, he only wanted to be able to look at him. For brown to meet grey. For planets to be born. "Can I ask you something?" He requested.

Regulus nodded his head at once. "Anything." He was tracing stars over Barty's heart. Rather ironic considering the fact that Barty was fairly certain that his heart had always had an empty pocket in that very shape. One that the boy across from him had so-successfully filled.

Barty's eyes flickered between either of Regulus's. "I just... you can say no. I want you to know that you can say no. Please don't feel obligated to say yes for whatever reason. If you want to say no then you can say no."

Regulus nodded again, slower this time. "Alright...?"

Barty was quiet again. "Can I... can I touch you?" He watched Regulus's skin dim. Watched the glow slowly recede until only faint traces were left over. "You can say no, as I just said. I just... I just want to make you feel as good as you made me feel. I want you to... you deserve that. You deserve to feel good, Reg. I want to make you feel good."

Regulus was silent. He was thinking Barty's question over, turning it over in his mind and studying every angle. A part of him had known that it was coming. That it was inevitable after what he had done for Barty. Though that part hadn't necessarily prepared a response. He knew that he was ready to touch Barty, he had known that he was ready for quite a while. Though being touched by Barty was a different story. It was a bridge that he hadn't yet crossed. One that he wasn't sure he wanted to. One that he wasn't sure he was ready for.

He swallowed. "I... I would prefer it if you didn't." He waited for the disappointment.

He was stuck waiting for something that never came. Because where Regulus had expected displeasure, all he saw was reassurance. Comfort. A smile that told Regulus that his answer was alright and that it truly was ok if he wasn't quite ready yet. A smile that calmed Regulus's nerves and made him feel, for the first time, that saying no wasn't something that he needed to feel guilty about. Wasn't something that he needed to tear himself up about.

Barty kissed the tip of his nose. "Alright my love." He kissed the space between his brows. "I can still hold you though, right?"

Regulus smiled again. Just like that, the glow was back as though it had never left at all. "You can still hold me," he confirmed.

Barty did just that. He pulled Regulus toward him again. He kissed the top of his head and felt Regulus burying his face into the crook of his neck. He resumed his motion of gently stroking Regulus's spine. He thought about the boy in his arms and listened to the steady breaths escaping his lungs and wished that he was a poet. That he had the ability to write sonnets about Regulus Black and how much he loved him. Write ballads about Regulus's forms of love. His forms of expression.

He wished that he could give Regulus everything that he deserved and so, so much more. But that wasn't exactly possible, so he settled for holding him and being sure that he felt safe. That he felt loved. He, at the very least, needed Regulus to feel loved. Because being loved, Barty had decided that very day, was among the best feelings in the world.

"So?" Regulus finally asked. His voice was muffled by the crook of Barty's neck, though he made no attempt to move his head. "Did you have a good birthday?"

Barty breathed a laugh because that question held one of the most obvious answers that he had ever heard. "I had the best birthday in the world." And he meant it almost as much as he meant it when he told Regulus that he loved him. With every single part of his being.