I stretched out my arms and took a deep breath. My mind tugged at me to get up, but I found myself staring blankly up at the white ceiling. The same strange feeling that I received whenever I awakened here filled me up. It's been weeks since I arrived here, but I still couldn't get used to it. I guess I just can't believe it sometimes. If I was told two months ago someone told me that I would have food, shelter, and a good night's sleep, I'd laugh in their face and tell them they were just dreaming.
Speaking of food, though...
I put a hand on my stomach. It wasn't so caved in like it used to be back when I was on the road. I was starting to actually have some meat on my bones, and it made me realize how scavenging for months and not knowing when your next meal would be can really take a toll on your body. I was sick the first day I started eating, I couldn't deal with having so much food at once after having close to nothing before. This was all just...surreal.
When I got up I realized that I must have slept in because almost everyone was up. Actually, everyone was up. I saw Walter talking to Jackal at a table and Sienna and Abbey were reading something. I was glad that Walter was settling in good, even though he had put a gun to Liam's head when we first met, and soon later held a gun to my face. Despite that, he hasn't caused any more problems, and I could understand where he was coming from with doing whatever it took to protect a loved one, even if it meant putting a gun to someone's head.
Speaking of Liam, I looked to see where he was on my trek to the kitchen. He was standing lazily at the doors, his crossbow slung around his back, and a bored expression on his face. This was usually how the days passed in the cafeteria, either we were on shift, did a past time, or slept. Sometimes, there was excitement, but it wasn't a common thing.
Walking into the kitchen, I found a can of peaches and a spoon. The usual. Then I started back toward Craig, ready to have our daily lunch together. Sometimes I liked to think that maybe he'd wake up one day to find me eating peaches in front of him, completely healthy. He'd be so surprised.
We always talked about a safe haven when we were in the apartment. Somewhere that we could go to live, to not worry about our next meal or if each moment would be our last. A place where tomorrow would be a promise again.
I settled myself on the bed next to him, brushing the hair out of his eyes. It was getting longer. He was definitely going to need a haircut when he woke up.
"Hey," A voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned around to see Lucy sitting upright on her hospital bed. She had a bubbly look to her. It might have helped that she had the biggest smile I'd seen on anyone since the virus started.
"Hey," I said, smiling faintly. I couldn't help but smile even just a little, she had an optimistic air that just lit up the room. She was also incredibly beautiful, even though she seemed quite emaciated. Her cheek bones were prominent, but her hazel eyes and long lashes complimented the freckles that splayed across her cheeks. She almost had a doe like essence about her.
"Your name is Lease, right?"
"Yeah," I said. "Lucy, right?"
"Yeah," she nodded, pulling her chestnut colored hair over her shoulder. "I just wanted to thank you again. My dad, um, Walter, was a little nervous about things."
"You weren't?" I asked. I instantly felt a bit rude for saying that.
"I was," she admitted, but her warm smile didn't falter. "But I'm a little bit of an optimist. I just kept hoping that things would get better, especially since we got to the hospital. And here we are."
"Here we are," I said, studying her. It was incredibly how she even managed to remain optimistic, especially with a baby on the way. I willed my instincts to give some sort of sign that she was off, that she was dangerous, but I couldn't feel a thing. She seemed genuine.
I noticed that she was no longer staring at me, but looking towards the lunch tables. Walter was with Jackal, playing some sort of card game and laughing like the world hadn't ended.
"He's much happier around people," she said, her voice growing almost dismissive. "I miss him being so happy."
"It's hard to be happy nowadays," I said in a voice so small that I was surprised she heard it. My eyes found Liam as we sat there. He was standing guard as usual, cleaning off the arrows that had snapper remains on them.
"He's cute," She said, catching me off guard. She laughed a little, motioning toward him. "Are you two together?"
"W-what?" I sputtered out. I was even more caught off guard by that one. After the initial shock, an awkward laugh rattled off my throat as Lucy looked at me with anticipation, smirking. "Um, no."
"Really?" She asked, eyebrows raised.
"Yeah," I said, shaking my head and looking down to my fingers. I could feel the heat creeping into my face. God, why did I feel like this? "Why would you think so?"
"You guys look like it," she said. "It's the way he looks at you. And it's clear to see he's protective over you."
After a few moments, I shook my head.
"I don't see it," I lied, returning my attention to Craig. "Besides, there's nothing between us."
"Mm," She said, looking at me, then to Craig. "Who's that? If you don't mind me asking..."
"His name is Craig," I said, my small smile fading. "He was part of the last group I was with."
Her gaze stuck on the bandaged stump that was his wrist.
"There was an accident," I said, glancing from her to him. "He was bit. I had to cut off his hand. He lost a lot of blood so I came here. Then, I met Liam and the others and here we are."
"Here we are," she said, smiling at me.
"Yeah," I said, smiling, but my smile fading as I looked to Craig. "I'm just really worried about him. He wasn't woken up in a long time. He's my best friend."
"The father was my best friend," She said, motioning toward her stomach. "He was a good man. We'd been high school sweethearts. Everyone knew us. And then we went to different colleges. It was hard, but we managed to make it work. And then one night he came over and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant and the world decided to end."
She let out a humorless laugh, but then grew somber.
"He was such a good man," she said, more to herself than to me. "He sacrificed himself to save us, to get me and this little one here back to my father. It was a miracle we managed to get out. I thought for sure that we were doomed."
"I'm sorry," I said, feeling nothing but genuine sympathy. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love."
"Honestly?" She started, shaking her head and giving me that same warm smile from before. "Everyone does in this world we live in. You have to move on, though, if you want to survive. You can't blame yourself for something that's inevitable. I can't be stuck in the past, I have to stay strong for this little guy."
"I have a feeling you're going to like it here, Lucy," I said, smiling at her. It was this moment that I decided that I liked her.
"Hey, girls," Darlene's voice rang out. I didn't even realize that she was near.
"Checking up on Craig?"
"Yes," She said. "You, too, Lucy."
"Yes, Ma'am," Lucy said, smirking. Darlene laughed as she tended to Craig, checking his vitals and putting a new bag in his IV. Before she moved to Lucy, however, she pulled me aside.
"Can you talk to Liam?" She asked me, completely serious. "He hasn't been looking good these past few days."
"Of course," I answered automatically. Her face softened a bit at my response, but I could still see the worry in her face. My eyes caught her sleeve and I wrapped my palm around her arm. "You've been clean right?"
Her mouth opened slightly, but she nodded. I eyed her suspiciously, but made a mental note to check later.
"Alright," I said. "I'll be back."
I started toward the doors, but I was only five feet away when Liam let out a sigh.
"Going to have to try harder than that if you want to surprise me, Sunshine."
"What gave me away this time?" I asked, trying to sound overly disappointed. He smirked at that, but didn't look over toward me until he finished polishing his arrow.
"Too loud," he said, looking at my feet and then moving his gaze to meet my eyes. "What brings you to the doors?"
I hesitated for a second.
"Darlene said you weren't feeling too good."
"Darlene needs to stop worrying."
"Tell me about it," I said, rolling my eyes. He let out a low laugh, but didn't meet my gaze. Something was wrong with him, which was certain. But I wasn't sure if he'd tell me. So, it was time to take a chance. "Come with me."
His eyebrows raised as he looked at me.
"Out there?"
"Yes, out there," I said. He gave me an even stranger reaction.
"Someone has to watch the door," he said, shaking his head. "It's my watch."
"Wait here," I said, running over to Jackal and Walter. Liam tried to grab me back, but I shrugged him off.
"Hey," I said, coming up to them. "Jackal, I need a favor."
"What is it?" he asked. Liam was walking over.
"Could you watch the doors?" I asked him. "Walter can go over there with you. I want to go out with Liam."
"Sure," He said as Liam came up next to me.
"Jackal, no, don't worry about it," Liam started, "It's my watch-"
"It's fine," jackal said, raising a hand. "Go."
"Come on," I said, grabbing his wrist and leading him towards the door. As soon as we got there we said our goodbyes to Walter and Jackal and went into the hall.
"What are we doing?" Liam asked me as I led him out of the hall and into the lobby. The sharp inhale of the scent of rotting flesh burned, but I shrugged it off.
"We are letting off steam," I said. My eyes scanned the area for a snapper and it didn't take long before I found one. It was a police officer, short hair that looked to be balding along with half of its organs falling out its ribcage. "Watch me."
I gripped my machete so hard my knuckles grew white. Letting out an exhale, I rushed toward it, swinging the machete as hard as I could at the head of it, making a clean cut.
"Now you," I said, motioning toward another snapper coming out from the hall. "I bet you have a lot of pent up anger. You've been locked in a cafeteria for eight months. You should be filled with pent up energy."
"Maybe a little," he said, looking unsure. "There's not many of them around down here."
"Then let's find some," I said as though it were a simple solution. I walked over down a hall to the stairs and he followed without question. We traveled up the stairs, killing every snapper we saw until we got to the door that led to the roof.
We both exchanged glances, as if wondering who was going to make a decision first. I moved forward, placing my palm on the door and pushing. The air was fresher than that of the hospital, and it was nice to breath in the outside. Goosebumps traveled throughout my body at the light breeze that hit us.
"Don't forget to hold the door," I said to him as he stepped out. He looked around to grab something to put in the door, but didn't see anything. That's when we both saw a stray arm. I raised my brow as if in a silent question, and then walked over and tossed it to him. He set it down, serving as a door jam.
We both walked out around the barren roof top, but kept within arm's length of each other. The sky was grey and looked as though it were about to rain. We wouldn't have long up here, but I was grateful for the moment. The air was glorious to my lungs. The silence was wondrous. It made me realize how much I missed everything, especially the smell of rain.
As we neared the edge, Liam looked off into the mass of destruction without shock, but a hard expression. We didn't speak out loud, but it felt like so much was being said. A certain nostalgia took hold of us as we searched into the distance for something we would never once again see- the past.
Eight months since. Eight months later. Eight months passed. I had lost everything in eight months. Somewhere in those eight months I lost myself. I could remember where I lost parts of myself, but not where I lost myself as a whole. I don't think I'll find that girl I was ever again. I wasn't sure I was okay with that. I didn't have a choice. I never had much of a choice since this thing.
I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see the overturned cars, the dead bodies, the broken glass, the bullet shells, or any of it.
"Sometimes," I started, pausing to clear my throat. "Sometimes I think that if I close my eyes and imagine hard enough, I can pretend that everything is back to normal. I can pretend that none of this ever happened and that I haven't lost everything. I can pretend that everything will be okay."
Silence.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, but didn't flinch.
"I can't say it's going to be okay," he started. "But I'm going to try and make it okay."
I exhaled.
"Let's go," He said to me. I opened my eyes and we exited the roof and walked back to the cafeteria; we went back to our sanctuary and our prison.
While we walked down I looked at Liam. His eyes were something else. They were warm, but now they were beginning to look rough. I wondered what he saw in my eyes. Did he see the darkness? Did he see pain? Did he see anything?
I thought about what Lucy said. Was he really protective over me? We've only known each other a month. He'd protect anyone. That's just the kind of person he was. Not that I really knew who he was. We were both strangers deep down.
He had trust issues and as did I.
He had his demons and as did I.