He told her everything and when she didn't leave him, like he thought she would, he knew this is his chance to make things right. That night he fell asleep with her in his embrace and a promise that she'll never leave him. They both fell asleep with smiles on their faces. When he told her, he loves her, she never said it back, she just kissed him and that was enough for him. It made him think that she doesn't love him like he loves her, but still feels something towards him and he was right.
She still wasn't capable of loving but every day in his arms, she was closer to that. She was afraid of him and what he was capable of, but she knew that in past he wasn't himself.
Another week passes and today was the first day Harry recoding. The plan was that for these two weeks we are here, he records as much as possible and when we get to LA he'll continue recoding in one of their studios there.
I still haven't cleared my feelings towards Harry and I feel so bad every time he says he loves me, because I'm not capable to say it back.
And the thought of Harry only playing with me, is haunting me. But it disappears every time he hugs, kisses, holds me. Because nobody is capable of pretend to love. And I can feel his love.
"So what will be the album title?" I asked when we were returning from a long day in studio, hand in hand.
"I was thinking about 'The piece of my world'." he grins at me.
"You serious?" my eyes wide by his answer.
"Yeah. If you haven't noticed already, the whole album is about you." he blushes, "And I think that'd be the perfect title." he leans down, kissing my forehead.
I smile but stay quiet.
He is so fair with me, so careful that he won't say or do something wrong, every time he holds me, it was like I'm made of glass. He opened to me, told me about his past, yet I still haven't told him about my father and it was killing me.
"So when will I be able to see the soundtrack?" I say to distract myself from thinking.
"I can show it to you, back at the hotel."
I nod in response.
"The other day I've heard you singing a song I've never heard. Something about being afraid." I look up to him and our eyes met.
"You heard that? I thought you were showering." he looks away, embarrassed a little.
"I did. It was nice. I'd like to hear it, I really love the tune and I want to hear the lyrics."
"I'll play it for you." he says distantly as he's thinking something.
We get back to the hotel and he hands me a list of twelve titles.
I smile at him and start reading.
'The piece of my world:
1. Look around
2. By the sea
3. She's not afraid
4. Love me a little
5. Lost
6. Found
7. Labyrinths
8. Horror story
9. Not that important
10. Tattoos and memories
11. L.
12. Vodka girl'
I like the track list, and I've already heard most of these songs, except 'She's not afraid' and 'Love me a little'.
Really most of the songs are about me and they were all beautiful. All in rock style and the lyrics were simply amazing. Some of them are up beat like 'Found', 'Not that important' and 'Vodka girl', some are extremely emotional and slow like 'Look around' that is also my favorite, 'Lost' and 'L.' that he wrote after she died.
"What do you think?" he breaks the silence.
I look at him and smile lazily.
"I really like it. Can I hear She's not afraid now?" I carefully ask.
He nods and leaves to get his guitar.
He clears his throat and plays a few random chords on the guitar.
He start playing a sweet, not to slow not to fast, melody.
"She sneaks out in the middle of the night, yeah
Tight dress with the top cut low
She's addicted to feeling of letting go, oh, ohoo, let it go"
He start singing and I feel like every word is telling my life story.
"She walks in and the room just lights up
But she don't want anyone to know
That I'm the only one who gets to take her home, oh, ohoo
Take her home"
He continues and at this part in just concentrated on his voice all raspy and beautiful as always.
"But every time I tell her that I want more
She closes the door
She's not afraid of all the attention
She's not afraid of running wild
How come she's so afraid of falling in love
She's not afraid of scary movies
She likes the way we kiss in the dark
But she's so afraid of f-f-falling in love
Ohoo"
He sings what I believe is the chorus. He is looking at me the whole time, waiting for my reaction.
"Maybe she's just trying to test me
Wanna see how hard I'm gonna work
Wanna see if I can really tell how much she's worth
What your worth"
He sings and I hear a silent gasp leaving my mouth, realizing what is he singing about.
"Or maybe all her friends have told her
Don't' get closer he'll just break your heart"
This part reminds me of Niall and how would he'd reacted if I told him I'm dating Harry.
"But either way she sees in me and it's just so hard (So hard)
'Cause every time I tell her how I feel
She says it's not real"
I make another sound and by now I'm not even listening to his singing or the melody, I'm just listening to the words, that are hitting me straight into my heart.
"She's not afraid of all the attention
She's not afraid of running wild
How come she's so afraid of falling in love
She's not afraid of scary movies
She likes the way we kiss in the dark
But she's so afraid of f-f-falling in love
Ohoo
What about all the things we said
Talking on the phone so late
I can't let her get away from me (Ohh)"
He sings and I feel tear slipping down my cheek. He sang me a lot of his songs for me, but none of them got me this hard.
"When I say that I can't do it no more
She's back in my door
She's not afraid of all the attention
She's not afraid of running wild
How come she's so afraid of falling in love
She's not afraid of scary movies
She likes the way we kiss in the dark
But she's so afraid of f-f-falling in love (Ohoo, ohoo)
She's not afraid
She's not afraid (Ohoo, ohoo)"
He finishes and everything went quiet. I could hear our breathing, that is cut by my sobs. I quickly stand up and run to the bathroom.
I lean down the sink and let the tears take over. He knows, he knows I don't love him like he loves me. And then another title comes in my head 'Love me a little'. And I cry even more. It's not fair, he loves me so much, he's afraid of losing me, just because I can't love him back. And I feel selfish as fuck. I don't deserve him.
I hear two small knocks on the door, followed by Harry's voice.
"Anna, let me in, please. It's not like that." he says and I feel even more tears running down my cheeks.
"Give me a minute." I manage to say.
I wash my face cleaning black marks under my eyes, that are the cause of my mascara. Once I remove all the make up I slowly unlock the door, but I don't open it. He does that instead of me.
"Anna, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that." he pulls me into a hug.
"No don't apologize, I'm not crying because of that." I fist his shirt.
"You are right Harry. Every time you say you love me, I do something, avoiding to say it back. And it kills me. I can't say it. You love me Harry, so much, and I can't love you. Everything that happened in my life made me incapable of loving someone. I can say I love you, but we'd both know it's not there." I cry into his chest and he tightens his grip around me.
"Anna, I know that, I realized that a while ago." he mutters into my hair.
"Why did you decided to stick up with me then? Harry, I'm no good for you, I'm to damaged." I sob.
"Why? Because I love you. It's as simple as that. And even if you can't love me back, I know I make you happy, and that is enough for me, that you feel happy when I'm with you. Also I want to be the one that fix you. I already told you that. And if you think I'm planning on leaving, I'm not. I'll stay here until you start loving me." he says and a loud sob leaves my mouth.
The words he speaks leave me speechless and I don't have a response. I just stay in his arms, crying as he whispers lyrics of 'By the sea' into my ear. And in this moment this is just what I need.
I calm down and he carries me to bed.
"I'm sorry Harry." I say when he puts me down on the mattress.
"You don't have to be, baby. I know I mean something to you, I make you happy. And it's okay. It's enough." he says, stroking my cheek.
"Thank you. I hope I'm able to love you, someday." I say and I sound so cheesy, it makes me puke. But I don't have a better thing to say.
"I hope to." he whispers and sighs.
Harry's p.o.v.
I watched her fall asleep and now I'm just in bed, thinking. Watching her cry and trying so fucking hard not to cry myself was killing me.
She wants to love me and I wish she does. Even if I don't get her love, her smile and little things we do together, are better than any label on a feeling. I'm just terrified. If she doesn't feel the same towards me, and if she never does, what will happen? Will she just leave me one day?
With that thought I cry myself to sleep.
Anna's p.o.v.
In the morning I wake up before Harry does, so I take time and prepare myself a bath. I find a large collection of bath bombs in bathroom and I pick the black one that smells like vanilla. I fill up the bathtub, that's next to the shower, with water and I throw a bath bomb in it before I take off my clothes. Getting in the water I sit down and relax myself when my body is taken by warm black-ish water.
Yesterdays conversation with Harry comes to my mind and I over think everything. In the end I come to the conclusion that I'm selfish enough that I won't leave him. He could easily find a girl who'd love him just like he deserves to be loved. But one day I hope I'll be that girl.
Few months ago I didn't even believe in love and neither did Harry, but now, look at us. I see the way he loves me and maybe his love could be enough for both of us.
The sleep takes over me.
I gasp for air as my head sinks under the surface, causing me to wake up. I hear a laugh next to me and I'm assuming it's Harry. I cough and spit the water from my mouth.
"Would you idiot stop laughing?" I say through the coughs.
"Sorry. It's just, you were so relaxed and the next second you were underwater." he chuckles, trying not to laugh more. I just shake my head, pointing him to give me a towel. He hands me one and I quickly wrap myself in it.
He kisses my cheek as I get out of the bathtub.
"How long have you been watching?" I ask, grabbing my tooth paste and a toothbrush, standing in front the sink.
"Not long." he says, wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Harry, I have to brush my teeth." I chuckle when he playfully bites my neck.
"Mhmm." he mumbles but he doesn't let me go. I guess I'm brushing my teeth like this today.
The whole time he carefully observes me. Once I finish he spins me around to face him.
"God, you look hot brushing your teeth." he says and I burst into laughter. He kisses me. I smile against his lips and he starts to laugh.
I have a feeling that yesterdays events made us stronger. We were like that Arctic monkeys quote: 'Nights were mainly made for saying things you can't say tomorrow day.' and it was like that between me and Harry.
Nothing will break us and nobody will leave.
"I love you." he says after pulling away from the kiss.
"You make me happy." I reply and a large smile crawls on his face.
"What?" I ask.
"You replied." he puts his forehead on mine, looking me in the eyes. "Maybe this will be our little thing." he smiles again and I kiss his lips really quick.
The rest of our time in NYC went as fast as you can imagine. We spent a lot of time in the studio and I didn't mind that at all. I like to listen him singing. I got to meet his management and they are already planning the release of the album, somewhere in November. They are one hundred percent sure that Harry is a new rock star. And so is Harry, and so am I.
*
"I think I'll go to Niall's when we get back to LA. It's time to be social again. Since school starts next week." I say when we are already on the plane, somewhere miles up in the air.
"Really? I'm really proud of you." he says, kissing my cheek.
And so I did. Harry dropped me off by my house, and helped me carry all the bags through the back door so my father wouldn't know I'm home.
I'll deal with him later.
"I'll call you when I come home." I say before kissing Harry goodbye and heading towards Niall's house.
I take a deep breath and knock on the door. I hear footsteps coming closer and I can feel my heartbeat speeding up. The doors open and I meet a pair of familiar blue eyes.
"Anna!" he almost yells, hugging me, lifting me up.
"Hey Niall." I say when he puts me back down.
"I'm so glad to see you. Come in. I'm home alone." he says and I walk in.
We go to the living room and we sit down on the couch across from each other. I smile weakly and he smiles back.
"I know we didn't talk in months, I think you know why, but I just really needed time." I start but I'm cut off.
"Hey, I know. Harry explained. He said you'll come when you are ready." he says. His words make me smile. Another proof that Harry is too good for me.
I tell him everything that happened between me and Harry. And at some point I forgot that we didn't talk for months.
"I just don't think I'm able to love him like that. He knows that, but what if he leaves me because I can't love? I know we promised each other we won't leave, but the though is still there, you know." I finish.
"You really changed Anna, you both did. When it comes to Harry, did you ever think that he might be afraid of you leaving him to? I think if you really feel like you can have future with him, you wait what time brings and maybe, who knows, maybe one day, you'll wake up next to him, knowing that you woke up next to the love of your life." he says with a smile.
It reliefs me that he's not against my relationship with Harry.
"When it comes to the whole singing thing. I know you are paranoid. If he really gets famous, his private life won't be as private. You have to be careful. He thinks this is a good idea right now, but he's not thinking about possible consequences that come with fame." he says.
Talking with him really helped in some way. He calmed me down, gave me some advises.
An hour later in already in my room, calling Harry.
"Hey." I hear him saying.
"Hey. I've just come home." I reply.
Harry's p.o.v.
"Good. Did it went good?" I say, and continue unpacking.
"Yeah. I missed him. So what are you doing, you seem distracted." she says and I chuckle a little.
"I'm unpacking shit."
"Oh. I see." she mumbles and awkward silence falls between us.
This rarely happens, because if we had nothing to talk about, we'd make out, but since we are on the phone...
"What are you doing tomorrow?" I ask.
"Nothing." she replies and that gives me an idea.
"What if you'd come here? I really miss you already." I hear her giggling on the other side and I smile to myself.
"I'll come. I'll text you when, once I wake up." she says.
"Harry?" she asks when I don't reply.
"Yeah?"
"You make me happy." she whispers.
"I love you, baby." I answer and the line goes dead.
Anna's p.o.v.
I hang up and throw myself back on the bed. I know it's been like three hours but I miss Harry so fucking much already. So today will be the first time I sleep alone in a while.
I crawl under the covers and try to sleep. It's not working. I sit up and my head hurts of all the thoughts. I try to figure it out what am I feeling in this moment. And everything is so mixed in my head. What Harry said in pass months, what Niall said, my own opinions. A giant mess, the cause of over thinking. I sigh and still try to find out what am I feeling. Nothing. I feel nothing. I'm not happy. I'm not even sad as usual. It's just empty. Fuck I hate this, when I'm with Harry I always feel something, mostly happiness, and this feeling of feeling nothing is long gone. Now that I'm alone it came back and I absolutely hate it.
After an hour of pointless attempts to get my shirt together and few ripped out pages from my fucking sketch book my head hurts like a bitch. I look at clock and it's not even 11 pm. The thing is, when I'm extremely annoyed I start swearing in my mind.
I go downstairs to the bathroom to take some painkillers. I take two pills and head back upstairs, taking the rest of the pills with me.
"Anna!" my father yells as I'm about to enter my room.
Fucking awesome.
"What?" I snap, looking at him. I can see in his eyes that he's drunk.
"Where were you? You disappear for three fucking weeks and then you come back." he comes closer.
"Yes I'm back now. Anyway, can I go to bed?" I simply say, not in the mood to fight.
I already feel painkillers working their magic as my body feels numb. Damn, those are strong.
"You can not!" he grabs my upper arm as I want to go to my room. I try to shake him off but I don't stand a chance against him. I somehow manage to hit him in the stomach what causes him to hit me back. After few hits my vision hoes blurry. Because of the painkillers I don't feel shit when I'm laid on the floor, him kicking my stomach and thighs. Then he walks away and I get up on my feet, still not feeling the pain. I lock myself in the room and step in front of the mirror. I lift my top, revealing a bruise that starts on my back, covering my sides and half of my stomach. I check my legs, but because of ink there are no bruises seen. I wipe a tear away and take two more pills, to prevent myself from the pain.
I go out on the beach and start walking. I stop in front of Harry's house, entering through the back door.
"Anna! What are you doing here?" Harry jumps up when I find him watching TV in the living room.
"I couldn't get myself to sleep without you." I tell only half of the truth, but not telling him what my father did.
He makes some space for me in the couch and I lay on top of him. He squeezes me tight and I hope I won't feel the pain soon. I put my head on his chest and he kisses the top of my head. We stay quiet and I feel safe and calmed now. Nothing else can hurt me.
Then the sleep takes us away.
xx
Heey :) I wasn't sure if I'm going to update today or tomorrow but I've decided to do it today:)
If you were wondering, the part where he sings her She's not afraid. I imagined that song as the same melody, a little bit rock version and slower than the original.
So this is the longest chapter I've wrote and I really hope you like it.
Thanks for reading loves ❤ and sorry for and mistakes.