── ❝ 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝒀 𝑭𝑶𝑼𝑹」
❝ 傷を直す;
.MEND THE WOUND ❞
THERE WAS SOMETHING so startling about waking up with a ghost lying beside you. To open your eyes and laying beside you is the very person you dreamed about every night was a surreal experience. For a moment, Yoongi believed he was still on one of his trips, simply hallucinating the ethereal apparition of his lover in bed with him.
Hesitantly, Yoongi reached out and touched her, pushing the loose strands of hair that had fallen out of her bun out of her face and behind her ear. She was here. Really here, sleeping soundly in bed with him. Yet, tracks of dried tears stained her cheeks. Her eyes were puffy and irritated, undoubtedly from crying. The moment Yoongi told her about everything that happened between him and Taehyung, their friendship, his betrayal, Karma demanded that she leave to confront Taehyung.
So that's exactly what she did.
And at 4:03 in the morning, Karma returned, wiping her cheeks of the tears that uncontrollably fell from her eyes. Silently, she climbed into bed and pressed her face into Yoongi's chest with her hands grasping his shirt, twisting and wrinkling the grey fabric in her hold. He didn't say anything or ask her about what happened. He simply wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.
It was better that she knew before she allowed herself to fall for his charmingly deceptive ways. He was the snake in their garden and Yoongi had to kill it before it tempted her into taking a bite out of the forbidden fruit. He was simply trying to protect her from meeting the same fate as him at the hands of the person they trusted most.
Yoongi leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. His warmth was returned to him after so many long, cold nights. He thought about remaining in bed with her until she awoke, so he could sit and simply revel in her unmatched beauty, even crying. Taehyung doesn't deserve her tears. Yoongi himself doesn't deserve her tears. They weren't worthy.
But Yoongi was getting antsy. It's been 10 hours since he had his last hit. He didn't want to do that while Karma was here, just when she came back to disappoint her all over again. She was asleep now. He could take some and make breakfast for her, maybe even finish cleaning up. Yoongi became highly productive when he was high, though results varied from time to time. Once, he cleaned the entire house spotless and made dinner, and yet he was still going. Karma would be happy...if she didn't know why he was being so hyperactive and productive.
It wasn't the real Yoongi. While he was sweet, willing to do things for Karma that she couldn't herself, and was good at sleight of hand and pickpocketing. But he was also a rather sleepy, lethargic person. He didn't like doing things if he didn't have to. So doing so much in such little time was unlike him.
Yoongi slipped out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty as he did so. He adjusted the blankets so they covered her fully. With a fond smile which slowly wasted away into a somber one. He was trying to get better, slowly weaning himself off of it. Or at least, that's what he was telling himself.
Yoongi made his way out into the bathroom and rummaged under the sink between the cleaning supplies and extra shit they threw down there, he grabbed his cocaine. Just a small white baggie of white powder was all it took to make him lose all sense of reality. It was so unassuming, so seemingly harmless, and that's what made it so dangerous.
He sprinkled some out in a straight line and just as quickly snorted it. Sitting down on the toilet seat, with his head against the cool, quartz sink counter. The overwhelming feeling of guilt weighed on his shoulders. Karma tried so hard to get him clean, months of working to help him get better were all flushed down the drain.
But guilt was only a fleeting feeling. It was swiftly washed up and dissolved in the rush of bliss that overtook his brain. Drugs worked fast for a good dopamine kick which subsequently put him in a better mood to do things he'd otherwise not do. It was hard to resist the temptation of simply letting himself be consumed in the overwhelming sense of euphoria that it gave him.
But to know his artificial happiness came at the expense of Karma's despair was enough to force him to make the effort to quit, even if the process of quitting tempted him to relapse every single day. He would stop cold turkey if it wasn't literally fucking torture, waking up in night sweats, losing all will to eat or live for that matter. On top of that, it could possibly kill him to stop immediately. If anything, stopping immediately would end in his own relapse faster than tapering off.
Yoongi left the bathroom, completely neglecting the little bag on the counter as he made his way through their messy apartment with the sole intent of making Karma a wonderful breakfast that would make her smile. After that he would make the house so clean he could eat food off the floor (not to say he would, but he could).
While Yoongi merrily went about his way, grabbing all the ingredients he needed to make Korean breakfast sandwiches, something Karma fell in love with when he first made them for her, Karma slept always her sorrows in bed alone, but she wouldn't remain peacefully at rest for very long. The sun, which was previously covered by Yoongi's broad shoulders, shining directly on her face wouldn't allow for it. It irritated her, forcing her to lift her hand to block the beaming lights and turn her head to avoid them.
"Yoongi?" She murmured softly, reaching beside her to feel for her companion. When she felt nothing but the warm imprint of where his body once lay, Karma sat up abruptly, eyes prying open as best they could so suddenly. She rubbed the bleary sleepiness from her eyes and stretched. There was a sort of comfort being back in her old room with cotton sheets and inadequately insulating blankets, but Karma would be a liar to say she absolutely hated the feeling of expensive silk against her skin and having a blanket that could actually do what it was created for.
She wouldn't think about it. Absolutely not. Taehyung wasn't worthy of her tears or her forgiveness.
Karma slid out of bed, feet meaning the cold wood that creaked under her weight. Her first instinct was to go to the bathroom and wash her face of the dried streaks of tears that stained her cheeks. Flicking on the lights, Karma walked to the sink and turned on the cold water with barely opened eyes as she lazily bent down to splash water on her face. She rubbed her eyes and her cheeks before reaching for the hand towel on the hook mounted to the wall.
She patted her face dry. A nice splash of cold water was just what she needed to wake herself and get a grip on her crumbling reality. Karma hung the towel up and placed her hand on the edge of the counter, only for it to land on top of the empty bag Yoongi had abandoned in the sink.
Karma lifted her hand and her confusion quickly turned to sorrow at the sight of the bag along with the powdery residue of the cocaine on her hand. She's learned not to cry over it. Self-pity wouldn't solve anything. Yet, it was still startling to see it after so many years. Yoongi's been clean for so long, for a moment, she let herself believe that it was gone entirely.
Karma tossed the bag away and washed off her hands in the frigid water. She feared what she would see if she left this room. Who she would be greeted with wouldn't be a stranger, no, she knew that person all too well and he wasn't welcome. But she must accept him because that person in there is a part of Yoongi he can never truly avoid. Even if he were to get clean, it would simply be locked in the back of him, not purged from his body entirely.
It took a moment for her to work up the courage to leave the bathroom. 'It's just Yoongi. Your Yoongi is somewhere in there. You can't give up on him.' she had to tell herself. And eventually, that was enough for her to leave the bathroom and shuffle down the hall into the living room.
There was Yoongi, standing in the kitchen finishing up her sandwich with sauce. He placed the second slice of toasted bread before looking up. His eyes were slightly red and though she was too far away to tell, Karma was sure his pupils were dilated as well.
"Good morning." Yoongi picked up the plate and offered it to Karma who had entered the kitchen with wet strands of hair sticking to her face. "I made your favorite." He pulled her close and kissed her head. It was bittersweet.
Karma took the plate and set it down to the side. She wasn't sure she had the appetite to eat right now. She thanked him for the effort anyway and turned away from him. There weren't any words said and yet, Yoongi knew she was in no mood to deal with him and his...tidings.
He was sure it was because of Taehyung, because if it were his doing, she'd get frustrated instead and avoid him all together. So Yoongi placed his hand on her shoulder. "He isn't deserving of your emotions, Kar. Your tears are too good for him."
"And you are?" Karma turned to look him in his reddened, irritated eyes. "God knows you've been the cause of many of my tears." They both knew she was right. He's made her cry far more than either of them are comfortable with. "Not only that, if you had told me this before I even went, I would have never let myself even think about getting emotionally attached to him. I would have helped you get revenge on him." In a situation like this, there could only be "if only"s. What's done is done and they don't have a time machine to change the course of their history.
Yoongi opened his mouth to apologize to her, to explain to her why he couldn't tell her about Taehyung, but Karma didn't let him finish. "But I forgive you because even though I don't know your reasons for keeping it from me. It had to be for a good reason." She trust that it had been for a good reason. Yoongi doesn't keep things from her unless she'd be better off not knowing. And she'd definitely be better off not knowing... everything.
"Is it bad that I want to forgive him?"
Yoongi doesn't know how to answer that. She has been just as affected by this as Yoongi has, if not more. She's been on the receiving end of his bullshit for years, having to deal with his withdrawals, his abuse. Yoongi hates himself for it every day. But he hates Taehyung for it even more. But if Karma wants to find it in her heart to forgive him, she has the right to do so.
"I wouldn't blame you. Bad people can also tend to be likable people, even lovable people, but that doesn't excuse their actions." His words are rather self-reflective. The fact that she loved him doesn't mean everything he's ever done was now void and excused. He still had to own up to it and work towards making it up to her every day. "You shouldn't forgive him so easily, just because you...have feelings for him. He doesn't deserve an easy forgiveness and neither do I. We have to work for it."
Karma obviously wouldn't give them a freebie, certainly not Taehyung. She can be angry at them without hating them, though it would be much easier to hate than to love. The line that separated them was rather thin to the point where it was near impossible to differentiate where one ended and the other began.
Karma couldn't help but ask, "Would you forgive him?"
An even harder question to answer. Yoongi should flat out say no. He had set his life on exacting his revenge on Taehyung for his utter betrayal. There were a lot of complexities to how he felt about Taehyung. To completely neglect their past friendship would be impossible, deep buried sentiment still settled when he thought of their childhood together. That Taehyung had to be in there... somewhere.
"It would take a fucking mountain of making up to do. And probably a few years, even then, it's still a maybe." That was the very most he would give Taehyung. Though sympathy wasn't what he felt, pity was more like it. He was like this because of Sungmin, because all he's ever known is hurting the people close to him, the people he's supposed to love.
"Maybe I could find it somewhere in me to let him mend the wound."
*.✧ Kᴀʏs Eɴᴅɪɴɢ Nᴏᴛᴇs
I actually have 0 idea what I should do for the next chapter. Idk if I should keep furthering the plot so I can end this or add another filler chapter.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you guys enjoyed and I wish you all a wonderful day/night.
사랑해
~Kay 乁( •_• )ㄏ