Warnings: small mention of abuse but it's tiny
y/n pov
Today had been yet another long day and I couldn't wait to be home and curl up in bed with my wife. I knew she had a meeting today at the Avenger's Compound but hopefully she would be home.
I was a full time manager at a restaurant a few blocks away from Wanda and I's apartment. It was a newer restaurant but quickly became a hotspot for the city, causing just about every shift I worked to be crazy busy. Today had been no different with crazy customers and everyone's fair share of mistakes in taking orders. It was now late at night, nearing 10:30.
Taking out my keys, I unlocked the door and shuffled through the door, immediately being hit with the smell of food. I smiled, closing the door behind me, one thought filling my mind.
Wanda's home.
Sneaking from the entrance hallway to the kitchen, I could hear soft music playing with Wanda quietly standing over the stove, stirring something in a pot.
She always knew that on longer shifts, like today's, I wouldn't have a chance to eat dinner. I hadn't eaten anything proper since 11 this morning. Safe to say I was starving.
"Y/n, are you just gonna stand there and watch?" Wanda asked, turning around slightly with a smirk on her lips.
"Three years of marriage and I still can't sneak up on you." I joked, walking towards her and wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my front against her back.
"What can I say? I'm an Avenger." she giggles, leaning into my touch.
We stood there for a moment, enjoying the other's embrace while I stared at the pot of food she was stirring. It looked like some sort of pasta dish. I didn't really care what it was. I was hungry and Wanda's cooking was always amazing, so I would consider it a win either way.
"How was work?" Wanda asks, breaking the silence that had fallen.
"Oh the usual complaining customers and crying children. Nothing I can't handle though." I respond with a tired smirk, burying my face in the crook of her neck. "How was your meeting?"
"The same old protocol updates and recent mission reports. Nat says hi by the way." she replies, holding up a spoon to my face with a sampling of the dinner she was making.
I look at the tiny bit of pasta and eat it, immediately being blessed with tasty satisfaction.
"Delicious, as always." I say with a slight moan, which causes Wanda to laugh lightly. "How is Nat?" I ask, unwrapping myself from Wanda's body as she moves to take the food off the stove top.
"She's doing well, I think. Said she finally made amends with her family." Wanda reaches up and takes two bowls out of the nearby cupboard and begins dishing out a serving for herself and me.
"That's good. I remember her talking about her baby sister a lot. I'm glad they're patching things up." I take my bowl of food from Wanda and sit down at the kitchen table. She joins me, taking the seat across from mine.
We both sat in a brief comfortable silence, enjoying the dinner and each other's company. Eventually, Wanda clears her throat. I glance up and am met with a serious look from my wife.
Oh shit...what did I do?
"I know that look. Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong?" I begin asking in a slightly panicked voice.
"What? No, you didn't do anything. Actually, I wanted your opinion on something kinda important." Wanda says in a cool, reassuring tone.
"Okay..." Now I was confused.
"Y/n, we've been married now for three years, and it's been the happiest three years of my life." Wanda starts, taking one of my hands in hers. "And I was wondering...what your opinion is on taking the next step in our relationship."
"Next step? What do you mean? We're already married, how much further can we take our relationship?" I ask, putting down my fork and leaning back in my chair, the thought of dinner temporarily lost in my mind.
"I know, you dork. I mean starting a family." Wanda shoots back with a smile.
"Kids?" I deadpan, wanting to make sure I understood what she was getting at.
Wanda just nodded, her smile not fading. In fact, it was growing bigger at the mention of kids. I shouldn't be surprised, she always loved being with those little goblins. I, on the other hand, never saw the appeal.
"Do-" I started, not exactly sure how to handle this delicately, "do you want kids?"
"Well yes, eventually. But I also want them if you do." Wanda's smile faded slightly, sensing the hesitation in my voice.
I just nodded and looked away for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts.
How do I say this? I don't want to disappoint her.
"Hey..." Wanda whispered, probably sensing my internal struggle. She tightened her grip on my hand, letting me know that she was still there.
I looked back at her, my eyes now misting over with frustrated tears. They weren't towards her though.
The truth is that I don't know if I can start a family. I know I can have kids and I've always wanted to raise a family with Wanda. I just don't know if I can do it properly.
"Wanda...I want to have a family with you, but I don't know if I can." I say just above a whisper. I could feel my hot tears collecting in the corners of my eyes.
"What do you mean 'you don't know if you can?' Like, you can't have children?" she asks with a new level of concern. I had never mentioned an inability to have kids.
"No, I can have children. That's not what I was trying to say. I want to have kids with you, it's just I don't think I'm ready for that yet." my voice trailed off at the end of my sentence as I looked down at my half finished dinner. I was too afraid to look at Wanda. What if she was mad or upset with me because I wanted something different then what she did?
"Okay, then we will wait. I know it's a big step for the both of us and I want to do it when we're both ready." Wanda assures me with a soothing voice.
I glance back up at her and meet her eyes. She smiled slightly, letting me know she wasn't angry with me.
Returning the kind smile, I wiped my eyes and we continued eating, picking up bits of different conversations with each other.
Eventually, the food was gone and I found myself alone in the bedroom while Wanda was downstairs cleaning up. I grabbed a pair of comfy clothes and went to take a shower. Peeling off my sweaty work clothes, I hopped in the shower and turned the water on to an almost boiling temperature.
Hot showers were a kind of safe place for me. I know that sounds weird but it's what I do when I'm stressed or tired or overwhelmed. Most people go out for walks or workout. I just take a boiling shower.
The idea of having kids was still playing on my mind. I knew Wanda had told me we can wait until we're both ready for a family. That was just the thing: I didn't know if I would ever be ready for kids. Of course I dreamed about it when I was a teenager, but life moves on and we change. Our interests and desires for our own futures change.
After about twenty minutes, I turned off the water and got out. I dried myself off and pulled on a pair of navy blue joggers and a random sweatshirt that I had grabbed. After brushing out my hair and then brushing my teeth, I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper and went back into the bedroom, which was now also occupied by Wanda.
I climbed into bed and pulled out my phone and began scrolling through social media, distracting my mind from the overload of thoughts that the shower had failed to stop.
Wanda began her own nighttime routine, emerging from the bathroom in similar attire to me. Eventually she crawled in bed and wrapped herself up against my side. I pulled her closer, wrapping my arm around her body.
My mind wouldn't shut off with the kids' questions. I didn't want to dwell on it because I knew it would just make me frustrated with myself. Plus Wanda would be able to sense my thoughts. It's one of the many perks of marrying a mind reader.
As if on cue, Wanda looks up at me with a slight frown. She knew what I was thinking.
"Is that question still bothering you?" she asks in a caring and concerned tone.
I sigh and turn off my phone, placing it down on the nightstand by my face.
"I'm sorry if I disappointed you with my answer." I started, keeping my eyes glued to the wall across from me.
"I'm not disappointed. In fact, I'm proud of you for telling me the truth of where you stand on the situation. I didn't want you to say yes just because I asked. I wanted to know where you truly stood on the topic." Wanda begins to hold me tighter as she spoke, knowing that helps keep me calm.
"Thank you." I whisper, also tightening my hold on Wanda's body.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked in a small voice.
"Always." I respond.
"Why don't you want kids? I know you said you weren't ready for them yet, but I just wanted to know why." Wanda looked at me, trying to meet my eyes, but they're affixed to every interesting aspect of the adjacent wall.
I know I should answer her question. I at least owe her an explanation on my hesitation for starting a family.
"It's because of my own mother. She didn't exactly...treat me well when I was a kid. As I got older, everyone would always say how much me and my mom were similar. I would always get comments about how much I looked like her or how I acted like her. At first it never bothered me. But as I got older, I began to wonder if they were right. It got to the point where I would question if I ever grew up and had a family, would I turn into the same kind of mom that mine was? I didn't want that for my theoretical future kids. And I still don't. I don't want to be that mother that my kid is afraid of, that dreads the sound of your footsteps out in the hall or has to hide when you come home from work." I could feel a tightness growing in my chest as I spoke. I had never told anyone about this. Wanda was aware of my dodgy relationship with my parents, and really my whole family. I didn't exactly care anymore what they thought of me, but there were still things from my past that were healing. Example A would be having kids.
Wanda didn't say anything the entire time I spoke. She just listened, knowing that's what I needed right now. But once I finished, she sat there, holding me and processing what I had just said to her.
"Y/n, I've met your mother, and you're nothing like her. You are incredibly unique, beautiful, and strong willed. I am so blessed to call you my significant other and my wife. I know this doesn't immediately heal that, but I just want you to know, I see you for who you are, not as who you've been compared to all your life. I understand you wanting to wait on having kids, and I want to totally respect that. But for the record, you'd make an incredible mother." Wanda spoke with a certain finality, letting me know that she was speaking the truth. She knew I had trouble taking compliments and believing they were real, but I knew this was.
I finally looked at Wanda's face and met her eyes. They were full of love and understanding toward me. I've never felt this much care from someone before that I treasured this exact moment.
"Thank you, I don't know what I did to deserve you." I mutter, glancing between Wanda's eyes and lips.
"I love you." Wanda whispered with a smile.
"I love you too." I returned, leaning in and connecting our lips in a peaceful kiss.