Jem's POV
My stomach fucking hurt. My throat was burning. My eyes felt like they weighed a ton. I couldn't move my fingers or toes without using way more strength than I should have had to use.
Every voice around me sounded muffled and underwater. Voices sounded familiar but I couldn't place them. Every now and then a tune would fill the room, I could have sworn I knew it but my head hurt and my mind was tired.
Days passed with this feeling.
Nothing but black filled my vision. Nothing but mumbled voices and that same familiar tune filled the room. Nothing but pain filled my body.
Days and days of this.
I tried and failed to move my fingers over and over again with no success.
Everything hurt. Everything was black. Nothing made sense. I couldn't feel anything beneath me; it honestly just felt like I was floating.
Being almost dead was boring and frustrating. I could feel people coming in and out of the room I was in constantly. I could feel the way the air shifted when they sat around me like I was on display. I could hear their voices as they spoke but I couldn't understand anything. My fucking fingers still wouldn't move.
I assumed I was back home but the simple fact that I didn't know for sure was enough to make that familiar feeling well up in my chest. The thought of the person sitting beside me being an enemy who was only helping me stay alive for information I might have had panic building up inside of me.
My heart felt like it was too big for my chest. It was growing rapidly and soon enough it would outgrow my body. It was going to kill me long before the bullet in my stomach would.
I had felt this feeling enough times to know that if I could feel my fingers they would be numb and my knees would be shaking.
My chest only grew. With every day that passed that fear got worse until I no longer took comfort in the familiar tune that would echo around the room or the voiced that spoke in hushed voices.
I thought I could feel my hands shaking but I knew better than to think that they actually were. I was frozen as time went on around me.
Days and days of panic. Days and days of frustration. Days and days of pain.
I had managed to move a finger by pure luck but since that day I was back to nothing.
In the split second I had my fingers move the panic subsided but when I realized I couldn't do it again, it was back in an instant.
A hand brushed against mine. I had tried to jerk my hand away but I didn't have the strength. I laid there, the panic in my chest searing as the hand brushed and played my arm but it only made my skin prickle and my heart beat faster.
Then I heard the first clear voice since this happened.
"It's just me James. It's just me. I've known you long enough to know that the change in your heart rate isn't a good sign. You're home. You're safe. Barrett and I are fine. Patrick and Andrew are fine. The raid went according to plan. There is nothing to worry about. Just calm down."
Dev's voice was the first bit of relief I felt since this whole thing started. His hand didn't move away this time. He moved his hand down to mine and gripped tightly.
I could feel myself calming down little by little as Dev's voice filled the air.
"There you go," he soothed. The monotone voice I had grown so used to over the years was comforting. "You're doing so well. Can you move your fingers for me?"
I tried as hard as I could and it took all of my strength but I was finally able to move my index.
A sigh of relief left him as he gripped my hand tighter.
"Thanks for not dying asshole," he said as his thumb began to rub the back of my hand. "Can you open your eyes?"
I could barely move my eye behind my lids, opening them was completely off the table.
He seemed to take the fact that my eyes weren't opening as a sign that I couldn't.
"That's okay," he soothed again but the stress was back in his voice. "Just the fact that you're responsive is good for now. Just try to keep moving things slowly. You've done this enough times by now; you know what you're doing. Just take it slow."
The days passed slower since that day. I guess I had been blacking out randomly since it happened but it was like I was always awake now.
People continued to come and go as they pleased, the Fly High intro from Haikyuu currently played as season two went on a constant loop. Dev stayed more than he did before. Patrick and Andrew came too but they didn't stay for nearly as long and didn't say nearly as much. I didn't hear from Barrett at all.
"It's hurting him more than he wants to admit," Dev sighed as if he knew my thoughts. "He doesn't like seeing you in a bed like this anymore than I do. I understand it but he could at least try. The doctors keep saying you can hear us. They said being around people you know will help yet he can't stand to look at you even for a few minutes to help you out. It's pathetic."
I wanted to shake my head and tell him to shut up. I wouldn't want to see either of them like this either. I didn't blame Barrett one bit but I had hoped to hear from him at least once.
More days passed and a new routine was set.
Dev came to visit as often as possible. He all but moved my office into the hospital room and every bit of deskwork was done with harsh words. Patrick and Andrew bough Dev and Barrett food after work; a lot of take out which would change the moment I could pry my eyes open. The three of them ate in the room in all but silence while Barrett went off to do Barrett things. After dinner was eaten, Dev went to sleep early, leaving Patrick and Andrew alone with me.
"If you don't wake up soon Barrett is going to break," Andrew sighed from my left side. "Dev won't be far behind him. It's not going to be good for any of us."
"He's a pyromaniac, isn't he," Patrick sighed. "Like an actual pyromaniac, not just a serial arsonist. Andrew said he had enough evidence to diagnosis him if he would just listen."
"We're hoping you can talk him into accepting help when you wake up but it needs to be soon. He's going to hurt someone if he doesn't stop."
I tried to shake my head again but it was futile.
Barrett didn't need help. He needed a distraction. They needed to keep his focus on something else and his free time occupied. He wouldn't accept help, even from me, but distractions would help well enough until the stress was over.
They couldn't hear my thoughts though and when I didn't wake up, they found something else to talk about.
I was alone at night, only a few hours in which even I had been able to doze off. Then Dev was the first one back in the morning ready to start the day.
Days and days of this passed.
My pain slowly subsided. What once had been a searing pain was now a dull throb. My limbs still felt heavy but it was lighter than before.
God could only guess how long it had been now but I was tired in lying in this god-forsaken bed.
It had taken so much effort but I was able to pry my eyes open.
Light flooded my sense and I immediately closed them again.
"No, no, no," Dev whispered beside me. "You had it James. You had it. Try again. Open your eyes again for me."
I wanted to so bad but the light had instantly made my head pound. My head shook on it's own accord.
"Now is not the time to be a fucking brat," he sighed. "Just try it again. Please."
My throat was rough and scratchy but I forced out the simple word just loud enough for him to hear.
"Lights."
The one word was enough to get Dev to understand and seconds later we were plunged into darkness.
"Now open your eyes again."
It was easier now to move but I was still exhausted and my eyes protested until the very last second.
Devon's eyes brimming with tears was the first thing I saw as he leaned over my face. For a while we just stared at each other until his hand found mine again and he held it tightly.
"You scared me to death," he admitted in a small whisper.
"Sorry."
"I love you, you fucking asshole. You know that don't know you? Don't scare people who love you."
He shook his head and tried to pull his arm away but I only tightened my weak grip.
"Love you too," I managed to get out as my eyes began feeling heavy again.
He smiled down at me before standing up.
"I'm going to go get Barrett. Stay awake until I get back." I nod again but his words don't' register well enough for me to know what he was saying.
He barely made it out the door before sleep was pulling me back into the darkness.
Last updated April 7, 2022 at 1:30 am because I don't know how to update like a normal person at normal hours of the day.