~ grayson ~
It smelled like fucking shit in here.
Yes, I was alive, sadly. The crash hadn't exactly worked out in my favor as I sat next to a man with a long, unkempt beard who had the smell of booze oozing out of his skin. I rolled my eyes and pushed his leg away that was taking up all the room on this small bench. His loud snores filled the small space.
I stood up walking over to the metal bars and grabbed one in each hand.
"Hey!" I shouted to catch the guards attention. "Do I get a phone call yet or what?"
The large, overweight officer who very obviously heard me, simply turned away to continue a conversation with a fellow coworker.
"Yo Santa!" I tried not to lose my patience with the pot-bellied guard who at 40 years old already had graying hair. "This is like against my rights or some shit. Am I getting a phone call or not?"
The man rolled his eyes but wore a condescending grin as he sauntered over to the jail cell. "That depends son, you still drunk?"
My jaw clenched hard. If there wasn't metal bars between us I would beat his ass in a second.
"I'm fine. I'm fucking sober. I got rights okay?"
"Oh yeah?" The smug superiority was still present in his tone. "And what do those rights say exactly?"
"They say I get a fucking phone call" I answered through gritted teeth.
"Now that's no way to ask kid. I'll tell ya what. You learn some manners and ask politely, I'll give you your goddamn phone call." He lost amusement in the conversation as he walked away.
"Please sir," I shut my eyes gripping the bars hard, "Can I make my phone call now?"
He stopped in his tracks with his dumb fucking key ring spinning around his finger. "Well since you asked nicely, I suppose I can make that happen."
Fuck this piece of shit, Walmart version of Santa.
He unlocked the cell and motioned me to follow him. "Don't try anything stupid now son. I'll have 5 guys on you before you could get out a single word."
I didn't say anything, especially not fucking thank you, as I picked up the large phone. My fingers didn't hesitate in putting in the numbers, almost subconsciously they moved to type in the number I don't even remember memorizing. After the third ring, a voice finally picked up.
"Why the fuck am I getting a phone call from the Greenwood Police Department?" Nick's dumb fucking voice instantly questioned. "Listen man, whatever you think I did, I didn't do it. I'm an innocent guy, a poster child if you will."
"Nick, shut the fuck up" I growled. For about a good two seconds I relished the silence; It didn't last very long.
"You dumb mother fucker. Do you know how much we've been looking for you young man? I swear I'm so mad at you, I should hang up on you right now—"
"Do NOT hang up idiot" I quickly cut him off.
"Bro, why are you in the hammer?" he questioned with peaked interest in his voice. I glanced at Santa who tapped on his wrist watch signaling for me to hurry it along. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and instead looked at the peeling paint on the wall in front of me.
"It's a long story, I'll explain later" I sighed. I hesitated in my next request as I obviously suck at asking for any kind of help, but it's either this or the County Jail up the road. "I need some money for bail. If I can't make bail they're sending me up town to County. I'll pay you back I swear dude, I just don't have much right now—"
"Grayson, now it's your turn to shut the fuck up. Don't be an idiot obviously I'll pay your bail and I don't need shit in return. Why didn't you ask sooner?" Nick spoke with such an obvious tone in his voice my heart almost warmed at how instinctively he agreed to help me.
"The shithead officer here wouldn't give me a fucking phone call. Made me sit in the cell for 2 fucking days next to this smelly dude—" I rudely got cut off a second time when Santa, who I didnt even notice walked over to me, pressed down on the hook switch, abruptly ending my call.
"I wasn't fucking done talking" I was quickly losing my patience now.
"I decided you were. You wanna have a smart mouth? You're gonna face the consequences son." I seethed in the way he kept using the term 'son' as he led me back to the cell. He quickly pushed me inside and I decided it was best to sit on the ground instead of next to the other guy.
My eyes studied my bruised arms which were slightly hidden behind my tattoos. I don't remember much of the crash, only waking up in the back of an ambulance. When I got to the hospital they discharged me relatively quickly, claiming it was a "miracle" I came out of that accident with only minor scrapes and bruises. I didn't speak to any of the nice nurses or the stone-faced security guard standing in the doorway of the hospital room, in fear that I would break down in tears.
After being released I was transported here, to this fucking shithole, since my blood alcohol level was "not something they could release me on". I had 2 days to make bail or else I was going uptown. Stupid fucking idiot ass officer refused to give me my phone call until now, probably in hopes that I couldn't get in touch with anyone and would have to be transported.
I leaned my head back against the cold wall and shut my eyes tight. Tears threatened to escape but I fought hard against them. One managed to escape but I wiped it quickly glancing at my cell mate who was still fast asleep.
How the fuck did I get myself into this?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know how much time passed but I sure was surprised to hear my idiotic bestfriend's voice snap me out of my trance.
"Alright where is the little fucker?" he spoke. I went to the cell doors but I couldn't see him from where I stood and where the front desk was located.
"This is a jail son not a preschool, what little fucker are you referring to?" I heard Santa's voice speak out.
"Listen, I may have daddy issues but I am certainly not your son" Nick made me roll my eyes. "I'm looking for Grayson Jones. Kind of built with tattoos. But don't let the tattoos fool you, I could totally beat him in a fight. He's about...this tall with...I guess gray eyes? I'm not really sure. Actually maybe they're like a super dark blue, nah not blue. Hazel? No, there's not really any brown in them. Gray. Yeah, gray is my final answer."
The room was silent for a moment and I almost laughed out loud wishing I could see the look on Santa's face.
"Alright kid" he spoke in hesistance probably not knowing how to answer my dumb bestfriend's rant, "Only way your friend is getting out of here is on bail. And that's gonna run you $750–" Santa held a condescending tone once again knowing that no normal high schooler is just going to have that much money out of the blue.
"You prefer cash or card?" Nick interrupted him. "Am I supposed to leave you guys a tip too? Cause the service here is kind of shitty, you did hang up on me you know?"
Needless to say I was out of there within 10 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The walk to Nick's car felt weird after being locked in that shitty cell for 2 days.
"So, how does it feel to be a free man?" Nick nudged me much to my annoyance as I glared at the stupid grin on his face. Wordlessly, I got into his car and slammed the door shut behind me.
Nick also got in the car sending me a stupid glance. "Damn, jail really changed you" he joked.
"Shut the fuck up" I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.
I clenched my jaw hard as I stared out the window. The past few days the only two things I felt like doing was punching a wall or bawling my eyes out. Right now I fought the urge to let tears fall as I watched my neighborhood come into view.
We had to pass my house to reach Nick's since he lived on the furthest part of Northside, the wealthiest part, while I lived more towards the middle. I didn't know if he was going to drop me off so I figured I would speak out anyway, though I was unsure if I could trust the strength in my voice.
"Take me to your house." It was certainly more of a demand than a question and there was not an ounce of softness in my tone.
"Damn babe, at least buy me dinner first" Nick laughed but quickly shut up when I sent him a death glare.
I placed my head against the cold window wallowing in self pity. Without question Nick dropped whatever he was doing to come bail me out of jail and I couldn't even mutter a fucking 'thank you' rather just be a complete and utter dickhead to him.
We passed my house at that very moment and as much as I tried to peel my eyes away, I couldn't help but to stare at the place where my mother was alive just last week.
"Pull over" I said quickly, to which Nick shot me a confused look.
"What?"
"Did I fucking stutter? Pull the fuck over."
Nick pulled to the side of the road where I promptly threw up. I don't know how I even puked considering Santa hardly gave me any kind of food while keeping me in that awful holding cell.
"Fuck Grayson, what the fuck?" Nick spoke from beside me.
My mom was dead. My mom was dead.
More bile rose from my throat and emptied on the mixture of pavement and grass in front of me. I took a deep breath and finally fell back into my seat. I closed my eyes but then opened them when I felt Nick nudge a water bottle my way.
"Ain't nobody gonna wanna kiss you with that breath brother. Rinse out your mouth then I have gum in my glovebox."
I did as he said, finally closing the passenger door, ready to get far away from my house. We drove in silence before Nick finally spoke up.
"Do you, uh, want me to hold your hand or something?" Though the question sounded idiotic, I could tell he was actually serious.
"No. I'm fine." My arms crossed back over my chest as they were in the beginning of the ride.
I could tell he was itching to ask what's going on and what happened, but he didn't. And I sure as fuck wasn't going to talk about it, knowing I would breakdown. We were still about 10 minutes away from his house and I felt my fingers twitching. I needed to punch something.
"In the glovebox where you found the gum, there's a pack of cigs. All your twitching is freaking me out; makes me feel like you're about to sock me in the jaw or something" Nick glanced at me with a look I couldn't decipher.
My fingers moved precisely as my mind was blurred, lighting the chemical stick and taking a large inhale. Rolling the window down, I watched the smoke blow into the wind of Northside.
The cigarette helped the 10 minutes to go quicker as we finally arrived at Nick's house though I felt like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. We both got out of the car silently as Nick went to unlock the door. Once inside, he instantly went to his couch as I went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
"So we gonna talk about why the fuck you were in jail and disappeared for the past few days?" Nick spoke from the couch sprawled out lazily.
"Don't worry about it" I rolled my eyes, closing the fridge. I know I owe him an explanation. Though money was nothing to him, he was still short $750 because of me.
"I kind of have the right to worry about it. You're my best friend bro and besides I've taking care of your girl since you've been gone." Confused, I looked towards Nick but he only wore a smirk on his face.
"What do you mean?" My attention was instantly grabbed at his mention of Ryder. Why would he need to take care of her? It was at that moment that I looked down at the kitchen counter. A note, scribbled in sloppy handwriting I've come to recognize, was signed by my girl.
My eyes darted to Nick as a sudden coldness took over my body. Distraction? Return the favor? I'm gone for 4 fucking days and this fucker can't keep his dick in his pants.
It was clear he wasn't expecting my fist to meet his face. He stumbled slightly but caught himself, quickly regaining his balance.
"The fuck is wrong with you?" Nick's eyes widened. But nothing could stop me because in that moment I saw red.
I charged him and tackled him, sending both of us to the ground. Another hard punch met his face as I straddled his body.
"Out of all fucking girls! You piece of fucking shit. I go away for 3 fucking days and you bed my girl" I growled in a dangerous, furious voice.
Nick sent a punch to my gut which knocked the wind out of me. With a groan I rolled off of him and tried my best to catch my breath. I could tell he only hit me back to get me from stopping attacking him.
He scrambled away, keeping a good distance between us. I saw blood drip from his nose and a cut open on his left eyebrow.
"Are you done yet? Or do you want to keep being a drama queen and using my face as a punching bag?" He raised an eyebrow but winced as the cut opened even more.
When I finally regained my breath I stood up into a defensive stance. "I'm going to fucking kill you."
Nick just rolled his eyes which pissed me off to no end. I took a quick stride towards him but he quickly put his arms out in front of him.
"Grayson, chill out man. I didn't fuck her!" He tried to save himself from me doing even more fucking damage to his face. My hand reached for the counter and gripped Ryder's note tightly in my hand.
"Then what the fuck do you call this?" I seethed. A look of confusion took over his face. He approached me cautiously with an arm outstretched while I took deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself. It wasn't working.
"I'm going to take the paper from your hand now," Nick spoke cautiously like I was a fucking child, "Please refrain from smashing my head in."
He gently took the now crumbled paper out of my hand as I glared deadly at him. I watched as his eyes scanned over the words before his lips quirked into a smile. For some reason this triggered something in me causing me to reach out and grab his shirt in my clenched fists.
At the same moment I did this, the front door opened. Nick's head snapped towards the door while my eyes kept trained on his stupid fucking face.
"Help!" Nick squeaked out in his idiotic voice.
"Grayson, let him go" the voice from the door spoke out dryly. This only made me clench my jaw and grip Nick's shirt harder.
"C'mon man, look at this beautiful face" Nick gestured towards his own, "You don't want to wreck this piece of art even more than you already did!"
"You got some fucking nerve beatin' the shit out of him after disappearing for the past few days" the cold voice snapped at me. I harshly shoved Nick away from me as I continued to give him a death glare.
Nick quickly took cover behind the tattooed covered person at the door. My eyes watched him stand behind the body, peeking out timidly, as I moved my eyes to look into Heath's ice cold ones.
"Look what he did to my pretty face" Nick pouted and looked up at Heath. Heath rolled his eyes and squinted at the idiotic blonde.
"You'll be fine" he spoke down to him then turned to look at me. "What the fuck is your deal?" Heath seethed. It was clear he was pissed and a pissed Heath is certainly something you don't want to deal with.
"Grayson" Nick spoke up from behind Heath. His voice was calm as it seemed like he was trying to reason with me. "I took her out to ice cream to distract her from worrying about you dude. We didn't fuck or have sex or anything like that. You know I wouldn't do that to you."
"Seriously?" Heath raised his eyebrows at me. "That's what your fucking fighting about?"
My anger was slowly starting to subside. With the anger leaving my body, I felt anxiety start to enter. I looked down at my hands which were starting to shake. I quickly bawled them into fists in an attempt to stop the shaking.
"Why did Ryder leave you a note?" I decided my next question would be. "Why didn't she just tell you or text you after you dropped her off?"
Nick finally emerged from behind Heath as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, she's sort of staying here right now?" When a look of confusion took over my face, he clarified. "Like she's living here until she figures something else out."
"Why is she—"
"Her dad beat the shit out of her. Fucked her up pretty bad" Heath cut me off. A chill ran through my veins. Her dad came back. And I wasn't there for her. "Apparently you knew for awhile and didn't do shit to get her out of the situation."
"Heath!" Nick quickly tried to reprimand him. But Heath was right. I knew this whole time. I could have prevented it. I could have saved her.
"Where is she?" My hands were shaking again. "I need to see her."
"I don't know. I was asleep when she left, I just saw the note now" Nick approached me. I didn't realize it until he was about a foot away from me. I felt him take one of my hands in his own. I glanced at him but he was looking right back at me with a concerned expression. "Dude you're shaking. What's wrong?"
My eyes drifted down where Nick tightly gripped one of my hands, possibly to try and prevent the tremors from overtaking me.
"I'm going to find her. I'll bring her back here when I do" I nodded but I think it was more towards myself than to the boys in front of me.
I didn't miss the concerned look Nick sent to Heath. My behavior was off, that was clear. I also didn't wait to hear their protests as I quickly walked out of the door and made my way to the place I knew Ryder would be.
~~~~~~~~~~
The air was crisp on the rooftop of the gym.
And there my girl stood, or sat should I say, on the ledge looking into the horizon. As I finished climbing the ladder, I could see half of her face. Those blue eyes I love so much seemed dull as she gazed into the sky. Cuts and bruises accompanied her face, placing a sickening feeling in my stomach.
"I thought I'd find you here" I spoke quietly yet it seemed to expand loudly through the air. Her head whipped around quicker than I thought humanly possible. Her jaw clenched as she stood up. I didn't say anything as she approached me, unsure of what was going to happen next.
Finally, she stood just inches away, not daring to break eye contact. I waited for her to say something as I took in the damage her father had done to her face. If only I got her out of that house sooner. If only I was able to protect her like I promised I would.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt a harsh smack against my face.
"I deserved that" I said softly as I felt the stinging sensation slowly go away. When my eyes moved from the ground to her face I expected to see a look of anger; Instead, there was one of sadness.
"You fucking asshole" Ryder spoke up though her voice was low and quiet, full of hurt. Tears formed in her eyes and for the first time since I've known the blue-eyed girl, she didn't stop them from falling. "I was so fucking scared something happened to you."
She choked on a sob at the same time I took her into my arms. She tried to push me away but I felt her grow weak and eventually collapse into my arms. Her sobs were loud and raw. It brought a stinging feeling to the back of my throat but I held it back for her sake.
"You promised." she cried. "You promised you would be there for me."
I rubbed her back with one hand as my other was curled into her hair. "I know babe. I'm so sorry."
My cheek pressed against the top of her head. I held her tighter as she cried harder. "I'm so fucking sorry."
Slowly her sobs began to die down. I pulled away only slightly to cup her face gently in my hands. I paid mind to the cuts and bruises as my eyes surveyed the damage. As we both looked into each other's eyes I saw the true pain of what she was going through. The worry. The sorrow. The sadness.
My thumbs worked to wipe the remaining tears away.
"Where were you?" Her voice was raspy from the crying.
"I just had to go away for a bit. I'm sorry" I told her gently. I chose not to tell her about my mom at this moment. Right now wasn't about me. It was about my beautiful girl standing in front of me, full of pain and hurt.
"You can't do that Grayson" Ryder shook her head in my hands. "You can't just disappear like that."
"I know," I sighed. "It won't happen again, I promise"
"Just one more promise you can't keep" she scoffed. Ouch, I suppose I deserved that.
"I know it was stupid Ryder. I just needed to escape. It was like I couldn't breathe—" I cut myself off from making fucking excuses. "It's not going to happen again."
She took a step away from me causing my hands to now feel cold and empty.
"It won't" she confirmed. "I can't do this anymore, Grayson."
"What do you mean? Can't do what?" I spoke quickly and rushed the words out as I took a step towards her. She matched it by taking a step back causing me to halt my movements.
"This." She motioned between the two of us. I felt a familiar panic begin to rise. "Us. Whatever this is."
"Ryder," I was about to take a step towards her when I remembered she didn't want me near her right now. "Baby please—" I cringed at my own use of the pet name.
"No Grayson" she said firmly. "I felt fucking sick when you were missing. I felt fucking sick when I found out your drinking to deal with pain. And I felt fucking sick when you promised to be there for me and you weren't. I dealt with too much pain in my life. I can't deal with even more. I'm sorry."
I watched her swallow harshly and I watched the girl I got so used to having in my life, walk away from me. Just as she reached the ladder I finally seemed to find a voice.
"I lo—" I choked. Say it. Say it Grayson. Say it before you watch the one person you have left walk out of your life.
"I love you."
Time seemed to stop after those words. My body went stiff as I saw her own freeze just when she was going to take a step down the ladder. Slowly, she looked up at me with complete shock in her eyes.
"Don't you fucking dare." Ryder finally spoke up. I guess I accomplished my goal of not having her walk away because she took quick strides towards me, anger radiating off of her. I prepared myself for another slap in the face but it never came. Instead a pointed finger landed in front of my face.
"Don't you dare fucking say that" she seethed. If I thought I had ever seen her angry before, this was definitely the most I'd ever seen from the short-tempered girl.
Though moments earlier I was confused in my own words and unsure what to say, now I was 100% confident.
"I do" I stated nodding. "I love you."
Her eyes battled mine darting back forth between my gray ones.
"Why did you have to fucking say that Grayson?" Her voice held a mixture of anger and exhaustion.
"Because it's true. And I needed to tell you. Whether you want to leave my life or not, I need you to know that I love you."
There are so many things I wish I could have said to my mom. I wish I told her how much I love her and how much I appreciated her. I learned that people can disappear from your life in the blink of an eye, so you need to tell them what you feel. And looking at this beautifully chaotic girl in front of me, I've never been more sure of how I felt for someone.
"I—" It was her turn to choke on words. Her face transformed from one of anger to one of confusion. "I don't know what to say."
I wasn't angry nor hurt that she didn't say it back; Hell, I don't even know if she felt the same. But I didn't tell her I loved so I could get a response. I said it because I meant it and I wanted her to know that.
"You don't have to say anything" My voice was softer, much lighter in tone than when I'm talking to Nick or Heath. Cautiously, I lifted my hand up to gently cup her face. She looked up at me with vulnerable eyes.
A light smile graced my lips as I watched her lean into my touch. Suddenly, I was hyper aware of how close we were, how our breaths were mixing in the same air. My eyes darted down to her lips, which were only inches from my own. Her eyes followed the movement before looking back into my own. Slightly, almost impossibly noticeable, Ryder nods.
That was the only thing I needed before I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers.
~~~~~~
update hehe :))
grayson is alive yay!
and they finally kissed 👀
AND grayson dropped the l-word 😬
thoughts, questions, predictions or suggestions for the future?? i would love to hear from you cuties :)