I helped Margo get off the floor before we made our way back inside. I was surprised to see both Alex and Egon here. Margo stayed in the living room with Laura as the guys and I went out on the balcony from the living room. We all sat down on the couch and stared ahead of us as we sat in silence.
"What happened?" Alex asked, breaking off the peace.
"I found a note with her handwriting and thought I was dreaming when it was in fact real. And it was one of the first times in a week or so that I haven't blown up this much so it touched me in all the wrong ways," I admitted.
"So you smashed a twenty grand vase?" Egon asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Like I don't have the money to pay it back," I said back before silence took over again. "I don't want to go to that fucking ball."
"They won't be there." They.
"You mean Luca or his minions?"
"I mean your father or his father on top of that," I chuckled.
"You should enjoy time with them while you still can because after I'm back, they won't reach the mids of September."
"Calm down," Alex warned me. I took a deep breath in to fulfil his request but it wasn't helping.
"I don't want to talk about them. Luca isn't in London and I still have Rico out somewhere."
"And Silas for that matter," Alex reminded me. I nodded as I thought of how I would solve everything.
"Silas will be dead one day or the other. My main question is how the hell will we get to Rico because if he decides to switch sides, he's going to ruin everything."
Rico could always run back to Luca and I'm sure he'd welcome him with open arms. Up until he was no longer useful.
"We'll figure it out," Alex said, trying to ease the tension, "and enjoy this place." I chuckled at the absurdity of that comment. "You know what I mean," he tried to fix the words he had said.
"No, I don't know, Alex."
"Just stop it." Egon stepped in.
"You got away from your fucked up family for a few days so enjoy it until you have to go back and deal with the vultures living in that estate," I shook my head slowly as I began to get over this conversation.
"You're adding more fire to him, Alex," Egon warned, making me realise he might have been the only one who understood my anger that well.
"I'm not. I'm telling him the truth."
"And I'm sure he gets it," Egon was now facing Alex as he did the same, "but he doesn't need you to remind him of how lonely he actually is. Because last time I checked, you have a girl to go out with, in, let me remind you, the city of love," he emphasized the final word. "But we both know he's been through shit that made him lose the girl he loves," I swallowed the agony building up in my chest.
"And I get that!" Alex shouted at Egon. "But what I'm trying to say is that we have bigger fucking problems right now. We have multiple secrets unfolding as we speak and, I'm sorry if I'm just trying to put him in the right mindset to face the changes," he tried explaining. I barely even listened as my mind began to zone out to somewhere much calmer than this.
"But telling him to relax when he clearly doesn't want to isn't the right thing to do," I stood up and started pacing around the balcony as I cleared my head.
"My interests are to see him happy and if getting him to sleep with someone who looks like her will do the job, I'm all for it," I stopped in my tracks before averting my eyes to the guy I thought of as my best friend. Egon's mouth had opened as he was too stunned by Alex's words. He looked at me. "As much as I am sorry, everyone who was even closer to her than you were, began to move on. You haven't." I raised my brows as I listened to him.
"Alex, stop it," Egon warned before pinching the bridge of his nose. Alex shook his head before continuing.
"I get it, it hurts. You're grieving. But you need to move on. And this hallucination shit is getting out of hand, Liam," I took the piece of black paper out of my pocket and held it between my fingers.
"I'm not hallucinating, Alex." I raised the paper higher. "This is the reason I almost lost my goddamn mind."
"She's dead!" He shouted at me. "Don't you get that? She won't come back to life and neither will you if you don't move on and start a new chapter." I clenched my jaw as his words pierced my heart. I knew it had to be true but reminding someone who had lost their loved one over and over that they're dead without realising how hard it is to hear those words, hurt them.
"You do realise that the reason I'm still alive is that small piece of hope that she's okay, right." I crumpled the paper in my hand as I stared at him. "This goddamn piece of paper is the reason I want to live another day." I threw the paper at him, catching him by surprise. "Fuck you, you piece of shit," I walked out of the balcony and just as I was about to enter the bedroom, I heard Margo's voice.
"L'ha detto lei stessa." [She said it herself.] I stood right by the corner of the living room with my bedroom door right behind me.
"Ma ha il diritto di sapere. Soprattutto adesso." [But he had a right to know. Especially now.] I frowned. It was very wrong of me to listen to their conversation. But I had a feeling that Cel had something to do with it.
"Ci ha detto di tenerglielo nascosto. Inoltre, ora è inutile." [She told us to keep it from him. Besides, it's pointless now.] Keep something from me? Celeste was keeping something from me?
"Dovrebbe almeno saperlo. Non importa quanto l'avrebbe odiato adesso." [He should at least know about it. No matter how much he'd hate it now.]
"Gli do più dolore." [I can't give him more pain.] I was so lost in what she was saying that I actually thought they had something to do with the note I had received. But judging from Margo's reaction, the note wasn't something she'd written.
"Era un pezzo di lui." [It was a piece of him.] My entire body stilled. "Even if she's dead he should know what had happened." It felt as if the air was toxic enough to choke me. I leaned my back against the wall as Margo whispered to Laura.
"She told us both she didn't want to tell him about the damn pregnancy." I hoped they were talking about something other than my Cel.
She was pregnant.
"And it would be wrong to break my promise to her," she whispered as my entire body ached. I ran my hand through my hair as I struggled to breathe.
"It just feels wrong now," Laura said. "I get that she was scared for his reaction maybe slightly more than her family's but I think he should at least know about it after she passed."
I wouldn't have done anything to hurt her in any way if she had told me. Hell, even if she decided to keep it I would've stuck by her.
My child.
My goddamn child died with her.
"The one thing I wished for is that she had more time to abort it so Luca wouldn't be responsible for the child." I couldn't even feel how tears streamed down my cheeks. I closed my eyes as I realised the biggest clue in the damn book.
"Hey, you okay?" I opened the door to her bathroom gently before I saw her and met her eyes. She smiled at me before nodding. I walked into the room, closing the door behind me.
"Yeah, a lot is just happening in my head." I came up to her before wrapping my arms around her from behind.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." I leaned down before placing kisses along her neck and shoulder. "Do you think having kids will be a problem?" I stilled before I raised my eyes to the mirror. I don't think I'd even thought about this since I'd met her. It just didn't seem important yet.
"I... kids?" She nodded. "Wow, okay. This is a loaded question."
"I'm not saying that I want them anytime soon but it's just on my mind since we're getting serious." I nodded.
"I mean, I'd love to have them with you but I didn't even want to think about them for a while." I kept wondering why this might have bothered her. "I mean, we have a long road ahead of us and I still don't want to share you with anyone." She smiled as I placed a kiss on her shoulder. "It's not like you're going to surprise me with a random pregnancy right?" Her eyes slightly widened before she chuckled. I didn't react to it but I knew that deep down she was not telling me something.
But then again, I don't think she'd lie to me.
"Hell no," I smiled. "You'd be the first to know if that happened." She turned around before I sat her on the counter. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her hands around my neck. I rested my hands on her hips.
"I love you, Ce." She smiled and kissed me.
I opened my eyes as Margo started saying something about the ball. I shook my head before I walked into my room and shut the door behind me.
I looked around the room, the remnants of my feeling clearly displayed on the floor in the form of broken glass. I sat down on the edge of the bed and before I could let my frustration out, I thought of her.
I wasn't mad at her. I could never be.
But I was disappointed in her.
I thought she knew me better than that. I could never be mad at her over what we both were responsible for. And no matter her decision, I would've supported her.
But I think what hurt me the most right now, was knowing he took the person I love and the thing I would've loved if it was alive.
And solely for that, I've just thought of the perfect way to kill him.
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I sat in the bedroom for half an hour reevaluating my thoughts until I opened the door and walked into the living room.
Alex rose to his feet when he saw me as everyone else turned their heads in my direction.
"Egon, how sure are you that the girl you saw in New York was Valentina?" He frowned from my sudden question but answered.
"Maybe ninety-eight?" It came out almost like a question. "Judging from her reaction to me, I thought she was someone that was scared of men in general but after I got a better look at her, I remembered the picture Alex showed me of Valentina."
"We need to find her." Alex frowned.
"What-"
"Don't even speak to me for the next twenty-four hours," I stated with my eyes away from him. He shut his mouth and sat back down on the couch right by Margo.
"Why do we need that now?" Laura asked.
"Maybe she knows what the hell happened with her body and maybe, just maybe, she knows the mysterious killer."
"Because she worked under him?" Egon asked, making me nod.
"She has to have some sort of connection with her," Margo said. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked through my contacts.
"I can ask a good friend of mine to search for her in New York," Alex suggested but I shook my head, declining.
"She's not in the US." Alex frowned. "I wouldn't put it past her to attend the ball."
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