The frenzy of competition. The thrilling delight of hazarding your all. I am referring not to the lure of London's luxurious gaming halls but to a gamble with far higher stakes. Matrimony. For once that particular wager is placed, it cannot easily be undone. A fact which, I am sure, is met with both regret and sheer relief.
Today was Benedict's first day at the Royal Academy. I sit at my dressing table brushing my hair. In the mirror I can finally see Benedict standing in the doorway.
"You are home," I say with a smile.
Benedict laughs. "I am."
I jump up from my seat to greet him. Benedict pulls me close as we kiss.
"How was your first day?" I ask.
"It was incredible," Benedict tells me.
"Everything you thought it would be?" I ask.
Benedict nods. "And more."
"I am happy for you," I tell him. I move back to the seat in front of my dressing table.
Benedict removes his coat and his cravat. He removes his waist coat next. He starts to unbutton his shirt but stops.
"You are staring, my love," Benedict tells me.
I feel myself blush and I realise I was. I try to look away, but I feel Benedict come up behind me. I stand up to face him. Without a thought Benedict and I both move to kiss one another. As Benedict starts to unfasten my dress, I start to push his shirt off of his shoulders. He smiles at me as his shirt falls to the floor followed by my dress. I trail my hand down his chest.
"No teasing," Benedict tells me.
Before I can say anything, Benedict has picked me up. He attaches his lips to mine once more. He walks us across our room and lays me down on my bed.
Benedict and I sit in the drawing room of the Bridgerton residence. Lady Bridgerton has been kind enough to let me help her with Anthony's wedding planning. With Benedict studying art now I need something to occupy my time even if it will only last a short while.
Anthony is having a new coat fitted for the ceremony.
"It is not yet right. See how the cuffs are an inch too short?" Anthony says.
"Very well, sir."
"There is plenty of time to adjust it to your liking. The wedding is not for another month," Lady Bridgerton assures.
"There is still much to do," Anthony tells her.
"Will Miss Edwina be coming live with us?" Gregory asks.
"Indeed. After the wedding, she'll be the lady of the house and responsible for you all," Lady Bridgerton tells him.
"May the Lord help her," Colin remarks.
"Which reminds me, our carriages must be polished to a shine, and the horses' manes braided. We should bring out the finest silver. The queen may be hosting everything at the palace, but we must be ready to entertain here," Anthony says.
"And what of us, Brother?" Benedict asks. "Should we also be polished and braided for the big day?"
"We'll all be on display. Perhaps you might even scrub your hands for the occasion?" Anthony says.
I take Benedict's hand in mine. I do not mind his paint-stained fingers. It shows he values something in life other than money and titles.
"I've been occupied at the academy," Benedict tells Anthony.
"What about Miss Edwina's sister?" Hyacinth asks.
'What about her?" Anthony asks a little too pointedly.
"Will she come to live with us, too?" Hyacinth asks.
"Oh, I do hope so. It'll be a boon to have another intelligent woman in the house," Eloise says.
"Another? Mm. You're overcounting," Benedict teases.
"Eloise, Diana, and I shall need your help today. There is the dinner to plan with Lady Danbury to welcome the Sharmas into the family. And then the engagement ball next week..." Lady Bridgerton starts.
"I am sorry, Mama, but, uh, I am attending a lecture this afternoon. Flower arranging," Eloise says. "Penelope's mama is forcing her to go, and you've wanted me to find more ladylike pursuits."
I look at her curiously before whispering, "For how long have you cared about flower arranging?"
"I am an open-minded woman. I can care about many things," Eloise tells me.
With Benedict busy at the Academy, I have decided to promenade with Lady Bridgerton. It is important to me that Lady Bridgerton and I can spend time together. She has always been supportive of Benedict and I. Sometimes I just wish to spend time with someone that is not Benedict or a Featherington.
Lady Bridgerton and I find Miss Edwina and Anthony promenading together.
Miss Edwina watches her sister and Mr Dorset. "What a handsome couple they make."
Anthony appears to snap out of some haze. "Pardon me?"
"Mr. Dorset and my sister," Miss Edwina tells him. "I noticed that he was quite smitten with her the last time they met. Perhaps he will convince her to stay in England, after all."
"She barely knows the gentleman," Anthony states.
"Nor did I you, at first," Miss Edwina reminds him. "But love moves swiftly, does it not?"
"Miss Edwina, you must tell me your favorite colors, so I may plan to incorporate them in the ornamentation for your engagement ball," Lady Bridgerton tells her.
"You are too kind, Lady Bridgerton," Miss Edwina says. "I am certain your taste is superb."
"To honor both Bridgerton and Sharma families, now that we are to be joined," Lady Bridgerton reasons.
I listen to Lady Bridgerton and Miss Edwina talk of all things wedding related. Anthony on the other hand seems distant like he is lost in his own mind.
I watch as Miss Edwina and Anthony move to greet Miss Sharma and Mr Dorset as they arrive back at the dock. Anthony ties off the rope and I can only assume it is a way to show his dominance over Mr Dorset. Even when Mr Dorset holds his hand out to Miss Sharma to help her from the boat Anthony steps in taking his place. After helping Miss Sharma out of the boat Anthony steps back suddenly. He trips over Miss Sharma's dog, Newton, and hits Mr Dorset. Both men go tumbling into the water.
"Oh my! Are you hurt?" Miss Edwina asks.
Mr Dorset laughs, seeming to take the incident very well. "Not at all! The water is a rather welcoming refreshment, is it not, Bridgerton?"
With a scowl on his face Anthony pulls himself from the water.
I sit in the drawing room of the Featherington residence. I do not much enjoy it, but they are my family. It took me marrying Benedict and moving out to truly realise it.
"Must we sit around like statues?" Prudence protests. "I wish to be at a ball, showing off my new fiancé."
"Varley? Are you certain we've not received any invitations you may have overlooked for the evening?" Aunt Featherington asks.
"No, ma'am. There's been nothing," Mrs Varley tells her.
"Perhaps the circumstances of Prudence's engagement has us on the outs yet again," Penelope offers.
"So, this is my fault?" Prudence asks.
"I did not say that," Penelope states. "It's not as if you arranged to meet Cousin Jack in that orangery, did you? We should merely be happy we still have a cook and a lady's maid each, yes, Mama?"
Aunt Featherington does not answer Penelope. Instead, she gets up and walks out of the room. Prudence follows after her leaving Penelope and I alone.
"How is everything, Pen?" I ask.
"Besides Mama's insistence on Prudence marrying Cousin Jack and our lack of money all is well," Penelope tells me.
"Penelope, I am sorry that you are trapped in the middle of this," I tell her. "But I do not know how I can fix this. Your Mama will not listen to me."
"I did not suspect she would," Penelope tells me.
"I can only try and make things easier on you," I tell her.
"Your visits are enough," Penelope says. "I know you do not like coming into this house since marrying Benedict."
I grab Penelope's hand in mine. "If simply seeing me in this home is enough to put you at ease, I shall visit every day if I must."
I sit in the nursery watching William sleep. It is late and Benedict has yet to return. I can only assume he is working late on a piece.
"Here you are." I turn and see Benedict standing in the doorway. "I should have known you would be in here when you were not in our bedroom."
I stand up and walk towards Benedict. "I just like to make sure William is alright." I step out into the hallway closing the door behind me.
"How was your day?" Benedict asks.
"I promenaded with your mother," I tell him. "And Anthony fell into a pond."
Benedict laughs. "I wish I had been there to see it."
"The best part is it was unintentionally Miss Sharma's fault," I tell him.
"I am sure he will hold it against her," Benedict tells me.
After walking into our bedroom Benedict closes the door behind us.
"And how was your day, dearest?" I ask.
"I learned of a few things," Benedict tells me. "Women are not allowed to enroll at the academy. They can only model. Although two of the founding members are women, we are still not yet allowed to enter the classroom."
"You should not be surprised," I tell him as I sit at my dressing table. "Men are always looking for ways to control women. To keep them in their perceived place."
"You sound like you have been speaking with Eloise," Benedict says.
I smile slightly. "Well, some of her readings are rather interesting."
"Would you model for me?" Benedict asks.
I look a little surprised. "You wish for me to model for you?"
Benedict smiles widely as he nods. "It is harder than it looks."
I narrow my eyes at the challenge. "Where would you like me Mr Bridgerton?"
I can see a look in Benedict's eyes. Like a predator looking at its prey.
"I shall leave it up to you, my love," Benedict tells me.
I nod slightly as I turn in my chair. Benedict sits down on the edge of our bed with his sketchbook. I position myself in a way I imagine a model for a drawing would sit. Benedict laughs slightly.
"Is this not correct?" I ask.
Benedict shakes his head as he stands up. "Not quite."
He moves my arms and positions me in a way that my face catches the candlelight.
"How long must I stay like this?" I question.
Benedict chuckles as he sits back down on the edge of the bed. "That depends." I make a face. "What I really need is a study of the female form." I can feel myself blush. "The naked form. What say you?"
I cannot seem to find my voice. Instead, I stand up, not breaking eye contact with Benedict. I slip one strap of my chemise off of my shoulder before the other.
Duty. More than laws or faith, I have often thought it the bond that holds our fragile society together. Duty to rank and title. Fidelity to one's family name. It demands both utter obedience and total sacrifice. But what happens when such duty is in conflict with the heart's true desire? Why, then, there is the potential for a considerable scandal, indeed. The only question is, will the parties in question heed my warning? Or is it already too late to turn back to duty and away from desire?