Yusuf walked into his friend's room with a paper in his hand annoyed about the decision his friend made. They have completed their five years of army training successfully and were to leave tomorrow but he was just told when he went to sign their name out that his friend had signed up for the nine months direct short service course.
"I thought we were leaving" He said and threw the papers at his friend questioning why he made the choice.
His friend ignored him and continued packing his items to move to the short service barrack.
Aliyu and Yusuf joined the army a few months after Aliyu's mother's death and not once did Aliyu go home for vacation ever since they joined, Yusuf never questioned or made him go back knowing the reason. But he thought with time his friend would have come to terms with what he is running from and continue with life.
"It's been five years"
Yusuf said again hopelessly trying to make his friend change his mind, scratch that his brother. They were practically raised together by both their parents and have been friends since forever. One of them just cannot do without the other no matter what, people think they are brothers which they practically are.
"You can't run forever" Yusuf added and that got Aliyu to stop what he was doing and snatched the papers from Yusuf.
"I plan to run forever Yusuf, alone this time. And that is why I did not sign your name" Aliyu snapped and throw the papers back at him.
Aliyu tried, he did everything in his power to overlook things but just couldn't. He knew that his mom is really gone but it just doesn't feel right to continue living without her. He is not the only one that lost a loved one and he knows that it is God's way of testing but he doesn't know what is stopping him from accepting it. Experiencing the death of a loved one is worst than every pain possible. There are times of numbness, sometimes strangeness, and sometimes denial but the sadness is always there like being hit with the news of the death all over again. The future just seems empty without her which is why he sees no reason to do things that will benefit him, he is just waiting for his time to leave the world he would have been long gone if suicide was not a sin.
"It's not like you will be attending the practice or anything. I see no reason for your staying when you are not doing anything at all" Yusuf shouted the frustration cleared in his voice.
For the whole five years of their stay, Aliyu only comes out for practice when he feels like it. He doesn't do anything or take part in any activity and always gets punished. Yusuf had to break the promise he made to him of not telling anyone of his whereabouts and inform his father to do something about it and that is when his family knows that he is in the army. His father happens to know the general and put in a word for Aliyu and that is when he started getting his late-night training in private. Others see Aliyu not taking part in the training as an injustice because that is what it is but Aliyu doesn't mind them talking cause they don't know about his late-night training. He gets to have his private training by an officer at night, sometimes on his own and sometimes by the general himself which he doesn't know the reason behind. The general soon finds a place in Aliyu's life and he becomes the only one he shares his problems with and that is why his training is never boring.
"Are you going to continue living in the barrack your whole life?" Yusuf added.
"What if I am?" Aliyu questioned rhetorically.
Yusuf couldn't handle his friend's attitude anymore. He knew Aliyu has a very bad temper and if this conversation continue he very sure knows it will end badly. So like always he become the bigger person and stopped discussing the matter.
"Everyone will be coming by tomorrow, you should at least come to meet them since you are not going back" He reminded him and picked the papers placing them back together.
Aliyu didn't respond so Yusuf made his way out of the room but hear him scoff and that stopped him from leaving.
"Don't tell me that you are not going to see them?" He worriedly questioned.
"Of course, I won't" Aliyu answered with no care.
"Your family has not seen you in five years" Yusuf said coming back into the room. "You are not the only one who lost a mother so why would you shut them out?" He continued when he got no response from his friend. "Staying away from them will not bring her back, why are you doing this?"
Aliyu stopped what he was doing again and faced his friend. "How many times do I have to tell you that they remind me of her and it just breaks me all over again whenever I'm with them?" He questioned tears present in his eyes "The army is my only solace, my only comfort. I've made myself believe that the reason why I can't be with her is because of me being away and I find peace in that" He continued his voice breaking.
"So why should I ruin that? Why should I go back when I found peace in the army? Why should I meet them when I don't want to believe that I can't be with her ever again? Tell me Yusuf why?!"
They were both silent for minutes until Yusuf talked.
"You claimed your peace is here but you spent the five years locked up in your room. You hardly come for practices, you are hardly anywhere you are supposed to be. You only eat to survive. You have completely lost yourself and that's okay" He paused.
"But you are hurting the ones around you. How do you think your family felt when you suddenly leave when they needed you the most? And then you never reach them and ignore them anytime they do. You are not in this alone and you don't have to go through it alone. It hurts me so much to see you like this"
He paused smiling for he had finally started getting to his friend. "Grieving over it is okay and you are not the only one, we all are. But you have to believe that she is gone. That is why it is called Qadr and you believing in it is the essence of all of it. That is Allah's way of testing you and what you are doing is only proving otherwise-
"It's not like I don't believe it" Aliyu cut in. "I do know that she is gone and I've accepted that. I just don't want to live with it"
"I know" Yusuf continued. "That is why I thought the five years will get you to that is why I've always told everyone that you will be okay after it but I guessed I was wrong" He said looking at the papers again.
"I'm not praying for it to happen but what will you do if you receive sudden news about the death of another member of the family? Would you regret running away or would you run farther?"
He sighed. "I won't stop you or stay with you this time around but I hope you will come back after it cause your family needs you. I need you too"
He turned to leave but Aliyu stopped him by grabbing his hand.
"I'm sorry" He said letting go of his hand and then hugging him. "I don't know why I just can't." Aliyu said his voice breaking. "I've been getting ready for this all this while since I know I have to go back. I know I was wrong. I know I have to continue with life cause that is life. That is the saddest thing about losing a loved one, continuing without them. I first thought I would never do anything again but here I am pursuing my dreams of being a soldier." He sighed.
"I just don't know how to face them again after running away, I don't know how I will react and I'm scared of their reaction that is why I just went ahead and registered for the short time service hoping I would do what I didn't do in five years in nine months" He finished crying.
And that is how the two of them sat together in each other's arms and comforted each other.
"I also lost a mother you know that right?" Yusuf asked sniffing.
"I know"
Aliyu continued packing after they have cried enough and Yusuf left. He met the general at the door and bow in respect. "I'm sorry sir, we didn't know you were here"
"It's okay" The general replied.
And Yusuf raised his head, saluted, and started going but the general stopped him. "Follow me to my office" He ordered and Yusuf complied.
"I thought you are staying for the short-term service with him" The general asked. "No sir"
"Why?" He asked again.
"He doesn't need me" Yusuf answered. "Are you sure?" The general questioned. "I don't think he will make it without you" He added.
Yusuf stayed mute.
"I know the short service wouldn't benefit you in any way since you both are now qualified soldiers but Aliyu needs that and that is why I allowed him" The general spoke "But he also really needs you, what you should always consider is the relationship between him and his mom. I am no one to tell you that because you are a witness yourself. Aliyu has never spent a day without his mother and you know how attached he is to things. I guess that is why he can't move on from it. Aliyu may have already contacted a health issue if not for the army. I think you should stay with him again and give him all the support he needs"
"I considered that Sir but he is always locked in his room and I am also worried about his health and that is why I think he should not stay again. I don't know if you know about it but he never attend training or any other activity" Yusuf replied.
The general cleared his throat before speaking. "I know you don't know about it but Aliyu receives late-night training every day and it is also helping his mental health"
Yusuf was really surprised because he didn't know about it, the general explained it all to him and also convinced him to stay for the short time of service. It's just nine months so he signed for it and went back to Aliyu's room.
"Let's do this together again" He said showing Aliyu the papers.
"Always" Aliyu answered and he smiled for the first time in a while.
Yusuf was glad about everything and that his friend is recovering, the only thing he is not happy about is that they cannot meet their family tomorrow. Since they signed up for the short service they will not be allowed to go out.
One is sad and the other is happy. I hope you know who is which.
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Don't forget to tell me what you feel about it in the comment and hit the star if you like it, I will really appreciate that. Don't be a ghost reader please and thank you again for reading. I have little knowledge about the army so spare me from your thoughts.