Warning: Goes into detail about his new body, preferences, and the way he's adapting to it...
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He would find his own purpose in living.
There was no defined way of living as only the person who lives creates it. While they have no control to how the beginning of their living starts off, they're still in control on who they are and what they become.
Acton wanted to become someone who could achieve happiness without struggling to constantly maintain happiness. He wanted to become a person who used his talents for the good. He wanted to live a life with no regrets.
But what he wanted the most though was to live.
So he planned to do what he wanted and felt like doing.
With a surge of confidence backing him up, he went out in the hallways after the week he spent in his recovery.
He was a little bitter that his friends kept him in his hospital even though he healed himself on the first day he woke up. But he didn't want to push their help away either. He wanted to stop pushing them away.
The stares he got from other nobles did make his confidence wither a bit but he tried his best to stay strong.
"He's really back?!"
"Thank god, the council members were really moody without his presence!"
Acton was a bit dumbfounded at their volume, the nobles never bothering to whisper out their gossip when the person they are talking about is right next to them. Really it was cliche for people to do in stories like these, their chatting loud whenever something dramatic happened. Though he hasn't experienced anything negative from their gossip yet.
He regretted his curiosity as he sent a glance to the crowd of talking nobles, accidentally locking eye contact with the group of girls who were chatting, watching them freeze at being caught.
Acton sent a sheepish smile, waving a bit timid but the gesture sill obvious on what it was and who it was sent to.
It wasn't a second later where squealing occurred from the group and some other bystanders. It made him flinch at the sudden noise but he kept his awkward smile.
"He's so cute!"
"I want him all for myself!"
"Don't say that! The council members will actually kill you!"
"I wouldn't mind if I got to hold his hand or pat his head!"
Acton wanted nothing more but to dig himself in a hole from the crowd's attention, walking away from the embarrassing words the female nobles muttered about him. It didn't take him much time to arrive to his first class, ducking his head at the sights of turning heads.
They must've thought of him as a pet bunny or something because of those adoring eyes. The group of noble girls made it obvious they found him adorable and Acton found it embarrassing that they wanted to dot on him even though he should've been doting on them in their fantasies like they do with the capture targets.
It made Acton wonder if they ever considered him a man.
He admits, his appearance often threw people off or at least attracted some strange aspects of adoration. He also admits that his appearance is beautiful and did wonder at first why the pervious Acton didn't use them to try and gain Emily's love.
Emily does seem to have a thing for beautiful people after all.
Even so, with his beauty that becomes stronger each passing day as he keeps his appearance maintained, he could tell from the pervious owner of the body that they probably attracted unneeded attention when they did show off their appearance. He looked just like his mom and dare to say a bit more prettier than her in a way, who was someone that was lusted for often as she was the highest ranking in her work industry as he's come to know when he heard some whisper along others about her beauty and achievements, pinpointing it towards him as he was her son. Though those whispers from the beginning of the year faded through time, swapping with the adoring ones strangely.
Of course he obviously looked like a boy at first glance but once a person pays more attention to his features, feminine features can be picked out. Yet he didn't consider himself to look that girly looking. He concluded he just look delicate with a bit of a feminine charm to him, making him look more "cuter" because of it.
Luckily he hasn't received much attention from guys but well when they do seem to look at him a certain way, they seem to avoid him afterwards or just plain out disappear. Though it's rare, as he often hangs out with the council members males and those stares are quick to vanish.
Sometimes he does see the same case happen to certain females that seem to express more than adoration but it's just as rare as earning attention from males.
He couldn't blame them though. Even now sometimes he finds his breath to be caught in his throat when he glances at a mirror, reflecting his appearance and outfit that were different too, obvious through his school uniform by how revealing it was leg wise, showing off his pale and slim legs up to his thighs and oversized cardigan where the sleeves engulfs his hands and almost hid his thin long fingers. His clothing and features seemed to really hit home of his appearance to be androgynous.
On the topic of his limbs, he was still unable to believe how soft and hairless his arms and legs were, brushing his fingertips against his bare skin whenever he was done bathing. He was still in amazement each time feeling the softness and smoothness of it. He assumed it was because he was in an otome game but he's noticed even the other males had no hair on their legs or arms.
He also wondered if they also didn't have hair around their groin areas too...
It was strange really, when the first time he looked down there, his loss of hair and some of his... length...
Acton begrudgingly admits that he barely if not at all reaches the mark of average in both length and width wise at least in his past life standards. Of course it didn't look like a child's but it didn't look manly either. It made him sulk for a bit, really cursed with the shorter statue in both ways this body.
Though he didn't like to think of it much considering he's stuck in this body now, much less hold it to relieve his stress. It also made him uncomfortable doing so considering this body wasn't his to start with. Though before in his past life, he found no satisfaction during such actions to his...willy...
He found it a waste of time and he never got the high other always talked about. He doubt he will anyways so he finds it a lot more exciting to learn new skills or information.
Yes, it was inappropriate train of thoughts for him but he was a young adult male not a pervert. He was bound to have curious thoughts like those. He also wondered if the females were the same hair wise but he pushed the question away saying that he'll probably learn that later in the future when he finds himself potentially a wife.
He definitely wanted an older female partner, someone who is more experienced than him and is doting if possible. He would find himself in his past life slightly blushing at the thought of being at home with someone he loved, too lazy to get up for the day and hugging each other, saying the words, "I love you" to each other with full adoration. Even now he couldn't help but be flustered by the idea.
A small part of him also didn't mind the idea of his partner dominating his life either. He found that he was a bit of a push over and found it hard to stick to a absolute path and slightly liked the idea of someone with experience taking reign of his life or maybe even his private life since he had little to no experience in that aspect.
He wondered if this would have made him considered as a 'bottom'.
This thought made him slightly flustered and annoyed at the realization he actually listened to his big sister rants.
He despised the thought process of his non pg-13 life though because it made him question his pride as a man at times. He blamed it on his new body that made him stoop low for love even if it meant he was dominated.
Acton bit his lip, trying to keep his thoughts from straying else where as he refused to go further in depth with his conflicting thoughts.
Though in the innocent sense for a relationship, it's not like he was actively seeking one for now.
While he did want to be loved romantically and give that affection back, he struggled to grasp the concept of him entering a relationship. He worried of things like if he was worthy enough to be in one and worried if he wouldn't put enough effort like his future partner will.
He wondered if it was his low self-esteem because he couldn't imagine a female loving him that way too....
He did already have somewhat of an advantage of potential female love interests, seeing the females stares when he walks in the hallways. They seem to like staring at him, the small blush on their cheeks noticeable. They seemed to be a daze whether he walked by or ask a simple question, giving adoring eyes towards him.
Maybe he could have a girlfriend in the future if he was just assertive even if his true nature was naturally meek.
Although he noticed how the stares were especially stronger once he was interacting with another male council member, some whispering and giggling with each. That made him suspicious, considering how his big sister would act like that whenever she was reading those boys love mangas.
Even with her persistent nature to make him read those bl romances, he refused to dabble into them. If he didn't even enjoy straight couple mangas, he believed he'd only get disturbed by the yaoi ones. He only caved in to play the otome game because his sister wouldn't stop yapping about it.
He really hoped they weren't any yaoi fans here since he didn't want make the other male council members uncomfortable and add unnecessary attention on him. It would also be embarrassing for him considering he thought the admiring females were interested in him.
He also realized how dumb he was thinking he could detach from this new reality. He perviously thought that if he could detach, he wouldn't feel as much pain but he was completely wrong. He was just attaching himself to his pervious life a lot more than needed, something that he already lost.
It wasn't like he was going to return anyways.
That's why he came up with the idea of possibly gaining a lover in this world. If he fell in love here, no doubt would feel he connected to both the person and to the world itself. Then he wouldn't feel such a strong longing anymore to find a purpose or way out.
That's why he thought of getting a potential wife, hoping that he can dedicate himself to her and grow an attachment to her, finally feeling like he belonged in this world. But he couldn't force it so he didn't bother to try and find the perfect one for him at the moment. He decided that when it's nearing the end of the storyline, he might try to think about it more seriously. Since that's when the demon king was successfully defeated, someone whose appearance was unknown.
Though, he found this world strange in different ways, seeing how drastic some characters will look compared to background ones. It was obvious because the mobs weren't supposed to be prettier or more handsome than the main characters but it was still strange to see how sparkly the main characters were. Even for Emily who is considered to have bland colors looks extremely appealing when she smiled softly, often having white lilies floating in the background if you stare for too long.
Of course it didn't mean the mobs were ugly, they actually were quite attractive. He rarely found someone that was considered unattractive and when they were, they usually weren't that bad. But then again he was surrounded by nobles who stressed over their appearances.
Though it still didn't make sense at least for him, especially for him to be this soft looking when he was a man. The capture targets did have some feminine facial features but that was about it, finding that Acton appearance was just being completely unbalance with femininity and masculinity. Sure he look androgynous but he couldn't lie that a good amount of his features could be categorized as feminine. He didn't understand why his body didn't seem too masculine, no outlines of muscles or anything compared the capture targets who were all ripped.
He's been eating pretty well lately too so now he finally has meat on his bones yet his height wasn't developing. He could only blame genetics, seeing how his mother was around 5 feet and the possibility of his biological father was rather short too. Still, he couldn't help but be envious at the six packs they had, looking at his flat stomach in disappointment, being toned but nothing further than that.
Speaking of his mother, he found out through letters how much his mother actually doted on him, her often rambling how much she missed coming home and seeing him in the kitchen making food for them. Or how much she wished hearing her son's soft spoke voice that sounded like silk according to her. It made Acton often cringe reading the old letters, her bringing up stories of them together and how much she missed dressing him up in dresses when she could.
'It was no wonder the pervious Acton was such a soft and mellow person.'
Acton thought, seeing as the pervious Acton often had to deal with his mother's antics who had a strong desire to make him crossdress. But he couldn't really say anything because he could often be submissive too, of course only so he can avoid unneeded trouble.
He also noticed even his hands weren't so rough on his first day he entered this body than he thought they were going to be, as being commoner before required him to at least do something to help out.
'It's like Acton's mother was trying to raise me as a girl and a housewife...' He sighed at the thought, looking at his hands and seeing the difference between the first day as a noble and from now. They were a lot more softer and well kept now but it was probably because of his butler being overbearing and wanting him to keep his appearance neat.
He shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts and stared at his reflection when passing by a window so clean it reflected his appearance, seeing a much healthier look on him. He still looked pale of course, probably because he stayed inside all day before but he didn't look as tired as his dark circles weren't as obvious today.
His eyes were still dull but they slightly glistened with hope paired with long curved eyelashes. His nose was straight, almost curved inward giving a button nose look. He had a light flush of red on his cheeks and nose, the color being stronger on his lips. He couldn't help but admire the figure's face before him once in awhile.
Acton had to admit once again that this appearance of his was pretty. In the game he wasn't nearly this soft looking, probably because the pervious Acton couldn't care enough to keep up with his appearance, trying to improve his magic. He would've have been the same until he decided to laze around and let Alex take care of him once in awhile.
'Ah, when was it so close to lunch?'
Acton scolded himself at his disconnecting nature from reality that he adapted since childhood in his past life, finding himself in autopilot while he waited in the line for food. He was going to go to the council member room instead of eating in lunch room as he took account of the stares but a arm slung over him, stumbling as he took the weight of the other person.
"Where you going, Princess?"
Instantly Acton mood soured as he connected the voice to Olin. He slapped away the arm, making Olin chuckle as Acton gaze jump to each friend he recognized. "I'm going to the council member room. I feel like I'm being watched here..." He muttered, looking down at his tray of food wishing to hurry the conversation up to a finish.
Some of them had unreadable expression but Acton didn't bother to try to figure them out as he felt his stomach rumble from hunger. "Let's go together then!" Emily offered which Acton agreed silently with a nod. The others joined in, walking through the hallways chatting as Acton seemed lost in a way.
"What's wrong Acton?" He jumped, looking at Milton who had looked at him carefully. Acton chuckled lowly, shaking his head. "Nothing. I was just thinking of ways to improve my magic and ability to fight." Milton looked at him slightly perplexed as they entered the destined room, the chatter coming to a halt as they eavesdrop into the upcoming conversation between the two.
"A way of improving your magic is to try and make your magic reserves larger. While people are naturally born with a large reserve, people with smaller ones can try to train their reserves to be larger. Of course it won't compare to the naturally gifted but it does improve the user's stamina and resistance to getting fatigued after over using magic." Acton hummed at Milton's recommendation, turning to the others expectantly for advice.
The others were quick to pick on it too, seemingly scrambling in their minds to prove themselves helpful. "I usually meditate at least 10 minutes a day focusing on the flow of my magic reserves. I get to regulate it and be more certain on how much I'm able to use at once. If I'm capable of doing so while I meditate, in the state of calmness I use my magic to cast spells and experiment." Sapphire explained, basically riding off of the idea Milton gave but incorporating her own methods.
Acton nodded, gazing at each person as they gave their own form of advice.
"Thank you. I'll definitely incorporate these into my studies and training." Acton smiled warmly at the group, earning flushed faces by most of them, some able to conceal their adoration a lot better than others.
"You're so cute!"
Emily jumped on Acton, sobbing for some reason as rubbed her face into Acton's chest who reluctantly accepted the embrace.
"Hey stop it! You're putting your snot all over him!" Sapphire tried to pull her off of him without much luck as Emily sobbed harder and went on a tangent on how "wholesome and cute Acton is". Acton with a deadpan accepted this reaction, sighing with a quirk of his lips upwards.
'I guess this is my new reality now, isn't it?'
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