It's not quite limbo, but it's close. At least it feels this way to Karina. Winter is still easy smiles and twinkling eyes and laced fingers. It's new and exciting and scary and Karina lets it run its course.
They don't have sex after the fridge incident, but they do sleep together, and it's far less smothering than Karina imagined it to be. Completely by accident, too. It was raining and Karina didn't feel like leaving her room. Winter walked in and then simply didn't walk out. They started a new show on Karina's laptop and her step sister passed out near the end of the third episode – Karina's pretty sure she's conditioned her to do that, and she'll be lying if she said she didn't make a mental note to observe that more closely.
So, yeah. She glanced at Winter to ask if she wanted to keep watching and found her fast asleep, gently snoring, her chest heaving up and down with her breaths. And Karina could carry her to her bed, she really could – she's done it countless times before. But that day she didn't feel like it. She just wanted to stay in bed. And so she did. She quietly shut the laptop off and crawled under the blankets and helped Winter get under the blankets, too, and she fell asleep listening to her step sister's breathing and the sound of heavy rain outside. She made sure to stay on her side of the bed, too.
When she woke up, Winter was already gone, but there was a note with shakily written words about having to go to Aeri's to solve some crisis and a promise of brunch. Karina carries the note in her wallet and she doesn't want to get into her reasoning.
After that one night, they don't really have the time or the opportunity to actually wake up together – a prospect that has Karina's stomach up in knots. Parents come back, and this time, it's for much longer. It's time to officially tie the knot. Days blur by, and between finals, rigorous training regiment, and wedding preparations, neither Karina nor Winter have much time for each other. She's not gonna lie: she doesn't necessarily consider it a bad thing. She needed that slight step back. Perhaps, Winter did, too.
Except their gazes meet over cake decorations and fluffy dresses and the heated longing in Winter's eyes ignites heavy ache somewhere deep in Karina's belly.
"This one's pretty good," Winter whispers to her in a cake shop, and Karina doesn't hesitate before wrapping her lips around Winter's offered finger with vanilla frosting smeared on it. It is pretty good. She makes sure to let her know by releasing a low moan. Just as Winter's eyes darken, Ms Narae calls for them from the other side of the shop, and she lets go of her step sister's finger with a small pop.
It takes all of her will – all of their will – not to drag each other into the dressing room next to Ms Narae's. The whole day is torture, and once they get home, Winter coaxes sharp, silent orgasms from Karina in the guest bathroom. And Karina really, really wishes for the wedding to be done and over with and for parents to finally depart so they have the house back to themselves.
It's been far too long since she's made Winter scream, and as fun as it is to watch her struggle to keep quiet, she misses the way she sounds like when she falls apart.
Ms Narae becomes her father's wife during the first week of winter break. As far as weddings go, this one is nice. That's the word Karina would use. It's small and classy and reasonably expensive. Still way too many people for her tastes. She's not particularly fond of father's business associates. But the wedding is cute. A Karina one, just like Ms Narae wanted. Beautiful décor and snow. Blue dresses for the daughters that make Winter's soft eyes stand out and sparkle with unshed tears. Karina's pretty much immune to weddings by now, but Winter isn't. She's taking everything in and when her mother says her vows Karina watches Winter swallow painfully and smile through tears.
She accepts a handkerchief with a wry smile that becomes muted but gentle when she notices Karina's concerned expression. "I'm fine," she whispers, and her grip on Karina's elbow tightens. "I'm okay."
"You're okay," Karina repeats. Except she's not. Not really. She sees it in her tears, more bitter than sweet. In the trembling of her lashes. In the twist of her mouth. Winter was supportive and downright giddy at times during preparations. Karina guesses that today she decided to let go.
She loses Winter among the mingling crowd just for a second, but it's enough for the girl to sneak away somewhere. Karina's guess is the bathroom. She should probably leave her alone with her thoughts. Let her gather herself and her emotions.
But Winter doesn't like being left alone with her thoughts, and Karina doesn't like the thought of Winter being alone right now.
Her step sister opens the bathroom door after a quiet 'it's me' from Karina, and her makeup is smudged enough for her to know she was crying.
"You're not okay," Karina observes.
Winter snorts. "You think?" She sighs, then, taking Karina's hand and guiding her to sit next to her. Karina kicks the door closed behind them, as an afterthought, and it shuts with a soft click. "I'm sorry. I'm just... on edge, I guess."
"You don't have to apologize," Karina points out. The sparkle in Winter's eyes at her words is confusing, but not unwelcome. She plays with Winter's fingers for a little while, gently brushing her thumb over them. The gesture is calming to her, and so she does it again. "I... May I ask you a personal question?"
Her step sister grins. It's hollow. "Jagi, after last night, you can get as personal as you want." Her attempt at deflecting is hollow, too. But Karina is given an okay so she goes with it.
"Is this because of your father?" It may have been too blunt, Karina thinks. Winter apparently thinks so, too. Her hand jerks in Karina's hold, and she hastily lets go, afraid of having overstepped something. Something fragile. Perhaps she should've thought about it before voicing her question.
Has she already mentioned always questioning her decision-making around Winter?
It's several agonizingly silent seconds before Winter replies. "I don't know." Karina snaps her head up, surprised at hearing her speak. She was contemplating leaving the bathroom, quietly, perhaps with a mumbled apology and downcast gaze. But Winter is speaking to her again. "Well, no. That's a lie. Of course it's about him. She's moving on, and I can't stop her. I have no right to stop her. I thought I was okay with it, you know? With everything and with how happy she seemed lately and with you..." Winter trails off, suddenly unsure, but Karina keeps looking at her, and she seems to find something in her eyes that urges her to go on. "I mean, with us." Her voice is stronger. Karina smiles, and Winter's fingers are hers again to trace and caress. "But... This isn't fair. This isn't fair to him. Right? Being-" Winter stops, abruptly, and takes a sharp breath, and suddenly Karina gets it.
Being happy isn't fair when someone you want to share that happiness with is dead.
She's tentative as she gathers Winter in her arms, feeling her shoulders gently shake with silent sobs. "I don't remember my mother," she whispers into Winter's hair. Inhales her scent, then. Presses what she hopes to be a soothing kiss to the top of her head. Winter's fingers tighten their hold on her dress, and she thinks that wrinkles are inevitable. She doesn't care. "I think she was nice. I know father was in a bad place when she died." Winter shifts in her arms, and she smiles when she feels a tiny kiss pressed against her collarbone. "I look like her. Kinda. I think. We don't have pictures but someone once told me that."
"I look like my dad," Winter lets her know in a whisper, drawing small, unsure circles on her thigh. "How come you don't have pictures?"
Karina shrugs. "Maybe father does. I've never really asked him." It's a bizarre feeling – sharing their scars in a guest bathroom. Bizarre, but not a bad one. "Maybe I should. I'm sorry," she offers next, scooting back so she can look Winter in the eye. "I'm bad at this. Emotions aren't really my thing. I don't handle them well. What I'm about to say will probably sound insensitive, and I'm sorry in advance." That gets a small chuckle from Winter. "I don't know how you feel, Winter. But I think being happy is not a bad thing. It isn't something to feel guilty about. Your mom found happiness again, and you're happy for her. You don't have to constantly mourn for your father. It isn't disrespectful to his memory to feel good. It just makes you..." Karina trails off, thinking of a word, and then shrugs. "Human. Alive. You deserve that." the last part is probably unnecessary, but Winter's eyes are sparkling again, and suddenly Karina doesn't care how pretentious she sounds.
"I don't deserve a lot of things, but I'm too selfish to let them go," Winter whispers, and, before Karina has a chance to ask for clarification, she leans in, brushing her lips against Karina's. It tastes like champagne. And like a thank you. Karina gladly takes it.
They make it back to the party around half an hour later, when Winter fixes her makeup and Karina gathers enough courage to be around this many people again. Winter's hand brushes against hers throughout the evening, and father's colleagues don't seem as revolting anymore.