Omori, yet again, tapped the statue causing it to shake violently, “WHAT’S THE PASSWORD!?” It boomed.
This time when the little pad came out of it, Omori filled out the other options with the words they had collected.
“You submitted Sweet Jelly-Filled Donut...hmph, fine!” The statue moved out of the way allowing them to enter through yet another trap door.
The group made their way down, entering a room filled with unopened presents and mail. Huh, must be where Sweetheart puts all of the gifts her fans give her. From above they can hear the floor shaking from all the running upstairs. They can also hear moles singing for some reason…
“Psst, hey kids! I got some good things for sale!” The smuggler creature grinned.
Hero and Omori bought some more healing items with their clams and Aubrey sat down to eat pickles.
“Ugh, why are there only pickles…” Kel groaned.
Hero tapped his shoulder and handed him a block of tofu.
“...This will do.” Kel sighed.
They moved ahead to find a ladder with a picnic basket next to it. Omori opened up the basket to find nothing inside. How disappointing…
They climbed up the ladder and opened the trap door to find themselves back in the hall where it all started.
“Yes! Freedom!” Kel cheered.
“That took way too long…” Hero groaned.
“Hey, is it just me or is everything more decorated than normal?” Aubrey asked, looking at new banners and flowers that weren’t there before.
“Huh, you’re right. That is strange,” Hero nodded before suddenly hearing a ring from the stage.
“Oh crap! A show is about to start!” Kel jumped behind one of the seats and the rest were quick to follow.
“Welcome all! Welcome, all! After forty-two seasons of ‘Sweetheart’s Quest for Hearts’ we are airing our final episode!” The green-haired mole spoke on stage.
“Final episode? Doesn’t that mean she found someone to marry?” Aubrey whispered.
“Huh, I feel bad for the poor sucker who was chosen.” Kel laughed.
“It has been a wonderful run! Thank you all for your viewership!” The mole let out a few sniffles, “For as long as we have been on the air, we have been trying to find the perfect suitor for Sweetheart. Each time, however, Sweetheart has never been able to find true love.”
The crowd let out a sad ‘aw’ for her.
“This time, however, we have come to believe that we have outdone ourselves with this one! This is the moment to end all moments! History begins here!” The mole shouted and the crowd let out a cheer.
“Dim the lights for the final episode begins now!” The mole yelled as the lights darkened, “The wedding shall begin!”
“So she is getting married!” Kel laughed again.
“Shh!” Hero and Aubrey shushed him.
The curtains opened for the mole choir to lay on the stage. Ye old sprout sat on the stage as well, watching over everything. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the aisle Sweetheart’s perfect suitor!”
“Imagine if it is herself-” “Shh!” The gang shushed Kel again.
The door to the hall opened up to reveal two sprout moles pushing in a cake with a little heart coming out of it.
The moles, after pushing it a bit further in, ran to the back of the room and watched as the cake shook as a drum roll played from...somewhere.
The cake opened up and out popped Sweetheart herself, dressed in a pure white dress.
“It is nothing you have ever seen before! The only perfect suitor for Sweetheart is Sweetheart herself!” The mole revealed.
Sweetheart let out a laugh as the crowd went wild. Cheers and feet-stomping was the only thing that could be heard with her laugh.
“SILENCE!” She suddenly yelled, scaring everyone into not talking.
“Let us begin the ceremony!” Sweetheart clapped her hands together.
The choir had begun to sing once again as Sweetheart made her way down the aisle. The green-haired mole cleared his throat, “Dearly beloved...we have gathered here today-”
Kel had to hold back his laughs as Hero sighed, “I mean when they say to make sure to love yourself I am pretty sure they never meant this…” He muttered.
“Pff- yeah, yeah I just-” Kel kept holding back his laughs. His brain decided to supply him with an old video of a man saying, “Accept yourself, love yourself, respect yourself-” causing poor Kel to laugh more.
“Dude, quiet down!” Aubrey scolded.
“Now, does anyone object to this holy matrimony? Speak now, or forever hold your peace!”
No one spoke up.
“In that case, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you Sweetheart and Sweetheart! You may now kiss the bride-” “Wait a minute Mike.” Ye Old Sprout spoke up.
“Huh? What is it, father?” The mole turned to him.
“I sense, non-sprout moles!” He shouted.
‘Shit.’ Was what the whole group was thinking as they tried to make their presence unknown.
“Really! Intruders? Here? Guards! Find them!” Mike commanded.
...No guards came, however.
Sweetheart let out a groan, “INTRUDERS! COME OUT NOW OR FACE A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!”
“Yay, another battle…” Hero groaned, “Let’s get this over with.”
The group took off their sprout mole masks and walked out from behind the chairs, “Hello again, Sweetheart.” Hero waved.
“Oh! What is this? Have you finally come back for me, my second to true love?” Sweetheart asked with a smile.
“Uhh well-” “Oh yes! My lover! I knew you would change your mind! Please just marry me already, my Hero~”
“No.” Kel, Aubrey, and Hero chorused at the same time, clearly disgusted by Sweetheart.
“Tch, then I guess I have about no choice!” Sweetheart sighed, “Oh, my Hero I do wish it didn’t come down to this but I guess if you refuse my love there is only one solution!”
“You’ll let us leave and we never have to speak of this again?” Hero silently hoped that would be the case.
“Nope!” Sweetheart twirled and suddenly she was back into her original outfit, pulling out a spiked sliver mace that was decorated with hearts with an evil grin, “Instead I prefer that if I can’t have that gorgeous face, no one else can! Oooo, or I can throw you in the dungeon again...hmm choices…”
“No way are we heading back in there!” Aubrey yelled, “That was torture!”
“Why yes darling, that is what dungeons are built for. Now, where were we? Oh right, about to battle! Moles! Play my theme!”
The moles that were peacefully sitting in the crowd got up and ran onto the stage, running to the back to start the music.
Music, of course, began to play.
BGM: World’s End Valentine
“Let’s begin!” Sweetheart began swinging her mace around rapidly as the group did their best to dodge her attacks.
Hero tried his best to make some food while dodging so he could heal his friends. Aubrey was trying to find the perfect position to attack Sweetheart from. Kel threw his ball at Omori, hoping to do the same group attack he managed to pull off with Hero. Omori, however, didn’t notice that Kel threw his ball at him and got whacked on the head making him sad.
“Gaa! Sorry, Omori!” Kel shouted as he dodged Sweetheart’s mace.
Omori looked over and sighed. He pulled out the poem book he and Hero bought a while ago to rip out a page.
Looking over at Sweetheart, Omori charged at her and threw the paper in her face.
“What is this?” Sweetheart asked, “And why is it so...depressing...ew.” She muttered, feeling upset.
Aubrey noticed she was more focused on the poem page than her. Great! She has her chance!
She ran up behind Sweetheart and whacked her from behind.
“Hey!” Sweetheart shouted as she spun around and whacked Aubrey across the room.
“Aubrey!” Kel shouted.
Aubrey was just happy that the attack didn’t turn her to toast.
“It’s pointless, you fools! You can’t dampen my positive energy!” Sweetheart laughed.
Sweetheart became Happy! Sweetheart can no longer become Sad or Angry!
Sweetheart laughed some more as the group became angry. Kel picked up a chair and chucked it at her but she simply destroyed it with her mace.
“Damn it! Hero, catch!” Kel shouted as he threw his ball at Hero. Instead of catching, he used his Baking Pan to smack it in Sweetheart’s direction.
Right in the heart!
“You little-!” Sweetheart swung her mace around and hit Hero in the chest, turning him into toast. Omori tried to stab her from behind but his knife simply went through her.
Sweetheart and Omori just stared at each other for a bit before Sweetheart let out a laugh, “You fool! I already have a hole in my stomach!”
Omori just shot her a look before taking his knife out and slashing her face.
“AUGH, THAT HURT YOU-” Hero whacked her from behind before she could finish that sentence.
“I thought you were toast?” Sweetheart yelled at him.
“I revived him, you fool!” Kel laughed.
“Shut up! Once I get my hands on you- you won’t be able to see my beauty and grace ever again!” Sweetheart boasted herself, making her Ecstatic.
She laughed at the group causing them to get Enraged.
“Everyone! Use our special attacks!” Hero shouted.
Everyone charged at Sweetheart with all their might. Omori slashing wildly, Aubrey trying to knock her senseless, and Kel with Hero bouncing Kel’s ball off her.
Despite all of this, she was still standing. “You- Won’t- Destroy- MY MOOD!” She shouted, becoming Manic.
“How is she still alive?!” Hero shouted, becoming Furious.
“Don’t know! Let’s change that!” Aubrey shouted, also Furious.
“AHHHHHH!” Kel ran forward and kicked Sweetheart right in the face, causing her to lose her balance.
Omori ran forward and proceeded to slash her multiple times with his knife.
“No..! Is this what they call defeat? Damn it...I won’t accept this! You are all nothing but peasants!” She shouted.
Omori was about to finish her off, that was until a voice rang out.
“Alright, this battle has gone on long enough!” Ye Old Sprout shouted.
Omori froze as a green air filled the room, smelling like trees and flowers, making everyone feel at ease.
Everyone returned to their neutral state!
“If this battle continues, it would have ended in death. Nobody would have wanted that.” Ye Old Sprout spoke.
Aubrey bit her lip for she honestly didn’t care if Sweetheart died. She just wanted to wake up at this point and check in on Sunny.
“B-But Ye Old Sprout! They ruined my wedding!” Sweetheart yelled.
“To be fair, we did offer to just leave.” Hero pointed out.
“Shut up!” Sweetheart snapped at him.
Just at that moment, a loud crashing sound rang out as Captain Spaceboy’s ship lowered through the roof.
Spaceboy walked out of the ship and even made sure to park it before turning to Sweetheart, “My Sweetheart! Oh, Sweetheart, I am so glad I made it in time!”
“Oh boy…” Aubrey muttered way too low to be heard.
“Sweetheart my darling, you must stop what you are doing at once!” Spaceboy begged.
“You IDIOT! I thought I told you to never show your face around here again!” Sweetheart hissed.
“Oh, Sweetheart! My Sweetheart! My jelly-filled donut, please look into your heart and give me another chance! I shouldn’t have kept you waiting all those days before!” He walked forward until he was face to face with her on stage.
At this point, Ye Old Sprout had walked away with a grin on his face.
“W-What are you doing?!” Sweetheart gasped in surprise.
“Something I should have done a while ago,” Spaceboy stated as he got on one knee, opening a tiny black box with a ring inside.
“Marry me, Sweetheart! Right on this very stage!” Spaceboy asked of her.
“Oh, my! This is- This is all so sudden I-” Sweetheart stumbled over her words, “How, how, how ROMANTIC!” She smiled brightly and warmly.
Sweetheart moved forward and took the ring, gently putting it on her finger.
“Sprout Mole Mike! I order you to have us married immediately!” Sweetheart commanded.
“Yes! At once, my liege!” The mole nodded before clearing his throat, “Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today-”
“Oh forget being formal Mike! True love can’t wait!” Sweetheart whined.
“Y-Yes Sweetheart! By the power vested in me, I now declare you Sweetheart and Space Husband! You must now kiss the bride!”
Space Husband and Sweetheart moved forward and had a passionate kiss that was covered by a black square.
Kel was eating popcorn from somewhere as the rest just watched in disbelief from their seats.
“Oh Sweetheart, let us go travel the universe together and leave this all behind!” Space Husband invited.
“Yes! Yes! My husband, I will go anywhere to be with you!” Sweetheart giggled like a schoolgirl as she grabbed his hands, “Let’s go, my beloved!”
Sweetheart and Space Husband walked off the stage before Sweetheart suddenly stopped, “Hold on, Mike! Hand me the button!” she commanded.
Mike nodded and went backstage, grabbing a controller somehow and walking to Sweetheart with it, “Here you go, your majesty!”
Sweetheart grabbed the controller and looked at the stage, “We don’t need this anymore!” She smiled as she pushed the button.
Loud explosions rang out and filled the room with Sweetheart’s laughter as the stage was destroyed.
“Now we can go darling~!” Sweetheart grabbed his hands again and walked towards his ship with Sprout Mole Mike. The ship powered on and lifted itself back out of the hall, leaving only the group to process what just happened.
“...Bet they are going to break up again,” Aubrey spoke up.
“Of course you do…” Hero grumbled.
Well, at least this shit show was finally over.
Now it was time to find their way to wake up and leave this dump.