TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE
3rd pov
"how are you feeling?" jaebeom sat across bambam with a tray of school breakfast. There's a 'NO EATING IN CLASS' policy but this is jaebeom. "What even is this.. I'm fucking starving." He rolled his eyes and threw the meal away and directing his eyes back at the boy.
"Feeling... fine? The school turned quiet. I think that's a good thing." Bambam replied, his chin resting on his hand. He looked at jaebeom and studied him. He didn't ask why he's speaking to him after literal months it felt like, he just came out of nowhere. Bambam turned around to see yugyeom who was writing the notes into his notebook. Maybe he should too.
"I have a peanut butter granola bar?" Bambam handed it to the male and he smiled, "thanks. I haven't ate properly in days."
"Why not?"
"Too much on my mind."
"Don't we all." Bambam chuckled into his hand and took out his pencils and pens, ready to finally write the notes on the board.
"All of this War World I shit. I've learned this every year since 8th grade. There's present things we need to worry about. What about global warming." Jaebeom began to rant as he took bites of the gronola. Bambam didn't say anything and just nodded,, he wanted to ask him for his opinion about the situation. Bambam wanted to ask him why he just showed up talking to him right now than earlier. He appreciates it so much he doesn't even want to ask in case jaebeom gets upset and leaves again.
"That's what happens, some story goes big but it dies down. but you do know what you did was like really bad right? And you understand why our friends won't speak to you,," jaebeom spoke as he began writing his own notes. Bambam head perked in confusion, "what?"
"The whole scandal between you and the public, that shit is intense. You made your decisions, bad ones, and people are angry. Don't get defense when they have every right to be. and I'm talking to you now because I feel for you. I haven't done the stupid shit you've done but I feel bad. I'm here for you now bam. To some extent,,"
Bambam smiled and laughed at the end,
"Some extend?! How far is too far! I think we passed the line already don't you think?" Bambam replied. Jaebeom just shrugged his shoulders,
"That's up to you to decide what choices you wanna make next."
"Nah man, it's bad out here. I tried talking to youngjae this morning but he hates me completely. I've ruined the best thing in my life because I was selfish." Bambam's breath hitched and he stopped to think, jaebeom listened.
"It's killing me" he mumbled. "He was the last person I wanted to loose in all this. Jinyoung too but I talked to him this morning before school but I bet he hates me now too." Bambam thought deeply of what he can do next. The thoughts were awful, he loved his friends so much but he, himself, was the worst.
"anyone you hate now? People hate you but you have the right to hate too." Jaebeom added getting up and throwing the wrapper away. "Got another one?"
Bambam laughed, "no. I'll bring you another tomorrow." He shrugged his shoulders, "I hate mark and I hate Jackson. Those two are a pair of sneaky— ugh there's no words! they're just such... bad people."
"Why do you hate them? You hate mark because of the fight?"
"No... i hate him because he recorded me with yugyeom." Bambam said lowly. Jaebeom jaw dropped,, jaebeom didn't watch the video. He heard about it and the news spread like wildfire that day but he didn't know the background information or who was the recorder.
"Holy shit.." jaebeom laughed in disbelief, "why would he do that? All these damn grudges gonna kill us all." Bambam just sat and stared at nothing. this was going to be a long, painful life. This stuff will follow him forever it seems.
"Honestly, fuck mark. Right now I want to hear from jinyoung,, I feel like when he finds out, I don't even want to imagine. He's going to murder me and disown me."
"Right. and why do you hate Jackson again? I'm still pretty cool with him" Jackson said drumming his fingers against his lap, rocking a melody inside his head.
"Well I don't know this for sure but jinyoung said mark and Jackson showed up to his house the same night mark recorded. So I'm guessing Jackson was in it too."
"Why would Jackson—?"
"We kissed in the car."
"Y'all what? When?" Jaebeom laughed into his hand being completely grossed out. Bambam laughed with him and hit his elbow playfully
"Beginning of the school year, did you ever hear about us stealing Chans car from the student parking?" Jaebeom shook his head no slowly,,
"Fuck yall been doing and why was I never aware of this."
"You have so much to catch up on!!" Bambam squealed and clinged onto jaebeoms arm.
————-
after school rolled around and the day ended with the same thing. At lunch bambam tried to look for jinyoung in hopes that he hasn't heard anything, nothing from the scandal at least. Bambam thought to himself, if jinyoung didn't know about it would he have told him? Bambam knows if he could he'd keep it away from him but it's just too big of a news to just die down and hopefully no one opens their big mouths to tell and talk. Bambam promised himself that today, he's going to talk to jinyoung. He's going to apologize and beg for him to stay.
Now we know how bambam promised yugyeom he wouldn't obsess over this anymore but yugyeom doesn't understand what 'meaningful relationship' means. What bambam had with his friends was meaningful but he came to realization that what he has with yugyeom is meaningless and toxic. Yugyeom ruined him and bambam came to conclusion that he should've avoided him when he was told to.
Bambam is afraid of yugyeom. He's going to meet jinyoung in secret after school without yugyeoms approval just in case yugyeom says no or something.
"I'm my own person..." bambam breathed to himself as he looked at himself from the public bathroom mirror.
Yugyeom invited him for milkshakes at this burger place just outside of town. It was 6:30 and as much as bambam hated to admit that he loves being around yugyeom, he had to go. He just felt anxious and every time yugyeom tried to kiss him he felt nauseated. Bambam splashed his face with water and returned back to their seat.
"You were there for awhile babe." Yugyeom commented as he slurped empty his chocolate milkshake. Bambam shrugged, "7 minutes isn't that long, plus there was a line and two toilets were clogged." Sort of that was a lie, only one of them were clogged and there was no line considering they're two of 5 people that are actually eating at this place.
"Why aren't you drinking your shake? you barley drank" yugyeom slid the cup closer towards the boy and bambam scoot back sinking deeper into the chair.
"I don't know, stomach ache I think." He takes another forceful sip just in case, and yugyeom raises an eyebrow.
"Next time tell me before I pay and waste gas." He sets $10 on the table and walks out through the exit doors back into his car. Bambam running behind him and sitting awkwardly in the front seat.
"Sorry I just knew you really wanted some and I thought the stomach ache would."
The ride back home to bambams was quiet and he repeatedly checked the time in hopes in still catching jinyoung at his house. It was now 7:10. Yugyeom pulled up in bambams driveway as he got out of the car too. Bambam laughed nervously.
"You're coming with?"
"Why not? Do you not want me here tonight?"
"No no.. i do i just, my parents are home I don't think tonight is a good idea."
"I can go in through your window. Your parents are mad at you anyways, they won't speak to you. When was the last time your mom walked into your room." Yugyeom had a point. Bambam hasn't communicated with his mom is weeks, before and after the situation. But yugyeom can't stay but it's not like bambam can just find the courage to tell him that.
"We've been trying to talk it out... just yesterday I helped her cook so I think today we can try another method..." Bambam lied.
"Your mom doesn't care about you baby.. just move away with me. I'm all you need mm? say it, I want to hear you say it." Yugyeom cupped bambams face with his hand a bit tighter than usual. Yugyeom knew bambam was lying about his mom. In ways, yugyeom just knows.
bambam usually doesn't have a problem repeating things after yugyeom but right now, he choked on saying the words out loud. He gulped,
"You're all I need.." Bambam mumbled, he blinked in between his glossy eyes at yugyeom's wide smirk. he loved the domination, he loved bambam for giving him that feeling.
"so should I come in? Yes or no" Yugyeom waited for bambams response. Bambam clearly doesn't want too, what he wants is to speak to his friend. Yugyeom is too damn stubborn.
"Maybe next tim-"
"Yes or no. directly"
Bambam sighed, "no."
"that was easy. See you tomorrow at school." And with that yugyeom got in his car and drove off. Bambam waited a couple minutes before heading over to jinyoung just in case yugyeom would return. He doesn't.
Bambam walked over to jinyoungs home and sees a crack, he softly pushes the door open and the creeks are far too loud. The lights were off besides the kitchen barley dimmed.
"Jinyoung?" Bambam whispered loudly. He repeated his name a bit louder this time but no response.
Probably asleep he thought. If jinyoung isn't too upset maybe bambam can spend the night here, it's his comfort place after all. Bambam has so much to tell jinyoung and the amount of apologizing he needs to do, "I hope you can forgive me hyung..." Bambam mumbled as he knocked softly against jinyoungs door and after no response he opens it.
There's no body sleeping but the bathroom light is on,, bambam walks towards it and knocks.
"Hey.. it's me, bambam. Are you in there?" No response. There was no music so if he were showering there's chance he wouldn't hear but there's no music.
"Jinyoung, it's me bambam I really have to talk to you so.. can you please open the-" Bambam turned the knob and it was unlocked. There was rush of adrenaline that he got out of nowhere. He opened the door completely and when he walked in his phone dropped.
He stood in disbelief and his breathing hitched and he began to panic. jinyoung was bleeding from his arms and the tub was filled with water, and jinyoung was in the bottom, lifeless.
Bambam froze in his spot not being able to physically move. His eyes blinked rapidly and his hand was still on the doorknob, trembling. Bambam fell to the floor and crawled to the side of the tub and began to bawl.
"No no no no no, FUCK, JINYOUNG! WHAT DID YOU DO?" Bambam cried and yelled out. He grabbed onto jinyoungs right arm and pulled him out of the tub after a few tugs. Bambam was weak. Bambam pressed his hands against jinyoungs chest for CPR but no response and bambam wasn't strong enough for deep compressions. He fell back and against the wall in terror. His arms were sliced and bloody, his chest was heavy from water. Bambam began to hit himself, attacked his face and at this moment: he wanted to end it all too.
He crawled for his phone and dialed 911,
"911 whats your emergency"
"M-m-my fri-friend just died!"
"Okay calm down, who's your friend"
"P-park jinyoung" Bambam had trouble holding in his stuttering, he threw his phone to the side with the dispatcher on the line repeating her questions. Bambam began to vomit in the toilet, "are you still there? Sir what is your name?" The dispatcher asked repeatedly, bambam was in a state of shock, he was acting too slow.
He reached for his phone, "Bambam, I am bambam." He breathed out.
"Okay, bambam listen to me and try to stay composed, where are you and your friend I need an address"
"We're in his house, i think he committed suicide"
"Okay, were you there with him this whole time or did you just now find him and what is your address so I can get help on the way"
"N-no I was with my boyfriend and I came to his house and he was already here. We live on cherrydale Street 14626"
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A/N: HIIII it's been literally forever since I've updated this, thank you for being so patient.
How are you all? I know this might've been a rough chapter but i didn't know how else to come back without something major happening.
Check in!! How are you guys doing? it's been awhile since I've interacted with you all, let me know ^^