Everyone was gathered around on the graveside to honor the life of the woman who was being laid to rest. She had no family in attendance, her mother and father were long dead. She was an only child, and since she had never chosen to marry or have children, the graveside was filled with those she had known from the past. They all talked about how full of life the woman had been but whispered about her disappearance shortly after graduation. She had got a degree at some Ivy League college and left them all behind. There were phone calls and photos shared between only her closest friends, both of which were seated in the front row, but eventually, the photos stopped.
Apparently, she was successful in her career, though no one truly knew what she did for a living. Most parts of her life had been a mystery, almost as much of a mystery as her former boyfriend whose family moved as abruptly as they came into town. Angela Weber and Jacob Black sat closest to her coffin. Jacob had been the one to choose the casket and production of the ceremony. He had opted for something small-scale, just as she preferred. He had aged, but only slightly in the last forty years, while Angie was pushing sixty. Her husband sat next to her, grasping her hand. It hadn't worked out with Ben, but perhaps that was for the best. Angie and her husband ended up finding one another during their freshman year of University. They continued living together, got married, and had two boys.
The carpeted grass crushed under their feet when they silently placed their roses atop her casket. Jacob's body was tense, and it was clear he was itching to run the grief out of his body. As if he could outrun it. He stayed until the very end, his pack coming to offer their condolences, then quickly parted ways. Their alpha needed time to be anywhere but inside his head. Especially when that head was shared with twenty other wolves whenever he shifted. Even if they did not share his grief, they would feel it and mourn the woman the same as Jacob when he shifted.
Just as I was about to step into the gloom of Forks, Washington for the first time in thirty years, another pair of old acquaintances approached the alpha. He was still as flawless as he had been the afternoon he left me in those woods outside my house, but there was darkness to him now. It was clear by the bruising under his eyes that the vampire had not fed in a long time. He looked tired, beaten, and yet, still perfect. I could feel the turmoil in his head, but I made an effort not to indulge my curiosity by diving into his mind or the mind of his companion. It didn't surprise me when I saw the 4'10 female vampire standing next to him. She offered a hand on his shoulder, but Edward brushed it off, there would be no consoling him today. Anger flared in my chest. How dare he feel sadness about my death when he abandoned me all those years ago. Had he been keeping tabs? The question bothered me more than I expected it to. Has Alice been keeping tabs all these years? I knew she couldn't see my future now, I had learned how to shield my mind from all forms of special abilities.
Jacob became more tense when the vampires moved closer.
"How did she die?" Alice asked, and Edward knew the answer as soon as Jacob's mind thought of it.
"Car accident." Jacob's hands were now in his pockets, and he was trying to hide the visible shaking. Part of it was due to the proximity of the vampires, but another factor was the stress he was currently under. "Apparently it was bad enough that they had to cremate her. All that's in the casket are personal pieces her friends and family put in there." The shifter was not usually the kind of person to offer up extra details, but I assumed that he was still trying to work out the logistics of her death by telling the Cullen siblings about it.
"I knew I smelled a vampire." He muttered, shaking his head and looking back over at the freshly flowered grave.
"Apologies for showing up." Alice met his frustrated tone, but Edward's eyes were fixed on the grave.
Jacob's gaze followed Edward's, causing the shifter to sigh, relaxing slightly. "Would you like some time alone?" He asked. Although it was clear the alpha did not sympathize with the vampires, he did understand the weight of their loss.
Edward snapped out of his haze, then shook his head. "No. There's nothing left for me here." He looked at Alice, then motioned with his head for them to leave.
"Hey, Cullen!" Jacob called after them, and I shifted slightly in the shadows.
Edward looked at him once more, knowing what his question was before his asking. "We don't plan on coming back anytime soon."
"I can't believe you still have this," I exclaimed, sitting in the front seat of the 1963 Chevy pick-up. "How does it even run?"
Jacob jumped, crashing into the doorframe of the truck when he heard my voice. His dark eyes shifted between my face and the freshly covered grave.
"Halston."
"How?"
This time I looked in the direction of my grave. "I had to die eventually. No time like the present, right?" I gave him a small smile, watching his mind connect the dots and his face shift to disgust.
"They turned you into a bloodsucker?"
It was my turn to turn away from him. "No. Today was the first time I've seen any of the Cullen's since they left Forks. I didn't choose this." My voice was smaller than it had been in years as the memories from that night threatened to pull me into the darkness.
Something in my voice must have made him backtrack because his face softened. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I threw my hands in the air, "because of how you're fucking looking at me right now Jake! You hate me based on something I had no control over." It was the truth, this was why I had never told Jacob what happened to me. I knew he wouldn't understand.
I would rather you be dead than one of them. His voice from all those years ago drifted back into my mind.
"You don't smell like them." He offered but I could see the conflict in his eyes.
"Well, I guess that's something." I slammed my body back into the leather seats of the Chevy and rolled my eyes at his attempt to lighten the mood.
"You also don't look like them. Your eyes are the same violet-blue, and your skin doesn't cast rainbows in the sunlight." I hadn't noticed but the sunlight had broken through the gloomy day and was now directed on us.
"There are other things that are also different compared to other vampires, but I'm not really in the mood to get into the semantics," I muttered, thinking about how different it was for me when I woke up outside the asylum.
"You didn't come around after Charlie died."
"It was easier for me to fade into the background after his accident." My mind drifted to where I was when I got the call that Charlie had been shot on the job. It wasn't fatal but the stress the wound put on his body paired with his high blood pressure was too much for his heart. I stayed with him for a week before he passed away. I think I hated the Cullen's the most in those moments, but I was also thankful they weren't around. I would have forced them to save him, even if it meant turning him into something he would hate. It was selfish, and I was selfish. In honesty, I was still selfish after all this time, but as I continued to age, my appreciation of autonomy increased with it.
Jacob was different as well. Charlie's funeral was the last time we were together. While he had barely aged more than a day, his eyes were older. They told the story of someone much older than the skin he wore. From my understanding, Jake wasn't immortal, but so long as he remained in touch with the wolf inside him, he would be untouched by time. I wonder how they explained it to the others on the Reservation. Perhaps they were too scared to ask questions because the truth was worse than what their minds could conjure up. With the Cullens gone, the children on the reservation were not impacted nearly as much by the shift.
"It was hard when dad died," Jacob admitted, staring out the windshield with the truck idling.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." I offered, meaning every word. I hadn't been there when Billy died, mainly out of the fear that Jacob would hate me when he found out that I was no longer human. I hated myself most times, but it wasn't like the self-loathing that the Cullen's possessed. I didn't care that I was a vampire, I had always wanted to be like them. What I hated was the trauma behind the transformation. It was like once I finally let go of the dream of immortality, the world sent me a giant fuck you. I guess it was true that you should be careful what you wish for.
His dark eyes met mine, and for a brief moment, I pictured what we could have been. "When did this," he gestured to my immortal body, "happen?" Again, there was a hint of disgust in his voice.
"December 18, 2011." The date sends a chill down my spine. "I was in Alaska at the time." I didn't offer additional details. I still wasn't ready to admit what happened that night. I wish I could forget, but I knew that night would haunt me for the rest of my existence.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." He smiled, giving me that effortless smile he used to give me when we were younger, but I couldn't give him a smile back.
"I'm not. You would have died." The words hung in the air.
"I know how to protect myself, Hals." I shook my head at his words.
"Not against this." I pulled my arms around my frame, even though I rarely felt cold anymore. His heat was oddly comforting since mine had nearly died out once I was reborn.
His hand reached out to touch me, and mine shot out in a blur, catching his before it made contact with wherever he was planning on touching. An electric shock that went through my body made me immediately drop his hand. The cracking in my chest as the bond fell into place was enough to make me feel sick.
Jacob's face was twisted in horror and confusion while his mind processed that after all these years, he had finally imprinted.
"Hals."
"I have to go." The panic in my voice was clear, I had to get out of here before things got complicated. They're already complicated, Halston. Fuck!
"Halston." His voice was firmer, but I was already fleeing into the forest. Seconds later, I heard him running after me, no longer in his human form. I tore through the woods at an unimaginable pace as the world appeared to slow down. Long ago I was worried about hurting myself, but now, I attempted to not hurt the life forces around me.
I felt them coming. Since the Cullen's were gone, the Quileute pack was no longer bound by the treaty. Sure, if they ever came back, the shifters would honor the agreement their forefather's made, but as things were now, the wolves were free to roam Forks as they pleased. His pack fell into place around me, their minds racing to process the information coming from Jacob's spiraling thoughts.
I pushed out their thoughts, not wanting to infiltrate their minds, and continued running until I hit Parthenon Park, where I had cliff-dived with Jacob years ago. Without hesitation, I flung my body off the cliff, not needing to brace myself for the impact of the water in my immortal body. The voice of their minds died out, and their scent was quickly washed away as the water flowed around me. Since I didn't need air to breathe, I let myself sink into the depth of what lay beneath.
I knew he wouldn't follow me into the water. Even if he jumped in after me, it would be in his human form and eventually he wouldn't be able to keep up. In a fight, vampires and shifters were equally matched - so long as the vampires didn't have enhanced abilities- but vampires did have the upper hand in the sense that they did not need to sleep. I could run for the rest of eternity without pausing, but Jacob would need to sleep eventually. My mind raced while I stayed in the water, trying to form a plan.
Where do you go when the world thinks you're dead? I had no one, and up until I had seen Jacob in that old Chevy, I had been fine with the loneliness. What happened now that I knew? We couldn't ever be together, not in this life. Do you even want to be with him, Halston? I didn't know, and that was the worst part of it all.
Eventually, hours had passed and I removed myself from the water. I was certain Jacob would think I was long gone by this point. I didn't know where I was going until I stood in front of the house. Our small bedroom house with the singular bathroom upstairs. Where it all began. I think to myself, and slip the key into the lock. Since I'm supposed to be dead, Jacob now owns Charlie's house as well as one of the properties I purchased in Hawaii. I still owned multiple properties that were not left to him, but I wanted to ensure that wherever his life took him, Jacob would be financially set. Billy left Rachel the house, knowing that since she and Paul were together, they would raise their children on the Reservation. Perhaps Billy knew Jacob would never let go of the past, so he didn't leave him anything that would tie him to Forks in case he decided to follow me later on in life.
I knew Jacob's older sister, Rebecca, lived in Hawaii with her husband. Becca had given birth to a set of twin girls who were now old enough to have children of their own. She had never moved back to Forks, and her children spent very little time on the Reservation. As far as I knew, Becca still came down yearly to see her twin sister for the holidays but that's where it ended. Paul had slowly pulled away from his wolf, leaving the shifter part of him in the past to age through life with Rachel. I couldn't imagine trying to live my life without the person I loved, and I wondered if leaving would damage Jacob beyond repair.
He was damaged the first time you left. It was true, I had damaged him the first time I left just as he had damaged me. Looking back on the argument forty years later, it was clear that we were both stubborn children who knew nothing about relationships. There was no compromise, and we both continued to take from one another until there was nothing left. We had got into a conversation about the Cullen's, something that was a sensitive topic for me at the time. The man that I loved with my entire soul had left me shattered on the forest floor with nothing by grief and heartache. Two years had passed to the date since their abrupt departure, and I had found the radio Emmett purchased for my birthday along with my gifts from Edward, Alice, and the rest of the family in my floorboards. On the top was a picture of Edward and me. He was just as I remembered him, and one that night, those feelings of hopelessness took root in my chest once more. Jacob had walked in on me staring at the photo and got angry. He was jealous, and I was furious at him for having those feelings. It didn't make sense to me at the time since we both knew Edward wasn't coming back for me. But I realize now that the fear of my former lover returning terrified Jacob. That night he snatched the photo along with the other gifts and threw them into the small fireplace. I could still feel the betrayal I felt all those years ago forcing itself to the surface. His actions that night solidified my decision to leave Forks. It wasn't the objects he burned, but rather the reasoning behind it that drove me away. He didn't trust me, and he didn't respect my right to let go of the past on my own. I understand now that he was young and impulsive, and I wondered what kind of man Jacob Black was now. I had also been selfish, holding on to the past and using Jacob to fill the void Edward had left in me.
Charlie was overjoyed when I announced my decision to attend a high-profile college, blind to the reasons behind why I was actually leaving. Instead of talking to Jacob, I ran - like my mother before me - from Forks and the man who loved me. On the bright side, I had not gotten pregnant like Renée. Though like Charlie, it appeared that Jacob had not moved on. Did I want to know about the other women in Jacob's life? A small part of me was jealous of the thought of him with someone else, but overall I would have been thrilled to find him happy with someone else. Jacob deserved to be happy, but it felt like life kept throwing us curve balls.
I walked into the handkerchief-sized family room first. My eyes drifted to the small fireplace. Above it was a timeline of my school portraits and a single wedding photo. My parents looked happy in the picture, you could see the love radiating from them. Love is so easily broken. The newest photos he had were from graduation, we stood side by side, both beaming with pride in my accomplishments. Next were pictures of Jacob and me at my senior prom. I had chosen to wear a light blue corset top ball gown with a sweetheart neckline that showcased the boobs I had grown into during my final year of high school. The dress was covered in tiny little flowers and had an appliqué tulle slit hem. It was beautiful. I was beautiful. My fingers trailed over the photos, bringing old memories back to the surface along with a mound of dust on my index finger. Looking at this room, you could see that this was the center of my father's life. He still had the same couch from when I was small, and all the furniture was positioned to offer the best view of the television. How many nights did he spend watching football with Billy here? I quickly wiped it on my dark jeans and turned to the adjoining kitchen before deciding to walk up the stairs to my former bedroom.
It still looked the same as it had when I was a baby. It was not untouched by time as I was, but still, it remained consistent. The laced curtains were yellowed with age, the rocking chair where my mother would lull me to sleep was still sitting in the corner. I walked across the wooden floor to the desk and looked at the pictures I had taken. You left everything, Hals. Like it never meant anything to you.
I quickly withdrew my hand from the open photo album, unsure if it was Charlie or me who left it open. I opened the old pine dresser to find my clothes from high school still neatly folded but aged with time. I took in a sharp breath, running my hands through my blonde hair. Charlie had waited for me to come back, but I never did. I had left him just like my mother, and I was selfish, much like her. My father was always in my corner, always there when he needed to be and offering me privacy my mother never gave me. The weight of what I left behind hit me, bringing tears to my eyes. I wasn't even aware that I could cry until the first droplet ran down my cheek. Selfish. I shoved the draw closed, then crawled into my old bed. The purple sheets were still there, and I didn't bother brushing off the dust. For the remainder of the night, I lay in my old bed, thinking about the life I had missed out on and what I would change if given the opportunity to cherish everything before it was lost.