Me and Bora talked while the boys practiced the same songs over and over again. I told her everything and she wouldn't stop telling me Felix is for sure in love with me.
"If you don't tell him, I will" She stood up.
"NO! Are you crazy?" I whispered yelled pulling her down by her arm.
"It's so annoying to see you like this. He obviously likes you" She said back.
"I don't knoooow... He's been different lately, maybe he did before but not anymore"
"I think he is different because he is sad. You know, because the 'love of your life' arrived?" She said mocking.
"I don't think so..."
"I just think you need to talk it out. Just tell him everything on your mind and you'll get the answers. It's that easy"
"It's not. I can't just say everything. I need the courage" I said. "I know it could be so easy for you but not for me. I'm such a coward" I covered my face with my hands.
"You are" She said.
***
I had such a hard time trying to sleep last night, it was bad.
I couldn't get off my mind the thought of being alone my whole life, it's my biggest fear.
Jihoon, who I thought was my literal future, is so excited about Felix and I. And Felix loves me as a friend and nothing much... maybe he even has someone already and I don't even know.
It was 12 p.m when I woke up and I didn't even sleep 6 hours. And me and Felix haven't talked since I left the building last night and i'm kind of worried.
It's like the times we used to flirt and blush happened ages ago, how did our relationship changed this drastically from one day to another?
Whatever, I started getting ready since Jihoon was picking me up to go to the JYP building. After like 2 hours of being awake, I heard a notification from my phone and a knock on the door. Jihoon was here.
The whole drive, he couldn't stop talking about how much he liked the members and how happy he was because he made friends.
You really can not hate him, he is too pure for this world...
We arrived to the building "Auch, my arm again" he complained as his arm hurt.
"Hey" I heard a familiar voice in front of me.
"Hey Lia, what's up?" I greeted her.
"Nothing much, we've missed you tho. Bora came to see us yesterday but you didn't, we felt ignored" Lia laughed.
"Nooo, not at all" I said laughing. "You girls are so cool"
"Do you wanna come with me? We're practicing just now" Lia said
"Oh" I looked at Jihoon "I can't today, i'm with a friend right now"
"Can I go?" Jihoon asked Lia.
"Yeah, why not?" She answered.
"Let's go" Jihoon said to me.
We walked behind Lia.
"Is she famous too?" Jihoon asked me whispering.
"Yes" I chuckled.
Lia opened the door for us and we saw Chaeryeong and Yeji dancing.
I noticed Jihoon's arm was hurting bad, he was grunting and pressing on his wrist. A few seconds later, the pain left and he relaxed.
Wait a minute.......
Yeji and Chaeryeong were dancing powerful, Jihoon couldn't stop staring at Yeji and her perfect dancing.
Yeji was kind of weird, like in pain but she never stopped dancing since they were filming it.
"Hey Soli" Chaeryeong said after the song ended and the camera got turned off.
I couldn't even think or hear anything, I ignored Chaeryeong and walked straight to Yeji. I grabbed her arm and gently pushed her to walk towards Jihoon. I took her hand and placed it on Jihoon's shoulder.
"Wha-" Jihoon started saying but quickly noticed his mark showing on his wrist.
Yeji widened her eyes and Jihoon did the same. They soon made eye contact and smiled to each other. Tears started forming in their eyes and I couldn't stand it.
It's so frustrating that I never got to experience something like this and all because of this guy, that never cared a shit about me.
Look at him crying of joy while I was fucking angry when I found Felix. It's not fair but I can't blame anyone but me.
I'm sad, i'm sad because I never got to experience that moment with Felix, that moment of happiness for finding him...
I walked out the room and no one noticed, the only thing Yeji and Jihoon could see was each other, and the girls were just staring shocked.
I ran to the restroom and hid myself. I've never cried this often in my life, it's been like a week nonstop. I hate myself.