Chapter Fifteen
Thinking Of You
Wesley entered the recording studio when a tear also escaped my eye and he saw it. His lips parted and he turned to Justin in front of me. Mabilis ko rin pinalis ang isang luha sa pisngi ko at kinalma ang sarili. But it was too late... Mabilis na nilapitan ni Wesley si Justin. "What's happening here?" he confronted him.
Hindi sumagot si Justin.
"What did you tell her this time?"
"I just told her about your life in England—"
I was shocked nang kinuwelyuhan agad ni Wesley si Justin. "I already warned you to stop doing this. Why do you still have to—"
Mabuti nalang at nandoon si Gino at si Sir Oliver kaya naawat din agad nila ang dalawang lalaki. Pagkatapos ay lumapit na sa akin si Wesley. "Are you okay? Never mind what he said."
I looked at him. I can't help it but to be emotional as I look at his soft face. But I also calmed myself down.
Bumaba ang kamay ni Wesley sa kamay ko para hawakan iyon at dinala ako sa labas. I didn't know where he'd bring me. Sumama nalang din ako sa kaniya kaysa manatili pa kami sa recording room at mag-away pa sila ni Justin.
Realizing that he couldn't bring me anywhere outside public he brought me up to the rooftop instead. There was no one there except us two when we climbed up there.
Binitawan na ni Wesley ang kamay ko nang nandoon na kami.
"What did Justin told you?" he asked.
I looked up to him. "I'm sorry, Wesley..." nasabi ko.
His lips parted. He remained looking at me. And then he let out a sigh. "Whatever Justin had told you... Never mind it..."
Umiling ako. "I can't..." I shook my head. "I realized that maybe... I only thought of myself... That maybe I did not really think about you, too... Hindi ko alam, Wesley... ang pinagdaanan mo sa ibang bansa." My tears fell.
Mabilis akong nilapitan ni Wesley para aluin.
Umiling muli ako. "Tita Joyce had to stop teaching because of her health... Wala na si Mama at ang Papa ko nalang ang mapupuntahan ko... I went to him and it didn't turned out all okay. I have a brother..." Naalala ko si Kuya Clinton at ang takot ko noon sa kaniya. "I was scared of him. I never felt safe around him. I wanted to get out of my father's house. But I didn't know where to go and what I will do with my life... I had nowhere to go, Wesley." I sobbed.
I felt the warmth of his body hugging my small frame and shielding me from the bit of cold air on the rooftop. And I let him embrace me. Until slowly my arms went up to hug him, too. I let myself feel him this close after so many years. The comfort I felt from him was still familiar. The feeling was familiar... Like the feeling of being home. Humigpit ang yakap ko sa katawan ni Wesley. I undoubtedly felt the longing I feel like I've been suppressing all this time... as I was in his arms. I missed him, I admit. I cried more on his chest and wet his shirt with my as if unending tears.
Ilang sandali kaming nanatiling ganoon at tahimik lang na nakayakap sa isa't isa habang unti-unti ko rin kinakalma ang sarili ko. "I'll talk to Justin." Wesley said as if assuring me.
Gumalaw ako para kumawala sa yakap niya. Pagkatapos ay nagkatinginan kami. "Arthur..." sambit ko.
Wesley remained looking at me. Alam kong alam na niya kung sino ang tinutukoy ko. "Arthur was there when I needed someone..." I continued.
Wesley looked away a bit. Hanggang doon nalang din ang sinabi ko. Until we went back to our recording studio. Wala na rin si Justin doon. Si Gino nalang ang naabutan namin ni Wesley na tanging nandoon.
I was already calmed. At mukhang maayos din naman si Wesley. May iba pang staff na dumating at nagtrabaho na kami para sa isang song recording ng araw na iyon. Kalagitnaan ng pagrerecord ay dumating din si Sir Oliver to check on Wesley and I and our progress.
***
"Please, Wesley, don't leave me!" I cried as I did my hardest to stop him from leaving.
Ngayon ang araw ng alis niya papuntang England sa tulong ng Papa niya. Bumaling sa akin si Wesley and I saw that he was also in pain. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ako. I shook my head fiercely. "Huwag mo 'kong iwan." Tears wet my cheeks so much.
I may be like a little child who's crying because her parent was leaving home. Pero ayaw ko lang talaga na umalis si Wesley. I became okay after my mother's death because of him and Tita Joyce. Especially because of him who never leave my side since. Nasanay na ako na palagi lang siyang nand'yan. And thinking now that he'll be gone by my side scared me so much. Hindi ko yata kakayanin. What will happen to me?
"Yan... We'll communicate, okay? I promise we'll communicate. I'll call you every chance I get and you just have to answer, I promise. I promise." he promised me repeatedly.
But no matter how much assurance he tell me I just wouldn't accept it. Dahil iisa lang ang gusto ko, ang manatili lang siya sa tabi ko. If he'll really leave me now then we're done...
He lowered his face to me and reached for my lips to kiss me thoroughly for a long while.
I will not understand why he would leave me.
I never understood.
"Don't go." I held onto him tightly.
Pero marahang umiling si Wesley. Nandoon ang tatlo naming mga kaibigan. Maxine was also already crying seeing the situation. Naghihintay na ang sasakyan nina Mike para ihatid ng Papa niya si Wesley sa airport.
We were young. I was young and scared. Scared to be left alone. So I didn't understand. Ang tanging naiintindihan ko lang noon ay ang nararamdaman ko.
Wesley hugged me so tightly one last time before he went to Mike's family's car without looking back at me.
"Wesley!" I shouted his name with my strained voice.
Sinubukan ko pa siyang sundan para habulin pero pinigilan na ako ni Tita Joyce na umiiyak din na niyakap ang nanghihina ko na ring katawan. Maagap din na lumapit sa akin si Maxine at umiiyak din na niyakap ako.
Nakita kong nasa loob na ng sasakyan si Wesley. Nagpaalam na rin ang Papa ni Mike sa kay Tita Joyce na pinipigilan na akong sumunod kay Wesley. Wesley looked at me with pain in his face through the car's open window on the front seat. Tumango si Tita Joyce sa Papa ni Mike at nagpasalamat dito. Sunod na pumasok na rin ang Papa ni Mike sa sasakyan.
I cried harder. Umiiling pa ako kay Wesley but he looked away until the car started to move and went away...
"Wesley..." I can only cry and it felt endless.
Days had passed that turned to weeks and weeks turned to months since Wesley left me. I never once answered any of his calls. I never responded to his messages. Kahit sinabihan na rin ako nina Tita Joyce at Maxine. Hindi ko nagustuhan na tumuloy pa rin siya sa ibang bansa at iniwan ako kahit anong pagmamakaawa ko na sa kaniya.
***
"Sumama ka na, Aryanne!" ngumiti sa akin si Savannah.
She visited us—or Wesley at the recording studio. Nagkayayaan na lumabas kami pero sa isang pribadong lugar din daw dahil kasama namin pareho sina Savannah Ortega at Wesley Rivera kahit si Justin Balmores din. Unti-unti nalang akong tumango at saglit nagpaalam sa kanila para tawagan si Art o message para makapagpaalam—para alam niya lang din kung nasaan ako so I won't worry him.
Hindi nakapag-reply si Art so I just assumed he was still busy with his cases kahit pagabi na rin.
One of the producer who's also Wesley and Justin's friend own a bar at pinasara nito muna iyon so that we can all hang out there freely lalo na sina Savannah. Sumama na rin sa amin ang iba pang mga staff kaya ang dami rin namin at nagkani-kaniya nalang sakay sa mga sasakyan. Mukhang friendly rin talaga si Sir Shawn, ang music producer. Kaya magaan na rin ang loob sa kaniya ng lahat.
When we arrived at the place we were served with food first for our dinner. Malaki ang bar at mukhang kakabukas pa lang din nito. It was spacious and clean. May space din doon para sa magpeperform na band siguro o singer. It was a nice place, too. I've been to bar or a club before because of Kuya Steven. He brought me with him once or twice when he had the time to relax he said so that I can experience that kind of party, too. I suddenly missed my brother. Miss ko na rin ang mga pamangkin ko. Nag-asawa na kasi sila ni Kuya Anthony. While Kuya Clinton... went to jail because he violated a woman... Kinahihiya iyon ni dad. Being a lawyer... Kahit si Kuya Anthony na isa rin attorney ay naapektuhan din sa pagkakakulong ni Kuya Clinton...
"Inom ka, Aryanne!" Inabutan ako ng inumin ni Gino.
Bahagya akong ngumiti at tinanggap iyon. Nakainom na rin naman ako noon ng alcoholic beverages. Unti-unti ko iyong dinala sa labi ko at nagsimulang uminom na rin ng konti.
We were seated on the nice chairs and tables of Sir Shawn's expensive looking bar. When Wesley and Justin went in front to perform their music. Justin mentioned how he missed their band members who were left in England at hindi pa raw siya sanay na sila lang ni Wesley ang tutugtog. I also got curious about their other band members. I only knew them through images on social media and the internet. Hindi pa sila nakakapag-concert sa bansa dahil mukhang masyadong abala sa iba. Pumutok pa ang issue tungkol sa isa nilang miyembro kaya hindi na talaga sila natuloy dito. Baka sa susunod.
Wesley and Justin performed one of their familiar band songs. Maganda ang kanta at mukhang mabilis lang din masabayan. Savannah was also even singing with the rest of our companions na halatang mga tagahanga rin talaga ng music ng banda nina Wesley.
"Si Aryanne naman!" Tinawag at tinuro ako ni Gino pagkatapos makailang kanta na rin sina Wesley at Justin.
Nanlaki pa ang mga mata ko. Hindi pa rin ako sanay na mag-perform ng ganito. Kahit pa nakakanta na rin ako sa ilang guestings sa TV ay mas nasanay akong kumakanta lang at nirerecord ang sarili ko sa bahay. At ngayon sa recording studio lang din kami madalas na nagtatrabaho. Umiling pa ako pero bumaling na silang lahat sa akin and Sir Shawn gave me an encouraging smile.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tumayo na para pumunta sa harap. Nagkatinginan kami ni Wesley. He helped me settle in there. Tumahimik pa ang lahat at mukha talagang naghihintay sa performance ko. I can feel my cheeks heating a bit. Inasikaso din ni Gino ang napili kong kantahin. I just chose a known song by Katy Perry. I like her songs same with Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. At marami pang iba dahil marami akong gusto na singers babae man o male singers including our local talented singers.
"Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection..." Pero napili ko ang Thinking Of You by Katy Perry na kantahin... Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Wesley na nakatingin na rin sa akin as I started singing the intro of the familiar song.
I tried to just focus on my singing. "I guess second best is all I will know." But my eyes will still find Wesley's beautiful green eyes. Lalo at halos nasa harapan ko lang din siya.
"'Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you... I wish that I was looking into your eyes..." I continued singing the song lyrics as I locked gazes with Wesley...
"How do I get better once I had the best... He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth... I was disgusted with myself." Mariin akong napapikit nang maisip ko si Arthur. All these years that we're together... Art was nothing but a good boyfriend to me... But I knew it in myself... Although I tried. I really tried... Pero alam ko sa sarili ko... na... si Wesley pa rin talaga...
When I opened my eyes again I saw Wesley still in front of me. At parang nawala na ang lahat sa paligid at parang tanging siya nalang ang nakikita ko. "You're the best. And yes, I do regret. How I could let myself let you go... I think you should know..."
My heart felt painful inside my chest.
"Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes. Looking into your eyes. Looking into your eyes... Won't you walk through and burst in the door and take me away... 'Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay..."
Bago pa man ako tuluyang lamunin ng mga emosyon ko ay natapos ko pa rin ang kanta. Mabilis na rin akong umalis sa harapan nilang lahat and excused myself for the washroom. Hindi ko lang alam na sinundan pala ako ni Wesley until I felt his hold on my arm. Maagap ko siyang nilingon at binalingan. We were alone in the quiet corridor to the washrooms. "Wesley..."
We stood in front of each other. I saw tears shining on Wesley's eyes. Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili ko at tuloy-tuloy na bumuhos ang luha mula sa mga mata ko. He was holding me until his face went closer to mine and without words he claimed my lips like it's his...
My tears continued to fall down my cheeks as I let Wesley kiss me for a long time...