I see him in my dreams. That's why I love my dreams – even nightmares.
They're a twisted reality that make me happy.
Even for a few ignorant moments.
Even though I feel like shit after my dreams. But in those fleeting seconds of dreaming, I feel relief and bliss.
Grabbing my notepad, I start writing.
"When I close my eyes you're so beautiful
Maybe that's why I sleep all the time
To get the better version of you.
You're a beautiful dream to me
The prettiest one.
Though, you're quiet. Because I've never heard you
Say anything nice to me.
You're such a dream
Whenever we meet in my dreams
I want to kiss you.
And I wonder how you'd react like that
If it were true
Would you kiss me back?
Or taunt me with your words
As you push me away?
That's why I prefer meeting you in my dreams.
I'd rather ponder that question for eternity
Than be faced with your rejection
In my dreams."
My writing session is disturbed by Malcolm's voice fading down the hallway, scolding Caleb and Nick for smoking – again.
Opening the door, the one across from mine opens as well and reveals a grinning Violet.
"They're shitheads."
"Agreed."
The door next to hers opens and Delilah appears in the doorway, appearing confused. "What's happening?"
"Caleb being a bad influence on Nick as usual," I inform her. "And Malcolm losing his shit," vi adds, making us all chuckle.
After Delilah disturbed what could've been a breakthrough for Ares and me, we both walked back to our hotel rooms while she was talking to me about some new makeup looks she found and that she had to show me.
Not before casually greeting Ares first, though.
The next day when she's doing my makeup, I wonder if I should tell her how deep-rooted my feelings for him are.
I never went into too much detail when it came to him. It felt wrong to have such thoughts about him, especially since he's been such a jerk to me and the fact that he's the drummer of the band that Icarus heavily dislikes.
Only Vi knows about all the emotions whirling inside of me, and I told Delilah enough to make him a red flag for all of us.
So even knowing how mean he's been to me, why is she loosening up to him and flirting?
"I might need to do Dopamine's makeup again," Delilah tells me as she's applying foundation to my face.
My heart drops. "Really?" I ask, excitement lacking in my voice. "You're not as nervous as you were the first time," I notice.
Because I remember how horrified she was at the thought of doing their makeup and being in their presence.
Has so much changed in such little time?
"Yeah, I was afraid of the unknown," she chuckles. "I didn't know them, but now I do, a little bit."
My mind searches for excuses to name Ares.
"I feel for you," I quickly say, "having to do Ares' makeup and enduring his attitude."
I hold my breath, waiting for what she's going to say.
"He's really not that bad," she murmurs and starts contouring my face. "Actually pretty nice, I don't know why you hate him that much."
He's been tormenting my every thought, maybe?
He's the root of my obsession?
"I don't know," I say instead and try not to show how hurt I am. "He seems pretty arrogant most of the time."
There isn't much said between us after that. She just finished my makeup and I tell her how much I love her work because I do.
I get my hair straightened and then I'm in my outfit for the evening.
Adjusting the wires underneath my clothes, I walk through the hallways at the arena and go up to the stage, where Gayle comes from.
"Hey! It feels like ages ago since we last spoke," I chuckle and hug him. "That's true, how about we go grab a coffee one of these days? I'd love to talk about the tour and everything," he suggests.
His makeup is beautifully done, with glitter scattered around his eyes and a radiant smile on his face. His nails are painted in bright colors and his hair is styled perfectly.
"Definitely," I grin, and then he wishes me success before I go on stage.
"Till the end," Vi says as she passes me and squeezes my hand. "You bet your ass," I grin. "Till the end."
Soon, the others have joined me on stage and we've started off all over again.
"Good evening, Copenhagen."
After our show, I'm making my way backstage and to the parking at the back where the SUVs are waiting for us to take us to the hotel.
"Ella! Wait!"
Halting in my pace, I turn around and am surprised when I see the British, male model Matthew Sanders approaching me.
He's been displayed over a lot of magazine covers, done a shit ton of Vogue interviews, and has a huge following on his socials.
"Oh my god! It's so nice to meet you!" I squeal and meet him halfway. "It's nice to meet me? Girl, it's been a dream to meet you," he laughs and opens his arms.
It doesn't feel like a first meeting as soon as I step into his embrace, and it feels more natural than ever.
"The show was amazing! As soon as I knew that you guys would be performing in Denmark at the same time I had to shoot, I just had to buy tickets and use my name to meet you guys."
"Thank you! I'm so flattered," I say and blush a bit at his compliment. "You're incredibly sweet, I didn't know you were a fan," I chuckle.
"Of course, I'm a fan. The band is amazing," he says and rolls his eyes as if it's obvious. "I spoke to the rest of the band, too, but you were gone quickly," he adds.
We continue to talk in the parking lot until it's time for me to leave. We exchange numbers and he tells me that he'll text me and probably blow up my phone.
After saying goodbye, I get in the car and go back to the hotel, where I know Imani is waiting on me. I asked her to have a sleepover so we can get to know each other better.
I feel at ease with her and would like to spend more time with her, so I was grateful to know that she had time in her busy schedule.
Vi is joining, as well.
And sure enough, Imani approaches my hotel room at the same time as I do. Her lips pull into a beautiful smile and we briefly hug each other, before I enter my room.
I see Vi heading down the hallway as well and leave the door open for her.
Imani's face is free of any makeup, showing her natural beauty.
"How was the show?" she asks and sets down her stuff at the foot of my bed. I feel like a teenager all over again, when I used to have sleepovers or go to my friends' house.
"It was great! I'm forever grateful for the fans who made this come true," I smile. We talk a bit about the show before the three of us change into our pajamas and order a bunch of snacks that are about to be delivered by room service.
"So, how do you like the tour so far?" Vi asks Imani and pulls her legs underneath her, hugging a pillow to her chest.
"Interesting. I like the job more than I should and getting to help manage all of it feels surreal. Seeing you guys perform is a plus, too," she winks.
"How do you like Caleb and Nick? I hope they're not giving you a headache," I chuckle. Both Vi and Imani chuckle at that.
"Caleb keeps flirting with me, but I can tell it's a joke and I've grown to appreciate him. Nick is quiet but really polite. The band is amazing and humble, you don't see that often."
Before I can stop myself, the question slips from between my lips. "What do you think of the other band, Dopamine?"
She thinks about the question for a second. "I don't see or talk to them that often. But what I've seen so far, they're pretty quiet and relaxed. Though, I heard that Kyle is quite the party animal."
"Understatement of the year," Vi murmurs and shakes her head.
"I don't pay much attention to them, I'm swamped with work – but I don't mind. Keeps me busy and time flies by like that."
"Who else have you worked for?" I ask her. "I've only ever briefly worked with George Smith who was a pretty nice guy. His manager was a pain in the ass, though." And she names a few other ones where Vi bombards her with questions about them.
As the night proceeds, Imani goes to take a seat in front of the mirror, takes something that seems to be oil out of her bag, and applies it to her hair.
After applying it to her hair, she starts braiding it close to her scalp.
I tilt my head to the side and study her. "Is that a way to keep your hair healthy?"
She nods and sends me a smile through the mirror. "Yes, braiding it in cornrows keeps it healthy and safe to sleep with."
"You do this every night?" I ask and she nods once again. "Yes, it's a routine you get used to. I'm really determined on keeping my hair healthy and go to great lengths to keep it that way."
"Your hair is beautiful," Vi compliments her and she sends her a shy smile. "Thank you so much."
When she's done, she reaches into her bag again. "I then wear a bonnet every night to bet, protects my hair as well."
The bonnet she shows us is a black and silky one and she puts it on, before getting back in bed with us.
The bed is huge, so we all fit on there without a problem and have enough space. The three of us continue to talk until we eventually grow too tired to keep on talking and fall asleep.
Imani and Vi fall asleep, but my mind is still awake.
I know I'll meet Ares soon enough in my dreams – that's a place where I know I'll see him and get a warm feeling in my stomach.
Like wild butterflies wanting to escape.
A thump from in the hallway startles me, and then a groan follows.
I lay still in bed, waiting if something is going to happen next. Another thump. Another groan and then a hushed curse.
Caleb.
With a frown, I slip from between the sheets and tiptoe to the door, softly opening it and seeing the man of the hour stumbling down the hallway and looking for support by the wall.
I step into the hallway and squint my eyes at him. "Caleb?"
He looks up, his eyes red and his skin pale. "Caleb? What's wrong?"
His lips part, but nothing comes out and he just continues his way to his room while hunched over.
"I just..." he begins and shakes his head. "How much weed did you smoke? How much did you drink?" I ask, my frown deepening. I take his arm and put it over my shoulder to offer him some support, before helping him to his hotel room.
"Dunno," he trails off and shrugs. Right as we approach the door, he slumps against me and crouches down on the ground, taking me with him.
"Caleb!" I shriek and land on the carpeted floor. It's quiet between us. Even his breathing is quiet as he leans his head against mine and exhales.
His arms are wrapped around me, squeezing me tightly.
"I miss her."
His confession is soft and quiet, but I heard it anyway.
My heart breaks at the vulnerability behind his voice and how breakable the words sound.
"I know you do," I whisper and rub my hand up and down his back.
"At least I know I'm not the only one suffering from unrequited love," he whispers, drawing circles on my arm.
I don't ask how he knows about my feelings. Caleb has always been observant when he wants to be.
And he acts like a second big brother to me – aside from Nicholas – so I'm not surprised to know he pays attention.
I just hope I'm not as obvious to the others. I'd die from humiliation.
"At least we have each other," I agree and feel the tears stinging my eyes.
Both lonely.
Both being happy when we get to sleep.
To meet the better versions of the people we long for.
. . .
Elena is an interesting character to write, and I'm enjoying it.
Anyway, I got the perfume God Is A Woman for my birthday (fragrance by Ariana) and I got to say that I prefer Moonlight over any other perfumes by her (and I've had a few).
Sweet Like Candy is too sweet for my liking. Thank U, Next SUCKS ASS, it doesn't smell good AT ALL.
The Cloud perfume SUCKS ASS, change my mind.
Her first perfume is a good one.
Moonlight>>
God Is A Woman is pretty good, too.
Anyway, don't mind my useless rants.
HARRY'S HOUSE IS DROPPING ON MAY TWENTIETH AND I CANNOT EXPRESS MY JOY.
Twitter was all over it so ofc I was suspecting something BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS IDK???
I don't know what kind of music he's going to bring this time but I'm curious af and I hope I'm not gonna be disappointed (but I don't think I'll be tbh).
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
I love you.