That was our routine for the next few days. Tinatanong niya ako kung ano ang gusto kong ulam at iluluto niya iyon. Madalas pa rin ang pagsuka ko. Lalo na kapag may sarsa ang mga ulam. Kaya naman kahit gusto ko ang isang ulam na may sarsa, hindi na ako nagpapaluto. I hate vomiting.
Kyner will just assist me everytime I puked. He didn't ask me anything. Pero alam ko, nagkakaroon na siya ng hinala kahit paano. Because he's smart. It's just that, hindi niya lang ako tinatanong. At kung tatanungin man niya ako, sasabihin ko naman ang totoo. Hindi ko itatanggi. He still deserves to know. If he won't accept my baby, it's fine. At least I told him.
Unti-unti, kapag nagkakasama kami, nawawala iyong galit ko. Nawawala iyong hinala ko sa kanila ni Imogen. Because he assured me everyday even though I didn't ask for it.
Every morning before he goes to his work, he'll come here to prepare me a breakfast. I gave him my spare key, any way. Tuwing tanghali at bago siya umuwi galing trabaho ay pupunta rin siya rito para ipagluto ako ng pagkain. Sinabihan ko na siya na huwag na gawin iyon, but he insisted. Pagtapos ay uuwi siya at magte-text sa akin kapag nasa bahay na. Updating me in everything he was doing. Telling me na he's alone in his house.
Kyner:
I miss you here.
I'm thankful for what he was doing. Hindi ko man aminin ng diretso sa kanya, gustong-gusto ko ang ginagawa niya. Natutuwa ako. Because that's what I want to know. That's what I want.
Me:
I'm fine here.
Kyner:
I'm not fine without you here.
I rolled my eyes but a smile broke on my face.
Today is the day of my check-up. Maaga ako nagising dahil na rin sa excitement. Kahit embryo pa lang ang makikita ko, ayos lang. As long as my baby is healthy, it's fine.
I just wish that I'm not maselan sa pagbubuntis. Dahil baka araw-araw akong mag-alala kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko o kapag may makain akong hindi niya magugustuhan. Sana lang din talaga ay matindi ang kapit ng baby ko. Hold on tight, my baby. I'll give you the best in the world.
Pagtapos maligo at mag-ayos ay umalis na ako. Tinawagan ko si Fred kanina para sunduin ako rito at ihatid sa clinic. Even though he's close with my father, I know he won't tell anything to him. At kahit pa sabihin niya, ayos lang. Wala na rin naman akong balak pa na itago ang anak ko. I'm planning to tell the media that I'm pregnant anyway. If only they would ask, of course.
Pagdating sa clinic ay inasikaso agad ako. Pinapasok ako sa isang room at professional na sinalubong ng isang OB gynecology. We exchange names and after that, she asked me about my pregnancy. I'm impressed because she's straight to the point. I mean, hindi na siya nagtanong pa sa akin ng kung anu-ano tungkol sa buhay artista ko. O kaya ay nagpa-picture man lang.
"When was the last of your menstruation?" she asked and I answered her. "Remove your underwear please," she said.
I've done a research about transvaginal ultrasound. And this is one of them. Good thing I'm wearing a dress.
After removing my underwear, pinahiga ako sa isang kama and she told me to spread my legs. Nakaramdam ako ng hiya nang pumwesto na siya sa may harapan ko. I want to close my legs but I know this is mandatory! At kahit pa babae naman kaming dalawa rito at kahit alam ko, marami na rin siyang nakitang ari ng isang babae ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasan mahiya.
The only person I had spread my legs, butt naked, was in front of Kyner.
Napaigtad ako nang may pinasok sa loob ng pagkababae ko at natigil sa pag-iisip. The OB gyne was talking and here I am, thinking about lewd things about Kyner.
"Sorry," the OB said apologetically. Dahil siguro sa pagkakagulat ko.
"It's fine. It's my fault I was spacing out," I said.
She looked at the monitor. "Congratulations, mommy."
I followed her gaze and looked at the monitor too. There she/he is. My little one. My child. The love of my life. The one that I'll promise to love until my last breath. Kahit sobrang liit pa at hindi pa na-de-develop, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan maluha nang makita siya sa monitor at marinig iyong heartbeat niya.
Then she told me I'm not high risk. And thank God for that. Kaya pwede ko pa rin gawin ang mga bagay na ginagawa ko noon. Pero kahit ganoon, ayoko pa rin isaalang-alang ang kaligtasan ng anak ko. Magpapahinga pa rin ako sa condo ko hanggang sa manganak ako.
"And even though you're not high risk, you should still avoid being stress. Makakasama iyan sa iyo at sa baby mo. Especially if you're on your 2nd trimester. Pwede ka mag-pre term labor."
I nodded my head understandingly. That's why I decided to work from home, and to quit showbiz. To avoid stress.
Pagtapos kong tanungin ang kung anu-ano pa regarding my child sa OB. Niresetahan niya ako ng mga vitamins na iinumin kaya dumiretso na ako sa bilihan ng gamot para bumili nito. I wore my disguise. Even though I had announced that I'm quitting showbiz, I'm still famous. Kaka-announce ko lang din naman nito. At saka I want to buy it myself. I want to be hands on with everything that my baby will need.
My phone beeped. I saw Kyner's name on the notification bar.
Kyner:
Dumaan ako sa condo mo pero wala ka. Nasaan ka?
Tumitig ako rito ng ilang segundo. Contemplating if I should tell him where I am. Nag-type ako ng isasagot sa kanya.
Me:
Shopping.
Nang mabili na ang vitamins na kailangan, dumiretso naman ako sa isang mall. Mamimili na ako ng gamit ng baby ko. All white because I still don't know my child's gender yet. But by next next week, ipapa-check ko na agad ang gender niya thru NIPT blood testing.
Kyner:
I'll pick you up.
Na-excite ako nang makita ang mga damit for baby. Isa-isa ko itong pinagtitignan lahat ng may mangha sa mga mata. So cute and tiny. I'm so excited to let my baby wear it. Gusto ko na tuloy bumilis ang araw para makita ko na siya.
Since I'm an only child. Hindi pa ako nakakahawak o nakakapag-alaga ng baby. Ang mga kaibigan, pinsan or colleague ko kasi ay hindi pa mga nag-aasawa rin. Mas lalong wala pang mga anak. Then my role. I haven't had a role with a baby before. Kaya hindi ko pa talaga nararanasan humawak ng baby. Let alone mag-alaga.
Kaya manonood talaga ako o magbabasa kung paano mag-alaga ng baby. Ayokong kumuha ng babysitter. I can't let my mother either to take care of my baby. Ilang taon na ako. Hindi na rin niya matatandaan ang ibang details about how to raise a newborn. Mangangapa lang ulit siya. Though she may remember how to hold a baby.
Me:
No need. I have Fred with me.
I told Fred to just wait for me at a parking lot. Dala-dala na rin niya ang lahat ng pinamili ko para sa baby ko. Bathtub, crib, walker, stroller, and clothes. Essential for my baby na lang ang kulang.
Dumiretso na ako sa isang high end restaurant. Kaunti lang ang tao pero pinili ko pa rin na sa gilid pumwesto. I took the menu to choose and told the waiter my order.
Tinignan ko ang paligid. Kaunti lang ang tao kaya tahimik. Kinakainan din naman ito ng ibang mga artista kaya safe naman kahit tanggalin ko ang disguise ko. So, I removed my disguise and immediately got the attention of some waiters. I just smiled a bit and took my phone out. They won't bother me because they are on their duty. And this is a high-end restaurant. So I expect the workers here to be professional.
Scroll lang ako nang scroll sa aking social media account hanggang sa dumating ang order ko. Binaba ko ang aking cellphone at tinignan iyong paglalapag ng waiter sa order ko.
I smiled when he finished putting the food ordered on the table. "Thank you."
The waiter froze a bit and shyly smiled back at me, before he excuse himself and left. Nagsimula naman na akong kumain. Uuwi na rin ako pagtapos dahil medyo napagod din ako kaka-ikot para tumingin ng mga damit pang-baby.
Pagtapos kumain ay dumiretso ako sa CR para mag-ayos. I put my shades on. Then my facemask. At lumabas na ako.
"Ayan na si Snorri Kravei!"
"Hello po, miss Snorri! Pwede po pa-picture?"
I halted. Crap.
Lumapit na sila sa akin kahit wala pa akong sagot. Telling Fred to just wait for me at the parking lot was a bad move.
Pinagbigyan ko iyong dalawang babae na lumapit. Since, dalawa lang naman sila kaya pagbibigyan ko na. Pero akala ko lang iyon dahil may iba pang nakakilala sa akin at nagpa-picture. It causes an uproar causing the waiters to looked at our direction.
Gusto ko silang ignorahin at takasan pero hindi ko magawa dahil nakaharang sila sa akin. Again, telling Fred to just wait for me was a bad move. Walang haharang sa akin mula sa mga tao!
I bit my lower lip. I really want to go home na because I'm tired. My feet are starting to hurt. But I just can't tell the staff of this restaurant to escort me out. I'm not their responsibility. And it is my fault for eating here alone.
"Excuse me. Excuse me! Bawal po iyang ginagawa niyo. Nakakasagabal po kayo sa ibang customers!"
Isang lalaki ang lumapit sa amin. Sa likod niya ay dalawang security guard. Sa tingin ko ay siya ang manager dito sa restaurant.
"Miss Snorri, ayos lang po ba kayo? Hayaan niyo pong i-escort kayo ng aming security guard," nakangiti nitong sinasabi sa akin.
"Oh! Thank you so much!" I said in relief.
Mabuti na lang at mabait pala ang manager nitong restaurant at hinayaan niya ang dalawang security guard na samahan ako. Even though I'm not their responsibility. Hindi ko rin naman kasi akalain na dudumugin ako rito.
"Snorri?"
Kahit maingay sa paligid, rinig na rinig ko pa rin ang boses na iyon. Hinanap ko siya at agad kong natagpuan ang mga mata niya.
"Are you okay?" he said when he was in front of me.
"What are you doing here?"
"Someone told me that you are here. Are you okay?"
Oh, well.
"I'm fine," sabi ko. Saglit siyang tumitig sa akin. Tapos ay tumingin kung kanino at sumenyas. Then he put his palm on the small of my back. He gently pushed me forward, telling me to walk and I did.
Narinig ko ang mga bulungan sa paligid. Hindi pa pala nila alam ang tungkol sa amin ni Kyner. At may issue pa na nangidnap ako. Pero hinayaan ko na lang sila. I'm sure some of them are talking about his looks.
Dire-diretso ang lakad ko palabas ng restaurant. Hindi na kami sinundan pa ng mga tao. Pero si Kyner ay nakaalalay pa rin sa akin. His heat is still the same. The effect on it on me is still the same. It still gives me warm and comfort. It's been awhile since we are this close. It feels good.
"Why did you eat alone? Bakit hindi mo sinama si Fred?" tanong ni Kyner.
"I just want to be alone."
"Pwede kang mapahamak," mahinahon niyang sinabi.
Hindi na ako kumibo dahil naiintindihan ko naman ang pinupunto niya roon. Lalo na't naisip ko rin ang baby ko. Hindi ko naman kasi talaga akala na dudumugin ako roon. I thought people there has at least manners not to make a scene because that's a high-end restaurant. But I was wrong.
"Let me take you home," sabi niya noong makarating kami sa parking lot.
"Sa apartment ako uuwi," agap ko at humiwalay na sa kanya.
"Sa apartment mo nga kita ihahatid," he said that made me frowned. His lips twitched a bit, stifling a smile. "Ayaw mo pa naman umuwi sa akin."
"Hindi na ako uuwi sa bahay mo. Some bad elements already lived there. Baka malasin pa ako."
He chuckled. "Kung ganoon, bibili na lang ako ng bagong bahay natin. Iyong mas malaki."
"Kung maka-natin ka, akala mo naman tinanggap na ulit kita sa buhay ko," inirapan ko siya.
"Gagawin ko lahat para tanggapin mo ulit ako."
Inirapan ko lang ulit siya habang nagtutungo kung nasaan ang sasakyan namin. Hiding the fact that my insides are dancing with happiness. Para akong tangang kinikilig. Kahit kaunting bagay lang na ginawa o sinabi niya, natutuwa na ako. Is it because of my hormones?
Nakaabang na sa labas ng aming sasakyan si Fred. Tumingin siya kay Kyner at tumango. Tapos tumingin siya sa akin.
"Ililipat ko na sa sasakyan ni Sir Kyner ang mga pinamili ninyo, ma'am," he said.
I just nodded my head. Isa-isa niyang nilabas ang mga pinamili ko at nilipat sa sasakyan ni Kyner na nasa likod lang pala ng amin. Nagawi ang tingin ko kay Kyner. He arched his brow and looked at me with amusement.
"What?"
"We will talk tomorrow," he said.
"Tomorrow? Why not now? May gagawin ka ba?" mahinahon kong tanong.
He nodded. "Sasamahan ko lang si Corvan dahil nahuli na iyong taong hinahanap niya."
So, that's why he's here too and not at his work. Tumango na lang ako at sumakay na sa kanyang sasakyan nang matapos si Fred.
"Hindi kita maipagluluto mamaya. Pero ibibilin ko kay Mama na ipagluto ka," sabi ni Kyner habang nagda-drive.
"Ha? Huwag na! O-order na lang ako! Nakakahiya sa... Mama mo!" tutol ko.
Nakakahiya naman na pupunta lang siya sa condo ko para ipagluto ako. I know his mother is so kind. She forgive me despite what I did. But I'm still embarrassed to face her.
Tinulungan din ako ni Kyner ipasok lahat ng pinamili ko pagkarating namin sa aking apartment. Tuwang-tuwa rin ako habang pinagmamasdan siyang bitbit iyong mga gamit ng anak namin. Naka-tatlong balik din siya dahil malalaking box na rin iyong iba.
Our child. Based on my experience before, he was a good husband. Even before he doesn't remember anything. So I know he will be a good father too.
"Pupunta agad ako rito bukas ng umaga pagkauwi. Then we will talk, Snorri."
I already have a hunch on what we gonna alk about tomorrow. May iilan sa mga pinamili ko ang halata na gamit iyon ng pangbata. Lalo na iyong pagsuka-suka ko. Hindi niya pa lang ko dini-diretso.
"Okay. Ingat," sabi ko.
He stared at me. I didn't move when he kissed my forehead. "Call me if something happen. I'll station some of my bodyguard here. Just raise your hand and they will immediately come to you."
"Okay."
"I love you."
My lips twitched. "Okay," he nodded and then he left.
Hindi pa sumisikat ang araw kinabukasan ay maaga na ako bumangon. I was kinda expecting that Kyner will be here already. But I'm still alone. I guess, he hasn't back yet. Ang text niya lang din sa akin ay nandoon na sila ni Corvan. Tapos ay wala na.
I jumped when my phone ring. Nagmamadali akong tinignan iyon at umasa ulit na siya iyon pero si Daddy lang tumatawag. I sighed heavily and answered the call.
"Yes? Hello?"
"Snorri!"
Nailayo ko ang cellphone ko sa aking tainga dahil sa lakas ng boses ni Daddy. There was an urgency in his tone. Did something happen to my mother?
"What? What's the problem?" I asked a bit nervous. Nagising na ng tuluyan ang buong diwa ko.
"Is it true that you're pregnant with Kyner?!" he asked. I sighed a breath of relief. So nothing bad happen. "Tell me the truth, Snorri!"
"Tone down your voice, Daddy. Why are you shouting first thing in the morning?"
"Answer me! Are you pregnant with Kyner? Don't lie to me, Snorri! Don't lie to me!"
How did he found that out? Fred will not talk about it. Sinabi ni Mommy? Ano na naman kaya ang pinag-awayan nila at nasabi ito ni Mama sa kanya? Malamang ang nanay na naman ni Kyner ang dahilan.
Bumuntong hininga ako. "It's true."
Ilang minutong katahimikan ang namayani sa amin. Napatingin pa ako sa screen ng cellphone ko kung pinatay ba ni Daddy ang tawag at nakita na on call pa rin naman.
"Huwag kang gumawa ng kwento para lang mailayo ako kay Trinity!" mas tumaas ang boses niya.
"I really am pregnant with Kyner."
"Nang una sinabi mong kasal kayo kahit alam kong nagsisinungaling ka lang. Now, you're lying again. You're not acting right now, Snorri. So cut the act!"
He's still in denial, huh.
"You demand to tell you the truth. This is the truth, Daddy! We are married. And I'm carrying his child! This is not a lie. Hindi ako nagsisinungaling para mailayo ka kay Trinity! Dahil hindi na iyon kailangan pa! You know that!"
Nanahimik ulit siya. Tanging mabibigat lang niyang paghinga ang naririnig ko. Bumuntong hininga ulit ako.
"If you want to know how it happened, let me tell you first the reason why I hid Kyner before. It's because of you. Gusto kong maghiganti sa kanyang ina dahil sa pananakit na ginagawa niya kay Mommy."
"Walang kasalanan si Trinity!" he said.
"I know. Because it's all your fault," I said coldly. "And I know that's wrong because I should have directed my anger towards you. Pero hindi ko lang nagawang sisihin ka noon dahil natatakot akong magalit sa akin si Mommy. Kaya kay Trinity ko na lang binuhos lahat ng galit ko. I hid his son to make her worry to death. But yeah. Nahulog ako sa sarili kong patibong. I fell in love with Kyner. And now, I'm carrying his child," I chuckled.
"Ipalaglag mo iyan."
Nalaglag ang panga ko sa sinabi niya. Nagpintig ang tainga ko kaya nasigawan ko siya. "What did you say?!"
He didn't speak. But I hear him loud and clear. He wants me to abort my child.
"You want me to abort my child? Are you serious?!" napatayo ako dahil sa umusbong na galit. "I can't believe you, Daddy! You love Trinity over me and your grandchild?! You really love her that much that you'll choose to kill my child?!"
I can't believe him! Hindi ako makapaniwala na galing iyon sa kanya. Hindi ako makapaniwala na sasabihin niya iyon. He wants me kill an unborn child. Not just some child but my own child! My own blood and flesh. His fucking grandchild!
"And how dare you order me to kill my child! How dare you, Daddy! Just for a girl?! I can't believe you! You're inhumane!"
Namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Mapapatawad ko ang hindi niya pagmamahal pabalik kay Mommy because you can't teach your heart to love someone else. Especially if you already love someone. Pero ang sabihin niyang ipalaglag ko ang anak ko, I will never forgive that!
"If that's what you want, then consider me dead. Your daughter Clandestine Snorri Kravei is dead," pinatay ko na ang tawag.
Umupo ulit ako sa aking kama dahil nangangatog ako sa galit. Yes. My father was cruel to my mother but I know he loves me as his daughter. I just can't believe that those nasty words came from him. Maybe he loves me, but he loved her most.
Kinalma ko ang sarili at nag-ayos na lang muna. Pasikat na ang araw pero wala pa rin dito si Kyner. Sabagay, hindi naman niya sinabi na ganitong oras siya uuwi. Ang sabi niya lang umaga.
Naisipan kong maglakad-lakad na lang muna para mas lalong kumalma ang pakiramdam ko. I'm not high risk but I still don't wanna risk it. I want to avoid being stress as much as possible. So I'll cut anyone who gave me that whoever they are.
Nang kumalma na ay kumain naman ako. Mas lalong gumaan ang pakiramdam ko nang makakain. Napagpasyahan kong umuwi na dahil baka nandoon na si Kyner. O kaya naman ay pauwi na siya.
I'm excited to know what are we going to talk about. And I decided to tell him about my pregnancy. I'm gonna tell him about it whether he ask it or not anyway.
I was walking since, it is near to my condo, when a black van stopped in front of me. I halted. The door opened and the next thing I knew, someone pushed me inside the van.
--
A/N: Sorry if it took me awhile to update coz I'm very busy with the things I cannot say. Lol.
Stay safe, Elixirs! (Name of the fandom. Feeling meron lang)