Monday came so fast. The same routine happened at school. Abala na yung iba sa pagsusulat ng lyrics para sa performance sa last day ng buwan. Yung iba naman tamang chill lang.
"Tulala ka na naman," Kat waved her hand on my face.
Mabilis akong humarap sa kanya na ipinagtaka niya.
"May plano na kayo para sa performance?"
Umiling lang si Kat. "May idea na 'ko pero hindi pa kami nakakapag-usap ni Emman."
Tumango ako. Inaasahan ko na 'yon dahil matalino talaga si Kat at mahusay mag-isip ng konsepto. Pero para sa'kin, hindi lang dapat basta konsepto yung kailangan kaya kami natatagalang gumawa ng lyrics.
"Kayo?"
Iling lang din ang sinagot ko sa kaniya.
Nang magbreak time, hindi na 'ko sumama sa kanila papuntang canteen. Mas gusto kong pag-isipan kung anong magandang konsepto ng kakantahin namin ni Migo.
Migo...
Naaalala ko pa rin yung nangyari kagabi pero pilit ko yung winawaglit sa isip ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung tama yung pagkakaunawa ko sa sinabi niya.
Nung makalabas na lahat ng kaklase namin, nagpakawala ako nang malalim na buntong-hininga.
"Are you here to think about the song?"
Napaigtad ako nang marinig yung boses ni Migo. Nilingon ko siya at nakita ko na naman yung blangkong mukha niya. So he's back with that expression huh?
Tumango ako sa kaniya saka muling bumuntong-hininga. "Wala pa akong naiisip. Ikaw ba?"
He shook his head and I can't help but feel down. Kung ganitong wala kaming idea kung paano magsisimula, paano kami makakagawa?
"Pwede kang dumaan mamaya sa bahay?"
Tumaas yung kilay niya sa tanong ko. "Why?"
I sighed. "Ma-ba-bother lang ako kapag hindi pa rin ako makakapiga ng idea hanggang ngayon."
"Then don't rush."
"But we only have three weeks. Lalapatan pa natin yun ng tono saka aaralin. May practices din kayo sa band. Besides, sigurado akong magtatambak na naman ang teachers ng mga projects."
Blangko lang yung tingin niya sa'kin kaya dinugtungan ko na bago pa siya mag-isip ng kung ano.
"Hindi ko naman minamadali. I just don't want to cram. Mas maganda kasing masimulan nang maaga para may panahon pa tayo for adjustments. I'm not saying that we need to finish it today. Kahit idea lang or concept."
Matagal siyang tumitig sa'kin saka siya nagpakawala ng malalim na buntong-hininga.
"Fine. Dadaan ako sa inyo mamaya. Calm down for now," he ruffled my hair.
Nginitian ko lang siya at akmang tatalikuran na nang magsalita ulit siya.
"Aren't you going to eat?"
"No."
I saw him roll his eyes before taking out something from his bag. He handed me a sandwich.
"Hindi ka mabubusog sa pagtingin diyan."
"This is your snack. You should be the one eating this, right?"
"Just eat it."
I stared at him for a while before looking at the sandwich. Nakaramdam ako ng gutom sa kakatingin dun kaya wala akong nagawa kundi tanggapin nalang yun. Hinati ko yun sa dalawa saka inabot sa kaniya yung kalahati.
He raised a brow on me but I only shrugged and gestured him to accept the other half of his sandwich. Wala na rin naman siyang nagawa.
Mabilis lumipas yung araw hanggang sa nag-uwian na. Magpapaiwan na sana ako para hintayin si kuya pero kinausap na 'ko ni Emman.
"Nakasalubong namin sila Kyle kanina. May gagawin daw sila kaya sumabay ka na sa'min pauwi"
Tumango ako saka sumabay sa kanila. I don't know where Migo is since he left right after the bell rang so maybe he'll just go at our house after his business or whatever.
"What's the score between you and Migo?" Kat asked while we're on our way home.
"What do you mean?"
"You, two, look so close when we were having a movie marathon at Emman's house."
"Oo nga! Ang cute niyo nun, mukha kayong magjowa."
Kat slightly glared at Emman but it immediately faded when she saw me looking at them alternately.
"Are you two dating?" She asked again.
"No. He was just so scared of the movie so I had to comfort him since I was the one beside him."
She nodded and remained silent until we arrived at our house. I smiled sweetly at them and thanked them before bidding goodbye.
I kissed my mom when I saw her. "Where's papa?"
"In a meeting. How's school?"
"It's just the same. Fine and tiring. They always ask us to do so many things."
"You can do that," she gently brushed my hair.
"Thanks, mom. By the way, Migo will go here later."
"Who's Migo?"
"The one who sent me home last time."
"Ahhh, the one you defined as masungit and snob."
I nodded. My mom gave me a teasing look so I rolled my eyes.
"We need to think of any possible concept for the song we're going to write. It'll be presented on the last week of the month."
"What is it about?"
"Someone you love. Do you have any idea about it?"
"Just think of love. Don't focus on the word 'someone' but on the idea of love."
I gave her a confused look which made her smile. "Thinking about love will lead you into something that will eventually turn into someone once you find the right person for it."
Mas lalo akong naguluhan sa sinabi niya pero nahinto yun nung may mag-doorbell. My mom nodded at me before smiling.
Migo appeared when I opened the door. Nakaligo na siya at nakapagbihis. Amoy na amoy ko pa yung pinaghalong amoy ng panligo niya saka pabango niya. He smells good, honestly.
Pinapasok ko na siya at sinalubong din siya ni mama. Bumati siya kay mama na ginantihan naman nito ng ngiti.
"Goodluck sa gagawin ninyo ni Kaycee. Tatawagin ko nalang kayo kapag kakain na ng hapunan."
We both nodded before I gestured him to follow me. Inabutan ko siya ng snacks at drinks na nasa mini-fridge ko sa kwarto bago kumuha ng damit.
"Stay there for a while. I'll just shower. You're free to eat anything in my fridge."
Tumango lang siya kaya pumasok na ko sa comfort room. Binilisan ko lang yung pag-shower dahil baka mainip sa'kin yung partner ko. Pagkalabas ko, tinitipa na niya yung strings sa gitara. I left it here instead of putting it back on the music room.
"Hindi ka ba busy? Nakaabala ba yung pagpapapunta ko sayo rito?"
He looked at me again with blank face before shaking his head. "It's okay, I have nothing to do anyway."
Tumango ako saka naglabas ng notebook at ballpen.
"Get our chocolate. It's in the fridge downstairs."
"Our chocolate?" I asked with brows furrowed.
Tumango siya. Saka ko naalala kung anong tinutukoy niya.
"You mean the cadbury?"
He nodded again.
"You really left it here?"
"I am a man of my words."
I rolled my eyes at him before chuckling. "You love sweets, 'no?"
"I like sweets. But I love chocolates more. Cadbury is also my favorite."
Tumango ako bago tumayo para kuhain yung natirang chocolate from last time.
"Oh? May naiwan ka ba rito?" My mom asked when she saw me.
"Nothing. Migo's just asking me to get the chocolate he left her.e"
"Sa kanya pala yon? Buti walang gumagalaw niyan?"
"Kaya nga eh."
Pagkabalik ko sa room, binabasa na ni Migo yung laman ng notebook na nilabas ko.
"What are you doing?"
Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa'kin saka nilapag sa tabi niya yung notebook. My eyes widened when I realized that it's my personal notebook. It's not a diary but I write a lot of personal things there!
"Nabasa mo?"
"Not all."
"Pero may nabasa ka?"
"You can say that."
Sandali kaming nagtitigan bago ako napabuntong-hininga. Inabot ko sa kaniya yung chocolate kaya bahagyang nagliwanag yung mukha niya.
So he really loves chocolate, huh?
Wait...
'Just think of love'
"Migo!"
Napaangat siya ng tingin sa'kin dahil sa biglaang pagtawag ko sa kaniya saka siya nagkunot-noo.
"I already have an idea!"
"What?"
"Chocolates!"
Binigyan niya ko ng nagtatakang tingin kaya nagpatuloy ako.
"I asked mom for ideas a while ago. She told me to not focus on the word 'someone' but on the idea of love!"
"You mean... we'll write a song about... chocolates?"
I nodded enthusiastically and smiled. "Think of why you love chocolates. What does it do to you? How does it make you feel whenever you're eating it?"
Tumango siya. I thought he already got my point but he sighed. "I'm a bit confused"
Tumabi ako sa kaniya saka naki-share sa chocolate niya.
"Mom said thinking about love will lead you into something that will turn into someone once you find the right person for it. If you think of the things you love, you will start thinking why you love those things. That will be the something in what mom said. Sooner, those will turn into someone, if we will find the one that will make us feel what we felt when we loved those things."
"I see."
"And since we still haven't found that someone, we should focus on the idea of love first. The idea of loving something. Since we both love chocolates, specifically cadbury, why not base the song on it?"
He stared at me with amusement as his lips stifle a small smile. His probably finding it funny seeing me getting all excited.
"What?" I asked curiously.
"You're smart," he said like it was something he never thought I could think of.
"My mom already presented the idea. You unconsciously presented the possible subject. It's not hard to put two plus two together."
He nodded, still smiling.
I ignored him and started to write possible lines for our song. He just watched me write down random words and lines. Malapit na rin niyang maubos yung chocolate.
"Do we have assignments or pending projects?" I asked.
"As far as I remember, there's none."
I nodded. "They might shower us a lot of tasks this week."
"Goodluck, then"
I wrote down all the possible lines I could think of considering the questions 'why I love chocolates?' and 'how does it make me feel?'. Some may think that the lines are literally about chocolates but as I look into it deeper, I've been realizing a lot of another meaning.
I finalized my ideas and finished half of the song. When satisfied with my draft, inabot ko na yung notebook kay Migo. Tinanggap naman niya yun agad saka nagsimulang magsulat ng mga linya. Mukhang kanina pa siya nakapag-isip ng idadagdag habang nagsusulat ako.
Hinayaan ko lang siyang magsulat dun. Medyo nainip ako kaya kinuha ko yung gitara. I started playing 1000 times by Sara Bareilles. I also don't know why I played this song but I feel like singing it today.
Back of the room
Looking at you
Counting the steps
Between us
A hundred and five
Little blades in a line
From your skin to mine
And I feel it
Eyes on the ground
But I can't look up now
Don't wanna give it away
My secret
I felt Migo stop from scribbling down lines to listen to me intently but I chose to ignore it.
Cause I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry each and every time
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back a thousand times
You can make me wait forever
Push me away and tell me never
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back a thousand times
I suddenly remembered again what Migo said to me back at Emman's house. Napapikit ako nang parang bumalik sa'kin yung pakiramdam ng pagkakayakap niya.
Again again I let it go, let it go
Cover my mouth don't let a single word slip
Out wouldn't wanna tell you, no tell you, no
Nothing could be worse than the risk of
Losing what I don't have now
And we could buy the minute, though is it so bad
If I wanna cry out
That I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry almost every time
But I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back a thousand times
Parang sirang plakang nag-flashback sa utak ko yung boses ni Migo habang sinasabi yun sa'kin. I don't know if I understood it right. I don't know if he's serious about it. I'm scared. Natatakot ako. Natatakot akong hindi lang siya yung nahuhulog. Natatakot ako kasi pakiramdam ko, ako rin. Pero hindi ako sigurado... o hindi ko lang tinatanggap... dahil takot pa rin ako.
Iba yung nararamdaman ko sa mga kinikilos niya nung Sabado. Aaminin kong humahanga talaga ako sa kaniya. He's thoughtful and he's a gentleman. Pero yung kiliting dinulot ng simpleng paghawak niya sa kamay ko, alam kong may kakaiba. Hindi ako tanga at manhid para hindi matukoy kung anong pagkakaiba ng mga nararamdaman ko.
I'm just... scared. I don't know how to accept his feelings while I still have such thoughts.
I would come back a thousand times
Hindi ko alam kung anong parte namin sa buhay ng isa't isa pero anumang mangyari, sana balikan pa rin namin kung paano kami nagsimula.
Unti-unti akong nagmulat at saktong tumama yun sa mga mata ni Migo na titig na titig sa'kin. Bahagya akong nailang pero pinilit kong itago yon. Pinagkunutan ko nalang siya ng noo.
"Is my voice that great for you to stare?"
Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko pero nakabawi rin siya kaagad saka umirap.
"You're distracting me. Naghahalo yung kinakanta mo sa mga naiisip kong lines."
Nginiwian ko lang siya saka ako tumayo.
"I'll help mom downstairs para wala nang maka-distract sa'yo. Just call me if you need anything."
Hindi ko na siya hinintay na sumagot, basta nalang akong lumabas. I feel like I've been holding my breath for quite some time.
"How are you doing?" My mom asked as soon as I reached the kitchen.
"We already have a draft. Your words helped."
"I'm glad."
Tinulungan ko si mom sa paghahanda ng pagkain maging sa paghahain. Matagal din bago kami natapos kaya baka tapos na rin si Migo sa pagdadagdag ng lyrics.
"Hey, are you done?" I asked.
"Yes. I added a bridge, though it's still not complete."
Tiningnan ko yung sinulat niya pati na rin yung bridge. I borrowed the pen from him when I thought of some lines that we can add to finish it. Pagkabigay ko sa kaniya, binasa rin niya yung kabuuan saka tumango.
"Kain na tayo," I said.
Tumango lang siya saka sumunod sa'kin pababa sa dining area. Wala pa si papa at kuya kaya kaming tatlo lang nila mama yung magsasalo.
"Kain na tayo, hijo. Panigurado napagod yung mga utak niyo kakaisip."
Nagsimula na kaming kumain. Kinakamusta ni mama yung parents ni Migo. Mostly sila lang yung nag-uusap kaya hindi na ako nakikisali. Wala rin naman akong naiintindihan.
"Hey."
Kasalukuyan na kaming palabas ng bahay. Hinatid ko lang si Migo hanggang sa pintuan. Tiningnan ako ni Migo kaya nginitian ko nalang siya.
"Thank you for cooperating, Snobbie."
Nakita ko siyang umirap pero ngumiti rin pagkatapos.
"No problem."
"We can focus on the tune next time. Just tell me when you're free again."
"I have some errand tomorrow. Maybe I'll go here on Wednesday and Thursday so we can focus on the band on weekends."
I nodded and smiled at him. "Noted, Snobbie!"
"See you tomorrow." He pinched my cheek before leaving.