First Move
***
The men in our table was busy gobbling their food. Meanwhile, the girl in front of me couldn't stop raising her brow at me. Kahit na nakapag paliwanag na ako sa kanya ay masama pa rin ang tingin niya sa akin. I smiled at her sheepishly but her expression didn't change.
Nang aksidenteng masagi ni Gustave ang braso niya ay para siyang nanigas sa kinauupuan at naging maamong tupa.
The latter gave his apologies while she only nodded while her whole body was stoned. I looked at her teasingly.
Evry was the one who ate my remaining food dahil busog na ako. Hinintay muna namin silang matapos kumain bago nila kami hinatid sa room namin.
I told them na hindi na kailangan but they're persistent, especially him.
"Uh, this is our room," si Ly ang nagsabi nang nasa tapat na kami ng pinto. I rolled my eyes when the other students starts to gather along the corridor while looking at us.
Sino ba naman ang hindi, malamang, magtataka sila kung ano ang ginagawa ng limang college students dito sa building namin.
I maintained my distance from them even when we're leaving the cafeteria. Ayaw kong makita nila akong kasama sila dahil baka kung anong chismis na naman ang lumutang.
"Ge, pasok na kami," pasimple kong sabi at mabilis silang tiningnan na para lang akong nagsasalita sa hangin.
Nang akala kong makakapasok ako nang matiwasay ay nagkamali ako nang maramdaman ko ang presensiya niyang nakasunod sa akin.
Naikiling ko ang ulo sa inis.
"Where's your seat?"
Asar na hinarap ko siya at kinausap sa mahina ngunit mariin na boses.
"Bakit ka pa pumasok?" nananaway sa sabi ko.
"I want to see kung saan ka nakaupo."
"Ano naman ngayon sa 'yo kung saan ako nakaupo?"
"I just want to make sure na hindi mo seat mate ang totoy na iyon."
I sighed incredulously. "Hindi ko siya seatmate at sa likod ako nakaupo," I explained to him shortly so that he can get out of our room already. Kanina pa kasi sila nakatingin sa amin.
Saglit na nagkagulo sa loob nang sumunod na pumasok sina Asher. The girls squealed.
"Ui, dito rin pala room niyo?" ani Heron habang tumitingin sa paligid. "I hope you don't mind us entering." Ngumiti siya nang matamis sa mga kaklase ko at para naman silang timang na nagtulakan.
"It's okay po, by the way, dito rin po classroom niyo noon?"
"Uh, no." He caressed his nape. "Pero dito yung ex ko dati." Then he pointed to the seat near the window. "Doon siya nakaupo."
Mas lalo silang nagwala doon.
"OMG! That's my seat! Baka naman ako yung girlfriend mo." Humagikgik pa siya.
"Noon nga daw diba? Noon! Baka sinisipon ka pa nga noong mga panahong iyon," pambabara ng isa.
Pangiti-ngiti lang si Heron habang inikot ko naman ang aking mga mata.
Evry pulled me at iginiya sa likurang bahagi ng room. Using his eyes, he asked me where my seat is.
Nilapag ko ang bag sa may second to the last at umupo roon.
Sinamaan niya ng tingin ang lalaking nag transfer seat sa tabi ko, para naman itong natakot at nagkukumahog na bumalik sa sariling upuan.
"Happy?" I said to him.
He leaned to me and blew the strand of hair away from my forehead.
"Behave in class, okay?"
Sarkastiko akong ngumiti. "Opo, kuya."
He obviously didn't like the honorifics so in return, he messed up my hair.
I sneered at him but he only chuckled as he left the room with his gang.
Ly occupied the seat that was vacated beside me and propped her chin on her hands.
"Kuya Evry didn't seem so bad at courting you, advance nga lang masyado mag-isip. Wala pa naman kayo pero kung maka bakod, parang pinangako ka na nina auntie sa kanya."
Ngumisi ako. "Isn't that toxic? Basted-in ko na ba?" nagbibiro kong sabi.
She frowned and immediately shook her head. "No. That's sweet kaya and it's normal for them to feel territorial. He just had the guts to act his thoughts compared to other guys." She sighed dreamily. "Kailan naman kaya magiging ganoon si Gustave sa akin?"
"Baka kahit pumuti na ang uwak, hindi ka pa rin niya papansinin. Kung ikaw kaya ang mag first move."
Napa ayos siya nang tayo at tumitig sa akin. Napa bunghalit ako nang tawa. Mukhang may balak na ngang mag first move.
Sinimangutan niya ako dahil doon at bumalik na sa upuan niya.
It was 4:30 in the afternoon and I'm already walking along the road to our club house when I passed by the field.
Sa kabila ng wire fence ay nakita ko ang nakayukong lalaki na nakaupo sa bench. He was using his phone I think, and he's alone.
The sky was in a hue of amber and gold that made the scene more melancholy and lonely.
There were kids playing happily in the soccer field, but he was just there, bowing his head like he carries all the burden of the world.
The next thing I knew was that my feet were heading to Izaak's direction. I just couldn't pass him by with that image, it's as if an invisible string was pulling me to him to comfort him.
"Hey," I called him when we're a meter away.
Nagtaas siya ng tingin sa akin at bahagyang ngumiti.
"Shy." Umusod siya sa bench para bigyan ako ng space kaya umupo ako roon, may ilang dangkal ang pagitan namin.
"Bakit ka nag-iisa rito? Wala ba kayong practice?" Their tournament is approaching and every athlete were busy practicing for it.
"Today is our rest day, tuloy ulit kami sa Monday."
"Oh," tango ko at hindi na dinugtungan iyon. "I heard what happened sa inyo ni Ate Yumi," sabi ko kapagkuwan. Last minute nervousness grew inside me but it's too late to take it back. Baka isipin niya that I'm prying their private life.
Mas lalong lumungkot ang kanyang mga mata at bahaw na ngumisi.
He took a deep breath as if he was struggling to do it.
"It's for the best, I think. Our relationship is not turning out how we dreamed of it."
"Normal lang naman ang hindi magkaintindihan."
"Yeah, but ours is different. It came to a point where I can't bare her anymore. Her suspicions and accusations..." Hindi niya naituloy ang sasabihin bagkus ay umiling siya na parang naaalala ang mga panahong iyon. "The break up will give us a time to breathe and reflect unto ourselves. Don't be sorry for it."
Kahit ganoon ang sinabi niya ay nalulungkot pa rin ako para sa kanya. It must been hard for him, juggling his responsibilities to his family as the first born, his studies and in his soccer team.
There was a part of me where I couldn't help but be annoyed at Yumi. Hindi ko alam ang buong kwento but it seems like she's pressuring him too much.
Suspicions and accusations... What could they be?
I touched his arm to give him that encouragement and sent him a message that I'll be there for him when he needs me.
Nagulat na lang ako nang hilahin niya ako sa kanya at yakapin nang mahigpit. Huminga siya nang malalim at pakiramdam ko ay parang ang bigat na rin ng loob ko.
I slowly lift up my hand to hug him back.
"Thank you, Shy," he whispered while his face was on my shoulder. My heart clenched when he said that.
Isinandal ko rin ang pisngi sa balikat niya at may maliit na ngiti ang namutawi sa aking mga labi. Masaya ako na napagaan ko ang kanyang loob kahit papaano, masayang-masaya.
"Welcome, Izaak."
Evry was not on his usual spot when I went out of the club house. Wala roon ang kanyang sasakyan at wala rin text o chat man lang sa akin kung makaka rating ba siya.
I contemplated if I should text him or not but the former won. I just thought that he's busy kaya wala siya ngayon, too busy that he has no time to inform me if he can make it. Dati ay inaabisuhan niya akong hintayin siya dahil male late siya, but this time ay wala, partida, late pa kaming na dismiss nito.
Saglit akong tumambay doon, hoping that he'll somehow show up. Iniisip kong baka wala siyang load at signal.
Fifteen minutes din akong nakatayo doon at halos silang lahat ay nakauwi na. That's when I decided to just go home on my own.
Binagalan ko ang mga hakbang palabas ng school pero wala pa ring Evry na nagpakita. That disappointed me.
Tinawagan ko na lang si daddy at nagpasundo sa kanya. He was even wondering kung bakit ngayon lang ako nagpapa sundo sa kanya. I just told him na may club mate akong pareho ang route kaya sumasabay ako sa kanya. Mabuti na lang at hindi na siya nagtanong ng ibang detalye.
Kahit nang pag-uwi ko ay wala pa rin akong nakukuhang text mula sa kanya... Inisip kong baka may ginagawa pa kaya mamaya ko na lang kakausapin.
Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang disappointment at pag-aalala na lumukob sa akin nang pagkatapos ng tatlong oras ay wala pa rin siyang paramdam. I decided to do the first move.
Me: "Are you busy?" I texted.
Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang mabilis siyang nakapag reply. Aligagang binuksan ko iyon.
Evry: "No, nakauwi ka ba nang maayos?"
My lips curved downward to his inanimate response.
Me: "Yup, si dad ang kasama kong umuwi."
Evry: "That's good. I'm sorry, hindi kita napuntahan. Something came up with my cousin."
Oh, kaya naman pala...
Me: "Is he okay?"
Evry: "Yeah, he's good."
Ang iksi naman niyang sumagot. Maybe, it got something to do with that cousin of his. Gusto ko pa sanang magtanong about doon sa pinsan niya so that we can talk more pero inunahan na niya ako.
Evry: "It's late, you should be sleeping already."
Me: "I can't sleep."
Evry: "Hindi ka ba napagod sa practice niyo?"
Me: "Napagod, pero may assignment pa kasi kami. Hindi alam kung paano sisimulan."
Isang minuto pa ang lumipas bago siya nakapag reply.
Evry: "Send it to me, I'll see what I can do with it."
Hindi ko inaasahang sasabihin niya iyon but natuwa pa rin ako.
Me: "Sure ka ba? Baka busy ka..."
Evry: "Ayos lang. I'm done reviewing."
I bit my lower lip and gave in to the offer. Tatanggi pa ba ako?
I took a picture of the instructions at sinend sa kanyang messenger.
It's a mind map requirement about globalization and an essay question with an approximate of 500 words.
Sinabi ko sa kanyang nasa messenger na niya iyon kaya nag online siya.
Rai: "When is the due date?"
Me: "Sa Monday pa naman..."
Rai: "Okay, I'll give it to you later."
Me: "Hindi mo naman kailangan gawin ngayon."
Rai: "Para hindi ka na mag cram next week."
Namula ang pisngi ko dahil guilty ako roon at napangiti.
Me: "Thank you."
Rai: "This isn't free."
Bwisit. Biglang nawala yung ngiti ko.
Me: "Nagpapa commission ka ba? Wala akong pera."
Rai: "I don't need money."
Me: "Kung ganoon ay ano?"
In between those seconds that he's typing an answer, I was thinking of the things that he wants in return for making my assignment. Baka magpapa libre o kaya ay sabihin sagutin ko na siya para may katuwang ako sa pag-aaral ko.
Humagikgik ako.
Rai: "Simba tayo this Sunday."
Muntik na akong mabilaukan sa nabasa at binasa ulit iyon, sinisigurong hindi ako namalikmata lang.
Me: "Sigurado ka ba? Baka bigla kang magliyab doon," I jested to cover up my astonishment. But the truth is, I was amazed that he would ask me that. I mean, he's not actually the type who goes to church... Ganoon na ba ako ka judgemental?
Rai: "I won't be burned, may angel naman akong kasama."
Naisubsob ko ang mukha sa unan at doon pinakawalan ang makapunit pisngi na ngiti.
Hindi na ako nakapag reply dahil ang tagal mag let go ng kilig ko.
He didn't reply either kaya hinayaan ko na. I browsed my Facebook hanggang sa natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili na binabasa ang isang confession na na share ng friend ko.
It's about a man who was long in love with a woman since their elementary days. Palagi siyang napapa pansin rito pero hindi siya maka amin. His infatuation extended until they're in college and met again after years of not seeing each other dahil magkaibang school na sila nag-aaral.
My heart is beginning to root for their love story as the guy expresses his frustrations and love for her. Then something happened to them and even admitted how he loves her. But it was all shattered when it reached the end of the post. Due to some circumstances, they didn't end up together because he already had a child with another woman. Though, he was still there for her, loving her from afar and being proud of her achievements.
Umiiyak na ako matapos basahin iyon. It was such a sad love story for them. I wonder, may ganoon ba talagang klase ng pagmamahal? So deep and loyal na kahit sinong dumating ay naroon pa rin siya, na kahit may iba ka na ay wala pa ring papantay sa kanya? Na mahal na mahal mo pa rin siya.
Pwede ba iyon? Can you really love romantically more than one person in your life? I thought not. I don't believe in the separation of first love and true love. I only believe in first and last true love.
I was wiping the remnants of my tears on my cheeks when Evry called me.
"Hello?" I asked in a raspy voice. Medyo mahapdi pa kasi ang lalamunan ko sa pag-iyak.
"Fuck! Are you crying?" malakas na tanong niya nang suminghot ako.
"A while ago..."
"Sino ang nagpaiyak sa 'yo?" madilim niyang tanong.
Ang OA naman. "No one, yung binabasa ko lang. Nakakaiyak kasi yung story," paliwanag ko.
I heard him sigh. "I thought someone just hurt you. Are you feeling better now?"
Tumango-tango ako kahit hindi niya nakikita. "I am."
"I just sent the pdf file to your email. You can check it out and tell me if it needs revision. Don't end the call."
"Okay." I hold the call and went to check my email... Binuksan ko ang Pdf na s-in-end niya.
I was amazed at the details and creativity of the mind map. I think, he used an editing software here. Mabilis ko iyong pinasadahan. Hindi niya ginawa ang essay ko pero naglagay siya ng mga guide questions at key ideas sa bawat parte ng essay na gagawin ko para maging madali ang pag generate ko ng sentences. Lihim akong napangiti roon.
"Thank you, ang ganda ng gawa mo," sabi ko nang bumalik ako sa tawag namin.
"Is it okay na ikaw na ang gumawa ng essay? It'll help you to hone your skills."
I nodded my head. "Oo, ayos lang." I actually appreciate that he's not giving me that spoon feed method. That he wants to help me but also wants me to learn on my own.
Nag explain pa siya about doon sa mind map at nag bigay ng thoughts niya about doon sa essay ko. Kahit na nakakaramdam na ako ng antok ay nakinig ako sa kanya.
He must've noticed that kaya pinatulog na niya ako. I was preparing to sleep na nang may maalala ako.
Me: "Huwag mong kalimutang sunduin ako sa Sunday."
I placed my phone on silent mode and drifted to oblivion.
The next day was Saturday so I didn't do that much. I helped mommy at the shop in sorting the fabrics and delivering the orders. During the afternoon naman, I just watched Tiktok videos and did some K-pop dance challenges, and at night, I finished my essay assignment.
Sunday morning came at seven pa lang ay binulabog na ako ni Evry nang tawag.
"Are you ready?" tanong niya.
"Evry, seriously? Ten pa lang magsisimula ang mass," antok pang sagot ko at kinumutan ang mukha dahil nakakasilaw ang sinag ng araw, hindi ko kasi nasara ang kurtina ko kagabi.
He gave a low chuckle. "I'm just checking, I'll be there at nine thirty. Okay?"
I just moaned in agreement.
Past eight na nang bumangon ako para maligo at mag-ayos. I chose the peach colored irregular dress that reaches my knees. Off shoulder iyon kaya pinatungan ko na lang ng faded denim jacket. Then I paired it with a white Vans.
Pagbaba ko ay wala ng tao sa bahay dahil umalis na sila sa kani-kanilang lakad. Kumain ako ng sinangag at adobo na luto ni mommy. Katatapos ko lang mag toothbrush nang marinig ko ang busina sa labas.
Mabuti na lang at wala sina mommy, kung hindi ay malalaman nilang may nanliligaw sa akin. Ayaw ko pa naman na makilala siya ni mommy dahil siguradong ang dami-dami niyang sasabihin. Maybe soon, but not now.
I made sure to lock the doors and windows before going out of the gate and locked it as well...
Nakababa na sa sasakyan niya si Evry at kanina pa ako hinihintay.
"Ang ganda-ganda mo naman, lalo na sa paningin ko," sabi niya nang makalapit ako sa kanya.
Kunway umismid ako sa kanya pero ngumiti rin naman. Hinawakan niya ang dulo ng buhok ko at hinaplos iyon sa pagitan ng mga daliri niya bago ako pagbuksan ng pinto.
Dinala niya ako sa Resurrection at hindi pa naman nagsisimula ang misa. Pinauna niya ako kaya ako na ang pumili kung saan kami uupo. I chose the middle pew.
May umupong mag-ina sa likuran namin. The middle aged woman smiled politely at us and guided her little child to his seat who was chewing his gum.
Ilang saglit pa ay naramdaman ko na pinaglalaruan ng bata ang buhok ko kaya pasimple ko iyong inayos papunta sa harap ko. Baka lagyan niya pa iyon ng bubble gum niya.
"You okay?" nag-aalala na tanong ni Evry nang mapansin ang discomfort sa mukha ko.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Yup, I'm fine."
Pero ang kulit niya lang, ha. Hinila niya pa ang buhok ko at hinila-hila iyon, napapangiwi na tuloy ako sa sakit. Ang nanay niya ay wala roon ang kanyang pansin dahil busy sa binabasang Bible.
Then I felt Evry's arm draped over my shoulder. Nilingon niya pa ang bata sa likod. I don't know what kind of look he gave him but the boy stopped toying with my hair.
It was a breath of relief for me so I told him, "Thanks for that," I mumbled.
"Those tresses were mine to adore and play with," he whispered through my hair and pulled me tighter to him.
Mahina ko siyang hinampas at natawa. Binitawan niya rin ako nang magsimula na ang misa dahil baka mapalabas pa kami dahil sa pag-p-PDA.
When the mass ended, we went to eat outside. Because it's Sunday ay marami ang tao. We left our table minutes so that other customers could have it naman.
We went to Session Road para tumingin ng mga local products at manood ng mga street shows. Maraming bata at artists ang nag cha-chalk art sa kalsada. There was even this vlogger slash photographer who were spotting couples that can be the subject of his contents in Tiktok.
Tinanong ng vlogger if we were a couple kaya mabilis akong sumagot.
"He's my kuya po." The reaction of his face when I said that was hilarious. Sobrang seryoso niya na parang biglang nanggigil sa akin.
Umalis na ako roon bago niya pa ako sakalin. Naabutan naman niya ako at inakbayan.
"Kuya pala ha?"
"Why? Ang tanda mo na kaya, you'll be graduating college while I'm still not done with Senior High School," I told him.
"I'm not that old from you, and I can always wait for you to finish school. Or kahit hindi ka pa tapos, pwede pa rin naman tayong magpakasal, I'll work hard para buhayin kayo."
Malakas ko siyang siniko sa tiyan na siyang nagpa daing sa kanya.
"Anong kasal ang pinagsasabi mo diyan-" Napasinghap ako at natigil sa pagsasalita nang makita ko si Kuya Gustave sa may kalayuan. He's with a girl and his arms were wrapped possessively around her narrow waist.
Hindi ko makita ang mukha ng babae dahil nakataligid ito sa akin.
"That's Kuya Gus." I pointed his direction. Taliwas sa inaasahan kong reaction, nagkibit-balikat lang siya. "Hindi ba natin sila pupuntahan?"
"Tss, huwag na nating istorbohin ang dalawang iyan." Hinila niya ako palayo roon habang lumilingon pa rin ako sa banda nila, trying to catch a glimpse of the woman's face but I failed.
Nang magsawa sa Session ay pumunta kaming Quantum Arcade at naglaro ng kung ano-ano lang. Basketball, electric darts, and claw machines where he managed to fish me two panda stuff toy. Manghang-mangha nga ako, eh. Pero sabi niya ay may technique daw iyon.
Doon na rin kami sa SM kumain for dinner. I didn't feel exhausted after the activities, I was actually yearning for more.
We went inside Sky Ranch and rode the ferris wheel. Hindi kami sumakay sa mga intense na rides dahil katatapos lang namin kumain.
Nine na nang mag decide kaming umuwi, nag text na rin naman ako kay mommy na gagabihin ako.
"Napagod ka ba?" he asked habang binabagtas namin ang Session Road pababa...
"Hmm," I moaned and nodded a bit. Kakatuwa nga dahil kahit pagod na ang mga paa ko kakalakad kanina ay parang ayaw ko pang umuwi.
"Next Sunday ulit?"
Natutuwa akong tumawa. "Sige ba!"
Nakaliko na kami sa kanto papunta sa amin nang mamataan ko ang sasakyan namin sa tapat ng bahay. Huli na para sabihan siya na huwag muna tumuloy pero nakatigil na iyon ilang metro ang layo mula sa sasakyan namin.
"Is she your mom?" he asked when mommy got down from the passenger seat.
"Oo," sagot ko. I was actually planning to get out kapag nakapasok na sila ng bahay. Pero umibis mula sa back seat si Aio at agad itinuro ang hummer ni Evry!
Lintik namang bubwit ito!
Through the small open space of the window, I heard him shout, "Kuya Evry!"