Listen To: "Red Lights" by Stray Kids
—————————————————————————
"Safe word?" He demands.
"Koya," I tell him.
"Use it if you need it. Do not hesitate. Understand?" He asks me firmly.
"Yes," I respond. It's never lost on me that my safety and comfort are always a priority to them.
"Undress me," he demands. His eyes are black; clouded by lust and desire. I know that he's in a whole other world and I'm excited to play with him. I bring my hands up to the band of his sweatpants and pull them down, not surprised to see he's not wearing any underwear. My mouth waters at the sight of him. Nothing gives me quite as much satisfaction as sucking them off; knowing that I can pleasure them in a way that makes them literally scream my name, makes me incredibly happy. Namjoon in particular has always been very vocal when I take him; I live for the way his voice drops and moans tumble from those gorgeous lips of his, husky and guttural.
I pull his pants all the way off his legs and toss them aside. I sit on my heels, facing him with my hands on my lap, wanting to make sure he knows that he's in full control. I lick and bite down on my bottom lip as I watch his dick twinge. I swallow hard. He leans toward me and brings his finger under my jaw and pulls me up to him so I'm straight up on my knees.
"What's the matter baby? See something you like?" He asks me. I nod my head and he brings his mouth down to mine and kisses me softly at first, then he bites down on my lip and lets out a soft laugh.
"Be a good girl and use your words," he tells me. "What does my sweet thing want?" He asks me.
"Want to touch you," I say. His eyes narrow at me and he let's out a tsk.
"Want to rephrase that, pretty?" He says to me.
"May I please touch you?" I try again. I know exactly what he wants, I'm just playing dumb. But the thought of him punishing me makes my whole body tingle with anticipation.
"May I please touch you, what?" He pushes.
"Joon-ah?" I say, dumbly. I feel his hand make contact with my ass as he smacks me; a delicious shiver of pain rolls through my body.
"Try again," he reprimands.
"Namjoon?" I continue; batting my lashes at him and wanting him to spank me again.
*SMACK*
I feel the burning on my skin and the simultaneous clench in my core. Fuck, this is intense and I'm pretty sure I could come just by this.
"Don't you want to be good for me? Why are you misbehaving?" He asks darkly.
"Daddy?" I give into him. The moment the word leaves my mouth, he stands up, pulls me up off my knees, and throws me on the bed. He hovers his body over mine; he heat radiating from him is so intense that I can feel the beads of sweat starting to form on my own skin.
"That's my girl," he mumbles into my mouth as he kisses me hard. He's insatiable; completely feral.
He straddles my lap, his very hard dick laying on my stomach, as he reaches for my hands, stretches them up above my body and then grabs the handcuffs on the bed next to his knee. He loops the handcuffs though the wooden slats of his headboard and then wraps the cold metal around each of my wrists. The feeling of his skin on mine is like fire. His dick, precome dripping, leaves a trail of wetness as he leans forward. I look down to see him right in between my chest and I feel my core flutter at the sight. It's the single most obscene and beautiful thing I've ever seen.
He kisses me from my wrists all the way down my arm until he's back toward my face. He presses his mouth onto mine as his tongue licks the seam of my mouth, asking to be let in. As soon as I open my mouth to let him in, he grinds his hips into me, his dick pressing against my very wet panties. I let out a moan and my back arches off the bed; the feeling of him pressed against my very sensitive core.
"Don't move, baby girl. Stay still," he whispers in my ear and I feel like I'm about to combust. He pushes his hips further into mine, pinning me down while torturing me with his hardness brushing against the delicate lace of my panties; causing a catastrophic urgency in my core. His dick slides right in between my legs. My thighs are firmly pushed together to try and stop myself from rutting my hips up; the friction of his hardness against the lace, right against the wetness of my core, is mind numbing. I don't know how I'm going to be able to hold on. I think he forget's that it's been well over a week since I've had sex; going from twice a day, everyday to nothing for a week has left me completely sexually frustrated.
'Fuck' I whisper out as I turn my head to the side and try to hide against my arm. His dick continues to press in between my legs, languidly and deliberately. The fabric is causing an unbelievable friction; the inharmoniousness of his hardness against the softness of the lace is causing me anguish, putting me in a state of paralyzing delirium.
"Don't be shy. Do you need something sweet thing?" He asks me sweetly as he tortures me with his hips. In and out, in and out, in and out.
This is it, this is how I'm going to fucking die. Here lies Eleanor; she died from being teased to death by Kim Namjoon.
"Please?" I whine out. I have lost any and all inhibitions and don't care that I'm begging.
"What, baby?" He says as he keeps one hand on my hip, holding me down and the other snakes up my torso and to my neck; his fingers pushing my face to look at him as the heel of his palm presses onto my throat.
"Touch me, please" I whimper and pout at him, praying that he feels pity on me. The fingers in my hips are digging into my skin in a way that I know I'm going to wake up with bruises tomorrow but the pain is delicious.
"But Pretty," he says as he cocks his head to the side, feigning confusion. "I am touching you," he finishes as he tightens his grip and I let out a whimper.
"God," I let out, flustered to no avail. "Just fuck me, please," I whine. "Please, please, please," I beg him. I can not take this anymore; his dick between my legs, his hand pressing against my throat, his cocky and audacious attitude.
"Oh, is that what you want?" He asks me, mockingly. "All you had to do was ask, baby" he leans down and kisses me sweetly. His hands move down my torso until they reach the hem of my panties and pulls them down my legs. His mouth goes down my neck, onto my collarbone, down my chest and down my stomach.
A wave of self-consciousness hits me as he focuses his mouth around my abdomen, his mouth moving slowly down my skin until he reaches right above my core. I can't help the shiver that runs down my spine at the feeling of his hot breath on my skin. I let out a whiny moan and he stifles a laugh.
"Okay Sweet Thing," his eyes lock onto mine, "since you've been such a good girl for me," he says and I close my eyes and roll my head back as I feel him take his dick and swipe up and down my wetness. Goosebumps cover every inch of my skin and I let out a strangled hiss. He presses his tip into my entrance and holds it there. I feel a tear break through in the corner of my closed eye as I sit and wait for him to finally stop teasing me. But he doesn't push into me and I open my eyes to see him just holding himself there.
"Joon-ah" I pout at him. "Please?" That does the trick. He groans out and thrusts his hips forward harshly and pushes himself into me fully.
"Oh. God," I scream out at the feeling of finally having him buried inside of me. I'm so completely on edge that I'm not sure it will be much longer before the urge to come hits me. I push my hips toward him, motioning at him to move. He starts rolling his hips gently and I hear him let out a deep sigh as his body hovers over mine, one hand pushing my left leg down toward my shoulder, the other holding him up by my head.
"So fucking wet for me baby. Did you miss me?" He asks as his nose nudged mine, encouraging me to talk to him.
"So much. I missed you so, so much," I tell him as he continues to push into me, hitting me so deep with this position. My wrists are feeling a little sore from the metal handcuffs but the pain is only adding to the intense pleasure.
"Are you ever going to leave me again?" He asks me as he starts thrusting erratically into me. I can not hold on much longer.
"Never," I tell him. "Namjoon-ah," I squeal out. "Oh my god, Joon-ah I'm — shit, I'm gonna," I try and form words but nothing is coherent, nothing makes sense, everything is tangled.
I feel his hand drop my leg and come back up to my throat. He places his palm in the center, his thumb on one side of my jaw and his fingers on the other. He continues to slam into me. I wrap my legs around his waist, and instantly feel him hitting that sweet spot inside of me that immediatley makes my toes curl. As soon as he feels me clench around him, he slightly tightens his grip on my throat.
"Ah. Fuck. Com— oh, God. Joon," my words statically leave my mouth, making no sense whatsoever . I feel the tightness in my throat as my breathing is constricted slightly. His eyes never leave mine, making sure that I'm not being hurt in any way but he's not; his touch is soft but deliberate. He rolls his hips into mine and the combination of his dick hitting my gspot and the lack of oxygen make my eyes roll back into my head. My breathing is shallowed and I start to feel lightheaded; fuzzy, dizzy, delirious, reeling. He thrusts one more time and lets go of my throat and I feel myself gasp for air as my orgasm hits me hard. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I hear him, far away in the very corner of my mind, moan out my name and I feel him push deep into me but after that, I'm just gone.
Ecstasy; that's the only way to describe it. I can't speak. I can't move. I am floating. Everything around me is intangible. I feel no pain, no worries, no problems. I feel only complete and utter euphoric rush.
I have no concept of time or space. It isn't until I feel the warmth of his body against mine; his cheek on my chest, his fingers interlaced with mine, and his light snores rumbling against me, that I realized that Kim Namjoon just fucked me into somnolence and it was the best experience of my whole life.
—————————————————————-
I wake up and turn to see that it's only 6 am. Namjoon's whole body is engulfing mine; legs tangled together, chest pressed against each other. His arms are wrapped around my body, holding on to me so tightly that it's like he's afraid I leave him. I tilt my face up to look at him and can't help but smile. He's so beautiful. I place my lips on the bottom of his chin and see him shiver at my touch. He opens his eyes softly and smiles down at me.
"You okay baby?" He asks me softly as his hand pushes my hair back. I nod at him and smile. He reaches down for my hand and brings it up to his face and frowns slightly.
"I'm going to get new ones, these left marks on your pretty wrists," he says with a pout. I look at my wrists and see there are marks and bruises along them.
"Do they hurt?" He asks me, worry taking over his face.
"No, not at all" I say to him with a smile and pull my hand away so I can wiggle myself up to meet his face. I want to make sure he feels no remorse or guilt over last night.
"I love you," I tell him and place my lips onto his softly. "Go back to sleep, you need to rest," I tell him. "I'm going to go shower and make breakfast," I say. He smiles at me and kisses me again.
"You sure you're okay?" He asks.
"Joon-ah. Last night was incredible. Seriously, one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had," I tell him as I kiss his jawline and move to his neck. "Thank you, Daddy" I say with a smirk.
He scoffs a laugh and covers his face with his hands. I giggle at him and get up off the bed. My whole body is sore but in such a good way. I turn around to kiss him one more time and turn to walk out the door.
I make my way to my room, debating whether I should wake Jimin up to join me but decide to let him sleep. I get in the shower, taking my time to wash my hair, exfoliate, and shave. I step out of the water, wrap myself in a towel and decide to just get ready for the day. I'm still so tired, but I know if I don't get up and get moving, I'll never get adjusted to the time difference.
After hair and makeup, I toss on a tshirt over a pair of pastel purple panties and make my way to the kitchen. I decide on a full western style breakfast so I make pancakes, fry up some bacon, sausage, toast, and eggs. I turn my music on my phone as I'm dancing around to 'Bang, Bang, Bang' while mixing the pancake batter. I turn around to grab the vanilla and see Seokjin standing there watching me with a huge smile. He walks to me and grabs the bowl from my hands and puts it aside. He pulls me up and sits me on the countertop and he places his hands on the counter on either side of me. He leans his head down and presses his beautiful, lips onto mine and the moment he touches me, I feel electricity run through my whole body. My hands instantly tangle in his hair as I bring him forward to me. He pulls his mouth off of me, drifting over my lips.
"You will never understand how much I miss you when you're not next to me," he confesses as he pushes my hair behind my ear. "It feels like a part of my heart is missing," he continues. I let out a sigh, letting myself indulge in his beautiful words. He takes his mouth to my jaw, kissing down to my neck, sucking on my pulse point softly.
"영원히 내꺼 해라 [Be mine forever]," he whispers and my whole body feels like jello as his hands go up on my thighs.
"Jinnie," I whisper as he continues to press kisses to my neck. "백 개의 심장도 너를 향한 내 모든 사랑을 담기에는 너무 모자랄거야 [A hundred hearts will not be enough to contain all my love for you.]," I tell him as I grab his face and pull him up to me and kiss him.
He lets out a small groan and I laugh as he drops his head onto my shoulder. I scratch the back of his neck while I kiss the side of his face. After a few moments, he wraps his arms around me and then pulls away to look at me.
"Have any plans for Sunday?" He asks me, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
"I don't think so, I'll check my schedule but I'm pretty sure it's open," I tell him.
"Want to go to Hannam-Dong to visit Eomma and Apa? Just for a little bit in the morning? Then in the evening we have other plans," he says with a wink.
"Let's do it," I tell him as I interlace our fingers, simply missing the feeling of my hands being completely enveloped by his. I see him narrow his eyes as he looks down. He runs his thumb across the bruising on my wrists.
"What happened?" He asks worriedly. I smile and feel the heat rising to my cheeks.
"Ummm, it's nothing. It wasn't like an accident or anything, I'm fine," I say to him, trying to shake it off.
"Baby girl," he says in a sing song voice. "Did you play last night?" He asks as a smirk spreads across his face. My whole face turns into fire. "You think I didn't notice the faint marks on your neck either?" He teases me as he pulls my face up by my chin to look at him.
"Why are you so embarrassed about it? You know you don't have to be shy with us. We want to know what you enjoy and what makes you feel good. We want to do whatever it is that brings you pleasure," he says to me.
"I just— I've just never really explored anything like this. My sex life before you guys was just, vanilla," I tell him and he smiles.
"Do you like what you have with us?" He asks me, his thumb still running across the marks on my wrists.
"So much. I like the simple and easy stuff too but I guess I just never knew how amazing sex could be," I say with a blush. "And I know it's not all just the physical stuff we do during sex, it's because I love you and trust you, but what I feel when we have sex, it's just, it's incredible," I tell him and he leans in and kisses me.
"Talk to me about it. I want to know. I want you to tell me everything you want me to do to you. And use bright, colorful, descriptive words baby girl, " he tells me as he continues to move his mouth down my jaw. I let out a moan at the way his tongue drifts across my neck and my eyes close.
"씨발," I moan into the air as his mouth continues to suck on the skin of my throat.
"Do you like when I—" I hear boisterous laughter coming down the hallway as my eyes snap open to see Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin walking in to the kitchen. Jin let's out a groan, his head dropping dramatically.
"꺼져 [get out]," I hear him mumble into my shoulder and I laugh. I bring my mouth to his ear and bite him softly.
"Want to know my favorite thing that you do?" I whisper to him. I can feel 3 sets of eyes burning into me as I continue to bite and lick on their Hyung, as they watch him writhe under my touch.
"I love when you pull me on your lap and tell me to ride you," I tell him and I feel him shiver. "Love when you call me your good girl and tell me how good I make you feel," I continue and my hand tags on his hair. I look up to lock eyes with Jungkook and he's breathing heavily as he watches us. "I love everything about sex with you," I continue and I hear him let out a loud groan. I pull his face up in my hands and laugh. "I love you," I tell him with a smile. He pushes away from me and I watch him leave the kitchen, muttering something about taking care of something that has come up. I giggle.
Taehyung walks to me first and grabs my hand pulling me off the counter and wrapping his arms around me firmly as he dramatically sways us back and forth. I laugh loudly as he jokingly sings;
"자제가 안 돼 매일
Oh, every day I can't control myself
앞태도 최고 뒤태도 최고
You look great from the front, great from behind
머리부터 발끝까지 최고 최고
From head to toe, the best, the best.."
And I can't help but laugh at him. He kisses me and then let's Jimin walk up to wish me a good morning.
"Hi Baby Boy," I say as I feel his arms wrap around me from behind.
"Noona," he says as he sits his chin on my shoulder while I add pancake mix to the frying pan.
"Yes, 애기야 [baby]?" I say to him as he stays clinging to me while I look for a spatula.
"괜찮아 [are you okay]?" he asks me. I turn around to face him and can see the slight worry in his eyes. I bring my hands to his face and my thumbs stroke his cheeks.
"마음이 부서졌어 [My heart is broken]," I tell him honestly and I see him pout slightly. "But I'll be better soon. I just needed to come home to you; needed to be around people I love," I say to him.
"I love you so much," he tells me as he pulls me in to hug me tightly.
"I love you so much more," I tell him. "And I missed you. I'm so happy to be back home with you," I tell him. After a few moments, he let's me go and helps me fry the eggs. I turn to go to the refrigerator and see JK leaning on it, watching me walk to him. He reaches his hands out for mine and I grab them. He looks at them and then back up to me.
"What's this?" He ask as he twists my hand to show me the bruises.
"It's nothing," I say to him. Why do they insist on making me feel so shy about this.
"It's not nothing. Is it something I should be worried about or was it something fun?" He asks sweetly. I see Hoseok, Seokjin, Yoongi, and Joon enter the kitchen and gather around the kitchen island with Tae and Jimin.
"Fun," I say to him as I pull my hand away softly.
"Oh, what kind of fun?" He says as he raises his eyebrow at me, mischievously.
"OK!" I say as I turn around. "New rule," I exclaim and they're all looking at me with big, worried eyes. "If there are marks, bruises or handprints on my body, from now on, unless I say other wise, assume I asked for them, I want them, and I enjoy them. I will come to any of you if they're not. Got it?" I say to them as I try and hold my composure without my whole face looking like a tomato. I look at them again and see them all smirking and smiling.
"You got it Princess," Hobi says with a smile as he walks to me and kisses my cheek.
I finish making breakfast and we sit down and eat together. We talk about light subjects, easy to digest and discuss. As soon as our belly's are full, Namjoon changes the topic. It's fine, I knew it would be discussed.
"El-Ah," he starts. "Do you want to talk about your trip?" He reaches over and grabs my hand under the table.
"Sure," I say as I smile. "Um, I sold my house. It was definitely more than what I thought it was going to sell for. So it paid off what was owed on it and then left me with a substantial amount which I'm going to just roll over to this house," they're all looking at me; smiles and nods all around. "I was able to move everything out of the house. I donated a huge amount of things and then shipped the rest and they should be arriving by Monday. My meeting with Peter was great. He asked me about work here and if my move was permanent. I told him yes, without giving too many details," I tell them with a wink. "Ae and I did some shopping, we visited the beach, had a picnic, and just enjoyed our time together," I continue. "I met up with my Mother at a cafe. She walked in and we talked about some things, just catching up. Things kind of escalated quickly when she asked why I was moving to South Korea. She asked if it was only for a job or if it had to do with a man," I retell the conversation as I'm looking down at my hands, I'm stroking the top of Namjoon's hand to keep myself from getting too emotionally overwhelmed. I feel another hand on my right side and see Seokjin's hand looking for mine. I tangle my fingers into his and look at him and smile softly.
"She told me not to move to another country for a man, to not be so trusting, because she knows what it's like or whatever. I just flipped out; I just felt protective over our relationships, over you guys," I tell them truthfully. I feel my hands being squeezed. "I felt like she had no right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I don't know, it sounds kind of dramatic to react that way looking at it now, but I just, I can't explain the way it made me feel to hear her doubt the men I love, without even knowing you or about you or what we have," I say to them.
"Then she talked to me about my job but not in a general way, she had done her research but it was all just from gossip sites and Dispatch. All she knew was who I was working with and that I was well known and doing well financially. Didn't ask about awards or publications, or anything with substance.It was just so hurtful. It ended up with her asking me for money because she needed somewhere to stay because she is living in shelters and can't apply to jobs without a stable address. I told her I wouldn't give her a check because she confessed that she wasn't clean but that I wanted to help her. I told her that I would pay for her to go to rehab and that if she wanted a relationship with me, she needed to take it. I told her that I could let go of everything in our past if she could just do this for me, for us," I say as I take a choppy breath and feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I can't look up at them just yet.
"I told her that once she completed a rehab program, I could get her an apartment and help her. Help her her on her feet and help her change her life. I begged her, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough," I finish. I instantly feel Joon stand up, turn to me and reaches his hand for me to take. I grab it and he pulls me up and wraps his arms around me. I let myself relax in his arms and then I softly start to cry.
"You are enough. You always have been and you always will be. She doesn't deserve your kindness, your love or your support. She's a fool for not seeing how incredibly lucky she was for receiving another chance to be a part of your life," he says to me as he slowly let's me go. He sits down and pulls me to sit in his lap. My arm goes around him as my head lays on his shoulder.
"I think that it's for the best. Maybe it's the universe's way of telling me that I shouldn't have her in my life," I say out loud.
"You are such a beautiful soul Noona," I hear Jimin say across the table. "You don't need anyone who doesn't value that," he tells me.
"We obviously can't take her place, or anyone's place in your life, but what we can do is love you; and we do, so much," Taehyung adds.
"Don't ever blame yourself for her choices; she is the one that's missing out. But how lucky are we? We get to have you, know you, and love you and you are the best thing that has ever happened to us," Jungkook tells me.
"You are the strongest, most incredible, most caring person we know. The gift you offered her was so beautiful, so selfless. It says so much about who you are, the kind of heart you have. To know you, is to love you and we are so fortunate that you have chosen to let us do both of those things," Yoongi adds.
"Once she get's clean, once she can see things more clearly, she will understand the mistake she has made and she will regret it. She will look back at her choices and the path she chose to take, and she will realize that she ruined the best thing that could have happened to her," Hoseok says to me as he smiles.
"Eleanor," Seokjin says and I lift my head up to look at him. "There isn't anyone else like you in this world. You are fire; unafraid and audacious. You are what holds us all together. We are all braver, stronger, and indomitable because of you. You love us in a way that we never thought was possible. You strengthen us with your words, with your love, with your light. You give us more than you will ever know. The fact that we get to have you in our lives makes us feel like we have it all. You are worth more to us than anything else in the world. She may not see the beauty you possess, but we do and we will cherish that forever," he finishes.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks. How are they real?
"Thank you. Being in love with each you, is the best choice I've ever made. It's a choice because I didn't just allow myself to "fall" in love, I knowingly chose to allow my heart to open up to each of you; to allow you to each take a piece of me. I will chose you, chose to love each of you every single day because you're the reason that while I may have lost the one person I've longed for for so long, that I know love exists. You're each the reason why I will never question fate because it brought me to you; after all the heartbreak, all the sadness and all the hurt, you are the light at the end of the tunnel and no one else in the world mattes as long as I have you," I say to them as I look around the room at my soul mates, the loves of my life, and the owners of my heart.
If only there was a word bigger than love.