It was late at night. I should have been asleep, but no, here I am, speeding down the road with clouded thoughts. I know how dangerous is this thing I'm doing but what could I do? I couldn't sleep.
Hearing the news got me so devastated. It has been 3 long years, yet here I am, still smitten by her beauty, still remembering the taste of her lips, still mesmerized by her tender touches, still regretting all the things I did that fucked up our relationship, still depressed that I was the whole reason why we have to go separate ways.
And as much as I wanted to make it all up to her, it seems that it has to be over in a few hours.
I immediately pulled over the curb, not minding if I even parked my car properly. I need time, I need to be alone, and I need to think. And this is the only place I know that will keep me sane, even though it would only bring up a lot of my memories with her.
I instantly locked the door, and went upstairs, to the room where we shared every cuddle, watched every movie, played every video game, and hummed every lullaby. At the moment I went in, all the memories came flooding in, knowing that everything was left untouched and her smell still lingers through the room after the last time she went here.
Why do you even have to be such a stupid, uncontrollable jerk, Calum?
I laid down, savoring the remains of her scent on the bare mattress and pillows, and the sound of every wave crashing from the nearby beach. In no time at all, tears were starting to fall from my eyes as I remembered how I usually spent money to woo girls. I know I was such a fuckboy, with all the girls bowing and throwing themselves to me. I know I was stupid, but she was the only one, I swear, I took seriously. She was the one who made me change my ways.
She's the reason why I brought this rest house all along. I was the one who spent money on every request of those slutty girls - from make-up to more slutty clothes - but it was upon meeting her, when I learnt to be practical.
And this house was brought, all because of her love of the beach.
*
"Won't you even come, Calum? You asked me you wanted a getaway from the stress due to the project in school. I brought you to my favorite place."
I shook my head. I never knew that this girl could find peace at the beach. I mean, this isn't even a private place.
"Calum, the water won't wait for you", she called me again, and went back on focusing her camera at the majestic view of the sunset.
I went to the water, and sat on the sand. I didn't have any extra clothes with me, but the cold waves that tickled my feet, and drenched the shorts I was wearing gave a soothing feeling and little did I realized, I was already laying down, my hands under my head.
"Are you alright now, you annoying fuck?" she asked laughing, and for heaven's sake, her laugh was music to my ears I was silently wishing she would always do that.
I opened my eyes, sat up, nodded as response to her question, and looked at her.
That was when I realized, this simple girl is starting to light up a fire in my heart, and makes me want to change who I am.
*
I turned on the bedside lamp and stared at the ceiling. My vision was still blurry from my own tears, but I managed to see the artwork she did when we decorated this room. The photos, the paint, everything, every little detail of the ceiling just takes me back to that moment.
The art I'm seeing takes me back to that special day.
*
"Where are you taking me, Calum? The last thing I remember, our project was done and our connection was over. Please, I'm not one of those girls who throw themselves at your feet for-"
"Are you on your period? Why are you experiencing mood swings?" I asked in between laughs. This girl really is removing that fuck boy persona from me. This isn't good, or is it?
Usually, I get annoyed when girls deny they find me interesting, but with her, everything just seems to be on a good note, on the positive side, a major turn on. I couldn't even believe I'm laughing at her right now. Damn it, Cal, you're smitten hard.
I know I couldn't see the hint of confusion from her eyes since I had her on blindfold, but seeing the crease on her forehead gave it away, anyways.
"Just a few minutes ago, I let you drive my car, with the seatbelt on, of course, and have a little road trip along the streets of Sydney, and you were screaming how it was the time of your life. Now, you're scowling just because I put you on blindfold. Am I not allowed to surprise you?"
"Whatever, Hood."
I took her upstairs, holding back everytime I want to laugh because she kept tripping on the staircase and she kept mumbling curses like there's no tomorrow. Oh, Maureen, do you even know your effect on me?
When I reached the room, I turned the special lamp on, and removed her blindfold. It was already 8pm and it has gotten dark, so the stars from the lamp would be seen.
"Oh my God, Calum."
"Do you like it?" I innocently asked.
"You shouldn't have even spent your money on this house. I know how much I told you that this house was goals, I didn't even know you're going to buy it," she said, her mouth quite agape at the sight of the stars in the ceiling.
"I'd be willing to give anything for you."
"Calum, I'm not-"
"Mau, I-"
"Can you stop cutting my sentences off, Hood?"
I laughed. I laughed at the fact she got annoyed. I know I shouldn't but, damn, every inch of her is mesmerizing, I couldn't help but fall harder for her every second that passes.
"Okay, I'm sorry for cutting you off but, Mau, uhm, I hope you noticed that there's a box on the bed, I, uhm, can you go check it, it's for you, too" I stammered. I mentally face palmed myself knowing how I just sort of embarrassed myself in front of this girl, the one I am so in love with.
The next thing I know, a shoe was thrown in my direction and it hit my arm.
"You little piece of puppy shit! You did not even court me and now this? Wow, Calum." she said, half-screaming, half-holding back her laughter.
"Okay. Fuck. I'm sorry if I am such a lame guy for not knowing how to properly court a girl and sorry if, for fuck sake, I wrote my question on that dumb box, but, I just want you to know that you're the reason why my views in life changed, why I started changing, and I want you to know that I am willing to spend my forever courting you, just be my girlfriend, and we'll take on the world, hand in hand."
I ran a hand through my dark hair, wishing she got what I meant, since she's staring at me like this is a question that involves life and death.
"If it's a yes, then decorate the room with your photos, because this room will be the witness and symbol of our story."
*
I couldn't help now but stare at the photographs she stuck in the ceiling that night. I know it's kind of weird but, I let her. I am in love with the way she weirdly does stuff, and it's the thing that made her different from the rest of the girls in our school.
I couldn't help but stare at that one photo she added to the mess of snaps. That photo of us celebrating our anniversary.
*
"Calum! You shouldn't have ditched your classes, for fucks sake! You're going to fail!"
I didn't mind her whining. All I did was drag her out of school, and go to some place I just discovered, that she'll probably love. I know I'm doing stuff that I shouldn't be doing and that's making our relationship unhealthy but, I don't care, because I'm with her.
"Calum. Oh my god, I just ditched Philosophy class, why am I even sticking with you? Why do I even like you?"
I chuckled. She can be Miss Goody Good Shoes in a minute, and the next, she can be the girl who couldn't believe she fell in love with a former fuck boy.
"Happy anniversary," I said as soon as I stopped my car. I pulled her out of the passenger seat, and dragged her towards the place I found, a place we could call ours.
"Where are we- Cal! This is a fenced area, we may be arrested for trespassing you shit," she said, hitting me on the arm.
"Maureen, take my hand, and trust me, okay?"
"But-"
I didn't let her continue, I cupped her face and just kissed her, and when I pulled away, I let her jump over the fence. It wasn't really high, after all.
Bringing her closer to the water, I looked into her eyes and pulled her closer.
"I hope this makes you realize that time you took me to your getaway, was the same time I fell in love with you, Mau. And this time, I need to tell you that you're my getaway, my favorite place, my home."
*
I went out. I went out and took a walk on the beach. I wanted to feel the soothing presence of the water, the calming spirit of the wind.
The beach was the only thing that could clear my cloudy mind right now.
*
I pulled off in front of her house. I too her to the frat party that I got invited to, but we ended up running after the cops that chased us. I was about to go down and open the door for her, but she did it on her own, and went straight to their porch.
"Calum, let's stop this. This is getting to unhealthy for us. I'm everything that's bad for you. I made you change, but I made you bring the worse out of yourself as well," she said, as soon as I reached out for their door.
At that moment, time stopped, the world crumbled, and my heart sank.
"Maureen, please."
"I'm sorry."
"Mau..."
She's crying.
"Calum, I told you already. From every class we ditched, to every failing grade you have. I love you, Calum, I still do. But this isn't going anywhere. I'm sorry. Thank you for two years, for the love, for everything. I'll never forget this. Please, just find the better one for you. Maybe, it wasn't me all along. Just, go. Okay? I love you. Goodbye, Calum," she said, opening the door, letting out one last muffled sob, and closed the door, her heart.
My mind was whirling that time. I was driving, yet I wasn't in the proper mental state.
Our story was over, and I was the one who ruined everything. I changed my self. I changed from being a fuck boy, but at the same time, I got blinded by all my changes I started wrecking my life.
It wasn't the story I wanted to see. I wanted to fucking rewind. But I couldn't. It's all over. It is.
*
Everything ended that way. I tried changing, but she migrated to the States after that, and finished her degree there. I dropped out, having my heart more broken than I thought.
And after 3 years since that day the cops chased us to our separation, I received an update on her. And it broke my heart even more, crushing all the chances I thought I still have.
From: Luke.
"Cal, Mau's at my brother's wedding. She's coming from the States. My brother told me his future wife would come from the States on the same day of the wedding.
I'm sorry."
3 years, and I thought I still had a chance. 3 years, and I thought I could do all those things again. 3 years, and I thought, I could have the girl who made me feel whole.
I guess I was wrong.
I guess it's over now.
I looked up at the sky, the stars were shining, and the moon was glimmering. It was the perfect ambience for a happy day.
"You know, when you're having a bad day, remember that a camera can be adjusted to take the perfect shot. You just need to find your angle, you just need to," her voice suddenly echoed in my head.
That's when I found myself running towards my car, starting it, and driving away. I checked the time, 2:17 am. I still had time, it would just be a drive for a couple of hours going to Brisbane, and I could still tell her, tell her everything, I could still have my chance. I could still take that perfect shot. There's still another angle.
I didn't know how fast was I driving and if I was going beyond limit. All that was in my mind was 'Fuck, get to Brisbane, Calum, get to fucking Brisbane.'
I took all the shortcuts I knew and little did I notice how the sun was slowly seeping its way through the horizon. Fuck. I need to see the signboard of fucking Brisbane.
It was already 8:45 in the morning when I reached Brisbane and from the 'Welcome to Brisbane' signboard, it was just a 15-minute drive to the venue.
I could still make it.
I drove a bit faster again, wishing my gas would still be sufficient, until the venue. And the moment I arrived at the venue, I pulled my car to a stop, opened the compartment, and got the box I hid for God knows how long, and rushed out the door.
In a few seconds, I recognized that figure, and fuck, she's wearing white. I need to do this.
The moment I reached her, I took no time in making her face around me. I don't give a fuck if my best bud sues me for apparently causing delay with his brother's wedding, and I don't give a fuck if I look like a wrecked zombie with the clothes I'm currently wearing, and these dark bags under my eyes.
"What the - Calum?!" she said in disbelief.
"Okay, just let me speak, do not interrupt since I got a few seconds left before everything happens, okay," I looked at her, and seeing her nodding, made me take a deep breath and tell her all the things I wanted to say.
"Mau, okay, I'm sorry for those 2 years of having an unhealthy relationship, but just so you know, I was so wrecked that day you called it over. I cried over the late-night walks at the beach, over those random people you just snap photos with, over the times we cuddled in that room, the movies we watched under that lamp that bursted stars, all the pillowfights, food fights, make-out sessions, pranks, everything. I do not know how many milliseconds I've got left, but I;m just here to tell you that I'll be willing to do everything again for you. I'd do all of them again, for you. Because, I do not need a perfect one, I just need someone who can make me feel that I'm the only one. And it's you, beneath all your flaws, your imperfections. I love you, still, Maureen, and it's never gonna change. Fuck, marry me," I said, opening the black velvet box and revealed the ring that I've been dying to give her.
"Calum, you know where we are, right?" she asked nervously, looking around. People were staring at us, Luke was glaring at me.
"Mau, please, let it be me, again. Just stop the goddamn wedding, and let it be me again. I know I messed up, but I'll let you get the best of me, always."
"What?!" she muttered in disbelief.
"What, what?"
"It's not my wedding today, you shit. I'm going to be the bridesmaid and you just delayed the procession by proposing right now, and asking me back, but fuck, the rules, face your best bud later, because, it's always a yes. Yes, I'll marry you, yes, let's get back together, and yes, you shit, I still love you," she said, throwing her heels at me.
The heels hurt, but later that day, we ended up in cuddles. Forget the embarrassment that happened in Brisbane, forget the long way travel to our home, because the best and most important thing, is that I'll be able to do all those things, be able to do more, with the girl I love, and the girl I'll be living with forever.
***
It went from sad to a fucking joke real quick aye calum always got no chill what am i even
This one goes to my fellow civil engineer in the making, my voting partner in crime, aka the big sister I never had Mau!!! Thanks for everything, for helping me out whenever I find a couple of stuff real hard esp with my subjects. Thanks for keeping up with me bec we have similar struggles okay. i hope we succeed and okay build them a house oh fuck our fantasies excuse me.
Please don't leave me oh fuck why am i getting dramatic your little sister's creating a scene oh help her lol.
Okay, you go hit her up and flood her right now, I'm giving you the permission loooool, she's @Califf5SOS.
P.S I just realized you gave me a pdf version of HLMAB and I haven't touched it 'til now wow wow wow.
P.P.S Please excuse the fact I posted the like back to back but I couldnt get enough of it andI typed this for 2 1/2 hours okay soz for errors I DID NOT PROOFREAD AGAIN OKAY BYE I LOVE YOU ALL OK.