Baby Fever
V A L E R I U S ' P O V :
"I'm going to cry!" Katerina gushes, her hand slightly covering her mouth.
I stare at it in slight disgust. The wrinkled pink skin, the odd baldness. It's fat cheeks makes it's face look all blown out.
It's hideous.
"He's so beautiful!"
She has to be blind in at least one eye.
It stares me deep in the eyes. Trying to suck my soul I presume.
"V! Baby, he's looking at you! That means he likes you! Awe."
"That thing is a killer, Katerina. Practically the devil himself."
She laughs like I'm joking.
"Hey! Leave my baby out of your absurd hatred!" Rosetta says from her hospital bed. She lends me a snide look and I ignore it.
Katerina coos at the small human with a bright smile lighting her face.
"It's not absurd." I retort. "It's practical."
"I promise I'm going to be the best zia ever!" Katerina whispers to it while her best friend and I hash out or arguing.
"You're insane—"
"V, hold him! He's looking at you." Katerina smiles at me. "Can he hold him?" She asks Rosetta.
"Fine." Rosetta says at the same time her husband Tito mumbles a, "No." She gives him a look. "Let him hold our baby. Maybe it'll unfreeze his cold heart."
"I'm not holding it."
Katerina gives me sad eyes, pouting her lip. "Baby, please. It'll make me so happy." I try to say no but I don't want to disappoint her.
"Make it fast."
She squeals, clapping her hands.
Katerina shows me how to hold my hands, she explains how gentle I need to be and suddenly I'm nervous.
It's hit me now that this is the first baby I've ever come to see, let alone hold. I'm not good at gentle and I'm certainly not good with children. Hurting people is something I'm good at. Though, the thought of holding a tiny creature who knows no bad nor good, makes me want to achieve the complete opposite. I don't want to break it.
Slowly, it's placed in my arms and immediately I'm frozen like stone.
I don't look at it. I don't want to look at it. It makes a shouting noise and Katerina coos at it. I swallow down the weird feeling in my throat.
"He's smiling! V, look!" Katerina coos. I shake my head no repeatedly. "Oh don't be like that! He likes you."
My eyes flicker down gradually, getting a close up view of it.
Katerina is telling the truth. It has a gummy smile placed on its face. It's brown eyes shown brightly at me.
I don't like this.
I hate that I don't completely dislike the thing.
Katerina hovers behind me, setting her head on my shoulder, placing a kiss below my ear. "Doesn't this make you want a baby?" I can feel her smile from behind me.
I ignore the feeling in my stomach. "No."
"But our babies would be so cute." She whispers close by my ear, wrapping her hands around me from behind.
Our babies. Shit.
"Katerina—"
"Yes, I know, I know. Eventually though, you'll want more of me." Katerina teases. "Imagine all the tiny smiling faces. All the money we could spoil them with." She nips at my ear playfully and I find her amusing.
I look into those little evil eyes.
I think it's testing me. It's looking at me like it knows something I don't.
"Katerina." I warn.
I don't want her getting her hopes up. I've already told her my stance on having children. It's not happening. No matter how much I would like children, I simply can't. I can't be that selfish.
"I'd love to have a baby you. All grumpy and cute. I say five is a good number. Maybe six for an even number."
"You're going to be the death of me, Katerina Watson."
Her lips reach my neck for a peck, I know she's smiling.
"Oh.. I know."
• • •
"Valerius, I think it's finally time to start discussing how you'll take on Don. The ceremony is in two months."
Of course the topic is brought up at the dinner table, a place where I can't leave. I've been avoiding the topic.
I answer my papà. "What do you mean?"
He clears his throat. "Marriage."
The first thought that takes my mind is Katerina. Then the fact that I haven't told my parents about us yet. Nor did I plan to anytime soon.
Mamma scowls. She's never enjoyed this topic of discussion for me.
"Oh God. Val in a relationship is something I can't even imagine." Marcello laughs and my eyes roll.
Papà ignores his comment. "I've started looking at suitors if that's something you'd be interested in. Of course you'll have the chance to get to know the women before anything more happens. If you choose the option."
"That won't be necessary."
"Why's that?" Papà enquires.
"I already have a suitor."
Silence consumes the aura held over the table. Right up until Fabio spits out his drink in a laugh, Marcello following and laughing too.
"What!?" Mar shrieks. "What does that even mean?"
"Yeah how the hell do you have time to go on mafia dating sites while groveling takes up half of your day time?" Fabio jokes and I scowl at him.
"Boys." Papà commands our attention. "Who?" He asks me simply.
"Her name is Katerina."
"How long has this been going on!?" Mamma's voice rises with anger of my revealed secret.
"Four months."
"Ai Dio Mio!" Her fist comes in contact with the table. "Are you crazy, my son!" She shouts in Italian.
"This is something you are serious about?" Papà asks, my eyes meet his.
That odd feeling starts to consume me again. The one I feel so often when thinking of spending the rest of my life with Katerina.
"Yes. I am sure."
I try to not let my words falter.
"Then I must meet her." He says. "I will not be blind to who my son is interested in marrying."
"That won't be possible for now."
I know I'm about to start a war.
"And why is that?"
Everyone is focused on us. Their attention anchored to the conversation.
I don't hesitate. "She is not apart of the Mafia. She does not know what I do yet." I see the look on my papà's face unfold into something else.
"Excuse me?"
• • •