Despite everything, Lucius figured the night could have gone worse. After emptying most of his stomach in that alley, he and Ethan had managed to stagger their way to Anthony's house and passed out in the drawing room, Lucius eventually being woken up by Tom who patched his neck and forced him to drink what had to be an unhealthy amount of water and some gross, strange concoction.
Still, against his expectations his following headache was bearable, and he was well enough to manage a day's work aside from some occasional nausea twisting his stomach. For better or worse, it seemed as though the council members always expected something to be off with him anyway.
As soon as it was socially acceptable to leave the town hall he headed straight towards the BBT manor. With Ethan spilling some hints at what Anthony's problem with affection was, Lucius was eager to talk it out. Anthony had been there for him so many times after all, it only seemed right.
Especially when it involves me as well.
He scoffed at his own, selfish thoughts. There was no reason he couldn't have multiple intentions with one conversation, but it sure felt inappropriate.
Cautiously glancing around, Lucius stepped into the entrance hall without a sound. It wasn't as though he wasn't allowed in there anymore, but he still decided to use the silent butler's large frame as a travelling hiding place to avoid potential encounters with Damien or Derek, despite the reproachful gaze he received in return. He just wasn't in the mood, and he had more important things on his mind.
To his dismay, Anthony didn't seem to be in a particularly good mood either as he opened the door to his office, and Lucius raised an eyebrow.
"I haven't seen you all day. How could I possibly have upset you already?"
"You haven't." Anthony's forehead was wrinkled. "Just thought you'd still be asleep."
Lucius smiled a sheepish smile.
"Talked to Ethan?"
"He came stumbling into my room with news that 'perhaps alcohol-blood isn't intoxicating, but unholy vein-blood certainly is'," Anthony said, arms folding. "He was very excited about it."
"Really?" Lucius blinked as his eyes widened. "He got drunk from unholy blood?"
"I honestly doubt it." The corner of Anthony's mouth twitched in annoyance. "But I guess he found it exhilarating nonetheless."
Lucius tilted his head, eyebrow arching as he scanned Anthony's face closer.
"Are you... Jealous?"
Anthony scoffed.
"Of my brother's need to drink blood for survival?"
"Of him biting my neck," Lucius clarified with a smug look, though doubted he needed to. "I guess it's kind of intimate."
"It's just food for him." Anthony looked away before stepping aside to let Lucius into the room. "That kind of closeness is not the same for him as for others."
Lucius shrugged, still not convinced but decided teasing wouldn't work in his favour at the moment. Not with the topic he had in mind.
"Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about..." He frowned as he searched for words. It seemed so casual to just show up like that for a not so casual conversation. "... Our thing. Um... Us? Our relationshi—"
"I don't think this is the time," Anthony began but Lucius hadn't come all that way with a slight headache and sore neck just to turn around.
"Now is a great 'the time'," he argued and began closing the door behind him, but Anthony stopped it with his hand.
"We can talk about it later when I get ho—"
"Now," Lucius insisted, struggling to wrestle the door shut despite Anthony's efforts. "I know you're not that busy."
Anthony sighed, signature frown reappearing, but he reluctantly nodded his head.
"Fine, but not here."
"No?" Lucius raised his eyebrows. "Where else?"
"Let's go for a walk," Anthony said and reached for his coat, much to Lucius' surprise.
"You're actually gonna dress for the weather?"
"Or I'll get to hear it for the entirety of the walk." Anthony rolled his eyes and Lucius nodded in proud agreement.
As predicted, Anthony's demeanour changed as soon as he set foot outside his office, and Lucius shook his head as he followed their slow, for some reason stealthy, descent down the stairs and out the door. In fairness he'd wanted to avoid people as well, but Anthony had another relationship with the BBT crowd and it was hard to imagine he always acted that way.
"Why are you so scared of him?" was the first question Lucius asked as they exited the BBT grounds. "He's an asshole but he can't really do much to you, right? It's not like he could kill you."
"I know," Anthony mumbled, eyes directed anywhere except Lucius. "It's just... Better to be on his good side."
Lucius blew raspberries, and Anthony finally turned his gaze to give him a reprimanding look.
"I know you don't like being on people's good side, but I do," he continued, and Lucius held up his hands in surrender.
"Fair, but there's a difference between getting along with someone and walking on eggshells. Also, I like to think I'm getting better at the whole 'being liked' thing."
"You have been working hard these past weeks," Anthony admitted, shoulders relaxing a little. "I know you're ambitious but to be honest, I still thought it would be a little too much for you."
"Because I had no clue what I was doing?" Lucius had a disappointed look in his eyes, but in the midst of his success he supposed he could agree that he'd been in over his head initially. "Little did you know, I'm a quick learner."
"I do worry you're working a little too hard though." Anthony looked Lucius up and down, to the other's offence. "I never see you eat, and I'm not sure you're getting much sleep either."
"I... Guess I'll admit I've been neglecting my body, but I don't have the time to sit around and stuff my face." Lucius shrugged and kicked a pebble on the ground. "It's just for a little, while I'm building my reputation."
"Would it help if I cooked for you, or something?" Anthony suggested. "You're still in the process of hiring servants, so the real problem is the time it takes to make the food."
Lucius laughed, rather unbecomingly as he continued to kick the pebble in front of his boot.
"I've seen your kitchen in action."
"That was mostly Tom and Richard," Anthony protested.
"You grabbed a scalding tray with your bare hands," Lucius reminded him with a judgy look. "Hadn't you been you, your hands would've looked like Tom's."
Anthony's stern expression confirmed what Lucius acknowledged had been a distasteful comment on his part.
"Well, at least if you'd bring me food every day, maybe I'd get to spend time with you," he then said with a lowered voice, finally ceasing the pebble abuse. "I know I have a lot to deal with, but most of the time when we're together it's like you pretend we don't know each other."
An unnerving silence ensued, and Lucius tried to wait patiently as Anthony just walked with his eyes fixed on some middle distance.
"I'm sorry," he finally whispered. "I'm... Not good at relationships."
Lucius' gaze sank to the ground.
"... Because of past ones?"
He could see Anthony's head turning in the corner of his eye, so he continued.
"I... Uh... I guess I asked Ethan about it... A little."
"Oh," Anthony said, voice still low but with a hint of relief. "Well... Yes, I've... I've struggled with it for a while because of... Earlier years."
"I just want you to know that—" Lucius frowned as something cold hit his forehead, and he glared up at the sky. "... Of course."
"What?" Anthony frowned as well, but because of the odd sentence.
"Rain." Lucius pointed upwards. "And I'm guessing you're not gonna keep talking if we turn back."
Anthony pressed his lips together in agreement, but also shrugged it off.
"It's just a little for now. We can continue walking if you want."
"And if it really starts pouring we could always find a sanctuary to seek shelter in and I can have a massive meltdown." Lucius waggled his eyebrows in return, trying to see the fun in such an event, which proved difficult.
"Are you even wearing the necklace?" Anthony asked, scanning Lucius again.
"I put it on this morning." Lucius fished the wooden necklace out from under his cravat. "So it would be fine... Not that I actually want to go to a sanctuary."
"It's just a drizzle." Anthony looked up at the sky. "We'll be fine for a while longer."
"Says the man who can't get sick."
"Yes."
"Well what I was gonna say..." Lucius chewed on his lip. The weather talk had jumbled his thoughts. "... I'm— I'm not going anywhere, you know?"
Anthony made no attempt to reply, so Lucius continued after gathering his thoughts again.
"You're— If you're concerned that I'll... Disappear somehow, you don't have to be." He shrugged. "I already know about your immortality and it doesn't scare me or anything, and I won't just let people up and kill me, so... I'll be around."
An unexpected, melancholy laugh from Anthony made Lucius frown.
"Even you might have some trouble keeping up with immortality."
"I'll just... Find some way to stay alive forever," Lucius argued, still hoping there could be a way despite his unfortunate pact. "Or for as long as you do."
Anthony smiled a soft, yet troubled smile.
"Eternity is a long time."
"Guess I'll need to pick up a hobby."
"Lucius, eternity isn't something you—"
"I know what eternity means." Lucius dismissed him with a flick of his wrist. "It's just... Wishful thinking, I guess."
Anthony whispered a 'hm', before releasing a tired breath.
"It's... A lot. I'm always going to outlive the people I love."
"Well, there's Ethan," Lucius tried, but Anthony shook his head.
"Vampires aren't really immortal. They don't age, and they won't die from just anything, but they can die again."
Lucius made a face.
"To be honest, I don't know how to solve it, or say the right thing..." He gave another small stone on the ground a half-hearted kick. "... I guess... I can only offer as much as a mortal person can."
"It would be a tough life for you as well, even if you're lucky enough to age away." Anthony's voice had lowered even further. "Every relationship I've had... I've just realised more and more how selfish I am, for more than one reason."
"Because you'll remain young and pretty while I'll grow old and pretty?" Lucius tried smiling and succeeded a little better. "Admittedly, it's gonna hurt, but isn't it worth it?"
Anthony still couldn't smile, and Lucius waited for a reply that never came.
They reached the old bridge with fish-adorned posts that was close to Ivan's house, and Lucius tilted his head with a frown.
"Huh... Could've sworn one of the posts was missing a fish," he mumbled to himself as they walked past it, and Anthony turned his head to look as well.
"Pretty certain there have always been four."
Lucius hummed, a little cheered up that Anthony could still speak even though he was uncomfortable.
"Maybe we should seek shelter under this." He patted the rail of the bridge. "It's far away from people, and we'd avoid the rain."
"I'd rather walk."
Lucius didn't argue, figuring talking was a priority, even if the rain chilled his poor body.
"I haven't asked properly..." he still went on, stopping to look down at the stream below, where the distant light from a peach-coloured sunset behind thin clouds was reflected in the water. "... I say I'm going to be around, but I don't even know if you want me to be."
Anthony shifted his attention from the bridge posts to look at him, managing the slightest quirk in the corner of his mouth.
"I don't think we'd be having this discussion if I didn't."
"Guess not..." Lucius turned his head away to hide his reddening cheeks. "... I just... Wanted to hear it."
"Of course I want you around," Anthony said, a bittersweet smile fading as soon as it had appeared. "But I'm worried."
"Oh damn." Lucius raised his eyebrows. "I've never seen you worried before."
"For real." Anthony failed to hold back an eye roll. "It's— It's just a lot."
"You said that."
"And I mean it." Anthony's voice was grave, and perhaps the rapidly worsening weather played some part in it, but Lucius found his arms prickling with goosebumps. "I'm worried you'll suffer for it, but— But I'm still so selfish—"
"How are you selfish?" Lucius grabbed Anthony's shoulder to make him face him. "It's a relationship. Everyone deserves to have one if they want one, and we both do. Yes, there may be some struggling, but is that really so rare? Even for mortals?"
Anthony looked like he didn't know what to do with himself, and he opened his mouth only to close it again.
"I want to be with you," Lucius said. "If you're alright with that, then let me."
The rain had reached an uncomfortable stage, and Lucius almost grew bitter by the man's puzzling ambivalence. At this pace he'd be drenched before Anthony had uttered one word, if even that.
"I do want that," Anthony suddenly whispered, barely distinguishable through the rain pattering against the ground. His usually frizzy hair was slick against his head with some stray tendrils having slipped down to stick to his forehead.
In fact, Lucius remorsefully assumed their hairstyles looked quite similar at the moment.
"So let's take some basic precautions to make sure I don't up and die ahead of time," he said, wiping water from his face before reaching his hand forward. "Like not having me in cold rain for too long."
Anthony's mouth finally curved into a proper smile, and he took Lucius' extended hand.
"Oh," Lucius stopped abruptly before they could go. "And avoiding your cooking."
"I guess we're adding force-feeding to our daily routines."
"And here I thought you wanted me to have a long, healthy life."
"Even mediocre food is better than none."
Lucius chuckled.
"'Mediocre' may be an exaggeration."
"Well we can't excel at everything." Anthony sighed, and Lucius raised his chin.
"Maybe you can't."
Then Anthony pulled them to a stop again and yanked Lucius' arm to bring him closer.
"Then, since you're so very great." He lowered his head slightly and bent his back leg to perform a graceful bow. "Let's dance."
Lucius only stared at his gesture for a moment.
"... Huh?"
"One can always hire a servant for cooking. If anything, it's unbecoming for someone of our class to even learn." Anthony raised his head slightly to flash a smirk. "But a servant can't dance for you at a social gathering, can they?"
"Uh—"
"And surely the esteemed Lady Cromwell must know how to dance."
"That's—" Lucius' face flushed again. "That's not a priority."
"I can assure you, it is." Anthony's voice was unfortunately serious, but his lips still smiled. "So show me."
"Now?" Lucius' voice was exasperated, glancing up at the sky with a look of distress, but Anthony remained adamant.
"You should be able to dance no matter the circumstances. Even with an injured foot, for instance."
"I really was injured," Lucius complained, recalling his twisted ankle back when he'd first danced with Anthony. "It was Richard's fault, he dropped me almost all the way from the ceiling."
"Does your foot hurt now?"
Lucius gripped his lips together, having successfully fallen into the trap.
"... No."
"Well then," Anthony said and straightened his back again, only to perform another, different bow while holding out his hand. "Shall we?"
Lucius drew air through his nose, trying to conjure any pieces of memory he had regarding dancing, which there weren't many of. He was quite certain he'd been bad at it even as a child.
"I'd be delighted," he still said with a forced smile and grabbed Anthony's hand.
"That's the wrong hand."
Lucius sighed inwards, reaching the conclusion that he wasn't leaving there without a cold and his dignity in shambles, but switched hands.
"Now step to the side, like me," Anthony instructed and Lucius tried doing just so, fortunately not as poorly as he'd feared. "Now put your left foot in front of your right and step to the side while turning to face me."
Lucius' eyes darted to catch what Anthony was doing while copying it at the same time, receiving a devastatingly amused look.
"Now bow," Anthony continued. "No, not that one. The other one."
"Why two bows?" Lucius muttered, again trying to imitate the other man as he turned around to take a couple of steps back, and then frustratingly enough turn around again. Then he reached out for Lucius' hand.
"If you tell me I'm not supposed to take it now, I'll hit you." Lucius shook his head at the series of movements, but a reluctant part of him actually didn't mind it so much.
"You're supposed to take it," Anthony confirmed as they locked hands. "Now put your heels together."
Lucius did so, and Anthony nodded.
"And up on your toes."
"Right."
"On your toes."
"I am on my toes!"
"And step forward, and place your heel against your other foot like— I said on your toes."
"My heels are high!" Lucius complained, tilting his foot to show what his boot looked like while aggressively wiping rain from his forehead. "I can only be so much on my toes!"
"Fine." Anthony showed the step again. "So step, and heel against your other foot, and step— No, no heel this time."
Lucius groaned.
"Why not?"
"That's not how it goes."
Lucius blew raspberries, but obediently tried again.
"Like this?"
"See, now you're doing the heel thing again."
"You're the one who brought the heel thing up in the first place!"
"You're supposed to do the heel thing again but not right after the first one." Anthony showed him again.
"Can't we just pretend Lucia has no legs instead?" Lucius whispered as he fumbled with his feet, almost stumbling to the side on multiple occasions. "We can make it look like I had an accident."
"Or I could just teach you." Anthony smiled as he strengthened his grip on Lucius' hand to support his balance. "Less drastic, I think."
Lucius let out an absentminded laugh, still focusing on his feet.
"Then it's a good thing I'll be around for a while, because this is torture."
"I think you're improving already," Anthony disagreed with a reassuring smile warm enough to make Lucius forget about the rain for a moment. "You just need to remember the pattern."
"Well, that's a relief." Lucius could genuinely breathe out, unable to hide an awkward smile even if he would have wanted to. "Just some more practice then."
Anthony nodded, and they came to a stop.
"Now we'll do it backwards."
Lucius' smile remained, but it was accompanied by a low, dragged-out 'no'.
"How about we try a waltz?" Anthony suggested. "I can lead, and you just follow."
"A waltz?" Lucius raised an eyebrow. "So intimate. What would the other anglers say?"
"Perhaps it's not as necessary of a dance for Lucia, but..." Anthony shrugged, looking the other way. "... I just think it's kind of... Nice. Dancing, I mean. Even though you're really bad at it."
A trembling breath escaped Lucius as his heart skipped a beat, and an almost numbing feeling bloomed in his chest. Not the crawling, spidery kind like when the Scourge spoke to him. More like the opposite.
The trembling had apparently decided to spread through his body, causing his hand to shake a dreadful amount as he extended it.
"Well... Maybe I'll turn out not to be so terrible at waltzing."
Anthony took his hand with a soft laugh.
"Maybe." Then he pursed his lips with a faked serious expression. "But I'm not getting my hopes up."
"Careful, you'll make me blush."
"Oh, it's much too late for that." Anthony gave Lucius' cheek a gentle boop, successfully making the condition worse.
"Someone's awfully smug." Lucius pouted through the embarrassment, but stepped forward to close the gap between them and raised Anthony's hand. "... But I guess you're not wrong."
"Consider me honoured by the compliment." Anthony placed his hand around Lucius' back. "Ready?"
"Not at all."
"Just follow along." Anthony's voice was crushingly encouraging, and Lucius faked a smile. "Step back with your right foot."
Waltz did turn out to be a little easier. Lucius could get by somewhat just by following whichever foot Anthony moved, only in a less graceful way.
"I guess it's not so bad," he said, daring to look up from Anthony's movements. "But I'm guessing it's not as breezy as it's supposed to be."
"That's because you're not using your heels and toes properly."
"I'll hit you."
"I'm serious, but don't worry," Anthony said, making Lucius feel worse than ever. "Just keep doing what you're doing, but when I say so, switch between toes and heels."
"Uh..."
"Just try." Anthony slowed their pace, and began adding instructions as they moved. "So, toe, heel, and toe again. Toe once again, and heel."
"You're making it worse," Lucius whispered in horror as his feet resumed their stumbling after the new requirements.
"Alright, just do what feels natural," Anthony agreed as he watched the misery. "Better to actually dance than break your ankle, which seems very possible with those boots."
"But they're so nice."
"They are," Anthony acknowledged, but then, for what Lucius assumed was some kind of sick amusement, he suddenly began turning in his steps, and Lucius quickly tumbled to the side with a desperate grip on Anthony's hand.
"Why!?"
Anthony bit his lip not to laugh, but the impish glee was undeniable.
"Keep following. You just need to turn on your—"
"If you even utter the word of either end of a foot I'm shoving mine down your throat."
"How do you expect to dance with both your feet entirely on the ground?"
"I wasn't expecting to dance," Lucius half hissed, half whined. "And you keep adding things."
"Just do what you did before, but try to turn a little when you take your steps, then we'll turn around."
"Or, and hear me out... We could just step around like normal people and face a different direction."
Anthony sighed, smile a bit weaker than before.
"You know I can't force you, if you really don't want to."
Lucius was taken aback. He'd just committed to the reluctant dancing role from the start, but he'd thought his gradual enjoyment throughout had been clear.
"No, I— I don't want to stop, I just... I'm just not good at it, alright? It's frustrating when it gets harder."
Anthony actually snorted, and leaned in to kiss him.
"That goes for everything, doesn't it? And I figured you wouldn't back down from a challenge, even if it's just dancing."
"That..." Lucius' mind blanked at first, eyes wide from the warm, yet rain soaked, surprise kiss, but he soon lowered his gaze again with a smile. "... I suppose giving up doesn't sound like me."
Clearly having anticipated that answer, Anthony suddenly turned them around again, much quicker than before and thereby confirming he was just doing it out of playful malice.
"I guess the Hargreaves apple doesn't fall far from the Hargreaves tree!" Lucius cried as he was spun around again and could do nothing but hold on to Anthony for dear life.
"On the contrary," Anthony said as he helped Lucius regain his balance again, still supporting his body against his. "Damien hates dancing."
"So there's some kind of sense in that scourgefucking head after all."
"Do you want to stop?" Anthony took a small step back to look at him, grimacing as he did. "Oh... Uh, actually maybe we should."
"Why?" Lucius blinked, having grown content to endure a little humiliation in exchange for the closeness.
"Well, your lips are blue." Anthony's worried frown was back. "Didn't notice earlier."
Lucius hadn't either, not that he could see himself, but he hadn't exactly felt cold.
Until it was pointed out.
"I'm freezing," he whispered in horror, finally acknowledging the ice cold, drenched clothes sticking to his skin. "How did I not feel it before?"
"You were... Having fun, I suppose?" Anthony's smile was apologetic, but also rather hopeful. "Easy to forget your surroundings sometimes."
"I shouldn't be allowed to risk my life for fun." Lucius wrapped his arms around himself, and Anthony's smile turned bittersweet again.
"Honestly, I think mortality plays quite a big part in having fun."
The words stabbed at Lucius, or perhaps it was Anthony's expression, but they implied the same regardless. At least some of Anthony's gloominess was a consequence of his inability to be hurt, or age.
Or die.
"Let's hurry and get you back home," Anthony continued, pulling Lucius out of his thoughts and into the cold, wet reality again. "Even I have skills enough to make tea."
"The BBT is closer, can't we just stop by there?"
"You don't have clothes there," Anthony disagreed. "If we keep this pace up, we'll be home in no time."
Lucius knew there were other reasons, of course, but he didn't have the heart to argue at the time. Instead, he chose to focus on another part of Anthony's words.
"It's nice to hear you refer to your house as my home as well."
Anthony gave him a brief glance over his shoulder, eyebrows raised as if the idea had surprised him as well, but he didn't look bothered by it.
"Your Lucia-house is mostly just for show, isn't it? It's empty right now, and you're never there, and you're not staying anywhere else."
"I know. I... Just think it's nice, is all."