"Why do you want a relationship?" I got asked this question a while ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. Yeah, why do I want a relationship? The first answer that comes to mind is that I want to be loved. But I am loved, by all my friends and family. I could argue that that's not the same as romantic love, but what is romantic love exactly? Is it someone who you can share everything with? The good and the bad? Is it someone you would trust your life with? Well, I have friends who I trust my life with. Maybe it is the physical contact? But people are intimate with others without falling in love with them.
So what makes a romantic partner so different and why do I want for a relationship so much? The answer to this question is simple: I don't know. What I do know is that I am yearning for a relationship with every fiber of my being. I want to fall in love and experience the closeness and the bond that Shakespeare, Jane Austen and Edgar Allan Poe wrote about.
Maybe my longing is influenced by my desire to be seen. For all my childhood there was nothing I wanted more than a best friend. I wanted someone to like me just as much as I liked them. I wanted to be their number one, like they were mine. I think- no, I know that it hasn't changed. I still want someone to think of me as their favourite person and typing this out feels selfish. But then, isn't the want to be loved purely human?
Now that I wrote down my thoughts I feel more lost than before but that's okay. I know that I need to have patience, you can't rush those things and I will eventually find the right person. It's just that I'm not a very patient person.
- 03/07/2022