"Hey, why are you crying, babe?"
Agad na pinunasan ni Grace ang mga pumatak na luha sa kaniyang mga mata nang mahimigan niya ang boses ko.
"W-Wala 'to, babe." She forced to plaster a smile as she slowly downed the book she's reading on her lap.
Grace is my girlfriend for two years and I believe, we are so in love with each other. We are both live in partners and pen kami both sides. In fact, our families are both pushing us to get married. Not just them but Grace also had the same sentiments. She kept on mumbling things about marriage and I could see it in her eyes the sense of envy whenever she see her friends getting married one by one.
But as much as I love her, I just couldn't grant her wish. Because apart from being financially incapable, getting married could also hinder me from doing things I love like going to different parties, chatting with random ladies at the bar and even making out with them.
Yes, I do love my girlfriend but there's something inside me that craves for thrill and spice which Grace failed to give at me. My girlfriend is into prayers and books while I, on the other hand, is a sucker for parties and alcohol.
I'm such a party-goer person and in fact, I prefer a woman whom I can vibe with, not someone like Grace who can live by just reading books inside a secluded room.
"Babe, do you believe in reincarnation?"
The sweet, delicate voice of Grace pulled me back from the reality.
With a confused look, I asked her. "That's so random of you to ask that question. B-Ba't mo naman naitanong, babe?"
"I just read a story about two persons who are being reincarnated over and over again. But the painful part was, they were reborn not to be happy but to suffer the same tragic ending repeatedly. Alam mo 'yon, pilit silang pinagtatagpo ng tadhana hindi para ipagpatuloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan kundi para saktan lang ang isa't-isa."
Grace cried once again as she continued the story.
"Pero alam mo 'yong maganda doon sa story? Kasi palaging nangangako 'yong lalaki sa babae na kahit paulit-ulit silang mabubuhay sa ibang pagkatao at sa ibang panahon, pipiliin niya pa rin ito nang paulit-ulit."
When I saw her sobbing heavily, I immediately hugged her and softly caressed her back.
"If reincarnation is really true, then I'd always find and choose to love you, babe," I whispered beneath her ears.
I am not a soft person and I couldn't cry easily but somehow, the story on the book have moved me for no apparent reason.
"Ba't ayaw mo pang magpakasal, babe?" pag-iiba ni Grace nang usapan na siyang nagpakaba sa akin.
"L-Let's not rush things, babe. Mas maganda 'pag hindi pinipilit ang mga bagay. At isa pa, darating din tayo diyan. But as for now, let's just go with the flow and embrace our freedom as couple," I reasoned out.
Before Grace could even form a response, I automatically excused myself and went into our room only to find my phone beeping.
The name of Chelsea flashed on the phone screen and I let out a sigh of relief that it was me who answered the call and not my girlfriend.
"Di ba sabi ko sa 'yo na huwag kang tumawag 'pag nandito ako sa bahay?! Paano na lang 'pag nahuli ako ng girlfriend ko?" 'Di ko mapigilang pagtaasan ng boses si Chelsea sa kabilang linya.
Chelsea and I just met in a high-end bar. Her role in my life? Well, she's nothing but a whore who satisfies me in bed. No strings attached.
"B-Ba't ka napatawag? Mapapahamak ako sa ginaga—"
"B-BUNTIS AKO..." she stuttered from the other line.
That created a loud bang in my chest. It even took me for a moment to digest what she just said and the moment I comprehend what she's trying to say, my knees began shaking in great fear.
"N-No..." I shook my head in disbelief, lips badly trembling.
Mas lalo pang nanikip ang dibdib ko nang maalala ang inosenteng mukha ni Grace na walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ako.
"Sususentuhan ko ang bata, Chels. Just don't inform this to my girlfriend please..."
For the first time in years, I panicked and lost my composure.
Chelsea started crying from the other line. "Hindi lang ang sustento ng magiging anak natin ang kailangan ko kaya ako napatawag, Migs..."
She paused for a moment and cried again.
"I want you to marry me... M-Mahal kita, Migs," she cried. "I need you... Piliin mo ako, please.."
"B-But..."
"Alam kong mahal mo rin ako, Migs. You are just afraid to admit it to yourself! Remember what happened between us? It was just supposed to be a one night stand but you asked my number and we did it over and over again!"
I heard her chuckle while crying before she continued.
"I always satisfy you in all aspect, Miguel unlike your girlfriend who always bore you in bed. Kasi kung mahal mo si Grace? Hinding-hindi ka maghahanap nang iba. At hinding-hindi ka makikipagtalik sa akin!"
"Stop it, Chels..." mariing sambit ko.
"After you tasted me, wala ka nang ibang naikama bukod sa akin, diba? And knowing you na hindi makuntento sa isang babae, you became so loyal to me. Mahal mo lang si Grace kasi nauna siya pero mahal mo ako kasi mahal mo talaga ako," litanya niya.
And that's when I lost it.
"I FUCKING LOVE YOU, OKAY?" I said through gritted teeth.
"So, mahal mo siya?"
Bigla akong napalingon nang marinig ang malamig na boses ni Grace. The moment our gaze met, that's when I knew that I fucked up!
"G-Grace..." Dahan-dahan kong ibinulsa ang phone ko atsaka humarap sa kaniya.
"B-Babe..." I tried reaching for her hands but she stepped back.
"So, nakabuntis ka?" nanghihinang tanong niya.
"P-Please, babe.. let me explain."
"Explain what? I heard everything, Miguel!" Tuluyan nang bumuhos ang mga luha niya. "And I don't want another stack of lies just to save me from falling apart, Migs! Putangina!"
There, she started losing herself and began crying.
"Let the bitter tastes bitter, Migs. Just tell me the truth, mahal mo siya?"
I swallowed hard and looked in her eyes.
"I...I love her, Grace," I whispered. "And she wanted me to marry her."
"Then, that's it. Pakasalan mo siya," she said with a hint of resignation.
"Yon lang ang sasabihin mo?" I asked.
"So, anong gusto mong gawin ko?" she laughed. "Anong gusto mong sabihin ko, Migs? Luluhod ako? Magmakaawa na piliin mo ako? Kasi kahit pagbali-baliktarin natin ang putanginang mundong 'to, nakabuntis ka na! Kung matino kang lalaki, hindi-hindi ka maghahanap nang iba! And if you really love me, there would be no choices other than me!"
My heart squeezed tightly inside my chest. I couldn't breathe properly and my knees are about to give in.
"What happened to us, Migs? I thought we are so sure of each other?" Pagak siyang natawa.
"I'm... I'm sorry." I bowed down my head and there, I secretly cried in so much.
"Maybe in our next life, you can finally be mine."
"But that's what you told me in our past lives," she whispered that shocked me.
"W-What do you mean?"
She just chuckled painfully.
"Sinasabi palagi natin na 'let's meet again in our next life' pero 'di natin alam na pang-ilang chance na pala natin 'to ngayon para ayusin ang problemang 'di naayos sa taong pinangakauan natin kaso binabalewala natin 'yong chance na meron tayo ngayon kasi ang daling magsabing, "magkita ulit tayo sa susunod na buhay."
'Di ko maiwasang maluha sa sinabi ni Grace at panikipan ng dibdib.
"I thought that if we are going to be reincarnated and will be separated for a long time, makakalimutan na kita, Migs. But no, I realized that time doesn't heal a broken heart. It just lessens the pain and blur the memories."
The moment Grace flashed a painful smile at me, a series of images from two lovers invaded in my mind. The guy looked so identical with me. Same goes to the girl, she looked the same like Grace.
Hindi ko na namalayan ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko at ang biglaang pagsikip ng dibdib ko.
"Impossible as it may seems, but it happened to us, Migs. We are the new reincarnated lovers on the book I've read," she whispered while crying.
"And guess what? Naulit na naman," she smiled painfully. "It's like everytime we try, the universe keeps finding a way to separate us."
She smiled weakly at me. "Panagutan mo siya, Migs. Tanggap ko na ang mga nangyari."
She broke again into tears and smiled. "I'll let you love another girl just like what we did from our past lives, pero sana, sa akin ka na kapag nagkita na tayo ulit. My heart is always with you and I promise, if fate allows me to see you again in my next life, I'd be choosing you then, in the next, after the next, 'til the day the universe gets tired with us. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tayo paulit-ulit na pinagtatagpo ng tadhana. I don't know if it's really a chance for us to be together for a lifetime or a chance to hurt again ourselves. But whatever it is, I will fight for you. Promise me, Migs. That once we get reborn again, let's make it right this time. Let us fight for our love with each other. Sa huling pagkakataon, sa huling sandali, lumaban tayo at piliin natin ang isa't-isa."
Grace hugged me and with tears in our eyes, we kissed for one last moment.
After a year, I got married with the girl I impregnated with while Grace died from Leukemia.
I tried to love my wife but Grace holds a special place in my heart. She's my greatest love and no one can replace her.
I don't know if once we meet again in our next life, it could be a continuation of another pain or we can finally have our happy ending.
Who knows.
Or maybe, this was already our last chance to love each other which I just taken for granted.
If only I could go back the time, I wish I never cheated and learned to treasure the chances we had.
—
Words by: Ken Ogbinar