It was 11 in the night, I settled on my bed with a blank mind, nothing was actually doing the mice race in my head. Losing a brother and losing the girl I loved had settled with in. Staying with the void had become a habit.
"Yes mom," I yelled back listening to my mom calling me out for few fruits. This was followed like a ritual at home ever since I was a kid. Felt good tat, few things had actually not changed back at home.
"Don't you look, ill?" Mom intrigued, I looked at her with my knitted brows.
"You need not do tat, your brows are already joint," she imitated me and I released the tension on my forehead in a jiff and smiled at her words.
"This is missing from your face. Its been almost a month since you are back at home, you have hardly spoken to any of us," her voice seemed worried.
I shrugged at her and let out a sigh. She went in the kitchen to place the bowl. I sat on the couch looking at few papers on the table beside. She came back and sat next to me.
"Staying idle at home is not going to fetch you anything, son. You need to put yourself at work and let things occupy the void within," she placed her hand on my head trying to brush my hair. I slipped and landed on her lap, my legs crossed the couch.
"I had told your dad to get a couch which was longer, when does he ever listen to people," mom expressed her anger. I smirked resting on her lap.
"What have you decided to do now? I know, going back to Mumbai is not one of the things you would want to do, and I wouldn't let you do it as well," her voice seemed firm. I hummed to what she said.
It was almost a month and I had really not thought of what I wanted to do.
"I know, nothing is there in your mind as of now" I looked at her amused.
"I am your mother, I know what runs in your head and what does not," she knocked on my head.
"As a kid, I always knew what your inclinations were, and still kept them aside and went on to pursue something you were not that interested in. You did it because i had you for it," I remained silent on her lap, while she continued brushing my hair.
"For a change you are letting me meddle your hair, are you okay?" She mocked at me. I was at ease on her lap, I did not want to get up from there. I smiled beneath her hands.
"I want you to start doing what you love the most, the IT does not really seem you cup of tea," she smirked.
"Do something in field of dance, it will keep you alive, " I got up as she spoke.
"Mom, I am twenty four, according to the society you people believe in, wouldn't it be a concern," with out thinking much I spoke.
"Yes, I was worried before, not now. Your happiness stands above all," I sighed. I was not sure of taking the path, but knowing that my mom had realised what passion meant to me, I was relieved.
"Now that, you spoke of your age, its also a must that in a couple of years I need to get you married," mom pursed her lips and gave a look at me.
That set a cold wave within. That was one thing I did not want to hear. Mom saw my face go down and she sensed she shouldn't have spoken that, I raised my face and smiled at her and left to my room.
Marriage always meant Aarti, I could not imagine myself spending life with anyone other than her. I would prefer staying alone rather do that. I wouldn't be able to do justice to the new person in my life. It would be unfair. I let out a sigh and settled my head on the pillow, gazing the ceiling.
I realised I had not checked my phone for a long time now and that was a shock to myself. There was a time couple of years ago, where my phone was glued to my hand. Well, these days I didn't have the need for it to be glued.
Payal had left a message. . .
There is an event happening at college tomorrow evening, conducted by a foundation. They are raising funds for the kids who are in need. I shall catch you at college. I don't feel the need to seek your permission (wink)
Going back to college, I was really not up for it. It definitely did not fall with in my comfort zone anymore. Places where I had memories attached. Every benches I sat on had stories to unveil, every pillar had the marks of our mischiefs, every stone had our foot prints and mainly the class that was my life, where I had done the dance of my life with my love. This added baggage was not an easy one to deal with.
The next evening, Payal came home with fury as I had not replied to her texts and as I had not answered her calls. She barged in directly to my room and mom followed her with a a smirk on her face.
"Stop being naive and cold," she narrowed her eyes that set her forehead on lines. Looking at her face, I could not resist but to laugh.
She turned left and right in search of something and found a paper weight on the table and set that fly in my direction. I caught it and placed it on my bed and folded my hands in submission.
"Kids, I tell you. Anyway both of you settle I will get something to drink, " she brushed Payal's hair and kissed on her temple and left.
"Why can't you come to the college?" She questioned as she sat on the bed. I rolled my eyes and returned to the table to place the paper weight.
"Don't, don't do that. I need an answer. For how long have you planned to mourn on what has happened? You have a life of your own, other people in it as well, " those words fell like boulders on my ears. I stood there facing the wall.
"Don't shun away from things Mayank. You have been doing that since the day you have returned to Bangalore," I felt the pinch in my heart again and lumps formed inside as I heard her speak. Battling the tears away, I turned to her with a smile.
"Nishi will be picking us?" I asked her. She nodded her head not satisfied with me agreeing to go to the college with her. Mom entered with the tray and noticed the gloom in the room. She raised her brow in question, I nodded in reply. She left the room placing the tray on the table. I took the glass and went to her near the bed.
"I am a human Payal, I don't like to dwell in this phase as well, but there is nothing much I can do about it. I want to live, I want to look ahead but no body can erase what is engraved inside. I know, I have been a pain since the time I am here, that is just the reflection of what is with in me," I raised my face to look at her eyes that were filled.
"A man stands in front of me today who I am unaware of. This was not the boy I grew with. One incident has caused this impact, I can't digest it," she wiped her tears off. I swallowed the lump inside and got up.
"Let's leave, I don't want to be the victim of his anger. He might spare you, but me? Never. I don't want to risk my life," I smirked.
"I never knew I would see you matured," she got up.
"Well, I would like to take that as a compliment rather," I winked at her. I still had no interest to go to college.
We reached the main road and Nishanth arrived there in few minutes. It was half past six, and college was not that far as well.
The entire journey back to college was disturbing. The mind played movies of Aarti walking the campus with her high pony swaying left and right. Her vivid expressions, her favourite ice cream she bought at college, the corn sandwich which was her regular breakfast made my eyes go wet easily. With days post our separation, I had learnt to hide the tears. The saviour was my glasses most of the time.
"What event is it happening? You gave half information like always Payal," Nishi scowled at her. I turned to her with a smile that did not reach my eyes.
"Oh, I forgot," she giggled. Nishanth stared at her from the corner of his eyes.
"It is a foundation that has come which is raising funds for a cause. There is fun associated with it as well, we get to leave lanterns. I have always wanted to do that," she sounded very excited.
The moment the word lantern fell on my ears, I turned front and closed my eyes.
****
"Where are we heading to mithu?" She asked me resting her head on my shoulders, as I rode the bike.
"Definitely not to the same place we had gone the first time we went," I confirmed it to her.
It was 7 in the evening and slightly windy. The sky looked clear and the road we were on was silent and calm. Her hands had snaked my waist and she held me tight. I had a bag hung in the front. She did not know what that was. I had a small plan to surprise her.
****
I opened my eyes as we reached the gate of the college. Nishanth led the car inside. I had seen the college at this time of the day, but the college had changed. Few new buildings and few renovations here and there. I could see few people wandering inside. We got down the car and started moving.
"You people go ahead, I will join you in sometime," I sent the two ahead and moved towards the corridors.
****
We reached the place. It was an empty ground like place that was surrounded by trees. It was a secluded place few kilometres away from the heart of the city. Aarti, already had a smile on her face as she got down. She ran about in joy. She had worn a black kurti and left her hair open with just one clip in the centre. I could never get tired of gazing at her beauty.
She moved ahead and I followed her with the bag.
"You always wanted to leave lanterns and watch them fly up the sky, I just felt like doing it today," as I finished, she stopped and turned towards me.
"Are you serious?" Her eyes went popping and face started to glow. I nodded her waving the cover I had held in hand.
****
"Mayank," Nishanth's voice got me back to reality. I walked to him and we moved to the basketball court. I saw few counters put up where lanterns were sold and I could see groups of people hanging around purchasing them and all ready to let the lanterns fly. We moved to one of the stalls and bought a few lanterns. Payal was all excited she picked one and Nishanth went with her to set the lantern flying .
****
She stood steady and all ready, I took out the lanterns from the bag. I placed the bag down and held one in hand. We opened the cover and got the lantern out, she held it in place while I took out the match stick. I looked at her eyes before lighting the stick, they were amazing. I lit the camphor and held the lantern with her. I could see her elate with happiness as the lantern bloated.
"Okay, one...two...three," she left the lantern from her hands and glued her eyes trailing its travel. She looked at the lantern while I stuck my eyes on the joy that danced on her face.
"Okay, next one," she hopped and took out the lanterns. We left all the lanterns in series and in while we could see quite a few of them float above us in the empty space. The dark background, and the small light emanating lanterns had created a pattern on the sky that was enthralling. I circled my hand over her waist and held her side ways. She stood there in silence and watched the lanterns fly.
****
"Mithu," Nishanth held me by my shoulders when he realised I was about to collapse. I let out deep breaths as I came back to sense. He nodded at me, assuring everything was fine, I handed over the lantern in my hand and moved onto the stairs at the side.
I sat there watching groups leave the lanterns and have fun, I forgot my pain when I saw Nishanth and Payal together. I was lost at the patterns the lanterns formed above.
"Mayank Sharma," a not so familiar voice caught my attention in the middle of all this.
I turned to see a guy advance towards me. As it was dark, I could not figure out who he was.
"Rahul," I stood up as he advanced closer. I gave him a firm shake and he sat beside me.
Rahul was my junior with whom I had worked in the fests I had organised. A good dancer and a cool chap he was.
After all the usual talks about how we both were and what we were up to, I got to know he was trying to get into dancing and events organising.
"I would love it, if I had you by my side in this venture, we would make a great team. I strongly believe," he said.
"Well, I am not sure yet, I don't know whether I have it in me anymore," I replied and saw Payal and Nishanth come towards us. I was in dilemma now.
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