Ruth.
THE NEXT morning came quickly - unfortunately.
It felt like I didn't even blink an eye last night as I stayed awake and thought about- well Elijah.
I told him to move on with his life, even whilst knowing that I sure as heck can't.
I missed him more than I liked to admit.
His voice, his looks, his presence.
But I couldn't let him hurt me again, I mentally couldn't do that to myself, not right now. Not ever.
I couldn't risk myself being vulnerable again because I don't think I would be able to handle the pain of watching them leave me.
I didn't have anything interesting that was going on today, no people to see, no things to do.
I could see Mr. McRae at the library but I felt like he's getting bored of me.
Maybe he wasn't, and maybe I was just telling myself that to make me feel even worse about myself but it was working.
It was like my brain, not even just for one second, couldn't stop drowning me in my own thoughts. It felt like I was being repeatedly dragged under water, no escape or return.
It was a never-ending cycle.
And I just craved a breath a fresh air, even just for a second.
But I knew that wasn't possible, not in my lifetime.
I have came to accept that I will forever be drowning, that I won't ever get a breath of oxygen. I just had to get use to the permanent salty taste of water in my mouth that will never seem to go away.
I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out a oversized hoodie that I could throw on whilst I went downstairs.
My house was silent as I trudged down the steps.
I was use to the silence around me, it was funny because I seemed to attract silence everywhere but in my head well--that was a different story.
I wish it was the other way round sometimes.
I poured some Cheerios into a bowl and then followed with the milk.
I strolled over and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter.
I ate in quiet, I didn't bother putting the tv on because even if it was on the loudest volume it still wouldn't be able to drown out the voices in my head.
I finished my cereal and made my way back up stairs to get ready for the day.
I chucked on a different oversized plain black hoodie and some denim jeans, and then my black converse which are the only shoes I adore in this world.
I brush my hair and curl my eyelashes and put my mascara on, feeling absolutely no effort to do anything else.
Once I'm content with my look, I make my way out of my house and to the library.
I decided to ignore the evil voices in my head telling me that Mr.McRae hated me, and was bored of me and go to library.
It was the only thing I could do anyway.
The air was getting colder day by day, more trees were bare and vulnerable and more people were layered in clothes.
it was autumn after all.
I spot the familiar building and enter, the bell ringing as I walk in.
Mr.McRae looks up from his usual spot on his chair and smiles widely at me when he spots me.
He comes closer and gives me one of his warm hugs, that for some reason felt even more comforting than they usually do, today.
i needed a hug today.
"Are you okay sweet pea?" He asks me in concern, looking at me.
how did he just know?
"I'm okay, just not feeling to good today Mr.McRae." I answer honestly, but I decide not to give him details on why I don't feel particularly great today.
"Okay. Well, just remember we all have bad days, and that means that the good days feel even greater. It's life. Okay sweet?" Mr.McRae spills his life advice, which genuinely makes me feel better.
Normally, it was random nonsense I was for sure he would just make up from the top of his head, but what he said today meant something.
even if it was as simple as it was.
I smile softly, "Thank you Mr.McRae." I reach in for another hug which he willingly reciprocates.
He claps his hands, "Now! Enough of this sad shit, get to work!" His attitude changes in seconds, that it surprises me.
My eyes widen in shock but also amusement.
"Mr.McRae! Where did that come from?" I gasp, my lips parting.
"Shut up and get to work child, and you might even get some money for your poor self." He jabs at me, moving back to behind his desk.
I giggle and nod, making my way over to a new aisle.
not bothering to continue his little game.
I start to concentrate, making sure all the books are placed perfectly, I was so focused that I hadn't even realised someone else walk in to the library.
"Boo." A voice whispers in my ear, making me scream.
I whip my head round to the culprit of my near heart attack and find Elijah standing there, smirking lightly at me, a hint of amusement in his eyes.
He had on a big poofy 'North Face' coat as it was cold outside and then black joggers.
I sigh, "What are you doing here Elijah?" I turn my back to him, trying to concentrate back on the books.
"To talk to you." He says simply, coming to stand by me.
"How did you know where I was?" I ask in confusion, almost certain that no one was following me.
"It was a wild guess." He replies, smiling softly at me.
I side eye him, and decide to ignore him.
I shuffle the books in the shelves, choosing not to acknowledge the tall figure watching the side of my face intensely.
Once it becomes too much I groan frustratedly, "Stop looking at me. It's making me uncomfortable."
When he doesn't reply, I turn to face him and see that he was just staring at me, amusement clear on his face.
"What?" I ask defensively, feeling as though he could see right through me.
"Nothing. I'm just admiring how pretty you are, still are." He adds, two dimples popping out on his cheeks as he grins.
My eyes widen and I whip my head back to the bookshelf as I feel my face betraying me as it flushes at his comment.
"Just go Elijah. I thought I told you to move on with your life." I change the subject quickly.
"But, that's not fair. I can't just forget you Ruth." He mutters almost pleadingly, like he was begging me not to forget him.
The tension in the air had shifted and not in a good way, especially knowing this was my doing.
I look down, "You can always try. You had no problem forgetting me for 7 years." I snap coldly, emotionlessly.
When I don't get an answer, I slowly lift my head up to glance at him.
His face had changed completely.
His gaze was now hard and chilling.
I watch as Elijah just shakes his head and scoffs, leaving the library angrily.
That wasn't your finest moment ruth.
"Wow Ruth. Spill. Now." Mr. McRae's voice makes me jump, he was stood behind me, a wide expression spread across his wrinkly face.
I laugh quietly, trying to push say the overwhelming feeling of guilt filling my body.
three steps back and another three more steps back.
....
A/N:
this is the new chapter.
bare with Ruth, you'll understand why she isn't just forgiving Elijah straight away.
sorry this chapter took so long
i love you all and thank you for over 800+ reads already!
-b.