Harley
If you're looking for a person to talk to when you're sad, looking for someone who would say comforting stuff to you to make you feel better, then I can assure you that I am the last person you should come to.
Sure, I might listen to you with as much interest as I can muster in that moment but saying what you need to hear in that moment – I can't guarantee you that.
And I don't think Jude has realised that yet.
"Dude, he was talking to her in front of me and he touched her hand and she was totally flirting with him and I'm sure he gave her his number." She exhales, closing her eyes for a second but I know she's not done yet. "And then he saw me! He saw me and then put his hand away and looked away then went to the back. Fuck, dude, am I overreacting?"
"Jude," I say finally, "are you sure he was flirting?"
"I said she." She crosses her legs and leans her head against the wall. "She was flirting. I'm sure of it."
"Did you hear her?" If she can't sense my annoyance, then she's dumber than I thought she would be.
"No, but–"
"If you like him that much, you better ask him about it. Or do you want a misunderstanding to happen?" I grab my phone. "For all you know, that's his sister or something."
"This isn't Alabama."
"You said you don't know whether she was flirting or not."
"Yeah, but–"
I roll my eyes. "Jude, if you're that desperate for some relationship–if you can even call it that because technically, you've only kissed once and you don't know if he's your boyfriend or not–go to Ana or any one of the girls you know. I'm terrible at this "
"Don't abandon me like that." She pouts, the way kids do when their mothers refuse to buy them their favourite chocolate. "And you're a fucking genius. Surely you'd know what to do in a situation like this?"
I scoff, giving her an incredulous look. "What makes you think that I'd know how to solve your relationship problems?"
"I don't know, maybe because you've probably been in one and I haven't?"
"And what makes you think I've been in a relationship before?"
That gets her. She leans forward, eyeing me with fake suspicion. She bites her lip, clearly not believing it when it's something actually true for once.
"I don't believe you," she simply says. "How many guys have you rejected?"
"And what makes you think guys have asked me out?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay, how many guys and girls have asked you out?" She's hugging her pillow now, her red hair sprawled across her shoulders as she watches me intently. "Come on, now's not the time to be humble. You're hot, pretty, beautiful, insert-every-single-word-related-to-that. How have you been single all this while?"
"Jeez, chill. Thanks, I guess. And I've been asked out before but I've never dated."
"Have you had your first kiss yet?"
I should have expected this question but I didn't. I could lie to her about it but there's no point in that as long as she doesn't ask me who I kissed. So, all I do is nod and she squeals.
"Oh my god, Harley, give me details. You know what details are?" She throws her pillow away and walks over to my bed, sitting right next to me. There's genuine excitement in her eyes. "Who was it? When was it? How was it?"
I shake my head with a small lingering smile on my face. "Sometime ago. It was good."
She rolls her eyes. "I asked for details."
"That's about it." I smile.
"Harley–I need a nickname for you, by the way–can you be a little more boring?"
"I don't know, do you want me to?" She throws me a slightly annoyed look but I know as well as she does that she's actually enjoying this a lot.
Just when she can add something to this, her phone begins to ring and I'm thankful to whoever called her. She gets up and walks over to her side of the room. She watches the screen of her phone and sighs.
"It's Ana," she announces like I care. She grabs the phone and picks it up, walking out to talk to her. I exhale, partially in relief and partially in tiredness.
It's May second today, which means the day of the music showcase. The school day had begun with a list of events we were going to have this month, and in the two hours of dance where I did nothing but stand next to Valeria pointing out the improvements and filling the water bottles, we were given a briefing of this month's events for us.
And when I say it's hectic as fuck, I'm not lying. I get how Redville works–I get the whole pushing people to the breaking point so that they discover their own potential in ways that might not even be considered in many schools. I'm surprised how no one finds this school problematic yet.
"Sixth of May, there's a home event," Val had said this evening. "It's nothing major, but it's your debut. The top fifteen schools with dance teams will be performing. Though there's no real winners or losers here, all your teams will be given scores. Consider this a mock competition, alright?"
The top fifteen schools meant the school would be full of people that day but lucky for everyone, Redville was built for this. The equipment, the greenrooms, the multiple auditoriums for different purposes–all of them have been created for performing because the whole point of the school is art. Sometimes, an outdoor stage is built but I don't think they'd do that for a mock competition.
"And moving on, 18th to 20th, there are qualifiers for the Annual Grace Dance Meet. Now, you know I'm chill most of the time but for that, chill isn't going to work out. I want you guys to give it your all. If you get qualified for it, you'll move on to the second round on 23rd of May. The finals will be on the 26th and you have to make it that far. Do you get it?"
The classic 'yes' as a response that we had to repeat three times because Val couldn't 'hear' us.
The whole thing just made me realise that the month we'd just had was probably the most relaxing month of the year. From now on, all departments would have to cooperate with each other in costume, stage design, lightings and filming of every single thing ever.
The third years tell us that there are also groups that consist a mix of students of all programs and we're then supposed to choreograph things on themes given to us. However, that hasn't been told to us officially. At least not yet, though I know they'll tell us that soon enough.
Instinctively, I reach for my sister's diary, taking it out from the bedside drawer. I still read it every day, memorizing even the most irrelevant of parts. That's exactly why I know the exact page I need to turn to.
If I didn't have the diary, god knows how lost I'd be at a terrible place like this.
The soft sound of flipping pages fills my ears as I search for the page. I stop when I find it, leaning back and exhaling.
WE WON IT!! We fucking won it!! My duo with [REDACTED] was the fucking best and we came on the top and I can't believe that I doubted myself. If it wasn't for her, then right now, I'd be sulking in the corner because of my loss. I think I like her, you know? Not in the way friends do, though, and I can't even pinpoint the exact moment I started doing it and I can't believe myself since I really, really thought that I was as straight as a goddamn ruler.
Oh my god.
I like a girl.
My phone rings then and I blindly reach for it, picking up the call without reading the contact of the person who called.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Lee," a familiar, masculine voice reaches my ears. "It's Kyle. Look, things changed a bit. Is it alright if we meet today–right now, actually. I won't be around till next week then."
I blink, then take a second to process what he said. "Uh."
"You know, you can still change your mind." There's a smile in his voice. "I know it's difficult to meet someone you know nothing about. We can get this over on a call as well, if you want that."
"I don't know," I say honestly. "I just–I want to know more about her."
"I get it," he says, "I do, too. She was my–is my friend, I guess. I haven't talked to her in a while. The last time we met, she made it clear she didn't want me in her life anymore."
"If she said that, why are you talking to me?"
"Because," he begins, "the thing is, I don't know how but she knew. She knew you'd find me. She's always been unpredictable. I almost forgot about you, you know. But then you called out of nowhere and I... I don't know. It felt weird. It still does, talking about her when she probably doesn't know we know each other now."
Something like guilt hits me out of nowhere. I run a hand over my face, closing my eyes for a moment. I run my brain, trying to think of what to do by weighing the pros and cons of every situation that I can think of. Finally, after the longest five second pause ever, I exhale.
"Alright." I get up from my bed. "Where do you want to meet?"
"Either downtown or outside your school. Outside the school is going to be more convenient for you, though. I'm not a kidnapper, I promise. Bring someone with you if you're scared and I don't mean it in a bad way."
I almost laugh at that even though I know it's not funny at all. I don't think I trust anyone enough to do this. "Do you, by any chance, know anyone at Redville?"
He doesn't reply for a second. "No. I don't think so."
"We meet right now?"
"Ten minutes." He sighs. "Give me ten minutes and I'll be there."
"Alright," I say and hang up. I lock the door and change into another shirt, a plain grey one that was rather loose on me and black jeans. I grab my phone and walk out, finding Jude standing in the hallway, still on call.
Jeez, they literally live in the same building.
But then I remember that Ana might be at the showcase or somewhere outside.
Jude flashes a small smile my way and doesn't ask me where I'm going.
Walking down the stairs and past the other students, I exit the dorm building. Since the showcase is going on right now, the area is nearly empty. The few students who are around are either on their phones or engaged in a conversation of their own, not giving me any attention as I pass by them.
I take my time to walk over to the entry gate knowing that he is going to text me the moment he reaches.
I stop near the seat walls set up near one of the entrances. The school has a few of these areas around and I often find myself spending some of my time here when they are mostly empty.
A familiar blond sits there with his feet propped up and eyes on the phone, not yet noticing me. He is wearing a plain black t-shirt and a pair of baggy jeans, his hair arranged rather neatly.
I don't intend on talking to him unless he doesn't. Moving quietly, I walk over to the area and sit down. The sudden movement might have been sensed by him because he looks up, his face still blank as he lets out a sigh.
"Why aren't you at the showcase?" he asks me quietly.
I give him a look. "Why aren't you at the showcase?"
"You never answer my questions." He shrugs.
"That's because they just seem like unsuccessful and boring attempts to break a silence that doesn't need to be broken." I smile a little. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, you know."
He doesn't say anything for a second, then his lips curl up in a smile. He sits straighter and leans back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. "How's your arm? Heard you got benched for that."
"How is it that you film and music and whatever other program there is manage to just get the gossip about the dance students?"
"I mean, this year's first years are known for not keeping their mouths shut." He is right and the first few people who come to my mind at that statement are Hayette, Ana and Luis. "But anyway, it's the debut week. Everybody would've known sooner or later that the potential star performer of the first year isn't going on stage."
"Star performer, huh?"
He scoffs. "Sometimes I wonder if you're really oblivious to what everyone says behind your back or whether you just pretend you don't hear them."
"A little bit of both, I guess." I don't really know what exactly it is people talk about me behind my back but I know that they do and it's all somewhere between the lines of me using unfair means to get into this school or me sleeping with someone to get good grades–all kinds of ridiculous crap one can even think of. I've never bothered to know the details of it.
He laughs lightly. "So, what exactly happened to your arm?"
"You didn't hear any rumours about that?"
"Yeah, well, I did. One, I guess. But it's a really ridiculous one."
He doesn't say anything to me and neither do I, though my eyes do trail down my arm. Valeria asked me to put on a bandage and rest it but I quit with the bandage thing over the weekend because it was tiring to keep it up. Then, I exhale, leaning back as well.
"I hurt it long back." I lift my hand up, eyeing my palm and the back of my hand. His eyes follow mine. "And Val's benched me as a precaution so I don't make it worse."
"Right," he replies but doesn't push it. "You decided what to do with the skate team thing? I heard the deadlines' been extended."
I press my lips together. "Nah," I answer. "Dance's already stressful enough. I can't have a sport to add to that."
Like he had said before, I could take it easy for skating but knowing me, I wouldn't. Over the years, it's become a habit to perfect every single thing I do no matter how much time it takes. I don't consider it a good one for myself.
"You make it look easy, you know," he says, then pauses for a moment. I glance at him sideways and catch him looking at me. He just smiles a bit, continuing. "Dance, I mean. You make it look easy."
"Do I, now?"
"Yeah, you do, actually," he replies. "How did you really manage to dance with your studies, though?"
I smile again, this time I'm aware of how distant I might be sounding or looking but I can't help it. Reece reminds me of someone I knew, someone I didn't know I missed until he said those words.
You know you're a fucking genius, right?
The notification of my phone goes off, snapping me back into reality. I open it, reading the text I just received.
Kyle: i'm here. entrance 5. you bringing someone with you?
"You're meeting someone?" Reece asks me and I look up. I narrow my eyes but before I can say anything, he speaks up again. "I didn't mean to read your texts, for the record. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," I say even though it isn't. "And I'm meeting someone, yes." He raises his eyebrow as if silently asking me who that is. "He's my sister's boyfriend."
"You're meeting your sister's boyfriend?" he says in disbelief. "That's kinda sus, Harley."
I make a face and punch his shoulder. "Fuck off, Bremer. I've never even seen his face before."
"You've never met your sister's boyfriend before?" He laughs lightly, watching me as he gets up.
I roll my eyes. "She's older. And I don't exactly see her everyday, if you're forgetting that."
"You need someone to come with you?" he asks me. "Because I can, if you want me to. I've got nothing to do anyway."
The offer catches me off guard. The two people I'd never expect to ask to accompany me would be Asher and Reece and guess one of them is already surprising me. However, instead of brushing the offer, I think about it for a moment.
After weighing a few possibilities, I almost say yes to him before deciding it was too risky for this to happen.
So I just smile, refuse, and walk away before he can say anything else.