My friends and I are currently at our first sleepover without Alessia.
It's painful honestly.
It's not like before and it's never going to be like that now that Alessia is gone.
All night we've just been sitting here doing nothing.
Just staring at the walls in Alessia's bedroom.
Alessia's parents told us that we could do our sleepover at their house for the last time for some closure.
But honestly I don't think I'll ever get closure from Alessia's dead.
She really didn't deserve to die.
Tears built in my eyes when I look at a picture from our friend group that's hanging in her room.
I stand up and walk to it.
I pick it off of her desk and look at our happy faces.
Alessia's happy face.
I swallow down the lump in my throat when suddenly a paper falls out that was sticking to the back of the picture.
I put the photo of us back on her desk before I crouch down and pick up the paper.
"What's that?" Valerie asks me.
I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know, it fell out of our picture" I tell her
I see all our names on the paper, "I think it's for us" I tell her while walking back to my friends.
I sit down while Roman wraps his arm around me.
He looks at the letter just like me before I start reading it out loud.
Hey guys
As you know, I'm no longer with you guys
I just got word that I have a tumor in my brain and that they can't fix it
It's too late and a timer has been put on my life
You guys probably will be mad at me for not telling you but I didn't want our last moments to be full of grief and sadness, that's why I didn't tell you.
I just want you to know that I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I don't be there anymore
I'm sorry that I won't be there to comfort you guys
I'm sorry that I won't be there to graduate next year and I'm sorry that I won't be there at our regular sleepovers anymore.
But I do need you guys to move on and live life further without me, don't cry for me it's not going to bring me back.
Have each other's backs and just enjoy life because you never know when it will be taken away from you.
I'll miss you guys but I'll be watching you, I'll be there when you need me, in your hearts.
I'm sorry it had to be this way.
I love you all
Alessia
I finish reading.
A tear falls down my cheek and I do everything inside me not to break down.
Roman's tears fall down his face onto my lap so I quickly turn my body and pull his head into my chest.
I play with his hair as his arms wrap tightly around my waist.
"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay Ro. I'm here, I love you" I say softly into his ear before pressing a kiss to his head.
He cries but his sobs soon stop and we just lie in each other's arm.
"Okay, okay we have to stop crying. Alessia didn't want us to cry, we have to do something okay. Let's talk about some memories, some good memories that we have with her that we'll never forget" Thea says hurriedly as she stops herself from continuing to cry.
I nod my head just like the others as I wipe my tears off of my cheeks than wipe them from Roman's.
"Okay who's going first?" I ask while stroking Roman's back lovingly, showing him comfort
"I'll go first" Elliot says his voice slightly breaking, "I-I remember when I was crying because my parents found out I was/am gay. I didn't know how they'd feel about me being gay so I ran out of my house to the park where I found Alessia by the lake. She helped me and eventually convinced me to talk to my parents, I don't think she realized how much of a big help she was for me back then." Elliot says softly.
"I remember when we had a sleepover and Alessia learned us how to slow dance. It was something simple but we had so much fun that night, I'll never forget it" Savannah says while wiping her eyes.
"I remember when I got bullied at school for having my ginger hair. I was in kindergarten and Alessia saw me getting pushed around so she ran up to me and despite how shy she was, she fought back for me and then helped me with bandaging a little scratch I got from falling. We became friends that day" Thea says.
"I remember a few weeks ago how we started planning Val's birthday. How Alessia made us get out of bed at 5 in the morning so we would come over here and start planning ideas for Val's birthday party. And then after a full day of work, we finished the plan but didn't have the chance to execute it" Felix says.
The rest of the night we keep talking about some good memories as the smiles return to our faces.
We might never see her again but we'll never forget her.