Author's note: I had the idea for this scene quite a while ago already, but I was never sure whether I should really write it. First of all: Lana's ex husband is of course a real person and he's not a celebrity, so while a real person fic about a celebrity can already be seen as ethically challenging, involving "private" people too much in such a story is even more difficult.
Second, most parts of this story – the love story between Lana and Jordane – are of course completely fictional and obviously made up, while whatever history, pain and heartbreak there is between Lana and Fred might actually be very real.
I want to emphasize at this point that I of course know neither him nor her personally, and I have absolutely no idea which parts of how I describe their history are true, if any at all! For all I know, Fred can be the nicest, sweetest, most caring guy on the planet and might have had absolutely no fault in that marriage ending whatsoever. On the other hand, I'm of course a Lana fan, so I'm naturally #teamlana.
Bottomline, all I'm saying is that I'm very well aware how sensitive this topic is, and this conversation wasn't easy to write, in the end though I still decided to post it, simply for dramatic purposes and to add another dimension and a bit of backstory. I hope none of my readers feel offended by this. If you might be, I invite you to simply skip this chapter, it is not central to the rest of the story.
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„What the fuck are you doing here??"
„Lana, you're drunk!"
„And you're annoying!", she reached for Jordane and pulled him away from her ex husband as if otherwise he might catch some terrible disease, then she repeated her question, „What are you doing here?"
He shrugged. „I'm in town for business and until just now I've been enjoying the party, just like you... a little too much."
„Who even let you into the country?? We're in a global pandemic!"
„Guess what, we have vaccines in Canada too."
„And who invited you?"
„Believe it or not, we still have mutual friends."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. „Who??"
Fred sighed and lifted his hands to calm her down. He looked around, quite a crowd of people had already gathered around them, watching and listening to their awkward conversation part in shock, part in amusement.
„Hey, if you want to continue interrogating me, be my guest, but can we take this somewhere a bit more quiet, perhaps?"
She grabbed his arm and almost violently pulled him with her, she was turning sober again in record breaking speed, but still hadn't completely regained control over all of her motor functions.
„You wait here, I'll be right back!", she yelled at her boyfriend looking over her shoulder.
Jordane didn't know what to do with himself, he felt completely helpless and confused. That... this was Fred? Her famous... or maybe rather infamous ex husband? The one who had broken Lana's heart? He felt a suffocating anger inside him, and most of all he didn't understand where they were going and what was happening. What the hell was there still to discuss between them? As far as he had always understood, there was nothing more to say between the former couple.
„Come, come, darling", said Lana's drag queen friend and gently put a hand on his shoulder, „Let's sit down over there and wait until she's back. It can't be long."
Meanwhile, Lana had pulled Fred off the roof of the hotel, where the party was going down, and into one of the quiet areas on the top floor three corners away.
„I don't think this is a conversation we should have here and now, Lana. You're drunk."
„Yes, you said so already, you think I don't know that? And we are absolutely going to have this conversation here and now, because I WANT to! I know caring about what I want is something you're not used to, but just roll with me here, will you?"
He rolled his eyes at her. „You're not making any sense..."
„Am I not??"
„What even is your problem?"
„My problem is that you're here, ruining this party for me, saying whatever bullshit to my boyfriend."
„I didn't say anything!"
„You're lying! I know you!"
„Why are you like this?? Why can't we just act normally, like the two adults that we are? Or are supposed to be?"
„Because you... cheated... on... me, Fred!", she put an emphasis on every single word, pointing at him in the rhythm of her voice to underline what she was saying, „And I can never, ever forget that! You broke my heart."
„Oh my God, Lana", he ran a hand through his hair, nervous and annoyed, „you've always been too sensitive. Besides, there's always two sides of every story. I was lonely, you were never there!"
„Well, you don't get to tell me how I'm allowed to feel! And also, that's no excuse!!", she couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.
She wanted to turn around and leave, she knew she should. They had talked about this. Night after night after night. Trying to fix things. Trying to make it out on the other side, together. But all they did was end up in the same spot again and again, where they were just stuck in completely different corners, miles and miles away from each other. All she had gotten from those fights with him was more pain, more anger and more tears. So why should it be any different now? They weren't even together anymore! They were divorced... Maybe he was right. They should simply move on, even when standing right in front of each other, face to face. She could just turn around and walk away. Just like that...
But she couldn't. She simply couldn't let his hurtful comments go unanswered, even though she felt that she was already very close to crying. And how much she hated crying during an argument! All the power she tried to put into her words, all her carefully thought through argumentation would go up in tears, and all she was left with was looking weak, hysterical, over-emotional.
„I was working! And you know it. While you were out doing... whatever", she took a deep breath, swallowing her tears, „It's really funny, you didn't mind my job whenever it gave you perks, or money, or fame."
„Please, you're delusional! I didn't care about any of that. And you're not as famous as you think. You're no Julia Roberts either."
„You know what I mean..."
„And your toy boy up there, I'm sure he loves you only for your character and inner values?"
„You leave him out of this!"
„You're embarrassing yourself with that boy, Lana! The way you're parading around and making out with this guy, in front of everyone? Did you know he's turning twenty-nine today? Twenty-nine!!"
„Oh my God, he's my boyfriend, Fred!! Yes, shocker, I know it's his birthday, and yes, I know how old he is."
„Then what are you thinking? You two look absolutely ridiculous together, just for the record. Is that some sort of midlife crisis you're having there? Are you looking for validation? Is there no one your age left in this whole town?"
By now she was furious, she even took a few steps towards him and pushed him.
„I said, leave him out of this! He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time, if you must know, much better than you for sure! So what if he's young? He is the most amazing person with the kindest soul, he loves me, and I love him, with all my heart. You know what he did, last weekend? He celebrated my father's birthday with me, he took me to the aquarium, he took me to watch a baseball game, he even cooked a typical Puerto Rican meal for me, all in honor of my dad. Do you remember what you used to do for me on my father's birthday? Nothing, because you never cared!!"
He sighed. „Alright then, if that guy of yours is so great, is that why you sucked his dick in the restroom? I actually heard and recognized you! I was wondering whether it really was you. But it was, wasn't it? Are you out of your mind?"
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and snapped back: „Well, isn't it nice to know that you did listen to me every once in a while when we were together..."
„Lana, come on! That's not fair."
„No Fred, you aren't fair, not right now, and you also weren't fair when we were married! You never cared what you were doing to me! What you were doing to us... We were a family!"
„And you decided to leave that family, didn't you? Your step sons..."
„I LOVED those boys!!", finally she was losing the fight against her tears and she was back to poking his chest with her finger, „I was fighting for this marriage, you were the one who threw it all away. All those years together, and you gave me nothing, nothing at all! You didn't move to LA with me after I had wrapped the show... as you had promised! You cheated... and most of all... you made me believe that we could have a family one day..."
„We HAD a family!"
„You know what I mean! Having children... together. You knew how much I wanted a baby on my own."
„No, Lana, I had no idea."
„Stop it, that's ridiculous..."
„You never told me! Not once did we talk about having another child... until it was too late."
„It had already been too late when I met you! You had a fucking vasectomy, and you never told me! What kind of monster does something like this?"
„I didn't think it was important! I was fine with my three boys, I didn't want any more children."
„Well, maybe I did!", she sobbed, wiped away her tears and let her gaze drop to the floor, all energy having left her body by now, inside of her there was nothing but a painful memory, „I had assumed that, as soon as I was done with ‚Once', we would move back to LA and try to get pregnant."
„That surely was a lot of assumptions on your part, don't you think?"
„Do you even know what you've done to me? You took away my chance of having a family on my own, that I will never get back. I wasted my best years on you. And for nothing."
„That was never my intention, Lana. I loved you! Deeply", he said, calmer now, and it almost sounded like he cared, „A part of me still does."
She looked up again, looked him right in the eyes, so he could see all the pain he had caused her, how he had broken her. „You know I'm all for forgiveness. Everyone deserves a second chance. But you... that... I cannot forgive."
She turned around and slowly started walking away, having to hold on to the wall for stability on her shaking legs, she was still crying, more and more now.
He yelled and followed her, trying to grab her by the arm, but she pulled it away quick enough: „I'm happy for you... that you're so in love, really, I am! But what is this then, huh? You and this guy? Is this some sort of revenge against men? You're realizing you're doing the exact same thing you're accusing me of to him, don't you? Letting him waste his best years on you, without a chance of a family of his own? Is that fair? If you're so wise and altruistic and kind-hearted, one would think you'd know better... But you're being just as selfish as you see me."
By now they were back out on the roof, Lana had her arms wrapped tightly around her body, she was shivering and sobbing. When Jordane saw how miserable was, he completely snapped. He jumped up and almost ran towards them like a bull during a fight, fixating on Fred like on a red rag.
„Lana! What happened? What did he do to you?", he pushed him, hard, „What did you do to her, asshole, huh? Tell me!"
Fred stumbled back and raised his hands. „Easy, buddy, we were just talking, calm down."
„What did you do to her, why is she crying? Look at her!!"
When he didn't get any other answer, he clenched his fist and lunged out, but the drag queen caught his arm just in time.
„Oh no, dear! Don't do anything you will regret. Don't you remember rule number one? Never punch a white guy in a suit. That almost always ends badly."
Jordane was still furious, but turned around and looked at his savior, whose skin was just a few shades lighter than his own, then nodded and let his hand drop.
„She's right!", he said back to Fred, „You're not worth getting in trouble for. Just stay away from my girlfriend from now on and leave us in peace! If I catch you again within one mile of her, you won't be as lucky as you are today!"
He didn't even know where this confidence, cockiness even, came from all of a sudden, he was usually rather shy, preferring to stay in the back and leave quietly rather than go on full confrontation, but whenever Lana was concerned, everything was different. He had promised to protect and defend her at all times, and that he shall do!
„Come on, baby", he gently put his arms around her to comfort her, he never in a million years would have thought that his birthday, that had started out so wonderfully, would end with her in tears, „Let's get out of here. I'll call us an Uber."
She almost melted into his embrace, she needed the support and the warmth that he gave her more than anything right now. She did not turn back to look again at the man she once said her vows to.
„I'm so sorry", she sniffled in a tiny voice, „for ruining your birthday."
„Please don't say that! First of all, it's not ruined. Up until just twenty minutes ago, it was absolutely perfect. And second of all, if anything, it was your ex, not you. Please don't cry, huh? It's alright! We'll get you home, and I'll make sure you get a good night's sleep. And everything will look much brighter in the morning, you'll see!"