It had all happened really fast again but this time she was more prepared. Zuko had kept his word and figured something out. He had explained the entire situation to his friend and staunchest ally Aang, the Avatar, the same day she had clarified her fears and reasons to him. The parole hearing was successfully reconvened in less than a month.
She now stood before the entrance of the designated room, flanked by two guards, with only the door itself separating her from the man she famously nearly killed a decade ago, the man who now had the power to decide over her life in return.
„Nervous?" one of the guards asked, sympathetically enough to make her feel safe using a bit of humor.
„It's only my future on the line, I see no reason why I should be worried?"
She chuckled and said: „Too late to avoid it now." after which she knocked on the door.
Azula heard the word „enter", turned to the guard, thanked her with a nod, then all three of them stepped in.
The man in orange and yellow robes hardly resembled the boy she remembered fighting. He was much taller, more muscular and appeared much tougher also, as it would befit the most powerful human in the world. Yet there was a gentleness in the way he comported himself, the way he smiled and the way his eyes shone with warmth. He was surrounded on his left and right by officials from the other three elemental nations, and was the only one who stood up when she entered.
„Azula, pleasure to finally meet you again. Please take a seat, make yourself comfortable."
She wondered how he could possibly derive any pleasure from seeing her, then decided that it was probably just politeness and complied with his request. The chair was pretty comfortable though, she had to admit.
He then spoke to the guards: „You can leave us, please." Seeing their bewildered looks he added: „I take full responsibility for whatever happens, you don't need to worry."
After they left the room and he himself was seated again he spoke to Azula with a welcoming smile:
„You look good."
„Are you commenting on my health or my beauty?"
„Both."
It was starting to become obvious to her that he was trying to make her feel at ease as much as possible so she wouldn't be too hesitant to reveal things about herself, a tactic her therapist and family employed often. She calculated her options for a while. She was tempted to sabotage the whole thing by acting as difficult as possible but doing so would make Zuko rightfully feel no sympathy for it whatsoever this time. This challenge she simply had to face. She decided her best bet would be to answer the Avatar's questions as truthfully and as naturally as possible, but without unnecessary oversharing.
„Thank you. Is there anything else you'd like to comment on before you start asking me questions?"
„Zuko told me you had a tattoo, I'd love to see it. I love well made tattoos in general."
„As you wish Avatar, just don't act shocked like he did."
She rolled up her sleeve and revealed it. Aang studied it for a couple of long moments then said with reverence:
„It's beautiful. The calligraphy, the layout, really impressive. Who made it for you?"
„I did."
„Even the actual needlework?"
„Especially the actual needlework." she answered with a strong tint of pride in her voice.
„I remember how proud and happy I was when I got my airbending master tattoos. The monks told me I was the youngest person in our history to ever get them. You hold a few youngest person ever records too if I'm not wrong?"
„True, Avatar, true. Youngest person to ever produce blue fire, youngest person to ever generate lightning and lets not forget my proudest achievement, youngest person to be convicted for actions during the war."
Aang didn't fail to pick up on the sarcasm at the end of her sentence, decided to roll with the flow and teasingly said:
„I see your humor hasn't improved, you just changed the target."
„You just aren't my usual audience. If I had known you would test my joking skills I might have prepared something more lighthearted."
Aang answered slightly more seriously but still with great levity:
„You do understand that we couldn't provide you questions in advance. I did read your reports however. I talked with your family, the staff, even some of the prisoners. What I'm really interested in is if you have questions. About me, the world, the past, anything?"
Azula smirked, in begrudging respect no less. This might very well be a trap, a very tempting one at that. She guessed that keeping the world in order for a decade had made the once so innocent looking boy at least somewhat proficient in the darker side of diplomacy. There were however, indeed things on her mind that had been there for a very long time now. She was curious to hear his perspective, from his own mouth. Even if she buried herself by asking, at least she could stay buried with greater ease afterwards. So she said with as much coolness as she could muster:
„Why did you spare my father? Why did you do it?"
„The monks have taught me that all life is sacred. Something I've come to believe even more now than then."
„If someone else had done the deed, would you have blamed them? If somebody else had ended him, would you have mourned him?"
„The violent loss of life is always tragic in itself but even as the Avatar, I'm still human. I would have understood and I wouldn't have grieved."
„So why was it such a problem for you to do it yourself? Wouldn't others understand it too?"
„My entire culture was based on avoiding harm to oneself and others, it was central to it. I was and still am the last airbender, though I hope to restore my nation one day. Back then I felt that if I went against this core principle and killed someone, no matter how much they deserved it, I wouldn't have the legitimacy to truly bring my people back."
Azula mulled over his words, the sound of sincerity behind them was almost overbearing to her:
„Honor before reason, even before self preservation. I see why you and Zuko are such good friends. I don't think I would have ever acted the way you did if I'd been in your position. But not wanting to be a traitor to the memory of your nation is something I can get, at least in principle."
„Glad you seem satisfied with the answer. I'm sure you have more questions. Feel free."
„Well, the „solution" you applied to him. Why didn't you apply it to me too?"
„Bending was the only thing you had left back then, if I had taken that from you too I feel it would have broken you irreparably."
„Your near infinite compassion is touching, but you said yourself you were still human. I suspect there is a less noble reason behind it also, something even someone like me can get behind."
Aang shifted in his seat and took a breath. He was about to give the same answer that he gave to people who found the idea of compassion for Azula revolting and incomprehensible:
„Most call what I did energybending but it is also called spiritbending, for a reason. You literally have to reach into a person's spiritual core and overpower it. The other spirit will fight back with all its might. Your father's spirit almost defeated mine, it was a very close call. I still shudder when I think about it too deeply, when I remember what the presence of his soul felt like. Hearing about what your spirit was like back then made me decide to avoid confronting it if possible."
Azula nodded and responded with a mix of levity and solemnity:
„Can't fault you for that. I'd avoid my spirit too if I could but I'm stuck with it."
This time Aang nearly chuckled and said:
„May I ask you something too?"
„Sure, you are supposed to be the interrogator after all."
„I couldn't help but notice that your first question was about your father. Do you still hold affection for him?"
This time it was Azula's turn to shift uncomfortably, her mind working on the most elegant possible answer. Once she settled on one she started speaking:
„It was about three years after I got here that I received permission from Zuko to write to him. The only thing I ended up putting on paper was this: „Did you care about me, really care about me? Ever? At all?" I waited for a reply for months, long agonizing months. All possible sources said the same thing, that he received it, but I refused to believe it. I violently accused the staff of lying and hiding the response from me. After weeks of solitary I finally couldn't deny it any longer."
„And how do you feel about him now?" the Avatar asked softly.
„I still have memories of him when he treated me with affection, I remember what his praise and approval felt like... and then I remember how I pushed everyone away, believing that at least he loved me, that at the end of the day I needed no one else."
„He manipulated you."
„And I eagerly allowed it to happen, just like the girls here with their bad boy lovers. So deeply and so completely into them that they did anything just to please them, including their dirty work. Then their entire world shatters when these men move on without a second thought or looking back. I'm no better than them." Azula replied, her emotions beginning to stir at the surface.
„But you are better than him." the Avatar countered.
„Sometimes I look back and wish I was even more like him than I already am. To have friends turn their back on you, to believe that your own mother hated and feared you, and feel nothing... when I told my mother about my hallucinations and what they said, she could barely restrain her happiness and relief. It convinced her that somewhere, somehow, I did have a conscience... However, this pathetic little shard of humanity that seems to be stuck somewhere inside me, it doesn't redeem me, it condemns me further. I could have been something other than a monster but I chose not to... that makes me worse than him, not better."
Despite having seen the world a countless times over, he had rarely encountered people who viewed themselves so profoundly negatively. More unnerving yet was the utter lack of pity with which she spoke. He felt compelled to react.
„But it did save you, in a way..."
Azula had to think back in order to guess what he was trying to say. She settled on the likeliest possibility:
„My brother admitted that on the day of our last, deciding battle he was fully prepared to kill me and that he thought he felt nothing but hatred for me in his heart... then, when he saw me broken and crying he felt something that surprised him, genuine pity. Over time it grew so large he even decided to try and help me. Is that what you are referring to?"
„Yes. Yes it is." the Avatar answered reassuringly.
Azula sighed then recomposed herself: „I must say he was surprisingly smart about it though, putting me in a facility like this. If I was in a normal asylum it would appear too lenient. This way, I got help, the meds, the therapy, while still serving time as a punishment. Did you have something to do with this?"
Aang smiled sheepishly and Azula laughed in response. Hesitantly but still.
The board member in Earth Kingdom green made himself known with a cough and said:
„I think it would be good, at this point, to inform you that the Earth Kingdom officially recognizes your time here as valid re-compensation for the acts of war you committed against it, both in plan and deed."
„And to what do I owe this unexpected honor?" she asked.
„After long negotiations with your sovereign, the Fire Lord, the Avatar, and nearly all higher representatives of my nation we have come to an agreement. We have pardoned your uncle Iroh, due to his actions in liberating Ba Sing Se during the final days of the war, and while you have not performed anything similar we now consider your age and „sickness" at the time sufficiently mitigating circumstances. Thus, the Earth Kingdom has agreed to the possibility of parole, provided we have sufficient reason to believe that your past actions won't be repeated."
„I believe I know what you are implying. You wonder if I have any plans or desires to take the throne and restart the war. I doubt I can convince anyone of the purity of my soul but I can say this with confidence: anyone who after a decade even considers taking up arms and risking their lives and livelihoods for my „cause" has to be even more insane than me. My brother's rule is well established now, he has an heir, and the economy has adjusted. The Fire Nation is even more prosperous now trading than it was plundering. It was inertia that kept the war going, the same inertia now keeps the peace."
„Very well, your argument isn't without value. We'll take it into consideration. Which brings me to the next important point, what will you do?"
Upon hearing this Azula smiled with satisfaction, folded her hands together and said:
„Now we're getting to what I asked for, pragmatics. I do happen to have a lot of so called „civilian" skills. I can wash, clean, sew, cook, garden, I'm also good with hairstyling, makeup and can perform a lot of repairs. I'm also a quick and precise scribe, I can paint accurate portraits, do various higher calculations without tools and... there is firebending of course. Of course, having a conviction and reputation can make that all moot, so I would need someone to vouch for me."
„I have just one more question for you if you don't mind, Azula." Aang politely interjected.
„Ask away, Avatar."
„After all this time here, your punishment and all that came along with it, do you think it was fair?"
Azula couldn't quite decide whether he was asking if she thought it was too light or too heavy, so she answered diplomatically:
„Life is inherently unfair. Before I got here it was unfair in my favor, so I guess the scales of karma got tipped and it somewhat balances out now."
Aang giggled lightly: „I never imagined you'd be using the word karma, at all."
„The range of your new printing presses is wider than you might think. Some of your Air Nomad books have made their way to the library here. It might not hit my taste but some of my friends here are so fascinated by them that they dream of becoming your acolytes."
„Then I shall gladly give them the chance to prove themselves... That goes for you too. It's time you prove yourself, whether you like it or not. You may think you haven't suffered enough, and a great lot of people would agree. But think of your family first, your mom, your brother. They love you, by staying here you are punishing them."
Azula let out a deep sigh while looking briefly at the ceiling, then turned her gaze back to Aang:
„I still wonder at times whether their love isn't some brain disease brought on by unwarranted guilt and pity... but hurting the Fire Lord and the Queen Mother is still a crime, so, I will comply. Can we now PLEASE go the actual details of this whole process?"
Thus, they did.
After almost three hours of intense talk about all possible details, risks, circumstances, procedures, exceptions and countless other „trivial" matters, the board thanked her for her cooperation and made their departure, after which she was escorted back to the common room, where her best friend for the past two years and almost adopted sister, the teenage Rin, eagerly awaited her.
„How was it?" she excitedly asked.
„It was, interesting, to say the least."
„How do you think it will go? When will you get an answer?"
„In between a week and a month, they weren't specific on that."
Rin continued: „What did they ask?"
„I can't talk about that now. Could you be a dear and distract me with something? Tell me about your day."
As they moved to sit and talk, other prisoners kept coming and asking but Azula politely waved them off and told them she was spent. She was liked and respected enough not to be asked twice.
After a couple of weeks and a few visits from her mother Ursa and her brother Zuko, neither of which knew about the details or outcome of the decision process, Azula was one day abruptly summoned to the warden's office.
As she stepped through the door she noticed that warden Asuka was waiting standing, something she had never seen her do before.
„Azula, come in, take a seat."
It was incredibly rare for Asuka to refer to her by name, even more unusual was the tug of a smile on her lips. It seemed rather unnatural on her but not fake either. Still, Azula wordlessly complied and sat down.
The next words from the warden's mouth would change her life for the foreseeable future:
„Congratulations girl, you are free!"