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remembering the light that was
sophia raine...
liked by maddyperez and 1,368 others
nikki_raine you would've been 20 today i'm missing you now more than ever. i still call you sometimes just to hear your voice. you will always be my whole heart, i love you so much, loser. <3
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liked by cassiehoward and 1,598 others
lex_howard happy birthday, sophia. i still can't believe your gone. i love you so much <3
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liked by kittykat and 2, 458 others
maddyperez happy 20th bae,, forever missing and thinking about you 🤍
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fezco found himself sitting in his empty bedroom scrolling through instagram. he occasionally played with the chain around his neck that had the ring he had gotten sophia hanging off it.
sophia's face was everywhere as everyone wished her a happy birthday and paid their respects. he wanted to stop he couldn't bring himself to as he clicked on her profile going through each of her pictures and highlights.
"yo?" he calls out hearing a knock on his bedroom door.
ashtray walks in with his car keys in one hand and a bag of food in the other, "wassup. you hungry?"
fezco shakes his head keeping his eyes on his phone.
"you know nikki been callin'. they invited us over for dinner."
the raine family hasn't stopped celebrating sophia's birthday. they had invited fezco and ashtray over for her 19th but fezco stayed home while ashtray went.
"i'm not goin' to that shit." fezco slides his phone in his pocket and stands up moving past ashtray.
"why not? i know this shit hard for you but they've been there for us. don't be disrespectful."
"i'm not. i just don't wanna go. what's the fuckin' point?" fezco leans his back against the kitchen counter and lit up the blunt he kept behind his ear.
"come on, bro. it's her birthday."
"you don't think i know that? she ain't here so, there ain't shit to celebrate." fezco turned his head to the side looking at the walls and remembering all the bullet holes they painted over which could never erase the memory. "i can't do it, ash."
"fez-"
"you don't get it, man." fezco's hand started to shake as he inhaled, "she put her goddamn life on the line, bruh. her name is in the fuckin' system as a murderer and for what?" he lets out a shaky sigh. "ash, this pain i feel it won't fuckin' leave, bro and i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do without her. everyone's moving on and-"
"you think we movin' on?" ashtray asks with watery eyes. "you think i'm moving on?!"
fezco shrugs glancing away from him, "you not in my shoes you don't know what i feels like."
ashtray furrows his eyebrows and quirked up his eyebrow, "oh word? you think i asked for this shit, huh?" fezco clenched his jaw and pushed his shoulder back when he got too close, "get out my face, bro."
"nah fuck that. look at me." fezco tried to walk past him only for ashtray to roughly shove him back. "look at me! i was thirteen! i was fuckin' thirteen and you think i'm moving on? i can't fuckin' sleep, i can't eat and you wanna say i'm moving on? you wanna look me in the eye and say i don't know what it feels like." he scoffs angrily wiping the tear from his eye, "fuck you, bro. i lost her too."
fezco pinched the bridge of his nose and nods his head, "i know you did i-i didn't mean to say that."
"you a piece of shit for that."
"i know. fuck, i know." he momentarily runs his hands over his face, "shit. i'm sorry, ash." fezco places his hand on the back of ashtray's neck and pulled him in. he repeatedly apologized kissing the crown of his forehead.
ashtray wraps his arms around fezco's waist letting his tears soak his brother's shirt.
"i'm so sorry." he repeats once more before the doorbell rang.
the two of them move away from eachother, clear their throats and wipe their faces. fezco stays in the kitchen as ashtray silently makes his way to open the front door.
"hey, cutie." nikki pinched ashtray's cheek with one hand while holding a birthday cake in her other. she makes her way inside with her parents, maddy, kat, lexi, and rue trailing behind her holding trays of food.
will ruffles ashtray's growing hair, "how you've been kid?"
"i'm cool."
marta brings ashtray in for a hug next, "did you eat today? you look so skinny. did you eat the rice i made you?"
"mom." nikki reprimands with a shake of her head.
fezco's breath hitches in the back of his throat and he nervously gulps. he's been avoiding sophia's family and friends since the funeral, he couldn't bare to look at their faces without feeling the need to bow his head down in shame. "...hey, what are y'all doin' here?"
nikki places the cake down on the counter, "ash told us you didn't want to come. so, we brought the party to you."
"we missed you, fezco." marta sends him a warm smile walking up to him and placing a comforting hand on his cheek. "i hope you know we don't blame you for what happened." she says watching as he shut his eyes and bowed his head down.
fezco felt the urge to cry and shook his head, "uh, y'all can start the party up im just gonna be outside for a bit." he walks past marta and out the front door.
"...i'll go check on him. mom. can you start serving everyone?"
marta nods her head already unwrapping the foil from the food as will got out the plates, "of course. no problem."
will sees the girls standing awkwardly and called them over. "rue, maddy, kat, lexi come help me set up the table."
nikki closes the front door shut and takes a seat next to fezco who sat on the curb looking down.
"i miss her so much nikki."
she didn't say anything for awhile just thought about what she wanted to say carefully before opening her mouth to speak. "can i tell you something my mom told me?" fezco picks his head up to look at her signaling for her to continue, "we never get enough time with eachother. no matter if someone lives till 60 or 18...look, what i'm saying is, all this grief and pain you're feeling...it's only the unexpressed love that you didn't get to show her." nikki softly smiles. "because what is grief without love preserving?"
fezco sniffles and leans his head on her shoulder. "she's the most beautiful person i'll ever experience in my life. thank you for coming and thank you for showing up drunk on my doorstep."
nikki let's out a small laugh at the memory. "she couldn't stop talking about you for weeks."
"i was starting to annoy ash about soph too." he smiles swiping his nose, "couldn't shut up about her after our first date."
"i'm so bad at this." sophia groaned at the fact she only knocked two of the bowling pins down. she looks up at the scoreboard and frowns at the fact fezco was beating her by 10 points.
"that's because you not following through." sophia quirked up an eyebrow and fezco stood up and handed her another bowling ball to try again. "here lemme show you." he got behind her and sophia fought the urge to blush keeping her eyes forward.
fezco aided her in getting a smoother swing and a small smirk adorned his face at the fact her hands were shaking, "relax."
"sorry."
"you good." fezco kept his hand on her bicep watching the ball roll and he smiled when she knocked down all 10 pins.
a giddy sophia turned around to face fezco, "are you gonna let me win now?"
"nah shorty. you don't think that will cheapen your win a little?"
sophia loops her arms around his neck and tilted her head to the side. "i'm fine with that." his head bobs in acknowledgement lifting his hands to her hips, "i mean if you can live with that then i'll give you the win."
"i can live with that." she responds feeling his fingertips rub circles on her skin that was exposed from her crop top. "i really like you."
fezco smiles down at her, "that's good then."
"i don't think that it is."
"why you say that?"
"...because i shouldn't feel how i feel right now just on our first date." fezco could see the adoration in her eyes. his thumb delicately caressed her side, "you not alone in that i promise you, soph."
sophia smiles at the nickname and her eyes flickers from his eyes to his lips and fezco got the memo slowly leaning in to plant a gentle kiss on her lips.
nikki and fezco look up at the sound of the front door creaking open.
"sup, guys."
"wassup rue."
"hey, rue." rue takes a seat next to fezco and let's out a small sigh feeling the breeze in her air. "...you know, some days i lay awake at night, just, thinking about the last thing i said to her."
fezco shakes his head, "don't beat yourself up about it, kid. she forgave you the next day."
"i know, man but still. it was fucked up."
"there's no denying that." nikki says remembering sophia telling her everything. "but, she knew you were sorry rue. sophia loved you. she would be happy to see your still sober."
a small crooked tooth smile came onto rue's face at the reassurance.
"how have you been, maddy?" lexi asks standing in between kat and maddy helping to wash the dishes as they packaged the food they were too full to eat.
"yeah, we see that ring on your finger. when were you gonna tells us?" kat asks glancing down at maddy's finger with a small smirk.
maddy gives a dimpled smile drying a dish. "i was going to tell you guys, mike and i have just been so busy with all the planning." she was forever thankful at the fact she now had the life she's always wanted with a perfect kind fiancé who treated her like a princess and bought her the world.
"aww maddy i'm so happy for you. if anyone deserves it it's you." lexi says with a smile.
kat nudges lexi with her lip. "and what about you, lex. we saw that girl you posted on your instagram story." lexi blushes as maddy and kat awe in sync, "i really like her." she expresses.
lexi would be lying if she said her awakening wasn't sophia. she missed her dearly and for a long time she was so angry with herself at the fact she never told sophia how she felt, but lexi wasn't a homewrecker and she knew it would've never worked out.
"guys, come look." maddy shows kat and lexi the snapchat memory that popped up on her phone and in the video you could see all three girls plus sophia and bb singing sophia a happy birthday.
they all laughed when the video got to the part where will tried to shove sophia's head down in her cake.
"god, i miss her." kat smiles with a small sniffle wiping under her eyes.
lexi leaned her head on her shoulder and maddy wrapped her arm around lexi. "me too."
fezco, nikki and rue stayed outside for about an hour just reminiscing and sharing all of their favorite moments with sophia.
"hey, your mom is getting ready to cut the cake." maddy opens the front door and peaks her head out.
the trio nod their heads before making their way inside. candles were lit and fezco smiled seeing the cake for the first time, it had a picture printed of sophia with a bright smile.
fezco wrapped his arm around ashtray holding him close as they all began to sing happy birthday.
"happy birthday to you."
"happy birthday dear sophia."
"happy birthday to you..."
fezco looked down at ashtray who was know only 3 inches shorter than him and smiled at the fact he was still here. he knew hasn't been the most easiest person to be around since everything occurred but as fezco stood in a room with all of sophia's friends and family who continued to welcome him with open arms, he felt safe knowing he wasn't going through the grief alone.
fezco wasn't sure about a lot of things but in that moment he knew for a fact that
1. he would always love sophia and not a day would go by where he didn't think about her
and
2. everything would finally be okay.
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liked by lex_howard and 1,065 others
fez.co I will forever be grateful for the amount of love and loyalty you have always shown me. There isn't anyone in this world like you, my god you were a beautiful soul. I miss you like hell mama and I'm forever yours, happy birthday soph 🤍
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authors note:
okay guys this is officially
the end...i hope this gives you
a little closure.
thank you again for all the
support you've shown me
i love you guys and stay
tuned for more euphoria
fics from me <3