𝔘 ℌ𝔲𝔯𝔱 𝔐𝔢 ℌ𝔲𝔯𝔱𝔰 𝔜𝔬𝔲
I turn around and give him a small smile.
They both run towards me and give me a bear hug.
"We are so so so sorry. For everything we've done. We take it all back. You are still our noona.", they both say.
And that's when I lost all control over my emotions. All the emotions I had kept suppressed all this time, all the tears I controlled are threatening to spill.
As they release me from the embrace, I collapse on the ground and curl myself in a ball as I begin sobbing. I can control my tears only so much.
Jimina comes and envelopes me in a hug as I sob into his shoulders. Jungkooka starts sobbing with me.
"Don't cry Seon Ra-ssi... I'm so sorry...", says Jimina as his eyes well up with tears too.
"No, no I'm not crying because I was upset with you... I'm just glad that I've got my little brothers back.", I say between sobs.
"What is happening here...?", asks someone approaching us.
Taehyung.
Kim Taehyung
I make my way outside to discard all the trash... and I see three idiots crying together. My favorite three idiots. But why in the world are they crying so much... it sounds like somebody died. I mean I know it is the last day but still. And didn't Jungkookie and Jimina hate her? I am so confused.
"Nothing happened.", says Jungkookie starting to sob even harder.
Sure, why not.
"Don't cry Jungkookie...", says Seon Ra getting up with Jimina as they both hug Jungkookie and then these three, start crying even harder.
Seon Ra collapses onto the ground. Again. These three drama queens.
They just won't stop crying. Ugh. I thought Seon Ra had a hard time crying... I guess that changed.
"Come on now get up.", I say extending my hand towards her.
"Seon Ra-ssi!!!", they both shout in unison while sobbing.
"You both go and empty your lockers before it's too late.", I say rolling my eyes.
"But Seon Ra-ssi!!!"
"I've got it.", I say.
"Sure?"
"Yup, I've got her. Don't worry."
They take my word for it and eventually leave.
"Get up now.", I say as I grab her arm in an attempt to help her get up.
Millions of years after, she eventually gets up and she just won't stop sobbing.
Don't tell me these three fought.
"What happened Seon Ra?", I ask in a soothing voice to help her calm down.
"They called me... noona.", she says in between her sobs.
I can feel my throat getting heavy by the second... I feel like it's all my fault.
I didn't know our breakup had so many consequences, especially for her. I took away her family. I'm definitely going to hell in the afterlife.
She starts to curl into a ball again but I just pull her in towards me and wrap my arms around her. I thought she would pull away but instead she buries her head inside my chest and cries uncontrollably while holding my jacket in her fists. For her to cry, in front of me, after everything... she must've been really hurt. I wish I could take it back... all of it. I never wanted to hurt her this much.
"I am so sorry Seon Ra. I am so sorry.", I say whispering in her ears softly while rubbing her back.
She pulls herself together in a few minutes, untangles herself from my embrace but takes a minute too long to leave my jacket and starts to leave. She turns back around once and says "It's not your fault, it never was.".
And then she leaves... just like that, leaving me too stunned to leave. I hate to see her blaming herself for our breakup... I must've done something for her to breakup with me so brutally.
I bid everyone and the school goodbye. I don't have it me to ever say "goodbye" to Seon Ra. How does one say goodbye when all their heart wants to do is hold on for dear life? I will only be able to say "Till we meet again" and I don't think we'll be able to do good on that promise.
I reach my home in a daze.
"Oh my god! You got so many letters!", exclaims mom on seeing my entire bag full of letters.
"Most are from fangirls. It's just all about my looks, nothing special.", I say sounding gloomy.
"Did she -, umm no never mind.", mom begins to say.
"Did Seon Ra write me one?", I say completing her sentence.
"Yeah.", she says looking at me with pitiful eyes.
"I don't know, I didn't go through all of them.", I say.
It's a lie. The first thing I did was see who all wrote me a letter, just to see if she wrote me one. I didn't see her name. 90% of them were from fangirls, rest from my true friends.
I look through them again. I know I am being way too hopeful, but I don't want our last words to each other be so heart wrenching.
I got a lot of sweet letters from BTS members, they brought tears to my eyes.
I skip all the letters from fangirls because instead of them making me feel special, they just end up making me feel that all there is to me are my looks, but I'm so much more than that.
No one has ever really seen me for me... except her, or so I thought. Maybe it was all in my head.
That guy, Eun Ho, the one who has crushed on Seon Ra for so long, also wrote me a letter. To be honest, he was always a good friend of mine, but we ended up liking the same girl and the distance between us grew. I didn't force this friendship on him because I know it must've hurt him to see me with her.
It reads:
Dear Taehyung,
How are you my good friend? I wish I would've been a better friend to you. I wish I could give our friendship another shot. Thank you for being there for me even when I hated you. I know you make her happy, I'm glad she chose you. you deserve her and she deserves you, you both are perfect together. Don't break her heart, okay? Hold on to her, she's one hell of a girl, you better not ruin this. Wishing you a bright and happy future.
Your friend,
Eun Ho
Wow. I am speechless. I don't think I would've ever been this mature had I been there in his place. He's a wonderful human really. I wrote him one too, it was just about wishing him a bright future. I couldn't find words that'll make him feel better, but my friend is already so mature. But I can't keep his promise... I've let her go, I've ruined us and I've broken her heart already.
While going through the letters, once again, I saw a peculiar one. It was signed "Your fangirl" which is honestly very weird. No fangirl signs the letter like that, they always put their name, phone number and even address. I am too intrigued to skip this letter.
It reads:
Dear Taehyung,
Happiness. That's what you are to me. That's what you'll always be. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I'm glad you were the first one to teach me all about love. I didn't think I could love someone this much before I met you. Thank you for giving me some of my happiest memories. Thank you for keeping my heart safe when I completely shattered yours. Thank you for the songs you make that strum every string of my heart. I didn't know I could be this happy in my life. Anywhere I go, I will always think about you. Anything I do, it'll somehow always be about you. Every memory I have of you will always stay with me. There's a special room in my heart, in purple color, where all my happiest memories reside: memories of you. I thought love was red, but you taught me it's golden. Honestly, there are a lot of things I have to thank you for, but I think all of my gratitude can be summed up in one sentence: Thank you for existing. I know I'm not what you wanted; I know I let you down. I know you thought I was someone better and I'm sorry I had to prove you wrong. Thank you for sticking with me even I tried my best to forget you and push you away. Wishing you the brightest and the happiest future possible. Even if we never meet again after this, I need you to promise me that you'll always be happy so that I can go on with my life, I need you to be happy even if I'm not there to ensure it. I'm sorry for everything. Don't hate me too much. I love you. Till we meet again.
With love,
Your fangirl
This is very different from the usual letters from fangirls. They always sign their names because well, that's the point of it duh. How should I put this... it seems very personal? It seems like this person can see right through me and it's written so beautifully. It makes me feel exactly like I felt when... she and I talked. And the "Don't hate me too much" is honestly a big giveaway. A "purple colored room" in her heart... why do I feel like Seon Ra wrote it? Am I that desperate that I'm reading into the lines too much?
She didn't write "goodbye" ... she wrote "till we meet again". She still loves me; she wants us to meet again at a different place, a different time. That is... if she's the one who wrote it. I won't know until she confirms it. But it is exactly what my Seon Ra would've written.
Chae Seon Ra
Just before leaving school, the fangirls to whom I wrote the letters, approach me. They all just envelop me in a warm hug.
"I don't think anyone has written me such a beautiful letter. Thank you and I'm sorry for everything we did that we shouldn't have. Thank you really.", says Yeji.
I'm glad we all ended on a positive and happy note.
I have said goodbye to almost everyone... just Dong Wook is left. I reach home and he's standing at my door.
"Hey.", he says.
"Hi", I say back.
He just hugs me immediately.
"Thank you for writing me a letter. Your words... I'll keep them with me forever. I'm sorry for everything, I'm still your friend. I want to be in your life... any way you'll have me."
I didn't know how much I missed him till he said these words.
"I want you in my life too.", I say as my voice breaks.
"I wish you a bright future Seon Ra... I would've come inside and met Mrs. Chae but I feel like she'll kill me on sight.", he says laughing.
His laughter has always been my favorite sound.
"She would probably.", I say laughing with him.
We talk for a couple minutes before he eventually leaves. I stare at his back till I can't see him no more. It feels like every single person is slowly, one by one, leaving my life, making space for new people to come instead. I'm not too sure if any newcomers would ever compare to all these wonderful people.
As soon as I enter, my mom takes all my letters from me.
"How many love letters this time?", she asks excitedly.
"Don't know, don't care.", I say as I sprawl on the sofa lazily.
"Did he -, never mind, it's none of my business.", she asks looking everywhere but at me.
"You're right. It is none of your business.", I say snatching my letters back and heading to my room.
I do realize this is very rude of me but everyone doesn't always have to bring him up. There's more to my life than him. Not everything revolves around him. Not everything should be made about him. Especially not my last day at school.
I go through the letters. I'll save Ryujin's for last. I'm pretty sure I'll cry after reading it.
Mostly are letters from guys who had a crush on me, I don't understand what they see in me. I'm not even pretty. They are really sweet letters. Too bad I never got to know them.
My mom comes in my room and says, "Me and your dad are leaving. Food is in the fridge."
"Where are you going?", I ask sitting up.
"Remember I told you, your aunt is getting married, we are leaving for her wedding. We'll be back in two days.", she says stroking my hair.
"And why am I not going again?"
"Because you have your prom. Do you have short term memory loss?", she asks laughing.
"Oh right.", I say nodding.
She starts to leave but then I remember I never told her about what happened on the last day of the workshop. They need to know before they leave. I might have to leave before they come back from the wedding.
I come downstairs and dad starts giving me countless instructions.
"Don't open the door for anyone except your neighbor, Ms. Koo. Be home on time. Always pick up our call. I know you are responsible so I won't have to worry about boys coming over etc. You got it?"
"Yup. Got it.", I say while giving him a hug.
They both start to leave.
"Wait! I have something I need to tell you!", I say getting all nervous suddenly.
Then, I spill.
"Oh my god my daughter! I am so proud of you!", says my mom as tears well up in her eyes.
"But it's too far. Are you sure you'll be okay?", asks dad pretending to not get all choked up.
We all hug for a while before finally letting go.
"When do you have to leave?", ask both of them.
"Day after prom. Early morning."
"We'll come earlier from the wedding."
"There's no need, I can go by myself."
"What nonsense! There's no way we won't see you off!"
We hug for a while before they finally leave.
I go up to my room and read the remaining letters.
All my friends wrote me letters including Kang Won Ae and all BTS members. Even Jimina and Jungkooka wrote me sweet words. I was surprised to find a letter from Eun Ho.
It reads:
Dear Seon Ra,
Thank you for dancing with me. Needless to say, it was the best dance of my life. I know you'll never want me the way I do and honestly that's fine, I'm glad I got to know you once in this life. It may not seem sincere coming from me, but Taehyung is the perfect match for you. You both deserve each other and I wish you both the best. Wishing you a happy life Seon Ra!
Best wishes,
Eun Ho
He's a great guy but he was definitely wrong about me and Taehyung. We were far from perfect.
I find a weird letter in the pile. It's signed 'Yeontan'. Weird.
It reads:
Dear Seon Ra,
I couldn't gather the courage to ask you which college you got accepted in... whichever it is, I hope we end up at the same place. Even if you don't want to see my face again, I hope I get to see yours everyday forever. Maybe I shouldn't use the word 'forever'. I have never been that good at putting my feelings in words, maybe I'll release a song about this someday. I don't think I'll do it justice if I put my feelings in this letter... but thank you for loving me for who I am and seeing and accepting me for who I am. I will always love you, forever. That is something I'm pretty sure of. Don't blame yourself for everything bad that happens... let's blame the universe together. Maybe the universe will regret doing this to us, maybe we'll meet again at a different place, better time. Let down your worries and burdens once in a while. Not every burden is yours to carry. Love yourself, okay? You're the most beautiful person I've ever met, both inside and out. I know I won't be able to ensure it, but I hope you'll be happy. Maybe loving me is the reason you couldn't love yourself and I hope this turns out to be a blessing for you. I'm sorry for everything. I'll be there within a second whenever you need me, so don't hesitate to reach out. I'm rooting for you... be happy.
With love,
Yeontan
If he didn't want to sign it, he shouldn't have been this obvious. Who else except him will sign it as 'Yeontan'?
He was very wrong about one thing... he's the only reason I even started to love myself.
I am feeling so many emotions right now that I'm all choked up. But I don't have the time for this. I need to start packing my stuff. But before all that, Ms. Koo will be here any minute. I should go cook her something.
Ms. Koo is like my halmeoni (grandmother). Ever since I've shifted, she has treated me just like her granddaughter and I love her so much. Her husband passed away 6 years ago and she lives very far from her children, but even after all her hardships, she's the happiest and brightest soul I've ever met.
I quickly bake some of her favorite cookies which we can enjoy with tea.
*ting tong
Here she comes! Yay! I'm actually happy I'll get to spend some time with her.
"Halmeoni! I made you your favorite cookies!", I say as I excitedly hug her.
This is the first time I actually notice it's been raining. I take her umbrella and keep it aside for drying.
"Aigoo Seon Ra! You didn't have to because I already brought so much food for you!", she says returning the hug.
We just sit and begin talking endlessly. More like I start eating her brain. I have so much to tell her!
I bring her some tea with my fresh cookies.
"Seon Ra you are improving in your cooking, I'm impressed.", she says patting my head.
"I learnt it all from you of course!"
We chat endlessly for hours and hours. I tell her about everything. Everything. She's like my safe place.
Kim Taehyung
Namjoon hyung comes over at my place as soon as I'm finished reading the letters. It's been so long since we hung out.
"Whose letter did you find the best?", he asks plopping on my bed.
I clear my throat before saying, "Of course yours. It was so wordy."
"That doesn't sound like a compliment!"
"It is. What about you? Jin hyung's like always? You two seriously give such friendship goals!", I ask.
"Nope, this year it's someone else.", he says looking everywhere but at me.
"Who is it?"
"It doesn't matter... let's eat something.", he says trying to dodge.
"Tell me."
"Seon Ra.", he says sighing.
"She wrote you a letter!?"
"All of us."
"I didn't expect that... can I read it?", I ask.
After I finish reading it, even though it wasn't written for me, tears welled up.
"I can understand how you're feeling. I cried too.", he says.
"Hyung... can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"I found this weird letter... can you read it and guess who might've written it?", I say handing him my 'fangirl's' letter.
"You think she wrote it, don't you?", he asks as he finishes reading it.
"She who?"
"Seon Ra!", he says flicking my forehead.
"Ouch. You didn't have to do that!"
"I think she definitely wrote it.", says Namjoon hyung.
"But we won't ever know for sure.", I say sighing.
"Why not? Go and ask her right now."
"I can't go like that."
"You can. Her parents aren't even home.", he says shrugging his shoulders.
"How do you even know that!?"
"News travels buddy. It's a small locality."
"Should I really go?", I ask finally.
"Do you want to live with these questions forever? You might never get another chance. Go now before it's too late."
And so, I get ready to leave for her place.
To be continued...
This is how I'm editing the book, let me know if you like it ♡