A/N: There is a quick POV shift at the end of this chapter that I felt was needed. <3 Hope you enjoy.
Listen To: 'Beyond' by Leon Bridges. (Spotify)
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I let out a whiny groan when my alarm clock goes off 3 hours later. I roll out of bed and don't even bother with grabbing clothing from JK's floor to cover my naked body. I grab my phone and lean down to kiss his forehead as I walk out of his room. I head down the hall, heading to Namjoon's room; it's eerily quiet but it makes sense since they technically don't need to be up for another hour and a half or so. I softly push his door open and let myself in. I close it behind me and then turn around to look at him.
It's endearing to see how fucking adorable he is. He's laying on his stomach, his face squished against the pillow. His blanket is thrown on the floor, discarded during the night. His golden skin has a slight sheen of sweat in between his broad shoulders and I can see the rise and fall of his breathing. I just want to run my tongue up and down his whole body; the thought alone makes my core tighten.
I walk to him and climb on the bed, throwing my leg over his body and straddling his hips. I bring my mouth down and place my lips on the small of his back and work my way up until I reach the nape of his neck and I allow my body to press against his. His hot skin feels like heaven; a juxtaposition against my cold skin. I continue to run my mouth all over him, trying to wake him slowly. I reach his ear and gently bite on his lobe.
"Good morning, Mr. Kim" I whisper and I feel the shiver that runs down his spine. "Wake up and take a shower with me. I promise I'll make it worthwhile," I continue and I see a smile spread across his lips.
He rolls around to lay on his back and he opens his eyes to look at me. The moment he realizes that I'm completely naked, he sits himself up and groans as he pulls me against him.
"Let's go," I tell him as I get off of him and pull his hand to follow me. I open the door, pulling him behind me. As we walk to the bathroom, Hobi's room door opens and he steps out, eyes half closed, hair a mess and barley even awake. He looks at me and his mouth drops. I giggle at him.
"Am I dreaming? This is a dream right?" He mumbles and then turns around to go back in his room.
"Morning Hob-ah," I tell him as I pull Joon into the bathroom with me. He closes the door behind him as I turn the water on, making sure it's hot, just like he likes it. I turn to see him brushing his teeth quickly as he watches me.
"You like what you see?" I telling him jokingly as I put my hand on my hip. He smirks as he turns around and spits the toothpaste out and rinses his mouth. I walk to him and place my mouth on his back, kissing him as my hands go to the waist band of his pants and I pull down, my mouth following. I take them all the way down and before I stand up, I kiss his muscular thighs and then give him a small bite on his ass cheek. He let's out a small yelp and I laugh at him.
He turns around and places his hands on my hips as he leads me into the shower. It doesn't take any time at all for us to let our bodies give in to our craving for each other. He picks me up by my thighs and pushes my back onto the cold glass wall. I let out a hiss at the sting of the cold against my now hot skin. God, I love shower sex.
His mouth devours mine, kissing me like he's starved, unable to control the intense arousal he's feeling.
"You're my drug. I just wanna be high on you always," he mumbles into my mouth and I can't hold back the moan that escapes my lips at the way he's fucking my heart with his words.
"I hated the thought of someone else even looking at you last night; the thought of them thinking you didn't already belong to me and that they might have a chance in hell to have you," he confesses. Just as tells me his honest feelings, I feel him reach down and bring his dick into my entrance, slowly rolling his hips up and pressing into me; filling me so fucking perfectly. I let my head fall back against the glass, my neck out in the open for him to ruin.
"I'm yours. I'll never let anyone think that i'm anything but completely yours," I tell him.
I look down at our bodies connecting; completely hypnotized by the way his body rolls likes waves into me. I'm captivated by watching the way he disappears inside of me; the muscles of his stomach flexing with every ripple of movement. I feel heat on the back of my neck as I'm completely aroused by the sight.
"Oh fuck," I moan out as I feel him slightly bend his knees and then thrust himself into me at a slightly different angle, feeling him deeper than before.
"Feel good sweet thing?" He asks me between grunts and moans.
"So, so good. Love the way you feel inside of me," I let out breathily as I feel the tingle starting in my belly.
"Tell me you love me. Tell me," he moans against my neck.
"I love you. I love you so much. Please, please. Fuck, right there Joon-ah. I'm almost— right there," I moan out, my mind in a complete fog; only focused on the way that I'm teetering on the very edge of my climax.
"Yeah baby? You gonna to come for me? Tell me how no one else makes you feel like this," he says in a tremulous voice. Every single one of them at one point or another has asked me to give them those words of reassurance; to tell them that only they make me feel a certain way and I never feel like I'm lying when I say they do because each of them makes me feel idiosyncratically; exclusive to each of them individually. Emotionally, mentally, physically; they each give me exactly what I need. And I know that when they ask for those reassuring words, it isn't because they need reassurance from each other, but from anyone else; wanting consolation that no one aside from them will ever be able to have me in the ways they do. I move my hands into his wet hair and tug roughly, making sure that he's paying attention to me when I say it to him.
"난 네꺼야," I say to him, our foreheads resting on each other. His eyes are completely dark, dilated and fucked out. "Yes, baby. No one else makes me feel like you do Namjoon-ah," I press my mouth into his.
He thrusts deeply into me a few more times and my head and eyes roll back as my climax hits me like a freight train; hard and heavy. My whole body tenses as the pleasure works it's way through every single nerve ending in me; complete and utter arousal taking over. I can't control the way I scream his name out as he continues to push into me so euphorically; overstimulating pain that turns into pleasure. It doesn't take more than a minute for him to follow suit; the sonorous reverberation of my name in his rich voice echos through the steam filled room. It's like a hymn that he uses to worship me with. I'm not religious but I swear, it's hard not to believe that a higher power exists when you find and are able to connect to a person that has the ability to take you to a place that's this celestial and holy.
He puts me down and I'm sure his arms have to be sore from holding me up for so long. My legs feel like jello but I do my best to hold myself up. We try to get through the rest of our shower as quickly as we can but we can't help but get lost in each other; stopping to allow ourselves to indulge and enjoy our time together. Once we finish, I wrap the towel around me, kiss Joonie and then head to my room. As I leave his room, I see Jimin walking down the hall, his eyes going wide as they realize that I'm only in a towel.
He stands in front of me and grabs my elbows to pull me in to kiss me. His lips are soft against mine and his breath tastes like mint.
"Good Morning Noona," he says to me.
"Good Morning Jimin-ssi," I say to him and he scrunches his nose at me.
"No Jimin-ssi," he tells me with a pout.
I laugh at him and then softly push his long hair behind his ear. He brings his arms around my waist and buries his nose in my neck.
"You smell so good," he tells me as he starts pressing his lips onto my very sensitive skin. I'm holding on to the towel for dear life, trying not to get too distracted by him so that I forget I'm holding on to it.
"I can't wait to spend time with you tonight," he whispers into my hair.
"Mmmmmm what are you planning on doing to me?" I ask him. He smirks at me as he describes in full detail, using colorful and obscene words, how he and Taehyung are planning to devour me. He softly kisses my cheek and then tells me he needs to go shower. He turns around and leaves me standing in the middle of the hallway completely stunned. I let out a sigh and continue down the hall.
I get to my room and go straight to my bathroom to do my hair and makeup. As soon as I finish with that, I go to my closet, put on a bra and underwear, grab a pair of distressed jeans and decide I want to wear one of JK's zip ups today. I leave my room and can hear them all gathered in the kitchen so I walk over to ask Jungkook if he minds. As soon as I walk into the space, their eyes go to me; completely lost in the fact that I just walked in wearing only jeans and a black lace bra. They're just as insatiable as I've been lately. I ignore the way their eyes are taking me in and walk straight to JK who's pouring himself a glass of milk. I stand behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. He turns around and looks down at me; a smug smile on his face that he's who I was looking for. He brings his arms around me and places a kiss on my forehead.
"Can I borrow your cheetah print Amiri zip up, pretty please?" I ask him with a pout. He laughs at me and brings his hand to either side of my face.
"Baby, you can have anything and everything you want from me," he says as he squeezes my face and brings it to his, kissing me loudly. He let's go, grabs my hands and leads me to his room.
He walks me into his giant closet and rummages through the area where his jackets and hoodies are hanging. He sees the one I'm looking for and pulls it off the rack. He unzips it and tosses the wooden hanger aside and lays it on my shoulders.
"You're going to just wear your bra under it?" He asks with wide eyes. I decide to mess with him a little bit.
"Yeah, I think it will look good. Don't you?" I say to him.
He turns back around to face his closet and pulls a black tshirt off the top rack and turns back to me.
"This shirt would look really good under the jacket," he says as he swallows hard. I smile at him.
"What's wrong? You don't want me to wear my bra?" I ask him as I put my hand on my hip.
"If that makes you feel good and it's what you want to wear, go for it, baby. You look good in anything you wear," he tells me and I can tell he's just being the most incredible supportive boyfriend ever; putting aside the fact that it might make him uncomfortable.
"You," I say as I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck and hop up to wrap my legs around his waist as his hands instantly grab my thighs. "Are the most amazing, most incredible, most selfless, most wonderful boyfriend ever and I love you so much," I tell him in between kisses all over his face.
"Wait, why?" He asks me, a confused look on his face.
"Because even though you obviously didn't want me to wear just my bra, you didn't push your opinion on me and you respected my choice. Not many men act that way you know? Some feel like it's their job to tell their wives or girlfriends what they can and can't do," I tell him.
"It's your body, baby. What you do to it, for it, or how you dress it is none of my business. My only business is to love it, worship it and pleasure it in every way possible," he says with a smirk as he kisses me. I let out a sigh as feel his hands squeeze my thighs tightly.
"Let's go before we're late," I tell him as I hop out of his arms. I grab the jacket and tell him I'm going to go grab a shirt and I'll meet him back in the kitchen.
15 minutes and a black cropped top later, we're all piled into the sprinter van and heading toward the sound stage. I'm on the phone with SME as they're giving me the pitch for the Super M debut. Yoongi is next to me watching me scribble notes on my tablet while he listens to music. Taehyung is on the other side of me tracing his finger against the skin of my thigh that's exposed through a hole in my jeans. I finish my call with SME just as we are about to pull into the location.
"El, you really should think about getting an assistant. Baby, you can't handle all of this on your own," Seokjin tells me.
"I know. I've been thinking about that a lot recently. It's becoming a lot to try and juggle it on my own," I tell him.
"If you want, mention it to Sejin and I'm sure he can help you find a few candidates for you to interview," Namjoon adds.
"Yeah, I'll talk to him about it today," I tell them.
"Oh, and maybe a publicist too," we hear Yoongi chime in as he hands his phone to me.
Idol Photographer Eleanor Lopez and Lead Stylist Lee Ae-Cha were seen at the opening of a new exclusive club, 'LOCK', with members of EXO, NCT, and SHINee. Sources report to Dispatch that the photographer punched a YG backup dancer after he continuously harassed her after she asked him repeatedly to stop. He was seen leaving the club with a bloody nose and Eleanor made her exit, alone and unhurt, 15 minutes later.
Then there is a photo attached of me as I am leaving the club.
I roll my eyes.
"At least this time they're not fabricating a whole storyline," I mumble out as the car comes to a stop.
"You punched a guy and made him bleed? Are you okay?" Seokjin asks as the rest of them look at me in shock.
"He touched you?" Hoseok says. His jaw is clenched and he has a grit in his tone that is, quite frankly, terrifying.
"Are you hurt?" Namjoon asks, equally pissed off.
"Yeah, I'm fine. He wouldn't get his fucking hands off me and when I rejected him, he pulled me back and I fell into him. I told him to leave me alone and then he called me a crazy bitch so I knocked him out," I tell them. Jungkook turns around from his seat in front of me, cups my face and brings me in and kisses me hard.
"And look at her hand; not even a scratch on her beautiful skin because I trained her right," JK says as he kisses my knuckles. "That's my good girl" he says to me with a smirk and I feel my core tighten. Oh okay, so that works outside the bedroom too; great.
The doors open and we all get out and head to the sound stage. Taehyung pulls me back before we split. His face is sad and I look at him confused.
"I'm sorry you didn't have anyone there for you last night. I feel like a failure as a boyfriend," he says as he looks down at my hands in his.
"Tae, you're NOT a failure. Don't ever call yourself that. You're the best boyfriend ever. Baby, I don't always need someone to defend me. I can defend myself too and that's okay. You make me feel like I am strong enough to take anyone on. So please, don't feel that way, okay? I love you," I say as I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him. He places a kiss onto my neck and mutters an okay.
He joins the rest of the guys to head into hair and makeup while I get set up. After setting up, I jump on a call with Hyunjin and Felix to talk about the concept for their Arena shoot. Just as I'm finishing up my call and saying my goodbyes to the guys, Sejin comes to sit down next to me.
"So, sounds like you are in need of an assistant," he tells me.
"Yeah, it's gotten to be a lot to handle all of the clerical stuff," I tell him.
"We have tons of open applications. I'll go through them and forward on any that I think could work, pick a couple and then we can set up interviews," he tells me.
"That's perfect. Thank you Sejin-Nim," I tell him.
"Anytime," he says with a smile as he stands up to go see what else needs to be done.
I pull out my tablet and start looking at the menu for the restaurant the guys like that's close to our house. I go on their website and order a huge variety of food for tonight. I'm not sure what Hyun-Jin and his wife, Sana, like but I grab things that are all pretty universally loved. Once I've set the delivery time and paid, I put my tablet away and go back to focus on my phone.
I get an email back from my realtor and she tells me she already has a handful of leads with all cash offers waiting for the house to be listed. It will be so strange to sell it but I'm also super happy to see it go. I don't feel any connection to it anymore; it's no longer my home. My home is here; they are my home. She tells me she's listing it the day I arrive and we can go through the offers together. I'm relieved that things are falling into place and I won't have to be in the US longer than necessary. I just want to get back home to my boys as soon as possible.
I debate emailing my friend Kat (the one who's family took me in) but I think I saw on social media that she's in New York or something so I decide against it.
I search for florist in Daegu and find one that does same day delivery so I order two arrangements. One larger one that's all white roses for Yoongi's Eomma and another that's a mix of tulips, carnations, roses and a variety of other flowers in pinks and yellows for Taehyung's Eomma. I write them each notes and make sure that I have their addresses right and place the order. I just want them to know that I'm aware that watching their sons do something that's out of the norm is hard but I appreciate them and the fact that they're both so open to me. I place the order and check one more thing off my checklist. By the time I've finished a few more clerical items, signed a few contracts and send out a couple of proposals, the guys are ready to shoot.
The first set goes amazing. They're all dresses super cute in suits and baseball hats in tones of greys, whites and blacks. It's fun because they take a more lifestyle approach so I basically followed them around while they joked, teased, and jumped all over each other. I watch as Taehyung and Jimin are teasing and joking with each other and it makes my heart swell. I love their relationship; I love how much they love each other and that they call each other their soul mates. I mean, that's what they are; they were all destined to be together. They change into different outfits and we move outside to an ally way near the studio. Ae-Cha comes and joins me as I set up and she fills me in on what happened after I left.
"He's seriously incredible. He took me home and helped me put on my pajamas and washed my face and tucked me into bed. He stayed with me but he didn't try anything, we just cuddled and this morning, he made us coffee and we agreed to meet up this weekend," she gushes about her night with Kai.
"That sounds amazing. I'm so glad you guys clicked. He seems like such a sweet guy," I tell her while we sip our Americano's and wait for the members.
"What did you do afterwards?" She asks me as she nudges my shoulder and winks at me.
"Me? Um, well I got home, went and said goodnight to everyone and then went to bed," I tell her.
"Don't hate me; I have to know," she says as she looks around to make sure that we are alone and no one is around to hear us. "How do you do it? How do you keep up with 7 men, you know, sexually? And how do you go about delegating your time?" She says with a smirk. I have never felt my cheeks or my face burn so hot before in my life.
"Ummm, well, honestly, it's not that hard. We don't really keep tabs on who's next and who has had more time, we just roll through things organically. We all have the time we want and need with each other and I guess it helps that I have the sex drive of a freaking teenager," I say with a scoff.
"Really? I wish. Have you always been like that?" She asks me. This is kind of nice, having a girlfriend to talk about personal things like this with. She makes me feel comfortable and I like that we can relate to each other.
"Hmmm. Kind of? I wasn't very sexually attracted to my previous partners so it didn't happen a lot. When I was single, I would hook up with guys on occasion. But it's been way more prominent since dating them. And especially in the last like, month or so, I've been literally insatiable. I don't know what's going on but what I do know is that no one is complaining," I say with a laugh.
"So like, every day? Every other day?" She asks me. I feel like I'm going to die of embarrassment.
"Umm, usually at least once a day, everyday" I say quietly. Her eyes go wide and after the initial shock wears off, she bursts into a loud laugh.
"하지마!" I tell her as I bring my hands up and cover my face.
"It's always the quiet ones that are the freaky ones!" She says as she pulls my hands away from my face.
Just as we are finishing up our conversation, Jimin, Yoongi, Jungkook and Hoseok walk up to us.
"Why are you so flustered 자기 ? What were you guys talking about?" Jimin asks us.
"Nothing!" Ae and I say in unison as Jimin, Yoongi and JK narrow their eyes at us.
Hobi wraps his arm around my waist from behind and buries his nose in my hair and whispers in my ear.
"I can't focus on anything today because all I'm thinking about is you in that dress last night," he tells me. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm being lit on fire.
"You're shameless," I turn my face to whisper to him.
"I'll be right back," I announce to them and wonder if Hoseok will get my not so subtle hint. I walk to the bathroom inside, passing Jin, Joon, and Tae while they're still getting their hair and makeup fixed. I walk into the bathroom and start washing my hands. It doesn't take longer than a minute for a soft knock to land on the door. I open it softly and reach out to grab him and pull him in. I close the door behind him and then push him against it. I hear him let out a grunt as he hits the metal hard.
"You think you can just dirty talk me and then not do anything about it?" I tell him as I push my hand against his chest. He looks at me and his mouth is hanging open. I'm never this way with Hoseok; he a tried and true Dom and I've always respected that but sometimes, it's fun to flip the script on them.
"Now, be a good boy and stay still," I grunt into his mouth. I hear him let out a groan. My hands go to his pants and I unbutton them and push my hand in. I push the heel of my palm into his dick and he hisses into my mouth.
"So hard for me already baby," I whisper as my hand grasps around his length, hardening as I stoke him. He lets out a broken sigh and I know I got him. I pull my hand out and grab the waistband of his pants and underwear and pull them down to the middle of his thighs. I drop down to my knees and start kissing his legs; gently sucking marks on to his flawless skin. I move my way up to his length and pump him in my hands quickly to bring him to full hardness. I lick up the underside of his length, following the vein that leads to the tip. Once I see precome leaking from his tip, I suck him into my mouth. I gently lick his tip and then wrap my lips around him and suck. I hear him gasp as his head hits the door.
"Shhhhh," I say as I pop off of him. I work my way back to him and brace myself on his thighs with my hands and start to bob my head up and down his length. When I reach his base, I suck my cheeks in swallow.
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck," he mutters and his hands go to my hair. I pull off of him and look up at him through my lashes.
"We gotta hurry so I'm going to need you to fuck my mouth baby," I tell him.
"Shit, okay," he says, his eyes completely fucked out. I brace myself, take a deep breath, relax my throat and bring him back into my mouth.
He start slow at first, gently thrusting into my mouth but nowhere near fully. I start to get antsy so I smack on his thigh, encouraging him to just go.
"Okay Princess," he says with a scoff.
He starts thrusting into my mouth and when he finally pushes all the way in and I feel him at them back of my throat, I feel the way his legs start to tense up and he starts moaning. He continues thrusting pulling his ass off the door and pushing hard into me. His fingers curling around my hair and pulling and it's so fucking hot that I can't help the obscene moan that leaves my mouth and vibrates against his dick.
"Fu—Coming," he moans out as he tugs my hair and pushes all the way to the back of my throat and I feel his hot release as I swallow. I keep twirling my tongue around him, making sure that I've taken every drop of him before I hear him hiss out from overstimulation. I pop off of him, pull his pants up and lick my lips as I button his trousers. I bring my eyes to his and I smile. I make my way to the sink and twist my head under the faucet, allowing the cool water into my mouth as I swish and swallow. I look in the mirror and dab off any evidence. I feel him walk up behind me as his arms rest on either side of the sink, caging me into his hold. I turn off the water then turn around to face him.
"That was the best blow job I've ever had in my life," He says as he kisses my neck. "But if you think I'm just going to let you get away with the way you spoke to me, you're very mistaken," he whispers into my ear. I feel a cold shiver run down my spine.
"Are you going to punish me?" I ask him, still feeling very ballsy.
"Oh Princess, you have no idea what I'm going to do to you," he says with a smirk.
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The rest of the afternoon goes quickly. We finish the second set in record time and then move on to the third. Sejin and the other managers review the images and they're all incredibly happy with them. It's one of the most rewarding things to experience; to watch the people that hire you and trust you with capturing art that is very important to them, actually like the end result. I feel lighter, more at ease.
They also compliment the guys on their ability to get through the shoots much faster than they were scheduled for. Sejin says that they know that it's because of me. After we've finished and the guys are getting undressed and taking their makeup off, Ae-Cha comes back to talk to me and that's when I'm hit with an idea.
"Ae, I have a question for you. And I don't know why I didn't think of it before," I tell her.
"What's up?" She asks me.
"What are you doing on Monday? From Monday to Thursday Morning to be precise?" I ask her.
"Um, I don't have anything super important. There's a few online things with TxT but their items are already ready," she responds.
"What would you think about going to California with me? I can pay for your flight and you can stay at the hotel with me. It would just be 3 days," I tell her. Her face lights up and I'm pretty sure I know what her answer is going to be.
"헉!" She shouts, "Really?!" She asks.
"Yes. I was going to go alone and to be honest the guys hated the idea but I couldn't think of anyone who could go with me. I don't know why I didn't think about you from the beginning. It will be a really quick trip. I'm just going to make sure my house sells and everything gets taken out and I ship things here. I also have a meeting with my agency while I'm there. But I'm sure that we can sneak in a trip to the beach or do a little sightseeing," I tell her.
"Yes! I can have the assistants be at the TXT shoot and it will be no problem. I'm so excited!" She tells me.
I pull out my tablet and immediately get her a ticket on my flight. I grab all of her information and buy the ticket. She thanks me and tells me how excited she is because she's never been to California (she's only been working with BigHit for a few months longer than I have) and she's never been on a trip with a friend. I'm equally excited, to be honest. The thought of not having to do this trip alone makes me feel better and I'm sure my partners will also feel a little sense of relief. She finishes up for the night and gives me a tight squeeze and says goodnight and she will see me tomorrow morning for our girls day. I say goodbye and she skips out of the sound stage and I laugh at how giddy she is.
I sit on the chair, waiting for the guys to finish so we can head home. We finished 3 hours earlier than scheduled so we will be able to go home and rest for a bit before Hyun-Jin and his family are set to arrive for dinner. I think I'll take a bath when I get home, maybe take a short nap. I'm exhausted after coming home so late and only getting a few hours of sleep. I feel hands on my shoulders that jolt me back to reality and Jimin comes to stand in front of me.
"별일 없지?" he asks me.
"Yeah, I was just daydreaming," I tell him.
"Want to take a nap when we get home?" Jimin asks me. I look up at him and smile. He removed his makeup and he's in his comfy clothes and he looks so beautiful.
"Yeah, let's do that," I tell him.
It doesn't take much time for everyone to be done and ready to go. We all get back in the sprinter van and make our way back home. Once we arrive, everyone seems to have the same idea, get some rest. Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon and Hobi all go to their own rooms while Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook follow me to mine.
It's days like today that I'm thankful for my massive bed because cuddling with them is one of my favorite things to do; especially when it's a few of them or all of them at once. The feeling of their warm bodies encompassing me is the place that I feel the safest.
We walk into my room and they start shedding clothing; I laugh as I watch them. It's funny that their job will have them covered completely (except sometimes, the get a little cheeky on stage) and even go so far as to censor them but in actual daily life, the less clothing, the better for them. They start laying in the bed, grunts and sighs of exhaustion filling the room. I take my clothes off and grab a tshirt to pull over my body, plug my phone in, turning on my calming playlist, turn off the lights and then join them, laying between Jimin and Taehyung while JK crawls his way from the foot of the bed. He pushes my legs open and lays his head on my belly, using my leg to cuddle.
It takes no time at all for them all to get comfortable and start falling asleep. Tae's head is leaned on one of my shoulders, my hand wrapping underneath his face to reach his hair and massage him lightly. Jimin's face is buried in my other shoulder, his breath hitting my collarbone. And my other hand is wrapped in Jungkook's messy hair, scratching at his scalp. I know he's fully asleep once he stops placing kisses on the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.
"Space and time in the afterlife,
Will she have my kids? Will she be my wife?
She might just be my everything and beyond..."
A few minutes later, as the sound of Leon Bridges fills my room, basking in the stillness of their breathing and I close my eyes and let my mind get away.
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My phone starts ringing and I assume it's my alarm to get up. It feels like we didn't nap long and I'm still feeling so tired. I reach out to my phone and realize it's actually a phone call and recognize the number from a previous call. The guys are waking up as the phone continues to ring. I sit up and slide my thumb on the screen to answer it.
"Hello?" I say, knowing good and well who it is.
"Ella Bella! Hi Sweetie, how are you?" She asks me and I can't help but feel angry at how sweet she's trying to be.
"I'm fine," I tell her. Jungkook comes off my lap and I bring my legs up to hug them. They stay right next to me, rubbing my back, holding my hand, watching me intently. I watch as Taehyung gets up and leaves the room, motioning that he will be right back.
"That's great. I'm happy to hear that. Have you been very busy with work?" She continues.
"Yes, I have been. I've got quite a lot going on right now," I respond and I see Tae walk back in with Joon, Jin, Yoongi and Hobi behind him. They all sit on my bed and watch me; having them there makes me feel like i'm much stronger than I actually am.
"I can imagine that someone as talented as you, would be," she says with a small laugh.
"How do you know?" I ask her.
"Know what, sweetheart?" She responds.
"That i'm talented. You don't even know what I do for a living," I tell her.
"Oh, I, well, I did some research and found you on google. News articles from South Korea. That's where you are right now for work, right? Do you miss home? When do you come back?" She asks me.
"No, I live here now. Seoul is my home," I say.
"What? I thought you were just there for work?" She asks me, her voice sounding very surprised. "What about your life here Eleanor? Your home? Your friends? Why would you move to some country you know nothing about?" She continues.
"What life?" I ask her. "It doesn't matter why I've chosen to live here, I just do. My house is going up for sale and the people who are important to me know that I live her," I say cooly. "I have a trip in a few days back to LA. I'll be finishing up the sale of my home, getting rid of and packing things and then coming back," I inform her. I look up and see eyes around me. Namjoon is holding my hand, running his thumb over the top, comforting me.
"I just don't understand," she responds.
"With all due respect, why would you 'need' to understand? You don't know anything about me. You know nothing about what I do or what I enjoy or who's in my life, so why are you surprised by anything that I'm telling you?" I tell her.
"But I do know. I know how you have a fancy job with a prestigious record label and work for a very, very popular band. I know that you are also becoming very well known and are starting to work with other companies. It's because I care about you Eleanor. You're my daughter," she says and it feels like I've been splashed with ice cold water. So she researched me and only read stuff about me from Dispatch? She didn't read about me being the winner of the IPA Photographer of the Year award last year or how I was nominated for the Female in Focus Award. Or what about my publications in Vogue and Vanity Fair? My work with The Recording Academy? 10 years in my business, working hard to accomplish all the things I've done and she sees none of that? The only things that stuck out to her was who I was working for and how "well known" I was becoming.
"Would it be possible to see you when you're here?" She asks the question that I knew would evidently come.
"Why? Why do you want to see me? What do you want from me?" I ask her.
"Els, I just want to see you. I want to get to know my daughter. I want to know what's become of you and hear about this incredible life that you're living," she responds and I realize that nowhere in that statement did she mention anything about mending what she broke, or explaining her actions.
"I'll meet with you," I say.
"Oh Ella Bella, thank you Honey. That makes me so happy," she tells me.
"I'll text you the date and time. I can't be flexible, I'm only there for 3 days and I'm on a very tight schedule," I inform her.
"Wonderful. I will be ready. Thank you Eleanor. I'm excited to see you. I'll be waiting for your information. Goodnight Honey," she tells me.
"Goodnight," I say and I hang up. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The two times I've spoken with her have me feeling such a strong reaction. My body feels like it's depleted of all light and love; she sucks it right out of me. But I can't allow her to have that much power over me. She doesn't deserve it. I'm going to see her and I'm going to tell her how I feel. I will be strong and I will not allow her to emotionally or mentally bulldoze me.
"I'm so proud of you sweet thing," I hear Namjoon say as he rubs my arm.
"You did so good baby," Jimin adds.
"You stood your ground and set boundaries. We know that's hard because you're such a kind and sweet person; you did so well 자기," Yoongi tells me as he squeezes my shoulder.
I look at them and I smile. I refuse to let her ruin my day.
"Thank you guys," I tell them as I look at each of them. "Thank you for always being here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you all," I say. "But enough of this, lets go and get ready for dinner," I say to them. We all start getting off the bed and heading into the kitchen.
I go around the house and make sure everything is tidy and our things are put away. We have a company that comes and cleans a couple of times a week but I always make sure that it's as tidy as it can be with 8 people living in a house and leading increasingly busy lives. I move to the kitchen and take out the table wear and start setting them up on our table. I grab candles and some of Joon's pretty plants from the sunroom and set the center of the table to make it look pretty.
As soon as that's set, I head to my room and get changed. I settle for a casual outfit. Black fitted leggings, an oversized band tee, a distressed denim jacket and my white pull on Dr. Marten boots. I pull my hair back into a low ponytail, letting some pieces fall onto my face softly, add some lipgloss and then head back to the kitchen.
15 minutes later, the food arrives and I'm setting everything up. Jimin is helping me but honestly, he's just holding on to me, kissing me and distracting me but I wouldn't have it any other way. We hear the doorbell ring and know that Hyun-Jin and his family have arrived. Jimin and I walk to the living room to where the others are and to meet our guests.
Hyun-Jin's wife, Sana, is absolutely stunning and it's obvious that they're both so in love. But, as much as I am smitten by watching them, I can't take my eyes off of the precious baby girl in her arms. Moa's skin is like porcelain, soft and flawless. Her dark hair is pulled into pigtails on either side of the top of her head. She looks at me and she smiles and I feel my heart melting.
I've always liked kids but I wasn't sure I ever felt a connection to any; I was raised as an only child and never spent time around children. I look at her; her adorable little nose, her rosy cheeks, and her tiny little hands and then she brings her eyes to mine, smiles at me and I swear to god, I can feel my heart swelling. She reaches her hands out to me, asking for me to hold her and I nearly die.
Sana walks to me and hands her to me and the moment she goes to me, she squeezes her little arms around my neck and my heart is overwhelmed. How does this adorable little baby hold so much love? I think back to the call with my mother and everything else going on and I start to tear up. I bring my hand up to her little back and rub lightly as I let my head fall into hers, closing my eyes and just enjoying the feeling of this tiny human showering me with affection.
Hyun-Jin proceeds to tell me that she usually isn't very friendly with people and tends to keep to herself so they're not sure what's gotten into her. Sana proceeds to tell me that Moa must feel a special connection to me because she just will not let me go. I stay holding on to her as we lead them to the kitchen and everyone starts to dig into the food. Moa refuses to go to anyone else except for me so I keep a hold of her while everyone else eats.
We spend the evening talking and I answer their questions and enjoy getting to see Hyun-Jin and his relationship with Sana. Moa ends up falling asleep in my arms and I can feel her soft little snores in my ear. Hyun-Jin offers to take her from me but I tell him I'm fine and can continue to hold her. I pull her down to cradle her and brush her soft little hair off her forehead and gently stroke her little cheeks. I'm completely enamored by her. I feel an arm go around the back of my chair and look up to catch Seokjin's eyes and see the way he's looking at me and I can't quite read it. He leans into my ear and I feel him press a kiss to my neck. I turn and lean my forehead on to him.
"You are the one I choose. 오늘도 내일도 그리고 평생 너를 사랑하고 응원할게," he says breathily and I know that there is absolutely nothing I want more in my life than him, them and us.
***Seokjin***
I've always known I wanted a family. It's been something I've dreamed about from a very young age. When we met her, when I feel in love with her, I wanted nothing more than to create a life with her but being in a polyamorous relationship meant that some of us would have to sacrifice. I am willing to give everything up to just be with her, even my dream of having a family. When we started talking about it more, the logistical part of it, we all comfortably came to the conclusion that Taehyung, Namjoon and I were the ones that would like to have biological children. Eleanor said that she realistically would be okay with 3-4 children (she said she'd see after 3 and if she felt like our family wasn't complete, she and Jungkook would add another child. She even joked that maybe, just maybe, she would love being pregnant and having babies more than she assumed and would want to give us each a child. Honestly, we are happy with whatever she decides— it's her body and we will respect her choice). So, we all agreed that we could make that work; raising the children together as siblings of course, and all of us staying as a family unit no matter who the children belonged to biologically.
I know she wants to be a mother; it was evident to me when she was diagnosed with endometriosis and it became a possibility that it might not happen. I can see it in her eyes when she talks about the future and what she sees for us. Her face lights up at the mere thought of us becoming a family, but she carries a fear of it as well; being raised by a woman who didn't prioritize her child, abandoning her and causing her to grow entirely too quickly. Her mother riddled her with irrational fears and anxiety. Eleanor worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she didn't know anything about what a real mother should be.
When she met Yoongi's Eomma, things shifted a little bit. I don't know what they talked about or what Mrs. Min said but Eleanor started to believe that maybe she would be a good mother; that she could break the mold; end the cycle of abandonment that she was raised with. She started to believe she could be better and give a child the one thing she lacked growing up, a mother.
And now, I'm watching her. Her eyes sparkling with excitement as baby Moa reaches out for her. I see a switch flip in her and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. She holds her so delicately; brushing her hair away, stroking her cheeks, starting at her as if she isn't real. I can see how much she's lost in the child laying in her arms; the way she looks at her with so much affection. It's obvious that she is realizing that she can do this. That her having a child, adding to our family, isn't something she needs to be afraid of, isn't something she will ever mess up because as long as she loves that baby, she's already doing better than her own mother ever could.
In that moment, I don't see Moa. I don't see anyone else around us. I see Eleanor and I see myself and I see our future and I'm 100% confident that this is what I want; I want her. I want her in every way possible and I want to give her everything she wants, everything she needs, everything she deserves. My future is in her. She's all I could ever dream of and having a family with her would just be the cherry on top of our already perfect love story.
I extend my arm around the back of her chair and I catch her eye; she looks at me, trying to grasp what I'm thinking. I lean into her, kissing her neck; the spot below her ear that she loves. I breathe her in as she's leans her face back toward mine and in that moment I have never been so in love and never been so sure of anything in my life;
"You are the one I choose. 오늘도 내일도 그리고 평생 너를 사랑하고 응원할게,"